The Flamekeepers of Delta Psi Theta - 7. Mountaintop Perspectives

I woke up to a kick from Track’s flailing. His night terror and our close quarters put me in the danger zone for the first time.

“I got you; you're ok. Yer ok, champ.” I whispered to him after catching his arms and holding them at his sides in a partial hug, partial restraint.

It took a few minutes, but he seemed to calm down upon hearing my voice. He stopped struggling and instead cuddled into me, holding him.

“Thanks, Josh,” he eventually said while I held him.

I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. There’s no way, absolutely no fucking way. He held onto my bad arm as I reached around, trying to find his envelope. When I found the loose, folded piece of paper, I braced myself to read it.

“You are the key, don't let them blame themselves for unlocking the door.”

The key? My head spun, my stomach burned, and I needed to get air.

“Hey champ, I'm gonna get some coffee goin, ok?” I told Track so he would let go of my arm.

“Ok,” he said, rolling over.

I slid my shoes on, stepped out into the clearing, and breathed deeply. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I kept it all inside so I didn't wake them up.

“Are you sure you’re right about this?” I heard Becker ask me.

“Not at all. But I'm struggling to come up with another idea,” I answered him as the light sprouted before me.

“You think your dad hurt track, and you feel responsible for everyone your dad hurts.” He said, making me face the thought process out loud.

“It sounds stupid.”

“I mean, it is stupid. You didn't lose the reports from the rest area. All you did was switch who your father was on paper.” He told me, light coalescing into a standing figure.

He hurt me. He hurt Josh. It was looking like he hurt Track. How many more did this asshole hurt. I felt his arms wrap around me. That warmth. That feeling of home. Tears ran down my cheeks as I spoke up, feeling the fire in my stomach slowly calming down, knowing he would leave soon.

“I need you. Please don’t go,” I cried as the warmth slowly faded.

“You need to figure all of this out. If Track is the key, there’s no one I would rather have in my corner trying to work it out than you. I’m never as far away as you think.”

“I love you, Becker,” I said, but he was already gone.

Fuck. I lay staring at the stars until the tears on my face dried.

I could make coffee. I kinda needed coffee. I walked to the pit and tossed some small sticks on the hot coals from last night. With some blowing, the sticks started to burn. I added more and got a small fire going again. I heard another tent open behind me.

“You’re up early as usual,” Jer said.

“Thought I’d get the fire going and make some coffee.”

“Smart.”

We sat silently, tossing sticks on the fire as the flames grew. His motions were awkward like he was working up the courage to say something.

“I don't know how I do it either,” I said, breaking the silence.

“Do what?”

“The light, I don't know how I do it,” I said, trying to answer his question.

He visibly relaxed before saying, “what does it feel like?”

“You ever been on a roller coaster?”

He looked confused, “I mean, yeah. Dollywood is a thing, bro.”

“You know when you are going up the lift, how your stomach knots with anticipation and fear, so much it almost burns? It feels like the moment you go over the first drop when that tension starts to release. Except it stays right there at the moment of release. You still feel the fire and that tiny moment of the floor dropping from under you.”

He took that in for a few seconds before asking, “Why can’t the rest of us do it, though?”

“I couldn’t tell you why I do it. Now you want me to figure out why the rest of you can't do it?” I asked him jokingly.

“Ok, that’s fair,” he said, laughing back.

I stood up and went to the bags of cooking gear.

“You know what any of this is, bro?” I asked him.

He got up and stood next to me.

“Yer makin’ coffee, right?” He asked

“Yeah”

He pulled out a stainless steel thing and handed it to me.

“Was super excited when I saw one of these in the bag. They really must think we did a decent job. ”

“A percolator for a camping trip. What will they think of next” I laughed.

I set the coffee pot up above the fire while we watched the sky turn from inky blackness into blues and purples, signaling imminent sunrise. Jer and I had a comfortable silence as the percolator boiled away.

“Thank you for playing last night. I haven't had that much fun in a while.”

“The pleasure was all mine. I got to play y’all Jersey Giant and watch your chest sprout light while I sang; I never knew I needed to see that kinda magic before. It's why I have so many questions about the light. It’s beautiful, man. I want to experience what that feels like someday.” He paused for a second as if to compose himself, “you asked yesterday in the frat lounge if any of us remembered our interview test. The more I think about it, the more I kind of can. That shield you had last night in the mill, I feel like I've seen something like it before. You think that’s what the test was about?”

“I don't know. Maybe,” I lied as I got some coffee cups.

I poured Jer and I coffee as we watched the sun peek over the horizon.

“Thank you, Novo.”

“For what?”

“Just being you, man.”

I couldn’t help but smile as we watched the sun continue to rise, the first sunbeams hitting our almost naked bodies. My cup of coffee was practically empty when Track crawled out of our tent.

“And I didn't even have to drag you out,” I joked quietly, getting another cup from the bag.

“Thanks, Novo,” Track said, yawning while sitting crossed-legged next to Jer.

The fire crackled as we watched the sunrise, the sky casting a brilliant palette of colors. The forest came to life as birds were roused from their slumber. It would be peaceful if only the pounding in my chest would stop.

“Hey Track, who was Josh?” I finally asked when the sound of my pulse was too much.

He stared into the coffee as if the black fluid would give him answers.

“He was like a big bro. He called me champ like my dad did. After his house, he made me not feel so bad about waking up screaming. He took care of me when I needed it,” Track finally managed to say.

“Whose house made you wake up screaming?” I asked

I could hear my pulse as Track stared into his coffee again.

