A Rebel's Temptation - 1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

Faster and Faster I ran down the path. The sounds of civilization left where I wanted them, behind me. The few times I opened my eyes the scenery surrounding me seemed blurred, it didn’t matter though. I had no need for the multicolored leaves painting trees left to right. I knew where I was headed; I knew where the path would take me. If for once in my life, without doubt, and strings attached, I could act without a second guess, it would be now. Eyes closed, arms swinging, the heels of my shoes stomped the pavement. The certainty I felt right now was painful. I was nothing.

Time, life, people, everything was irrelevant for I was worth none of them. Nothing at all mattered, because I mattered nothing to all. I was only a void, a void in time and space, in the universe. A mistake created by a cold hearted yet smothering mother, and an alcoholic abusive father. Genetics meant everything right? Genetics decided who was first to the throne; it decided who would be written in the will. Genetics told the truth on a –who’s my babies daddy- special on Maury. And the same way genetics meant everything to them… genetics decided that I was a -good for nothing, better off dead- creation. Only fool’s play reality, I was no fool.

I stumbled at the steepness of the now gravel path. I halted my race and opened my eyes. The opening of the woods now stood In front of me, and the welcoming cool breeze, guided by the miles of trees, embraced me. I was here, now was time to end it.

I began walking at a slow place, and this time I admired the beauty in my presence, the familiarity of the area almost refreshing. The reds, the oranges, the yellows; the time shift into fall had not left a corner untouched. Walking straight ahead, not looking around once, not once. My decision was final and no one and absolutely nothing at all could change it now. The familiar rock now stood in front of me, sturdy and grey as always. I smiled and rubbed the top of its surface as if it were the pet I always wanted…My best friend, which in fact it was. The rock that has stood by me all these years was still one in the same. It had been there when my father first belted me, leaving my small child body limping for days. It was there the day that everyone at school whispered lies, and I couldn’t bring to look anyone in the eyes. It was here where I came to shed my well kept tears. And now…it was here where I would bid the world good bye.

I was crying now. I hadn’t expected myself to get so emotional. All those times I would see those people on Dr.Phil talking about their fatal depression, I never understood. If someone wanted to end it that was just the way it was. Cut at the wrist, pop open the pills, head in water, there was no crying. I never understood until now. The climax of my life, it was where any repressed emotion would be allowed release and all the sadness that burdened my sleep could now be cried out.

I cried harder and harder without shame, the tears were burning my eyes. I could only imagine how red my eyes were, and how dark the circles were underneath them. I fell onto the ground, knees first. I could feel twigs and branches under them, and for a slip second I almost cared whether or not my faded blue Levi’s would be smudged, but whatever, no point in caring. I was crying hysterically, the sobs in my throat were almost painful. After awhile I stopped trying to wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks, no amount of wiping could make them clean.

Another painful sob, I couldn’t help but cough. It was that bad, and I was that pathetic. I continued in my frenzy of crying, my head held down in shame. I was supposed to be in shame, right? I was about to pull an unforgivable, I was about to challenge the hand of god. A demonstration that his judgment meant nothing at all to me, for the only one who controlled my fate was me. After all, where had God been all these years? Where had god been when I prayed hours on end hoping for salvation? Nowhere, that’s where he had been. He had turned his back, and showed me the familiar worthlessness attitude that everyone had showed me on a daily basis. He didn’t care, my parents didn’t care, my classmates didn’t care, and along the way I stopped caring.

“You’re crying” I turned around stunned. My eyes wandered up and I gazed upon black combat boots, black skinny, chain covered jeans. A white belt, patterned with black skulls. An ‘As I lay Dying’ tee-shirt fitting his body just right. And then came his face, skin was as white as snow. He had full, but not big lips with a hoop ring to the right. He had icy blue eyes, so bright and piercing, and just above the right eye were two studs on his brow. Light blonde straight hair came over his head in a scene type style, the long bangs with a black streak made his eyes, eyeliner and all, look even more haunting then they already were. I would almost guess Emo, but his black painted finger nails wrapped in black leather fingerless gloves, and black leather jacket, unzipped to display the shirt, made me realize Goth.

Still crying, he continued to stare right into my eyes; stupid me, I had forgotten to speak back. “Ummm…” was all I could get out. What could I possibly tell him, ‘Do you mind? I’m about to cut my wrist wide open and wait till I die’. Yeah right! Like I’d actually say that…

“You’re crying” he said again. There didn’t seem to be any emotion behind it. He just said it, nothing else. No worry, no concern, no happiness, just ‘You’re crying’.

