Dear Diary - 9. Chapter 9

[i]"Now I can't wait
To see that boi again..."[/i]

The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully... for some reason, I never saw Kev all day, but I didn't really care to see him, either, so I wasn't too terribly worried. Zack and Johnny and I hung out during lunch, and we waved to each other as I left campus towards my house, a little hurt that they didn't decide to automatically come hang out with me, but at the same time, I wasn't so sure I wanted company right now, especially since right now my emotions were so raw from all the recent happenings, and since I couldn't guarantee that my feelings for the two bois wouldn't overwhelm me and take another shot at ruining our friendship... as I said, I didn't want to chance losing them as friends, no matter how bad I wanted... felt like I needed... a relationship with them... it just didn't seem worth it.

As I got to my house, a sudden shiver worked its way up my spine, and I noticed that my front door was standing partway open. Now, even though I was in a hurry that morning, I was pretty damned sure I'd closed and locked the door... so, there was no way it should be standing wide open like it was. And immediately, fear kicked in.

I edged through the door, looking around, trying to see if anyone was inside, fear stilling my voice and causing my breath to come in short, ragged bursts, which I stifled not too well, trying to force my body to ignore the fear that was racking it. I made a complete circuit of the main floor, not seeing anyone or any evidence of anyone anywhere downstairs, and went to the staircase, climbing it as quietly as possible, just in case there was someone there and I might be able to go unnoticed... ~Call the police!~ my mind yelled at me, ~Someone broke into your house, you need to call the cops, have them come out!~

I reached the door to my room and looked inside, only to see that someone was laying, face down, on my bed... and as I froze in shock to see someone lying there, he rolled over to reveal it was Jimmy... but at the same time, it almost seemed like it wasn't. Jimmy's hair, his honey-brown locks always gelled and styled to perfection, hung limp and lifeless around his face... his normally clean-shaven face, which was now heavily covered in several days worth of stubble. But it wasn't just that it looked like he hadn't been taking care of himself... it seemed like something, some integral part of him, was missing, and I couldn't tell what, exactly, it was...

"Jimmy?" I called to him, trying to wake him from his apparent slumber. "Jimmy, what's wrong? Where have you been?"

"Avoiding you," he answered quietly, his voice a neutral mask of indifference, though a single tear began to run a lonely course down his overgrown cheek. "I... I love you, Sean, but I was too late to tell you... you're with that bastard Kevin now, and now I can't be with you, it can't happen, it would mean ruining what you have..."

"Ssh," I quieted him, coming to sit next to him on the bed, not quite daring to touch him, comfort him, but at the same time needing to be close to him and quiet his pains and fears. "Me n Kev aren't together, we screwed around a bit but that's it..." At that, he sat up quickly and got off the bed, starting towards the bedroom door. "Wait, don't leave," I said quickly, grabbing him by his wrists and pulling him back to me... and then I noticed his wrists. Covered in scars and cuts, some of them healing already, others still fresh and oozing with his blood, all of them a mute response to the unasked question of where he'd been since that fateful first night...

"What... the... fuck?" I asked him, changing my view to his face, not sure what exactly to make of the apparent suicide attempts... "What in Hell are you trying to do?"

He tried to pull free, but I held onto his wrists, forcing him to yank his arms out of my grasp, sending me flying across the room... then, a sudden, exploding pain filled the back of my head, and darkness fell across my vision, and I was certain that it was all over as the darkness overtook me, sending me spiraling downwards into oblivion...