“He was a foster parent. He limited everything, and if things weren't done exactly right, he had ways of hitting you that didn't leave marks. Somehow every caseworker seemed to be charmed by him. Some kids didn't come back from his house. I'm one of the lucky ones.” Track said, never looking up from his coffee cup.

Jer put his arm around his shoulders.

“He ain't here now, bro. You got us, and we ain't letting that shit happen again ok.”

“Damn right, Jer,” I said as my hand shook, “this abusive foster, was his name Jackson Miller?”

Track just nodded while Jer held him. To say my insides were on fire would be the understatement of the century. I had to stand, to run, to punch something, to scream.

“Who’s Jackson Miller? Why does that name got you sideways, Novo?” Jer asked me while holding track.

“He’s my dad. My actual dad.” I said while getting up to pace.

This was my fault. Track’s pain was my fault, just like Josh’s pain. They hurt because of me. It felt like my entire body was on fire. I needed to hit something. I needed to do something to get out of my head. I walked into the treeline intending to punch something, only to sit on a stump. I could feel my pulse in my ears as I closed my eyes to think.

“Now Issac, when you get these feelings of self-loathing and blame, what do we say?”

My therapist looked at me with that same expectant grin she always did at our sessions. She never showed it, but something told me her entire friend group knew about my tragedy. My hands gripped the well-worn couch, probably well-worn because I grabbed the same spot every week.

“Our past mistakes are just as important as our successes.”

“Good. Anything else?”

I tried to think of what Colt would tell me. I could almost hear him say, “you tried your best, Champ; sometimes them’s the scrapes.”

“Sometimes shit just happens.”

What I wouldn’t give for one of his hugs.

I opened my eyes find one of those asshole envelopes on my lap. It was time to get my head in the game. I grabbed the letter and made my way back to camp, the early morning quiet making Jer’s voice carry all the way to the treeline.

Jer was telling Track as I walked back up. “There’s no way, dude; the world isn't that small. Let's say he is, though; even if he was, who cares. Novo cares about you. We care about you. Fuck the past, bro.”

“Novo? Is it true?” Track asked me, tears in his eyes.

“No, it's not true. You never met before this week. It's not possible that Track lived with your dad,” Jer said, trying to convince us.

I sat back down in front of Track. He looked at me with fear for the first time. This was going to kill me, but I had to say it.

“I was the first. Before he learned how to hide the damage, it got so bad my mom left with me in the middle of the night. She met Anton, and we became a family. Issac Miller is who I was once.” I said, holding Track’s hand. “I'm so sorry, champ. If I knew…”

“How the hell is this possible,” Jer asked.

“I don't know. The motherfucker has been tracking me down my entire life. He fully made my case worker think we had a different conversation.”

We sat in silence until the envelope fell over.

“You think maybe we should open that,” Jer said, breaking the silence.

“All yours, bro,” I said, handing him the envelope while ensuring Track was okay.

“Novo, just answer me one thing, please. What will you do if you find him or if he finds us again?” Track asked me with desperation on his face.

“Make sure he can't hurt any of us again,” I said, holding both of his hands as we pressed our foreheads together.

Jer cleared his throat when he thought enough time for our moment had passed.

“Ok, what does it say?” Track asked, bringing Jer back into the circle.

“Perspective is a funny thing. Don't let your brothers get too astray.”

We looked at each other, confused, as another tent opened.

“Morning Logan, want some coffee? We got another riddle of a task,” Jer said.

Logan stood there wearing just his shorts. He was locked in place with a look of growing horror on his face.

“No. Fuck. No no no no no” he panicked saying.

It was then I saw them. Those gossamers of brilliant light moved from his bare feet to his chest. His fists began to glow as his panicked face grew more resolved.

“Fucking killed them all,” he muttered as he took off towards the tree line.

Oh, fuck no. I took off after him, fire burning in my belly as I chased the muscled maniac.

“Logan, you prick, I’m right here; nothing killed us,” I screamed after he punched straight through a pine tree.

“They're all dead. All fucking dead,” he repeated as he punched clean through another tree with tears streaming down his face.

“Logan, listen to me; I'm right here,” I screamed as it felt like my body was on fire while the tree fell to my side.

That got his attention. His eyes locked on me as two daggers formed in his hands.

“You fucking killed them, you fucking monster,” he screamed as he started to charge.

“Logan, it's me, Novo; we are all right here. " Stop and listen, brother,” I yelled at the lunk as my shield took form out of the light.

I closed my eyes and braced for what would hurt like an IED only… nothing. A loud bang that I barely felt. I saw Logan stumbling as the light faded from his body.

“You ok bro?” I asked him, still braced behind my shield.

“Novo, that you?” He asked, incredibly confused.

“It's me. You ok, bro” I asked again, shaking off the shield like I did last night.

“But, you’re dead. I saw you dead. The campsite was destroyed. I chased something into the woods.”

“We are all ok, brother. I promise you the campsite is intact, and I'm right here,” I told him as I closed the distance between us.

“So, you’re actually ok,” he asked, sounding more like a scared child than the confident muscle man we knew.

“I'm actually ok. I’m not a ghost. I'm right here.” I said, grabbing his arm.

He tackled me into a hug. I couldn't hold his weight, and he continued to hold me as we hit the ground.

“Everyone is back at camp?” he asked, still sounding scared.

“All the tents are fine. I even made coffee,” I answered, feeling his big heart pounding.

He continued to hold me, almost as if he were to let me go, I would disappear. His grip on me was tight enough that it was hard to breathe until Jer and Track showed up.

“I see y'all are ok after that light show,” Jer said as Logan released me.

“Light show?” Logan asked, starting to sit up but confused.

“Yeah bro, you went full Novo—light from chest to toes. Then there was a loud bang, and something that looked like the northern lights came out of the forest.” Jer said excitedly.

