Brandon Smiling: From the Billy Chase Chronicles (2) - 9. Entry 9

Sunday

After church I got a call from Chandler, which was a big surprise!

He’s back from LA and wanted to have lunch so that took most of my day. My Dad and I made the trip down to Chicago and met Chandler and Danny at a nice brunch place in Lakeview. I had to wonder if my Dad knew what Boystown was all about, but he either didn’t seem to know or care. I mean, there was any number of guys walking down the street holding hands and rainbows all over the place so it had to be, kind of, obvious that we were entring the Gayest place in our universe!

But, my Dad didn’t make mention of any of it at all! His only grumble was in trying to find parking which, I admit, was completely frustrating. We ended up having to walk several blocks to the restaurant. Chandler and Danny were waiting.

I was shocked because Chan had gotten a massive hair cut! His beautiful strawberry-red wavey locks were gone and replaced with a fade with a little comb-over at the top. It was actually cute as fuck! I could see more of his face which is always nice. Interestingly, Danny seemed to do the same with his brownish-blond hair. Maybe I need a new haircut too!

“Well, hey guys! Welcome to Danes! I suggest the Scrambled Egg Coissant!” Chandler said after giving us both a big hug and sitting us down. The place had a great vibe! We were right next to the window with all the busy Chicago traffic, but it was nice and quiet inside. I found myself sitting in ‘best behavior’ mode with my hands in my lap and trying not to fidget since the place had white table cloths and a gold metal ceiling and stuff.

“For Pete’s sake, Bran Bran! Loosen up! I’ve eaten in this place in sweats after a gym workout! It’s not fancy, just nice! Kay?” Chan said to me while massaging my shoulder in a brotherly way. I felt embarrassed for not trying to be embarrassed.

My Dad chuckled, “That’s his Mom. She always taught him to be on ‘best behavior’ when we’d go to restaurants. It’s time to ‘Unlearn What You Have Learned, Luke’!” My Dad compounded the goofiness by touseling my hair and making what must have been a Star Wars reference. What’s with GenXers and Star Wars anyways?

Daniel chuckled at the both of them and ‘came on my side’: “Don’t listen to them, Brandon! Between you and me, we need to bring some Class to this table!” It warmed me up to be on Danny’s ‘team’, for some reason. Hehehe!

“So, Brandon tells me you took a trip to LA. How did it go?” Dad asked.

“Pretty brilliant! That one picture, the one Brandon helped me take at Millennium Park, I sold that one for $5000! I even got to keep some of it from the gallery, heh!” Whoa! Chandler actually sold ‘my’ picture and for 5000 smackers? Whoa!

“I’m so proud of Chan I could pop, Mr. Temple! He’s got a brilliant career in front of him if he can pull that off on his first try!” Daniel said, causing Chandler to blush adorably!

“That’s something I never thought about as far as you going for something, Chan - photography! I always thought you’d end up singing or something!” Dad said. I’m not sure if that was a very sensitive thing to say, though. It almost makes Chan’s photography seem not that important in my Dad’s eyes.

But, Chandler didn’t seem to take it in the way I thought he might. Actually, what he said next floored me even more than learning he’d sold our photo for so much money!

“Well it’s your fault, Mr. Temple! You don’t remember when you made me help set up for the choir photoshoot back in the day, do you? The photographer, I think, took a fancy to me and let me help him set up not only the furniture and stuff, but his equipment! He showed me where and why he wanted things just as they were. He showed me the lighting and the use of the reflectors and all kinds of things. Then, at the end, he showed me the digital results of our work - which turned out spectacularly! The large framed photo of our choir from that shoot still hangs in the Church rectory in a place of honor, right over the waiting room couches!” Chandler explained.

“My goodness, it still amazes me what little things can mean to someone, especially when dealing with kids! I admit, I don’t remember that. I remember the photo session, but I think I only expected you to carry some bags in for the photographer, etc. Well, whatever the case, I’m glad something I did made such an impact! You still sing though, right?” Dad asked expectantly. I don’t know why, but I think my Dad always hoped Chandler would take his voice professionally and become famous with it. I think Chan still can if he would give it a shot.

This, however, openned a very strange opportunity for Chandler - a way to confirm completely his being Out to my Dad! Again, my Dad’s reaction was not what I expected from what Chandler said next!

“Oh, yeah. I still sing for a choir. The Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus, actually. We’ll be having a show in a couple of weeks. I’m glad I could get home in time for rehersals. You’re welcome to come if you like! I should be able to get you in free at the Aetheneum. We’re doing a Willy Wonka tribute, hehehe!” Chandler said that like it was absolutely nothing! Like it was the most normal thing in the world! My God, Chandler is good at this!

“Really? Cool! When’s the premiere?” My Dad actually perked up and sounded really excited about this! I tried to keep my mouth shut from gaping at him in complete surprise.

“May 20th, a week after next Sunday.” Chandler said as our food came to the table.

“How about it, Sport? You game?” My Dad asked me. I wanted to hide under the table with the ‘Sport’ name. Geeze, Dad! I feel like I’m on ‘Leave It To Beaver’ sometimes. But, despite this, I, of course, absolutely wanted to see Chan perform at the Gay Men’s Chorus with my Dad!

Oh my frigging God, Dude! This will be beyond cool! Of course we’re going!

“That would be great!” I said, which really didn’t show my true enthusiasm, but it made Chan and Danny smile just the same.

To think, I’ll go with my Dad to see a Gay show in the gayest part of Chicago to watch my Gay friend sing…and it’s his idea!

Maybe, there’s hope for me coming Out yet!

When I got home, I almost went to call Billy to tell him the good news, but then remembered something, kind of, important that I’d forgotten. One minor detail…Billy doesn’t know I’m Gay yet! Why’d I forget that is very strange! It’s like we’ve already reached a level of, well, intimacy that I could share this with him.

But of course, we aren’t even nearly to that point…yet. But, my first instinct was to call him about this Gay show and about my Dad and I going to it - together! Very strange!

Having no one else to talk to about this I’ve decided to put this down and then put this and myself to bed. I’m having a hard time falling asleep with all the possibilities swirling through my head as to what this could mean for me and my Dad. Does he suspect something? Is this his way of letting me know that he’s ok with being Gay and if I am, so what? But then, could this just mean that this is his opportunity to see Chandler work his vocal chords again and that’s the only reason he wants to go to this show?

No, there’s something else going on here. Something deeper! My Dad is telling me something without actually saying it out loud. He’s always been one for showing and doing over just saying. He’s strange like that.

In any case, even if I ever do come out to my Dad, would that mean that I’d feel safe to come out to Billy too? Why not? Actually, why would there be any problem with it anyway? I have to remember how comfortable he was with Jimmy who is now ‘Out and Proud’ as Chandler likes to put it. If Billy is comfortable hanging around Jimmy who is Gay then why not me?

Then again…why is Billy so close to Jimmy to begin with? Is it so obvious that it is staring me plain in the face? Am I being deliberatly numb to the possiblity that Jimmy AND Billy are both Gay and that’s why they are so close?

If Billy is gay…does this mean he’s taken already? Jimmy could be his real boyfriend!

So, even if I come Out, it wouldn’t matter because I’d have lost Billy already anyway…

…or not.

I gotta get some sleep. I’ll drive myself crazy with all these what ifs…

This is Brandon the ‘What the If-er’.