1968 - 4. Chapter 4

January 23, 1968

Sam drove me to campus so I could leave my car with Jeff and Stefan. I'd pulled Stefan aside and reminded him that he could not let Jeff out of his sight, an unnecessary warning, but I felt better for making it and Stefan seemed to realize that.

“You have a few hours until your meeting with Dr. Falstead,” Sam said. “Want to see some more of the campus?”

“Sure,” I said cheerfully. He drove over to the student housing area and parked.

“I need to change clothes,” he said, playfully sniffing his pits. “Come on in and see my palace.” It was typical grad student housing, small and nasty, but at least he had his own place, and it was better than what the undergrads had. He vanished into the closet and came out stark naked with a raging hard on.

“We have a little time,” he said with a leer, “I'm thinking maybe we could get to know each other better.” I was very uncomfortable but also excited. There was something really sexy about this young guy. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew I was becoming infatuated with him.

“I don't know if that's such a good idea,” I said as he moved up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

“I've never fucked another guy, ever. I saw you and your boyfriend and it looked like so much fun. I want you to get my cherry.” He was murmuring in my ear like Jeff did while he unbuttoned my pants. I just stood there frozen. “I see the idea appeals to you,” he said as he gently stroked my hard cock. He slid his cock up to my ass.

“You'll need some lube if I'm going to take that monster,” I said, realizing that I'd just committed myself. He grinned, the same thing dawning on him. He moved me over to his bed and lubed his big dick with a liberal amount of Vaseline. He wasn't as big as my first boyfriend Andre, but he definitely had Stefan and Jeff beat. I lay on my stomach and felt his thin, muscular body drape over mine, and his cock line up against my hole. He pushed gently and I closed my eyes, willing my body to let him in, and it did.

I felt his dick plunge in and out of my ass. “Oh God, that feels so good. I've never felt anything like this before. This is fucking amazing,” he cooed as he picked up his pace. I adjusted my body so he was driving into my spot, and in no time at all he had me blasting my load onto his bed. My orgasm, tensing my ass, sent him over the edge, and he exploded in me right after I finished, with that cute feminine groan and that epileptic-like quiver.

“Sam,” I said as we got ready, “I have a boyfriend. This can't be a regular thing.”

“I'm not going to tell him,” he said.

“That's not the point. It's a commitment thing. We need to have a good working relationship,” I said, emphasizing “working”.

“I understand Dr. Crampton, but if you change your mind I'm sure up for it. You are one hot guy.” I blushed. I should have shut up but I couldn't help it.

“So you're in a room with Jeff, who's a God, and Stefan, who's cute as hell, and you think I'm hot?”

He smiled and moved forward, meshing his lips with mine. “You have them both beat.”

“I don't get it?” I said. I really didn't.

“Well, first of all, you have beautiful hair. It's like that guy in Romeo and Juliet, what was his name? Leonard Whiting. You look kinda like him too.” He stroked his hands through my thick blond hair. I'd let it grow longer over the past few years, and since it was so thick, it really did look good. “Those green eyes are killer, they are like ice, but when you get excited it's like they catch on fire. Not to mention your face, which is pretty enough for you to model.”

“Yeah, but what about this scrawny body?” He rubbed his hands across my chest.

“You are lithe and agile like a cat, thin, active, and you know exactly how to use your body to maximize pleasure. You have this cute tuft of hair under your arms,” he tickled me there making me giggle, “and a sexy treasure trail that leads down to your dick.” Before I knew it he had his hand wrapped around my dick and it was hard again. He ran his hands around to my ass. “And your ass, this is just magical. It's so cute, with no hair and a willing hole, so anxious to give and get pleasure,” he was probing me now and I collapsed into him. In no time at all he had entered me again, and brought us both to orgasm at the same time. For a rookie, this guy was one amazing lover.

“Sam, you are too fucking sexy for my good,” I said with a quick kiss on the cheek, “but I have an appointment to make or you won't have anyone to work for.”