“No shit!” As they walked back to camp, Logan excitedly talked about what the light felt like.

“You ok,” Track asked me, keeping his distance.

“Yeah, I'm ok. How about you?”

“I’m scared.” He said flatly.

“Why champ?”

“Josh said that when he first got to the group home, there was this scary dude who lived there forever who set down all these rules. One night after a fight and a nightmare, Josh was trying to sneak out, and he caught him, but he didn't yell. He just talked to him till he was convinced to stay. Then he beat the crap out of the kid who gave him a black eye.”

“I like to think I’ve mellowed in my old age.”

“So you think it's true.”

“I definitely knew Josh. He was a good guy.”

“And about your dad?”

He looked into my eyes with a mix of desperation and fear.

“Yeah, champ. I think it's true.”

He looked away from me, shaking his head as he paced for a minute. My heart was in my throat when he stopped to ask me another question.

“So if his last name is Miller, how is your’s Novochek or something?”

That was enough to make me lose it. All the tension evaporated out of my body as I laughed.

“It's Novotny, champ. Why don't we get back to camp and see if we can’t try and make sense of this.”

We walked into camp as Logan told Travis, Declan, and Apollo about punching through a tree while Kevin helped Jer get breakfast going.

“Thanks for the coffee Novo,” Logan said, starting a second pot.

“Don't mention it,” I said, coming up on the group.

“And,” he paused, unsure how to continue, “thanks for out there.”

“Don't mention it; you would have done the same for me.”

He looked at me shamefully, “I don't know if I would.”

“You wouldn't get in the way of someone doing something self-destructive while they freak out from a panic attack. Feels like you did that last night.”

“You weren’t charging with daggers made of light,” he said, afraid to make eye contact.

I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Brother, getting in the line of fire is what we gotta do for our bros sometimes. You do it for me; I do it for you.”

He didn't look satisfied with that answer but didn't push the issue.

“What did I look like when you charged?” I asked him.

“Like your shadow, an impression of someone but no features. It was freaky as fuck, but something told me I could stop it.”

“Freaky,” Jer joked.

“Yeah, but the rush of that armor man,” Logan finished

“So Novo isn’t the only one who can do light tricks?” Kevin asked while cracking some eggs into a skillet.

“Seems like,” I said, sitting beside him.

“That's cool. I wonder if all of us will do them at some point,” Kevin shouted.

“Actually, I want to ask about that. Novo, what triggers you to do the light stuff?” Apollo asked me.

All their eyes turned to me, almost begging me for an answer.

“Well. Umm.” I struggled to find the words.

“Novo, I know you are supposed to be doing an inspection, but it's us, man. You don't gotta be so damn formal. We know they forced that stick up your ass with this promotion, but let it out a little,” Harveson said into my ear with his arm around me.

He could be a crass little shit, but he was rarely wrong. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was fucking it up again, trying to be other people instead of being myself.

“Besides, if that stick is up there, Becker won’t be able to get in,” Harveson said, patting my chest.

“You really do just wanna clean the 242s with a toothbrush in the sun, don't you, Harveson.”

“I'll wear those silkies they refuse to replace. Give you a show Sergeant,” he said with a wink taking a few steps away.

“I'll grab the folding chairs; what you say, Sarge, just you and I watching Harveson put on a little show for us?” Becker said, coming up to us.

I was getting flustered. This was inappropriate as hell, but things were so damn insane right now. But they promoted me, not the idea of what I could be.

“Clean those guns in just a jock, Harveson, and I’ll call it even for the comment,” I said, making him flustered for the first time.

“Deal. We will have the shiniest 25mm guns in the fleet,” he said, turning and walking away from Becker and I.

“Yer spoiling me. A show tonight, a patrol tomorrow. What’s next in the Novo promotion week festivities?”

“Well, Harveson says I have a stick up my ass. Might have to spend the night with you and see if we can't get it out,” I said with a smile.

“Why can't you be that smooth when giving orders?” he asked, putting his arms around me.

“Like now, Novo, what are you thinking about?” Apollo asked me.

“Becker, my marine brothers, not wanting to let you guys down,” I answered as thin strings of light grew from the ground around me.

“Woah, what the hell,” the guys said as the light spread around me like blades of grass.

“Wait, you made that shield twice, right? Once last night to protect us from the bricks and yourself from me,” Logan said.

“And the rest of the guys, you were on a rampage, and I didn't want any other guys to get hurt,” I said, shocked as the field of light enveloped all the pledges.

“I apparently grew armor when I thought everyone was dead,” Logan said.

“And now Novo is thinking of us and surrounding us in light,” Apollo added

My brothers. Josh, Becker, Harveson, my pledges, Teo, LT. The weight of the light being real hit me like a ton of bricks. The shield is real; I didn’t imagine it when facing my dad. Track was actually safe with me. I could protect my brothers.

“You ok, Novo?” Track asked me.

“Yeah,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Ok, emotional dad, let's get some food in you so you stop being all weepy,” he said, putting a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me.

I could only laugh and smile. I could protect the boys, and the boys would take care of me. We ate and joked with each other as the grass made of light ebbed and flowed around us.

“This is too fuckin’ cool,” Declan finally said.

“What is,” Logan asked.

“All of it. The light, you guys being able to make armor. It's just too fuckin’ cool. I hope I can do it too.” He said before taking a bite of bacon.

“Dude, I think we all will; I think the brothers are going to…” Logan trailed off, seeing Declan frozen with the piece of bacon near his mouth.

“Dec, you ok,” Apollo asked.

Jer elbowed him and waved his hand before his face, “Dec. Earth to Declan. You ok, bud?”

