Liar vs. Liar - 7. Asking Never Killed Anyone

Chapter Seven – Asking Never Killed Anyone

The only vulnerable thing about himself Jamie knew about was completely unrelated to sex and hooking up with guys. He played with the nice-looking card, taking in each letter and tracing it with his fingers. Well, it didn’t hurt to try, right? He pulled out his phone and started typing the number.

The voice at the other end had the same drawl he remembered from the night of his last gig with the band.

“Hello, Mr. Kallis,” he said in his most formal voice. “My name is Jamie Vayne. I don’t know if you remember me, but you watched me perform with my band The Wicked Mitches of the West. I was wondering if you could give me an honest evaluation of my performance.”

“Jamie, of course,” Arthur replied, and his voice showed genuine pleasure. “I was hoping you’d call. The night of your gig I had to leave early because of a phone call I received.”

That was a reasonable explanation. He had felt tempted to believe that the A&R guy had been unimpressed by his performance, and thus there was no chance for him to hope for anything to come of it.

“I will give you an evaluation,” Arthur continued. “But not like this, over the phone. We should meet in person.”

After a few details were exchanged, Jamie agreed to a day and hour for seeing Arthur at a coffee shop close to his label's offices. It would be a trip, but it would be worth it if he at least got some pointers on how to improve his act, be it from a musical standpoint or whatever made musicians become stars.

His confidence restored, Jamie began browsing through the app of his choice for guys on campus looking for a bit of fun. Even though he hadn’t intended to check the wacko’s profile, an inexplicable force drew him to it. The guy appeared to have been inactive since the last time Jamie got in contact with him, which pleased him. In his profile details, Jamie noticed a link to what looked like a personal website. Some guys used such things to post more pictures and eventually gently – or more aggressively – guide their possible hookups toward greener pastures for them, so it wasn’t unusual.

However, Jamie didn’t believe that the bunny boy in question was into selling extra content when he had barely popped his streaming cherry by licking Jamie’s ass live for an audience. Still, his curiosity was tickled enough for him to follow the link and endure the seconds needed for displaying the message warning him that he was leaving the app.

It was a freaking diary. Jamie felt his lips quirking into a knowing smile. Cottontail was such a freak. He used the Internet to overshare using methods from a decade ago.

The last entry was called…

Twelve Ways to Eat an Ass

Twelve, right. Jamie snorted and began reading.

Last night, I ate an ass for the first time in my life. I can’t describe the feeling as anything other than tasting the forbidden fruit. The ass in question belongs to a man who makes your mouth water from the first glance.

Dreamy is hardly a fitting term to describe him. I wish I could capture his essence, but that would depend on his allowing me to do so.

The story continued with a lot of flowery language Jamie didn’t care for. It was as if a maiden from the nineteenth century was talking about her first ball, but using terms that would have better described the flutter of butterflies felt for the first time.

If you have read up to this point, you most likely have realized that the title of this entry was merely clickbait. I apologize to you for that, unknown reader. I was too caught up in the act to analyze my technique. I will post updates if this budding relationship continues.

There were no comments under the entry, and as Jamie scrolled through the rest of the blog posts, it looked like no one actually read the guy’s online diary. No other titles intrigued him enough to read them, as it looked like the wacko had the same convoluted mind while writing his thoughts as he had when acting and talking in real life. Sure enough, since the link had been added to the bunny’s profile recently, it could only mean that Cottontail had definitely intended for him to see it.

Jamie grinned in self-satisfaction as he looked at the screen. The guy was a professional ass-licker. However, he needed to write some proper blog posts without sounding like he was from a different era. Since he had no audience whatsoever, it didn’t matter, but Jamie wanted to give the rabbit something back.

He hit the comment button.

“Nice entry. Although I’m a bit peeved about not learning about the 12 ways to eat an ass. Do you write fantasy? Because there’s no way a guy with ‘eyes like cornflowers in bloom’ and ‘a smile that could make angels sing’ exists in this day and age. Prove me wrong.”

To post the comment, he needed to provide a username.

cynicalass

That should do it. If Cottontail asked him about whether or not he had visited his blog, Jamie would act like he had no idea what the guy was talking about.

Two could play this game.

***

“What the hell?” he murmured as he checked his notifications.

Someone had commented on his blog. That was like a secret thing. Well, not so secret since he had posted the link on his profile on the dating app. He smiled. It had to be Jamie, because who else would check the profile of a guy dressed in a bunny costume in a sea of profiles showing naked bodies?

The comment in question was in terrible need of a reply.