A couple of spritzes of cologne and a quick session with the hairbrush had put my outward appearance in order, but sitting there with Dr. Falstead I was incredibly uncomfortable. Apparently Sam was a volume shooter, and his jizz kept leaking out of me. I'd had to stuff tissue paper in my crack like a maxi pad. I almost giggled, thinking about how outrageous I'd look if I got up and had a big wet spot on my ass.

He was fantastic, and we got the business out of the way, signed off on the employment agreements, and then started talking about Khe Sanh. “Most of our faculty thinks it's just a skirmish that's being blown up by the press,” he said.

“I have to disagree. That doesn't jive with North Vietnamese strategy. I think this is big, and if we mismanage it, it will be another Dien Bien Phu. Still, they haven't thrown everything they have into it, which is really surprising. If I was forced to make a prediction, I'd say there's more to come.”

“Let's hope you're wrong. Now let me show you to your office.” I was senior enough to get a decent office with a window. The best offices in the department were on the curve. The beautiful building swept in a broad curve, one side facing the oval and the other faced the south side of campus. Those offices were reserved for Falstead and the most senior members. Mine was still great. It was smaller than my office at Northwestern, no surprise there, but it was still about 12' X 15', plenty of room for my furniture. And I could do some work on it if I wanted, but it was in pretty good shape as is.

“Do you have any objection to me making some improvements?” I asked.

“Not at all. Just not too radical, OK? Dr. Peterson told me you have good judgment. By the way, I took the liberty of engaging a T.A. for you next year. His name is Sam Carbone, and he's a top notch grad student. I'm hoping you'll humor me and keep him on for at least the first semester.”

“Actually, I've already met Sam and he seems like a very talented young man.” You have no idea how talented, I wanted to say. “You picked an excellent person to work with me. Thank you.” That made him grin. Faculty members were a touchy lot and something like that could have been an unpleasant issue.

“I appreciate your attitude,” he said. I looked out my window to the Oval where a crowd was gathering, looking somewhat menacing. There were people with bullhorns, trying to rile them up. Falstead followed my eyes. “This is where it gets ugly. They'll move toward the administration building, and the cops will disperse them.”

I was inspired, and for some reason, I felt like I should do something to try and help this institution that had done so much to welcome me. “Would you excuse me Dr. Falstead? I'd like to go talk to them.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Good luck. Don't get hurt. I just got you here; I don't want to lose you.”

I headed to the Oval, with Sam on my tail telling me what an idiot I was. There was a young student, hippie type, telling the students that they should seize control of the University Administration Building. The students looked pissed off. Pissed off about this war, pissed off about the deaths, and pissed off that they might be sent next, despite their deferrals. There was one of his deputies there with another bullhorn. I snatched it from his hand and smiled.

“I'd like to introduce myself to you. I've just joined the faculty in the history department. My name is JP Crampton.” They stared at me, not with animosity, but not very friendly either.

The other guy with the bullhorn looked at me and boomed. “Who gives a shit?”

“You should. This university actively recruited me when I was drummed out of Northwestern for my anti-war activism. If the administration disagreed with your positions, would they bring someone like me here?” I saw some of the students widen their eyes. At least they were listening to me.

“If you're such a big anti-war activist, how come we haven't heard of you Dr. Crampton?” the other guy asked with a sneer.

“Probably because you haven't approached your arguments logically and rationally. If you did, you would have read my series of papers on the futility of this war. Maybe you'd even sign up for my class next semester on the History of Vietnam.” The crowd was warming up to me.

“Oh yeah? Big deal. We're out here taking action.”

“No you're not. You're threatening people who are your allies. The administration and most of the faculty agree with you. Why attack them? Why treat them violently? Unless of course, you just want to make the papers,” I said, pointing at the big mouth with the bullhorn. The thought that he was just trying for self-aggrandizement seemed to irritate the students.

“Papers won't stop this war!” he screamed,

“No they won't. But violent protest on campus won't do it either. Make your points without hurting people. Otherwise you're as bad as the people you protest against.”

“Fuck you. That won't solve anything. You're a stooge!”

“Well that may be. But when you get drafted, what are you going to do?”

“Fuck the army, I'm going to Canada.” There was a murmur of agreement in the crowd. I didn't blame them. I would do that too.