Apollo pulled Declan’s plate of eggs out of his hands as the grass grew longer around him. The light started forming around his legs, looking almost like shinguards. Logan and I locked eyes as the light forged around us again, this time surrounding my legs and arm.

“What’s going on,” Apollo asked.

“The task this morning is not to let brothers get too astray with perspective. I think the brothers are messing with us, making us see things that aren't there.”

“I saw the campsite destroyed this morning. To hear Jer say it, I was just like this, locked in fear. Let's not let Declan get as far as I got, or there won’t be much of a forest left,” Logan said, looking at a tree he had downed when he punched through it.

“Declan, bro, you with us,” Track yelled.

“I'm here,” Declan said, voice shaking with fear.

“What do you see?” Track asked him, the only one getting through to him.

“My dad is drunk. Im standing between him and my sisters again.”

Jer grabbed his hand “you are with us, Dec; you aren't alone. Share what you need to, bro; we got you.”

“I can finally stop him,” Declan said.

“Jer let go of his hand,” Logan said, seeing a blade forming in Declan’s hand.

I moved between Jer and Declan as Logan moved behind him. As Logan and I prepared for the worst, the grass started disappearing around us.

“I'm not afraid of you. Get the fuck away from them, you son of a bitch” Declan said before stabbing the fire.

The flames exploded with green and blue auroras coming off in all directions. The auroras coalesced into almost images. You could see people, faces. His sisters are standing behind him, and his father is standing in front of him, bottle in hand. It was as if he was showing us his memory of that night. Declan was showing us his strength.

As quickly as it started, it ended. The light faded from Declan’s body, and he fell backward, the grass made of light quickly moving to catch his head. Declan had a good childhood. He came from a good family; they were pillars of the community. It seems like, behind the scenes, that was not the truth. His trauma gave him a strength you wouldn’t know from a cursory glance at his history.

“You good?” Jer asked when he started to shake his head.

“Oh god, what did I do” he screamed, seeing Logan and I surrounded by light.

“Nothing bro, yer good,” I said as the light faded from my body.

“Yer still with us man,” Logan said, grabbing his hand.

“I mean, I didn't even stop eating,” Track said, shoving another forkful of eggs into his mouth.

“What are you, a dog?” Declan said, making everyone laugh.

“Hey…” Track objected but couldn’t argue the point.

“He is very food motivated,” Jer added, prompting Track to give him the finger.

Apollo handed Declan his food back, and we sat silently for a bit. When we finished our plates, we rinsed them off with the last of the bottle we used for cooking and coffee, packing everything back in the bags they came in.

“We packing everything out?” Apollo asked.

“Plus, any trash we find, we leave the site better than we found it, right?” Travis answered with his own question.

“Damn right,” I added.

We spread out, picking up all the envelopes and beer cans we had left around the fire pit in our drunken haze the night before. The light aided us, almost picking up the trash to highlight what we needed to get.

“This one is unopened,” Kevin said, picking up an envelope.

“So crack it open!” Apollo said excitedly.

Logan and I looked at each other with concern while Track looked nervous standing with Declan.

“You know how to find your way in the darkness. When that’s all you know, finding your way in the light can be even harder.”

“Wait, what?” Jer asked.

“Does it have a map again?” Logan asked Kevin, trusting in him.

“Not that I can see,” Kevin said, passing it to Logan.

The note passed around us until it got to Apollo.

“You guys don't see it,” he said, flipping the note over and pointing to the blank paper.

“No, we don't,” Logan answered.

“Ok, so we have a map, we have a ton of gear to pack up, and we have east sighted from Jer and I watching the sunrise. Let's get to packing so we can get to wherever that map says before the mosquitos get too active. I doubt that bug spray from last night is still gonna work,” I said, grabbing a stick to mark into the dirt east.

“Oh, now they give instructions,” I heard Kevin shout inside his tent. “They have a diagram of what goes in what bag. Logan, you are carrying the cooking stuff.”

“Why me?” Logan shouted, stepping out of his tent with his sleeping bag rolled up.

“Because it's the heaviest, and you are the strongest.”

“Novo is stronger than me; he stopped me without moving.”

“Don't you forget it! Still, that cast iron pan is heavy as hell. You can take it,” I said, joining Kevin's argument.

“You guys are dicks,” Logan said.

“I am what I eat. Don't forget you owe Travis,” I said, piling on.

“Idk, you like it so much, why don't you do it,” Logan said, lowering his voice as if to try and make me an offer.

“Noooope. No offense Novo, but I wanna see my seed dripping from those pretty lips,” Travis said, showing Logan that he wasn’t quiet enough.

“Seems like you do, too, Novo,” Logan said, eyes locked on my crotch.

“I mean, maybe we can both paint yer face,” I said with a shit-starting grin, “You kinda owe me for stopping you out in the woods.”

You could see Logan getting flustered, but his shorts started tenting up as he thought about it.

“Besides, you don't gotta do it right now. Im sure Bear wants to watch too,” I whispered softly into Logan's ear while I stood on my tiptoes.

His face was a deep shade of crimson as I ran my hand along his tented shorts before making my way to help track break down our tent. We rolled our sleeping bags up and packed away our tent. We each made at least a few treks to the packing guide. None of us wanted to be the one that made us screw up this task. Each of us remembered how bad the pain of defeat was. Kevin took up the post and checked our bags once we had them lined up. The campsite almost looked like we were never here, except for the downed pine trees.

“I think we are good to go,” Kevin said.

“Not quite; we gotta douse the fire,” Jer said, stepping up to the still-glowing embers, “who else has to piss?”