“Sorry” I said. I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing. I didn’t know him, and I hadn’t done anything to him, no reason to apologize.

He shook his head and gave me a small smile. He extended a hand without uttering a word. Almost on instinct I reached for it, but stopped myself half way. What the hell was I doing? “Is something wrong” he said, curiosity obvious from his eyes. “You’re still crying”.

He didn’t wait for me to speak; he grabbed my arm and pulled me up to my feet. H e was strong, and not only that, but he was also freakishly tall. I had to look up to meet his eyes; he was a tower over me. I would guess a six foot four, maybe six foot five tower.

“You’re still crying” he said again.

“Sorry” I apologized again for no reason. I tried to wipe my face again before looking up again to meet his face. But again, wiping couldn’t keep my face clean, and the tears kept on flowing.

“Let me guess, you can’t stop” he said. I gave a small shrug. If I tried to speak, I’d probably give off another cough inducing sob. He smiled another small smile.

“When I start crying, I can’t stop” I finally said. Good, no disgusting sobbing.

He didn’t respond, only kept on staring. Who exactly was this guy? His stare made me feel self conscious all over. So self conscious that I couldn’t keep the eye connection with him, I brought my face down to stare at the ground. “No” he said. Before I knew it his fingers lifted my chin up and he leaned down and kissed me. My eyes stayed wide open the entire time that I felt his warm soft lips against mine. He kissed so tender. Dominating, he gently, never breaking the kiss, pushed me up against the tree behind me. I was so confused, I didn’t know what to do; this wasn’t exactly something that happened every day.

I could feel the muscles flexing in his back as my hands briefly grabbed into his leather jacket but then dropped down to my side, limp. There was no tension in my body, only the weight of his body and the pressure his soft lips held me up. As shocked as I already was, he shocked me even more. He move his right leg in between my legs causing my body to arch even more against him. My knees began shaking, and I wasn’t sure why. Was it from the nerves that I felt all around my body? Was it the weight of his body, and the lack of strength I had to hold him up? Or was it…No, not that.

He must have sensed the shaking of my knees, the trembling sensation going through my body because as immediate as the shaking began, I felt an arm of his go around me. It held me up strong, he seemed so certain in what he was doing. Maybe even the same certainty I felt minutes ago was similar to this. Well no. It couldn’t be because, if this certainty was the same as my attempt, than I’d already been curled up in a ball, painting the ground with my blood.

He backed away slowly now, never leaving my astonished wide eyes gaze. “You stopped” he said simply.

What was I supposed to say? I’d just been lips raped by this stranger that I knew nothing of. No name, no last name, no address, no number, no nothing. I knew nothing, except that…he’d just saved my life. I wanted an explanation, no, I demanded an explanation. How could he just do something like this? This wasn’t something normal, I was angry. Right? Hell yeah I’m angry!

“You’re angry” it wasn’t a question, it was a statement. He clearly understood the expression on my face.

“Why?” I asked. “Why did you-” I stopped in mid sentence. He was smiling. It wasn’t like a beaming grin, it was more of a cocky crooked smile.

“You were crying and you couldn’t stop” he said with a soft chuckle. Okay, now I was getting really annoyed. He gave no explanation further to what I already knew. I had been crying, yes. But why kiss me, and why kiss me like that? It didn’t add up.

“Who are you?” I asked. All he did was shrug and turned around walking away. “Hey” I yelled at him. He stopped but made no motion in turning around.

“Bye” he said over his shoulder. I watched as he walk further and further down the up the path until all I could see was a speck, and then nothing.

I began to run, run just as fast as I had done to get here, I ran in the direction he left. But no amount of running got me to him, he was gone. There was no point in staying here any longer so I began running towards home.

I have a very bare room. No posters, no pictures, no stuffed animals, no anything. Then again, I most likely wouldn’t keep a stuffed animal out in my room for everyone to see. But then again no one but myself comes in this room, not even my mother enters this room. But then again, wait, no, whatever. Ugh, I wonder if this is gonna be my life forever. School then up to my room. Even though my room was bare, I did spend most of my day’s hours lying in my bed, if not sitting in the chair by the window, watching life pass without me. This house really was prison, no doubt about it.

For example, coming back home today from the woods my mom comes stomping to the door from the kitchen and starts yelling. She yells about how I’m ungrateful because I don’t come home when she says so, and how I take advantage of her. Since when? The entire time she was falsely criticizing me her face didn’t seem maternal, there was no warm motherly glow or concern . She actually seemed far from human, the veins in her neck were popping out, and her face was burning red. Scary lady, she truly is. I still wonder sometimes if she was always this way, because if she was, how hell did she get married with my dad. Never mind, I don’t wanna know.