“Good. When you get there, contact an organization called Exode. I set it up with $100,000 of my own money, and they'll help you get a place to live and a job. That's how you take action asshole.” The students applauded me, and I handed the bullhorn back to the aide I had ‘borrowed’ it from.

I walked down, trying not to shake. Sam was waiting for me. “And to think I got to fuck you? Wow. You're a hero.” I laughed at him.

“No I'm not. I just don't want to see more people get hurt. There's enough blood being shed in Vietnam.” I headed back to my new office to plan my renovations.

Dr. Falstead met me at the entrance to the building. “Nicely done Dr. Crampton,” he said. “You may just be the most popular faculty member with the Administration right now.”

I smiled. “Thank you Dr. Falstead. This is my home now, and I don't want to see violence.” I spent an hour in my office and then Sam took me back to the motel. Stefan and Jeff were back already, but remarkably, they were fully clothed.

“How did it go?” Jeff asked, and I felt guilty for fucking Sam.

“Dr. Crampton stopped a riot,” said Sam and got a dirty look from me. I rolled my eyes and headed to the shower while he told them what a hero I was. I was enjoying the flow of the warm water when the curtain pulled back and Jeff got in with me.

“JP, it's OK if you fucked Sam.”

“I'm sorry Jeff. It just sort of happened. I think that since we were all with him that it just seemed harder to stop.”

“He's got a major crush on you.” I couldn't read him, figure out why he wasn't pissed about this.

“Yeah, well I've already got a boyfriend,” I said.

“If you want to play around with him, it's OK with me. I think of him kind of like Stefan. He is kind of cute. I may want a go at him too.”

I grinned. “Where's this coming from? I don't get it? I don't think I could be this easygoing if it was some guy that had a crush on you.”

“When we first got together, remember how you told me you'd rather know who I was fucking around with than have me hide it from you? He's going to sleep with you. He'll catch you at a weak moment. This way you won't have to feel guilty about it.”

I looked at him and kissed him. He was so smart. He realized that by giving me permission he put my 'relationship' with Sam on a casual level. If he didn't, it would be subterranean, and then it could even grow into something that could threaten us. “I love you,” I said, and then dropped to my knees to show him that I still can give better head than Stefan.

January 24, 1968

I'd managed to foist Stefan off on Sam, while Jeff and I had breakfast and waited for the realtor I'd contacted to pick us up. While we waited we perused the paper. The fighting in Khe Sanh was still heavy, and I was worried. How many body bags would there be this time? How many people would lose their own Andres? Then there was this really obscure thing in the paper. The USS Pueblo, which to all accounts seemed to be a spy ship, was captured by North Korea ostensibly after crossing into their national waters. Great. Now we're dealing with a crisis in North Korea too? What the fuck was wrong with the government?

A nicely dressed man approached our table. He looked to be about 35, just a little older than me, with dark brown hair. His skin had a darker tone. “Dr. Crampton?” he asked. I stood up and shook his hand. “Tony Alvarez,” he said, introducing himself. I invited him to join us. “This is Jeff Hayes,” I said, introducing Jeff. He didn't ask who Jeff was, and I didn't offer an explanation. Ever since I'd gotten here, I'd had this urge to let the world know that Jeff is my partner. Maybe it was because I felt secure in my career. Whatever it was, I couldn't do that without talking to Jeff first.

“You mentioned that you are planning to move to Palo Alto? Most of the faculty members have located to some of the nearby suburbs, because Palo Alto tends to be a bit pricey.” Jeff grinned and I gave him a dirty look.

“I suspect I'm looking to spend more than the typical faculty member. I'm looking for a place with at least five acres of land, on a hill with a great view of the bay, and suitable for horses.”

“Well, there are a few properties on the market that may fit that bill. They're in the $150,000 plus price range.” He still seemed nervous about me.

“Excellent. Can you show them to us?” He didn't miss a beat.

“Sure. I'll drive you.” He had a Cadillac, the Sedan de Ville, which was just a little smaller than Isidore's massive Fleetwood. The first place we saw was nice, but it was in a valley, and I didn't like it. The second house was pretty, big enough, but there wasn't enough land.