We all formed up around the fire and let loose our slightly hungover morning streams. The embers quickly turned black as the remnants of our fun-filled night and coffee-filled morning boiled off the heat.

“Jesus Christ, that’s awful,” Jer said, getting the full brunt of the acrid cloud of steam.

“It's only a little bit of a war crime; you will be fine,” I joked, arcing my stream to almost hit him.

“Y’all are monsters,” he said, walking away from the circle while coughing between laughing.

“We love you too,” Declan said while his stream died out.

By the time we were all done, the fire pit was soaked so thoroughly that It didn't steam anymore. We all took one final pass to make sure we had no trash left and put our packs on our backs: eight guys, eight bags, a map, and for the first time, a strong sense of camaraderie.

“Anyone else wanna do a magic trick before we set off,” Apollo said.

“Unless you can go fuck yourself, I think we are good,” Logan said.

“You know, maybe I can show you that trick back at the house,” Apollo retorted, both of them giving each other a good-natured middle finger.

We stepped off, trying to keep our right side to the east to keep track of it, the early morning sun giving us a guidepost to orient ourselves with. Logan took up the rear in case someone fell behind and needed to take a load off.

“How long do you think this trail is?” Declan asked after about 30 minutes of our ruck march.

“Well, about as long as that sketchy-ass van ride was. At least we aren't being shaken loose here,” Jer answered.

“Plus our night hike,” Kevin added, remembering his time with a map.

“So we are gonna be at this for a while,” Declan said

“Yeah, the map is huge,” Apollo answered, folding out another piece that he previously couldn’t see.

“Get comfy walking and drink water,” I said, pulling Declan’s bottle out of his bag and handing it to him.

“Thanks Novo,” Declan said, taking the water bottle from me.

We were doing ok. I had to remind myself that this wasn't a formalized ruck march. We were just guys on a hike. We talked shit, tossed rocks, and enjoyed the late summer morning sunshine. We made good progress until we got to the steeper parts of the trails. We slowed down and moved more methodically as the path got more torturous and convoluted. We had long since lost our reference to east, and I hoped there were no intersecting trails we would get lost on.

“Let's hold up for a second,” Logan called out when we reached an open clearing.

“Need a rest, big guy?” Kevin asked him jokingly.

“All of us do, we are bunched up tight, and with the slope, we need a minute to take the packs off, stretch, and hydrate.”

“Good idea,” I said, slipping my bag off and uncapping my water.

“See, even dad approves,” Logan joked, taking off his pack.

“Watch it,” I said, pointing my water bottle at him.

“Need something bigger than that to impress me,” He joked.

“Travis, yer up,” I joked, winking at him while Logan turned a bright shade of crimson.

“I’m what now,” he answered, just now paying attention

“Yer up. Logan wants something more impressive than my water bottle.”

“I don’t know if I can beat the water bottle, but I get the job done,” he said with a devilish grin grabbing his crotch.

This made us all laugh. It felt right. Things were easy between us. We knew we had each other's back, so we fucked with each other in between. This was how guys acted, and it was great to feel a part of it again.

“What you doing, Apollo?” Jer asked, seeing him hunched over the map.

“I found a pen in the bag, so I'm marking off all the turns I used my thumbnail to mark.”

“Wait, what?” A few of us asked, making our way around him.

“We knew where we were when we started; based on turns, we can estimate where we are and what direction we need to go. I think.” Apollo said, suddenly unsure of himself.

“Nice thinking! Land nav would be proud,” I could feel my old NCO coming out, “what do we do next.”

“A section that has a note to be careful,” he said with some trepidation.

“So we go slow. We go methodical. You got this.” I reassured him before taking another swig of water.

Logan, Declan, and Travis were stretching their legs out. Kevin and Jer were drawing in the dirt with Apollo to estimate how much farther we had to go. Track was looking a little lost in the shuffle.

“You ok, champ?” I asked him

“Yeah,” he said, clearly still closed off.

“You sure?” I asked him again.

There was a pregnant pause before he blurted, “Your dad’s a fucking asshole.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said with a chuckle.

“But, like, how are you not?” He asked me, confused.

“Being an asshole isn’t genetic. It's simple. I’m better than him, low as that bar may be.” I said, mirroring precisely what Colt told me.

“Yeah. But it's still weird. Like, you and I both suffered under this asshole, and no one held him accountable.”

“Courtesy of the Tennessee foster care system,” I said dejected, “I know it's weird, champ, it hurts, and I know part of you wants to beat the shit out of me to hurt him. But he hates me more than you ever could.”

“I don't want to hurt you,” he said lowly “it's just, how can we be ignored like this.”

Fuck. How do you tell someone that the world is uncaring and that the systems to catch those that fall are broken? I looked at the rest of the pledges, my brothers. I thought of Declan protecting his sisters, Logan unable to process losing us and intent on avenging us; I thought of standing in front of my dad with a sword encased in light.

“We have the opportunity to catch the fallen,” I said without thinking.

“What?” Track asked.

I stared at the fraternity’s logo on my shorts. The Greek letters of Delta Psi and Theta. The power those letters held. It was becoming more apparent that the doors they opened came with a cost. It was also clear that cost had something to do with my past, or Teo wouldn’t know as much about it. If Track was involved with my dad, his path would be intertwined with mine.

“We have the opportunity to stop what happened to us,” I said quietly.

Track just looked at me and put his arm around me. We sat like that, drinking water and watching the other guys horse around.

“Does it ever stop? Feeling like you are on the outside?” Track asked me.

“For me, it hasn’t. I have a feeling you will do better than I did.”

“Why is that?”

“You didn't try to run away at your first chance of family.”