Lying her in my bed I feel, I don’t know, still confused. Confused about what happened today, with that guy. He was so expressionless when he wanted to be, but then his smiles seemed so genuine, and then the kiss. No, stop, stop now, don’t even dare to think about the lip rape that occurred today.

It was nice though. As much as I don’t want to, even possibly hate… detested completely, to mention… the kiss was nice. His lips were so warm and soft against mine, and the cold metal of the lip ring was a nice addition. He really had taken me by surprise back there. I hadn’t expected for things to change, I hadn’t expected to not go through with my decision. I mean I seemed so determined, while I was running the only thing in mine was how my life was better if ended. But now its different.

Right now, staring at my hands, my wrists, the relief I feel of not having gone through with it was incredible. That guy, that gothic, cocky, I don’t know what, really had saved my life. I’m alive right now, I’m not crying right now because he kissed me. But who was he? I had no idea who he was, all I knew was that he had light blonde hair, snow white skin, and those eyes. Those eyes, icy and blue, the way they stared at me was haunting. They pierced through me, they went beyond clothes, beyond my body, they went directly to me and I felt them. They made me self conscious, it was almost as if they were judging me, but at the same time offering something. I need to know what, I need to know why he did it. I need to find him. Tomorrow. I drifted to sleep with the thought of finding him, of knowing, of…tomorrow.

The hardest part of the day, waking up. I hated it, the way my eyes weighed so much and wanted to close, but I had to force them wide open. The way my body lacked reflexes, its way more comforting to stay curled up in bed with a nice big fluffy pillow, and a soft blanket. But no, the day had to start, and school was supposed to be my main priority, emphasis on supposed to be.

I yawned my typical morning yawm, and scratched my side. My eyes felt watery, and I rubbed them some before heading off to the bathroom for my shower. The water of the shower was cold. Ice cold actually, but I was used to this every morning. The reason being that by the time I entered the shower, both my parents were on their way to work, and they just loved wasting all the hot water. But in cases like this where my drowsiness seemed almost unbearable, it was well received to wake me up.

I turned of the shower and I exited, wrapping the towel tight around my waist. I walked to the front of the mirror, grabbed my toothbrush and began brushing my teeth with my peppermint flavored Colgate. I stared at my reflection, and I like every morning I saw the dark circle under my eyes. For someone who didn’t have much to do after school but stay in his room, I didn’t seem to get much sleep. It didn’t matter though, not like I was aiming to impress anyone. I’d have to suffice with my brown eyes, and light brown messy hair. It was all I had to offer, all that I was really willing to offer.

Opening my closet was somewhat depressing, very cohesive with my morning theme. Black shirt, blue shirt, white shirt, green shirt, red shirt, and jeans, all blue except one. I grabbed the white shirt because it seemed the less wrinkled out of the choices I had and slipped it on. I then grabbed the black jeans I had and put them on. They were straight fit slim jeans, just the way I liked them. They weren’t as slim as Goth guy, but whatever, not like I cared. Okay, maybe just a little, but that didn’t matter, not one bit, right?

Describe my house in three words, ummm… dark, unwelcoming, and blah. Blah was a word right? Well, in my books it was anyways. If I looked it up in the dictionary the picture next to it would be a family portrait in front of my house. I entered the kitchen like I did every morning and walked towards the cabinet. Getting on my toes to reach the top cabinet to get my cereal. Way to go mother, put my daily breakfast in a place that I could almost break my neck just trying to get it, I swear that women is out to get me. I mean, I wasn’t a short guy, but I wasn’t the tallest, I stood about five foot eight and quite frankly I liked my height. It was normal, not yet a giant, but not a shorty either.

After almost killing my self for the second time in the morning (first time being almost slipping getting out of the shower) I finally had my fruity pebbles in front of me. If something could make me smile, it was my good old fruity pebbles. Who wouldn’t smile after dipping a spoon in something so sweet, so tasty, yum.

I laughed, as I did every morning from how excited I was about my cereal. I know how childish it may seem, but technically in the state of Ohio I was a child. And now that my normal morning routine was done, it was time to get down to business and I don’t mean school. It was time to find him, to find Mr. Goth Guy.

I opened my door, locked it behind me before setting off on my run to school. I’ll find you, I have to find you.