“There's only one more place on the market. It was originally built in the 1920s, but last year it was bought by an aerospace big wig. Put a chunk of change into it, but when his company tanked, he ended up homeless.” Tony was remarkably heartless. “They want $250,000 for it, but I think they'd take less. Or at least the bank would.”

There were big gates at the entrance, marked with the word “Escorial.” A house with a name? And named after the main Royal Palace of Spain? That was a bit ostentatious. There was a newish asphalt road that led up the hill. “These hills are green now, look nice, but in the summer they'll be brown or gold.” Tony told us.

At the top of the hill was a massive house. It was beautiful. Built in a Spanish style to match its name, it was laid out around a central courtyard that had a Spanish type garden. “It's got 10 bedrooms, 12 baths, and an indoor pool.” Tony said. We wandered through the house that looked like it had been built in the 1920's with all the grandeur of that age, but it had obviously been lovingly restored and enhanced. In the back was an eight car garage and a small stable, enough to hold three or four horses comfortably. The garage had an apartment above it for the staff.

“Tony,” I asked, “There's this large green belt around the house? What's that all about?” It looked kind of funny, making the house look like an oasis on top of an undeveloped mountain.

“It's a fire-break Dr. Crampton. In the summer these hills get pretty dry and there have been known to be some nasty fires. The fire break, along with a sprinkler system, was designed to keep the house safe even in the midst of a roaring blaze. It was added last year, and they had to cut down some trees to build it. That's why it seems kind of isolated and imposing up here on top of the hill.”

“How many acres?” I asked.

“Almost 25. If you wanted to, you can subdivide those into five acre lots.”

I looked at Jeff. “What do you think?”

He shrugged. “I like it.”

“Me too. Let's make an offer Tony.” We went inside the house and sat at the huge dining room table. There was still some furniture left in the house, things that were too big to move like this table. They included some really beautiful antiques, all restored along with the house. I told him to include them in the contract. He wrote up the contract for $225,000.

“They'll want some earnest money, probably at least $10,000, and they'll want you to disclose financing arrangements.” Jeff grinned. He loved it when I got to do this.

I got out my checkbook and wrote out the check for $10,000 and handed it to him. “I'll pay cash at closing. I'll have a cashier's check drawn on my bank in Chicago.” He stared at me, dumbfounded. No one paid cash for a house. He shrugged and took us back to the motel.

Fortunately Stefan and Sam weren't back yet, so we took the opportunity for some quality lovemaking. As we merged, I realized why Jeff didn't worry. We were so linked, so together, that some hot T.A. or other boy slut was not going to impact our relationship. We lay there in bed with me lying on top of him.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“Great. I really like it here.”

“Good.” That's not what I really meant, but that was good to hear.

“You want to know if I want to sneak off and head to Haight Ashbury and find some hippies to shoot up with.” I didn't say anything, feeling guilty for even thinking about it. “It's OK to ask me JP. I've put you through hell and back. You have the right to ask. To be honest, it crossed my mind a couple of times, but I never really seriously considered it. I think as long as it isn't right in front of me, I'll be OK.”

Just then the door flew open and a giddy Sam and Stefan came in. At first I thought they were just giddy because of spending time together, but upon closer scrutiny, I realized they were trashed. Sam grinned at me. “Hey you guys, wanna drop some acid? I just got his from a friend of mine.” I glared at Stefan and he started to freak out. Jeff was sweating.

“Time for both of you to leave,” I said and held the door for them. They looked at me, surprised. “Now!” I yelled, and they both fled out of the room.

“JP, it might have been fun,” Jeff said. I saw him going through contortions over this.

“Jeff, you can't go down that road. Look at me! Is it worth giving up everything you love?”

I could feel his inner struggle. I knew that if I weren’t there being strong he would have caved. I felt so bad for him, but I was also frustrated. Would he ever be able to handle this on his own? Would I have to babysit him for the rest of our lives? I mean, I love him, but I don't know if that's something I can do. No matter what, I had to get him into a new environment. I couldn't trust Stefan and Sam not to fuck him up.