“I might have. Something about you told me to stay.”

“Probably cuz I taught you how to clean clothes, and bought you the clothes to get in, gave you the ride…”

“Ok ok ok I get it,” He said, making us pause, “whatever happens with the frat, brothers?”

He held out his pinky to me.

“Brothers?”

Josh held his pinky out in front of me.

“No matter what happens at this house, I still have you in my corner. Please?” He said with pleading eyes.

I wanted to mess with him, fuck with him a little bit. But the fear in his eyes told me that would not go over well.

“Brothers, I got your back,” I said, locking my pinky with his.

It didn't take but a few seconds before I pulled him into a hug. I had a few months before basic, and he was headed to a house. Who knew how long that would last. This might be the last time I would ever see the little shithead.

“So you got my back no matter what,” he asked.

“I got your back. If someone kicks your ass and you deserve it, I do you no good bailing you out.” I told him, “remember when you disappeared to Knoxville?”

“Yeah, you made me scrub every grout line with a toothbrush.”

“And what did you learn?”

He just shook his head. He had come a long way from that standoffish kid who ran away at his first opportunity.

“Not to tell you shit, big bro,” he said, starting a play fight.

Tears came to my eyes as I locked my pinky with Tracks.

“Brothers, no matter what.”

“If you two ladies are done, we thought we might like to try and get home sometime today,” Logan said.

“If you want to put your jaw to work, work on this,” I said, pulling my cock out and wagging it at him.

I had to piss anyway, so this was an excuse to get my dick out early. I mean, as much as I needed an excuse to get naked. Hell, this was the longest I had continuously worn clothes in quite some time. Track laughed at the whole display but kept his eyes on my cock as I walked over to a tree.

“He really wants to make me a cocksucker,” Logan said behind my back while I let loose my stream on the tree.

“Probably as much as you wanna be one,” Travis answered, smacking his muscled ass underneath the pack.

Logan could only stand there, glowing shades of red while Track and I pulled our packs on.

“We all ready?” Apollo asked.

“Uhh yeah, I think so,” Logan said, using his fingers to get a count of the 8 of us, “good to go, chief.”

We set off. Our pace was slowed as we began the exceptionally rough part of the trail. The rain had cut deep channels in the trail, and avoiding missteps with the heavy packs was more important than speed. What was a steep but manageable forest trail opened into a mountainside trail, with forest on one side and a nearly sheer cliff on the other.

“You sure we are going the right way?” Kevin asked Apollo

“Mostly, it looks like we will hit a section of switchbacks up ahead,” Apollo answered as he led us down the trail.

We just kept trucking along as we descended into the valley below us. Just like Apollo said we would, we reached the switchbacks. The sun and humidity were beating down on us, and we glistened with sweat as I watched all my studly brothers at the first turn point. You could see the trail snake back and forth before the forest restarted. The trail was still a muddled mess, with channels carved into it from the rain.

“Careful, guys, it gets worse ahead,” Apollo said on unsteady footing.

I stayed back near Logan. The last thing we needed was that big guy falling and unable to walk. After the next turnaround, the trail became a ridge between the washed-out trail to our left and the side of the mountain above the next switchback of the trail. This was sketchy as all hell, and I moved as carefully and purposefully as possible. Only some of the boys were as careful. Ahead it looked like Declan slipped on something. Jer grabbed him, but before we could even shout, they went down the side of the mountain.

“Fuck” I screamed while taking my pack off, prepared to run and do something.

Something extremely bright glinted in the corner of my eye, and I looked back down the side to see Jer glowing. He was holding Declan like a little spoon while encased in light. They slid for a good couple of minutes, leaving a trail behind devoid of any sharp rocks that would hurt them or damage the packs. The light smashed them quickly so they couldn’t break our brothers. When they got to the bottom and sat on the trail, Declan tried to stand up and fell back to the ground.

“Let's move, guys,” someone yelled, and we quickly but carefully made our way down to them.

Jer was still glowing when we made it to them. He had undone one of Declan's hiking boots as his ankle swelled up to the size of a grapefruit. I looked at Logan, and he took his pack off without a word.

“Two wood spoons and any cloth you can find; let's splint this,” I told Logan as he opened the bag with all our cooking supplies.

“What about his socks?” Kevin asked tepidly.

“Yer a fuckin hero, bro,” I said, grabbing the spoons from Logan.

Jer went to work, removing Declan’s other boot and gently pulling off his socks. Declan groaned in pain as I worked to make a splint out of the socks and spoons. It wasn’t pretty, but it would prevent it from shifting too much till we could get back to civilization. I couldn’t tell if it was a break or a sprain, but I was hoping it was a break for his case. A bad sprain could shut him down for months, and his dumb ass wouldn’t be able to sit for that long. I looked up to see Jer finally returning to normal.

“How’d it feel,” I asked him when I was done making the splint.

“Exactly like you said, heart in your throat mix of terror, determination, and excitement. The minute I knew we were going down, it was like time froze; I wrapped my arms around him and tried to land on my side so we could slide. I didn't even notice I was glowing till halfway down.”

“Ya did good bro,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.

“Next time, he catches and carries me.” He said to Declan and I.

“Deal,” Declan said, still in pain but trying to have humor about it.

I looked up to find Kevin and Travis lashing two bags together.

“What’s this about,”

“Declan can't walk, so he can't carry his pack. Logan will carry Declan, so someone else has to carry that pack. Since these four bags are the lightest, we are hooking them together so two dudes can carry four packs.” Travis said while Kevin just smiled at their plan.