“Dear cynicalass, it will be my pleasure to change your mind and offer you the chance to see that there is still poetry in the world, even though it involves licking an ass. Unlike other people, I don’t consider ass licking a vulgar act, but one of the highest forms of admiration that can manifest between two people. As long as it is not an act of tricking someone into kissing your arse, Canterbury Tales-style, it should be seen for the pure enjoyment it represents for both parties.”

***

It took Jamie some time to find a parking spot close enough to the coffee shop where his meeting with the A&R guy was supposed to take place, but he had given himself enough margin to make sure he wouldn’t be late.

Although he was well aware that this meeting wasn’t an official one, and it was more of a favor Arthur was doing him, Jamie had opted for different clothes. He still wore the dress shirt with its sleeves rolled up to show his tattoos, but he had traded jeans for dress pants, and a pair of new casual shoes that still looked more formal than his sports footwear.

He checked his reflection in the glass door before entering. He looked like he meant business without sacrificing his image of a rock star in the making. In a few words, he was ready to commit but also prepared to walk away with his head high if Arthur Kallis had only negative things to say about his performance.

For lack of anything better to do while he waited, he checked the wacko rabbit’s blog. There was a reply to his comment and, as he read it, his mood improved. No one talked like that in the twenty-first century, so there were more things than one he could teach the pathetic little fucker.

“I look forward to it.”

What a nice and civil conversation they were having on the topic of rimming. Jamie blamed it on his boredom, but he was intrigued enough to consider getting to know the crazy bunny a lil’ bit better, especially since he would most likely become a sort of a fixture on his stream.

“I know where I know you from.”

The remark made him look up. Arthur was there, bracing his hands on the back of the chair across from Jamie, and it was strange that he could have just walked there without being noticed. Jamie wondered briefly if he hadn’t been caught up too much in his weird conversation with the bunny boy to pay attention to his surroundings.

“Mr. Kallis,” he started, “I’m happy to see you again.”

“I told you to call me Arthur.” There was something about that smile that Jamie wasn’t entirely sure he liked. Kallis pulled the chair out and sat, showing quite the mobility and grace for a man his age. No obvious paunch, no thinning hair. Arthur Kallis was definitely a man who cared about his looks and health.

“Or should I tell you to call me by another name you know me better as?”

Jamie leaned back in his chair, his hands still on the table. “What’s that?” he asked with a short nod of his chin.

“That would be gentlebusinessman.”

“Oh fuck,” Jamie let out and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just my luck, I guess.”

Kallis gestured for a waitress to come take his order. “I wouldn’t call it a bad thing. It looks to me like you’re making it to be that.”

Embarrassment wasn’t something Jamie had felt often in his life. But right now, he would have given his left nut not to be there, under Arthur’s searching gaze.

“Relax,” the older man said. “Drink your coffee.”

Jamie took the cup and brought it to his lips without thinking twice that he was following a direct order.

“Good boy,” the praise came after.

No one said another word as the waitress placed Arthur’s order in front of him and got what looked like a genuine smile and a ‘thank you’ in return.

Jamie chose his next words carefully. A muscle ticked in his jaw, and he couldn’t stop it. “If you think that I’m going to sleep with you in exchange for getting a deal with your label, you better think twice, Mr. Kallis.” Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“What’s with this ‘Mr.’ business, huh? That is not why I agreed we should meet. I can and will offer you my help if you agree.”

“Agree to what?”

“There are better options for you than the Mitches band,” Arthur said. He seemed at ease and smiled as if he hadn’t thrown hundreds of dollars if not more just to see Jamie getting naked and masturbating.

God, he wanted to crawl under the table and wait for Arthur to leave. That was not an alternative and he knew it. He pulled at his collar and felt his skin burning.

“They’re my band,” he said through clenched teeth. It occurred to him that Arthur hadn’t denied having the intention of getting Jamie to sleep with him. It irritated him because it was clear as day that he had no control of the conversation.

“They’re not a good fit for you,” Arthur said. “Are you still flustered about what I told you earlier? It doesn’t influence my appraisal of your talent.”

“And which talent is that?”

Arthur quirked an eyebrow. “I didn’t peg you for the edgy type. Both on your stream and when you play music, you seem laid back. Yet now you look like you’re ready to jump to your feet and throw a tantrum.”

“A tantrum?” Jamie hissed. He pushed one hand through his hair. “I’ve basically known you for months.”

“That could hardly be called knowing. Jamie, I only told you so that there would be no important things left unsaid. And no, I’m not asking you to sleep with me, as appealing as your persona on stream is to me. I work in the entertainment business. Don’t you think I’m aware of the many masks people in this industry have to wear every single day?”

“You don’t want to sleep with me,” Jamie said slowly.

Arthur nodded pleasantly. “Correct. What I’m interested in now is giving you some pointers on your career, whether we find a way to work together or not.”