Just then the phone rang. “JP, it's Stefan. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.”

“You weren't, and that was an asshole thing to do. You know how much is at stake. The lives of three little kids. This is bullshit Stefan. I thought I could trust you.” And I hung up the phone.

“It's not his fault,” Jeff muttered.

“It's not his fault that you have a drug problem, that's your fault. But we're supposed to help you deal with it.” I was so pissed I couldn't see straight.

Jeff got up and walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. Every day I feel stronger, and soon you won't have to babysit me. Just don't be mad at Stefan.” I shook my head in frustration, not with him, not with Stefan, but with the situation. I felt tired, really tired, so we went back to bed and I lay on my side. Jeff spooned up behind me and wrapped his body around me.

Two things happened that really disturbed me. I used to feel so safe in his arms; safe, warm, and secure. Now I felt like he was leaching the strength out of me, and I wasn't sure if I had enough to give. And the second thing, even more disturbing, was that he didn't seem to sense it. At some level, our connection had been broken. It was only 6pm, but I fell sound asleep.

I woke up and it was still dark and someone was shaking me. It was Stefan. “What?” I asked with a very irritated inflection.

“JP, you have to help. Jeff and Sam are in my room squaring off. Jeff says he's going to kick his ass if Sam doesn't give him a tab, and Sam's taunting him to try. It's ugly.” I got up and grabbed my pants and headed to the room Stefan had apparently taken after I threw him out.

Jeff was in the center of the room squared off against Sam. “Give me the blotter asshole or I'll kick your punk ass,” he screamed.

“Bring it on big boy. I'll lay you out so fast you won't know what hit you,” Sam said. I honestly didn't know which one of them would win a real fight.

“That's enough” I said calmly. My voice froze them both. I saw the conflict in Jeff's eyes, staring at Sam, his link to a fix, and me, the guy that was his guardian angel. I lost the battle.

“Fuck off JP. I just want one hit. I want to see if I can handle it. It's just a test. You don't own me. You don't control me.” He looked at Sam. “Now give it up you little fucker.”

“Sam, give him the hit,” I said. “It's not worth you getting hurt over.” They both looked at me. I called the front desk and asked them to call the police. They both stared at me, horrified.

“Now Sam, if I were you I'd get the hell out of here before the cops get here and catch you with drugs.” Jeff was stunned, and Sam took advantage of that and fled. He paused at the door. “I'm so sorry Dr. Crampton, I didn't know. I really didn't know.” He was crying. I just waived him off. Jeff just stared at me.

“So what now? You gonna turn me in? I thought you loved me? You gonna have me sent to the state asylum now? You gonna be responsible for them ruining me?” He was yelling at me. I saw the flashing lights of the police cars as they arrived.

“No Jeff, you're gonna be responsible for ruining yourself.” The cops came into the room and cuffed Jeff, hauling him off. They charged him with disorderly conduct. I decided to let him spend the night in jail while I figured out what to do.

I went back to my room alone, jumped into my bed with the cum-stained sheets, and cried my eyes out. The emotional release was good, especially since no one had seen me do it. I got up and put some Visine in my eyes to hide the red, and for all intents and purposes, I was a new man. On the outside. I looked at the clock and it was 1AM. I lay in bed and picked up the San Francisco Chronicle. After a few minutes I tossed that aside and pulled out my notes for my latest paper. I was doing a study of social conditions in Vietnam in an effort to convince people that we were involved in a civil war and not a war against communism.

Around 2am I heard a soft knock on the door. I thought about ignoring it, but I was too curious to do that. I opened it up to find Jeff staring at me. “Can I come in?” he asked.

I moved aside and gestured for him to enter. He came in and sat on our bed, head in his hands. “I need to go back to the hospital,” he said. Of all the things he could have said that would flummox me that was it. It threw in my face the fact that I'd probably pushed him too far, too fast. I was playing with his fragile psyche like I was God. My anger at him flew out the window, replaced by guilt, terrible guilt. I walked over to him and jumped on him, pushing him back, and burying my face in his chest. I felt him stroking my back and my long hair. “It's OK baby, it's gonna be fine,” he cooed.