Logan seemed not to enjoy the thought of carrying a person, but he had the most muscular legs of us, so it was the best fit. For the rest of this was going to suck and suck hard. But we would make it. This is what we do. Marines don't accept defeat. Pledges of Delta Phi Theta don't accept defeat. We got this.

“Good plan; everyone grab some water and test the packs to see if we can handle that for the rest of this hike. Let's keep each other steady. Logan, you stay up with Apollo; I’ll bring up the rear,” I said, letting my NCO out a bit.

No one argued as they followed the plan. I pulled my water bottle from a lashed bag and put Logan and Declan’s water in Apollo's bag. Track tried to pick up a lashed bag but was too unsteady with their larger size. Kevin managed to handle it well, and Travis carried the other with pride. Jer agreed to walk in front of them and hold their water so they could access it easily. We were doing full ruck march style.

We lined up, Apollo in front with Logan carrying Declan right behind. Jer followed Logan with Kevin and Travis and their extra packs, and Track and I were bringing up the rear. Our sweaty bodies were covered in dirt and mud, yet still glistening in the mid-day sun. A light breeze blew across us while we steadied ourselves.

“Ready?” Apollo asked tentatively.

“Ready,” we each answered once we were good to go.

After the 7th ready, Apollo set off.

“A little slower lil guy,” Logan said, carefully navigating the eroded trail with Declan on his shoulders.

“No, go faster; I wanna get off this sweaty ride,” Declan said

“I'll give you a sweaty ride,” Logan said, trying to break the tension with some humor.

We continued for two more switchbacks. After that, things leveled into a more regular alpine trail. It felt like we were walking forever, up and down (mostly down), little hills in the course as we navigated our way to the bottom. The sun started to disappear behind growing cloud cover as we got near the bottom of the remaining hills of the trail. Our water bottles were empty, we could feel sunburn setting in, and our packs annoyed us all. The phrase “go fuck yourself” started to get thrown around more liberally as our tempers flared a bit.

“Y’all wanna hear some good news” Logan shouted when he reached the top of one of the hills.

“Fuck yes, anything but this asshole’s bad jokes,” Travis shouted.

“I see two vans up ahead. I think I even see Nick and Teo.”

A wave of relief and excitement washed over us. We were almost done. We all crested the hill and saw our goal and the remaining trail before us. It was as if we had the wind at our backs as we made our way down to them. The sky grew grayer as we got closer to the vans.

Logan and Apollo first hit the flat part at the bottom of the trail and made almost a mad dash to get Declan laid down properly. We walked to get there but could hear Nick's booming voice.

“How the fuck did this happen?”

“Jer caught me. Like an angel.” Declan said, starting to get delirious.

“We ran out of water a bit ago; he definitely needs some.”

The rest of us walked as we watched Nick, Ryan, and Teo get Declan set up in the van.

“Apollo, tell them what’s up,” Nick yelled as we arrived with the rest of the gear.

“Bags in that one,’ he said, pointing to the van that currently had Declan laid across the row in front of the door. “The rest of us in that one,” he said, pointing to the van with Teo’s cowboy hat visible on the dash.

“Heavy bags first, light bags second. Let's make it easy on ourselves when we get back to the house,” I said, getting a funny look from Nick and Ryan while I said it.

We stacked our bags as cleanly as possible in the space around Declan as Ryan fed him another water bottle. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but it looked like little glowing embers were dancing in the bottle.

We all sat in the van as Teo closed the doors to the other van.

“Alright, boys, Nick is driving the other van since Ryan is taking care of Declan. That means y’all are stuck with me and my old country,” he said, starting the van and the stereo system.

“Oh no, anything but that,” Jer joked, having sung old country songs for us last night.

“Smokey Mountain rain, I'll keep on searchin’; I can't go on hurtin’ this way,” Blared from the speakers as Teo put the van in gear, and we started our ride home.

“Is this Ronnie fucking Milsap?” I asked.

“It is, and you will not defame his name in this van,” Teo answered with a grin plastered to his face.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I said as I started to sing along quietly, with Jer and Track joining in.

As if on cue, the sky opened up and let loose the rain that had been building all day. The windshield wipers kept the tempo as Patsy Cline sang to us about walking after midnight. The van loudly sang about Tennessee Whiskey with George Jones, and we joked about Logan getting a boner while Travis slept in his armpit singing Come Home Drinking with Loretta Lynn. We got to a road with streetlights by the time the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band was Fishing in the Dark. The few of us who stayed awake sang along, at least to the ones we knew. The delirium of the last day fully kicked in as we were almost punch drunk. We were driving through campus, finishing our trip appropriately with Dolly Parton reminding us of The Light of a Clear Blue Morning.

We were tired, sweaty, injured, stank, and needed sleep, but for the first time, we were brothers. We had a connection, even if we didn't know how or why, but we all knew it. The song ended as Teo put the van in park, almost as if he had planned it perfectly. The other van pulled up, and the brotherhood instinct immediately went to Declan.

“Boys, don't rush him,” Teo said cautiously as he exited the van.

We all poured out into the garage to see Declan give us a thumbs-up. Ryan had properly wrapped his ankle and given him something for the pain. We all could feel Tyler's presence behind us, and Declan’s nervous swallow confirmed it. He looked like a drill instructor, anger mixed with pride.

“So, y'all came back in one piece. One casualty. All of our gear is back. And you did it before the rainstorm kicked in. I hate to say it, but you boys did good. Bags all get stowed on the back wall; tomorrow, you will unpack them and put them back in storage. Tonight, clean up and get some rest; you boys earned it.”

Alistair came out to the garage leading the charge of Bear, Scott, and Colton. They formed a circle with Teo and Ryan. Nick and Tyler watched us unload the van for a second, ignoring us for the circle when Declan started making jokes.