“Okay,” Jamie breathed out and finally relaxed. Why was a guy like the one sitting across from him spending money on adult-oriented content when he could have any guy he wanted? He was good-looking, pretty loaded by the nice cut of his suit, and he seemed to have a good personality, too.

“Your voice gets drowned out in that band. Each of the other members believes himself to be a personality, and you can’t have a band of stars. Unless you’re The Beatles. Which your band is not.”

“Ouch,” Jamie said and laughed nervously. “I mean, I know. It’s obvious.”

“You can be the star of your band if you jump ship.”

“Jump where?”

“Have you ever tried jamming with anyone else?” Arthur reached into his pocket and pushed a flyer in his direction. “This is the type of event I’m talking about. It’s free form, but it offers musicians the opportunity to see how they’d sound together.”

“It sounds a bit random,” Jamie said. “I mean, what are the chances of finding people you vibe with?”

“You can’t know until you try, right?” Jamie pushed the flyer back toward Arthur. “Keep that. As you are right now, you can’t audition for any serious position in a band that knows what they’re doing.”

“Wow, you’re brutally honest, aren’t you?”

“It’s how the business works,” Arthur replied, with the same pleasant expression on his face. “For most musicians, it takes years to find their footing in this industry. We’re not even talking about style and craft here. But I advise not to let the years pass you by. That is if you’re serious about making music. I could tell you are, from what I saw of you at the gig. But those Mitches are holding you back.”

“I’ve lived with that feeling for a while,” Jamie admitted. “It’s just that the gigs we do keep me in shape.”

“That’s a lame excuse, and you know it. Cut them loose. Then you’ll be free to pursue other opportunities.”

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. Now let me give you a rundown on what I thought of your performance.”

Jamie had a hard time at first looking at Arthur and separating him from the guy who was his biggest sponsor during his livestreams. But Kallis was a professional through and through; not once had he looked funny at him, although he must have seen enough of Jamie naked to last him a lifetime of jerkoff material.

He was sensible in his appraisal of Jamie’s abilities as a drummer, too. Definitely, this was a guy who knew his business like the back of his hand.

“Do you mind if I take notes?” he asked as he pulled out his phone.

“Be my guest. I hope you’ll heed my advice and get out of the house more, if you know what I mean.”

Jamie chuckled. “Really? Are you telling me to go touch grass?”

Arthur’s face softened. “Are you using your generation’s weird lingo to see if I’m a boomer or something?”

“I wouldn’t even dream of insulting you like that. Actually, Arthur, you make me think that I want to be you when I grow up.”

“I see you know how to flatter a guy. That’s why your livestream should be a bigger success, too.”

“Are you going to give me advice on that as well?”

“No, I’m going to leave that up to you.”

There was one question that sat on the tip of Jamie’s tongue. After a short hesitation, he decided that asking never killed anyone anyway. “Is that going to make trouble for me in the future? What do you think?”

Arthur shrugged. “The times are different. If you’re a celebrity and you don’t have a sex tape, there must be something wrong with you. Maybe you suck in bed or have weird genitalia.”

“You’re so pulling my leg now,” Jamie said, laughing.

“A bit. What I like about you, Jamie, is that you don’t hide. Yes, I know, these are all masks you’re wearing, but you’re not ashamed of anything you do. Don’t start now, just because you’re thinking you should become a serious dull man to make great music. That’s not how it works. The greatest musicians are free of such things. Be yourself.”

“Wow, now I’m starting to think you’re the guy who knows how to flatter people.”

“That’s par for the course in my line of work. But I have no reason to flatter you, since you don’t even qualify as a newcomer.”

“Ouch, that hurt.”

“Work on your act. I’m talking about refining your style. The rest of you is right on the money.” Arthur gave him an appreciative look that, strangely enough, didn’t make Jamie feel like the man before him could see through his clothes.

“Well, thanks.”

“One more thing,” Arthur said, “and it’s not about music.”

“Go ahead.”

“Don’t get a boyfriend if you can help it. For people to fall in love with you, they must believe, in their minds, that they have a chance with you, even if that’s not possible.”

Jamie frowned slightly. “Should I play the bisexual card, too?”

Arthur shrugged. “Pansexual would be even better. Wait, did I just overstep here? Do you have a special someone in your life?”

Why was the wacko rabbit popping into his head right now?

“No, nothing of the sort.”

“Good then. Keep up the good work and call me again when you think you’re ready to take things to the next level. Don’t keep me waiting, though. A lot of people try to get into this industry every day.”

Didn’t he know it? Arthur had just given him a boatload of good advice. Jamie didn’t plan on getting a boyfriend for the foreseeable future, so that didn’t hurt, either.

TBC