“I'm sorry Jeff. I pushed you too hard, too fast. I shouldn't have brought you out here.”

“This is my problem JP, not yours. You've taken this whole burden on yourself, made yourself responsible for my mental health. And I've just sat there and let you. I've sucked the life out of you to stay on track. I was in that jail and I realized that I have to solve this problem, not you.”

“How did you get out of jail?” I asked.

“Sam bailed me out and brought me back here,” he said. He got lucky; they must not have checked to see that he was still on probation in Chicago. Well, that did a lot to redeem Sam in my eyes. “Then he went back to hang with Stefan.”

“So what happens now?” I asked him.

“I'm going back to Chicago, hopefully tomorrow. Stefan said he'd go with me. And I'm going back to the hospital. And when I'm well, when I'm strong, I'm going to leave there and find you.”

“You mean you don't want me to come see you?” I asked.

“Nope. I want to do this without you. I love you baby, I do, but if I don't do this alone I'll end up as some dependent puppy dog that follows you around. You don't want that, and neither do I.”

“I'm going to miss you. Will you call me if you miss me?” I was crying now, like a big pussy.

“Nope. I'm not gonna do that. You have a lot on your plate. You have a new school to break in, a move to manage, a speaking tour, and a T.A. to slap into shape.” He grinned at the reference to Sam. “Let me go do this. Please?”

I tore off my clothes. “Well, if this is our last night, I want to spend it making love.” He laughed at me and ripped off his clothes too. Then he chased me around the room, wrestled me onto the bed, and made love to me with a strength and a fervor I hadn't felt for a long time. After our third orgasm, I lay there clamped to him, unwilling to let him go. I dozed off, awakened later by the phone. I grudgingly answered it.

“JP, it's Stefan. Jeff and I need to leave in an hour.” That's all he said, then he hung up. I woke Jeff up and we made love one more time, and then hit the shower together. When I came out, Stefan was in the room waiting for us.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you,” I said to him. He gave me a wry grin and hugged me.

“You still love me?” he asked.

I kissed him on the lips, not too passionately, but enough to fire him up. “Yeah, I still love you. And if I wasn't so worn out from last night, I'd show you how much.”

“I'll take a rain check,” he said with a grin. Stefan equated love with sex. The only real way to convince him that you loved him was to fuck him. Was everyone in my life completely fucked up? I gave them the keys to my rental car, wondering how I'd get around. I collapsed on the bed and went to sleep, a long, restless sleep.

It wasn't until 5pm that I woke up, once again by a knock at the door. I opened it up to find Sam there. “I just came by to apologize to you,” he said.

“Come on in,” I said.

“I'm really sorry. I don't do drugs too often, well; I smoke pot, but nothing else. But I got a hold of some acid and I thought it would be fun to have an orgy with you guys while on it. I didn't know Jeff had a problem.”

“It's not your fault. Thanks for bailing him out. Got any weed on you?” He looked shocked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Fire it up,” I said, and in no time I was stoned. This was some good pot. Sam lay down on the bed and smoked the joint casually. He really was a sexy guy. He saw me checking him out and grinned.

“What are you looking at?” he asked.

“An incredibly sexy man,” I said.

He stood up and slowly took off his clothes and then lay back down on the bed. I was trying to figure out who he looked like when it finally registered. “You look like Sal Mineo,” I said.

“I've been told that before,” he said with a cocky leer. His dark hair and maroon nipples on a smooth, muscular chest, his firm abs, and his huge dick rising up from his big black pubic bush. I moved over to him and took his cock in my mouth. “Mmmmm,” he moaned. I worked his tool like an expert, driving him nuts. Sam was a blast, because he told me exactly where he was with his moans, so I was able to keep him on edge for a long time before he finally blew. And boy did he blow. This guy could shoot gallons. It was pretty cool.

“Good?” I asked

“Great!” he responded.

“So what's on your agenda for the next few days?” I asked.

“Taking care of my new boss,” he said.

“Good. That was quite a snack, but I'm hungry. I need a shower. Want to join me?” He grinned and followed me into the bathroom.