“Man, it’s so nice to lay while y’all lift stuff for me.”

“Yer lucky that yer hurt, or I’d hurt ya,” Jer joked.

“You wouldn’t do that to me; yer an angel.”

“I swear if you call me that when you are off painkillers, you will have to carry me for a day.”

“Awww, you are so mean to me.”

“Get used to it, broken boy.”

We had all the bags lined on the back wall of the garage. We all lined up in front of the van waiting for someone to give us instructions but stood with thumbs up our asses while the brothers talked.

“Only one injured; that has to be a record,” Alastair whispered louder than he intended.

“And three more accessed the spark. Only one of them was even normal first access from memory; two were environmental stimulus-response, and one was stopping another,” Bear whispered excitedly.

“Wait, they fought while accessing the spark?” Colton asked confused

Teo saw us lined up and cleared his throat, breaking the circle.

“You boys confused about what you are supposed to do?”

“Uhh, yes,” I answered, feeling I could probably get away with talking to Teo.

“Get your asses inside, downstairs, and showered off. Don’t forget your brother who can't walk.”

Easy. Before I could open my mouth, Track and Jer were working on getting Declan out of the van.

“Let's go, princess,” Jer said, holding his arm above his head.

Track joined, and we followed, ensuring Declan could get as much help as he needed navigating the stairs. Logan took the lead on helping him down, his extra height making it easier for him to be a step ahead. We all followed. I brought up the rear, taking one last look at the excited circle in the garage. We did good.

We all snaked into the bathroom. Track took the initiative of turning on all the heads so we didn’t get a cold shock, Kevin grabbed all of our toiletry bags, and I grabbed towels. Logan and Jer were still holding Declan and made him sit down so they could pull off his shorts.

“Hey, easy there, no need to be so eager to get me naked, Logan,” Declan said as Logan pulled his shorts over his feet.

“I will not hesitate to hurt you once you are healed,” Logan said, face flashing red.

“Bro biting it is against the bro code,” Declan shot back.

“I think he needs more than a cocktail weenie to get the protein he needs,” Bear said as he walked in with a towel over his hairy, naked frame.

“You joining in?” Track asked a little too excitedly

“Here to help Declan if he needs it or if you guys aren't up to the task.”

“Hey now, I carried him down the mountain; I can make sure he gets clean, too,” Logan said defensively.

“Well, then I'm just here to watch like a pervert,” Bear finished, leaning against the sinks opposite the showers.

We all stripped down and moved to the shower heads. Logan walked Declan over and had him lean against the wall. Jer handed him soap, and Logan washed Declan's back. I want to say it was hot and horny, but it wasn’t. We were all exhausted. For all our big talk and jokes, I think I was too tired to even get hard. Track wasn’t, and seeing Bear stand there naked was enough to trigger his cock to lengthen.

“Excited for bed, champ?” I asked him

“I mean, um,” he froze as he was caught

“It's ok lil bro; he's hot. I get it,” I said with a wink.

Bear was a stud under all that hair. He knew it. He also knew the right people thought he was a stud with all the hair, so he showed off his body and hair to get the right attention. Looking at Track and I, I saw he was getting the attention he liked. His foreskin rolled back as his cock lengthened a bit while Track was bent over, washing his legs. I winked at Bear, and he almost looked nervous that he had been caught. I didn't care much. Track was hot too. I'd love to see the two of them be dorks together, tripping over words and trying to have a conversation once pledging was over.

“Uhh, Bear?” Logan asked, breaking both of us out of our reverie.

“Sup Logan,” Bear asked, trying to focus back on what was happening.

“Need a pair of non-soapy hands to help Declan lean on his back so I can wash his front.”

Bear chuckled as he put his towel on the counter to help him. Like our first shower together, Logan took care to get his shower buddy clean as a whistle. Unlike that first day, he did not jerk off his shower buddy. All of us were hitting our walls as we rinsed off and brushed our teeth. Jer helped Declan out to a chair while Logan did a quick shower. Logan dried off as we made a final pass to make sure all our laundry was in the baskets. We walked out of the bathroom naked carrying our boots and saw Tyler and Teo waiting for us.

“Apollo, the full brothers of Delta Psi Theta ask you, do you vouch for your pledge brothers?” Tyler asked once we mainly had lined up with Declan leaning on the wall next to the door.

He looked at all of us in line and answered, “Yes Sir, we vouch for each other,” finishing with a smile.

Teo and Tyler looked at each other with cocked grins.

“Very well, can you vouch that your pledge brothers have finished nighttime preparation, that all dirty clothing is properly stowed, and that you are ready to hit the rack?”

“Very gladly can vouch for them,” Apollo said with new confidence.

“Very well, you are released to bed with Apollo's blessing. Remember, this is still hell week. You might have succeeded last night and today, but you are not done. You have two more days of this. If you do well, Saturday night will be a rather amazing party. If you don't, we will still have an awesome party; you will be down here for it. Sleep tight.” He said, finishing with his usual menacing grin.

Ryan walked in and made a beeline to Declan and Jer while we slipped into our rooms. I knew with this morning's revelations that Track might have a hard time sleeping with me, being the son of the monster.

“Hey, champ?” I asked, sitting naked on my bed.

“What's up?” He asked right back, tossing his boots next to mine.

“Still brothers for life,” I asked him, extending my pinky.

He rolled his eyes as he locked my pinky with his, “Bro, of course. Don't be dumb just cuz yer tired and weepy.”

“I'm not tired and weepy,” I protested.

“Ok, big bro. You tell yourself that. I'll see you in the morning, ok?”

I don't remember if I responded. I don't even remember my head hitting the pillow.