Confide/ant - 9. Chapter 9

Hrishi and I sit facing each other, knee to knee, on the corner sofa eating làngos as we listen to indie rock. The playlist is heavy with newer Fall Out Boy tracks; some nu-metal, which would be terrible if not for the amazing guitar riffs; and a sprinkling of circa-two-thousand independent bands who all recorded like one or two good songs before vanishing into obscurity. Every time we touch, we leave greasy and delicious fingerprints on each other’s skin.

“This is really good.” Somehow, Hrishi still manages to enunciate every syllable even with his mouth full.

“Savoury, deep fried, meat filled doughnuts. What’s not to like?” I take a swig of my soda, and Hrishi steals it from my hand. “I can’t believe you’ve never had them before.”

“I doubt they’re spicy enough for my dad.”

“But you like it, yeah?” I take the salmon and cream cheese stuffed làngos Hrishi is eating and wolf the rest of it down. “What do you eat at home?”

Hrishi arches an eyebrow at me.

“I’m Indian, so we eat awesome food.” Hrishi rubs a hand over his abdomen and chews his lower lip. He’s not embarrassed about being naked, but I can read worry on his face. “No one could eat this all the time. I’d be so fat.”

“Why don’t you run?”

“Huh?”

“When we have athletics,” I explain, “why don’t you ever run? You just hang around at the back with the lazy girls.” I gesture to his perfect body, the hint of his abdominal muscles under his skin like coiled sleeping snakes. “You’re really fit and way too strong. What do you do, martial arts?”

“I told you, I’m a pacifist.” Hrishi looks thoughtful. “I like walking. The dark is nice.”

“You’re weird.”

“Says the boy who owns….” I can see Hrishi’s eyes counting around the room. “Eight guitars.”

“Nine. I keep one in my locker.”

“Fucking hell.” Hrishi slumps back flat on the sofa giving me a view of his body, which directs perspective towards his cock. He’s so unaware of how beautiful he is. “I forget you really are that rich.”

“Thanks, I think.” I wipe my hands on my sweats, feeling nervous. Food has gotten in the way of our fight, but it’s not like we resolved anything either. “What are we doing here, Hrishi? I mean really doing.” I don’t give him time to answer. “I love that we’re talking now, I hated the not talking, but you’ve made it pretty clear that you think I’m stupid.”

Hrishi bites his lip; and for a moment, his confidence is gone. I see uncertainty and guilt written all over his features.

“You annoy the fuck out of me sometimes, and I hate the way you talk in class like I’m a total fucking moron, but I think I-.”

“Marty….” Hrishi’s voice is full of warning. “Don’t spoil a good thing.”

“You think this a good thing?” I snap.

“It’s fun.” Hrishi leans up on his elbows to glare at me. “Hey, you’re the one who started this damn thing anyway.”

“Yeah, and you said I was a waste of plasma.”

Hrishi recoils physically, like his own words thrown back at him hurt in ways he wasn’t expecting. Pushing the food aside, I grab his wrist and pull him up to meet me. I touch the place on his shoulder where I’ve left another hickey on his dark skin, and smile.

“You remember what you called that?”

“Yes.” Hrishi’s voice is whisper quiet against my skin. “I actually really like you, Marty.”

I gulp, wanting to say something into the cavernous silence left by Hrishi’s words, but he stills me with his lips in the hollow of my throat.

“I’ve been hanging out in PE so I could watch you, like, most of last year. And I wasn’t ever gonna tell you either. I figured you’d hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” I murmur quietly.

“You could have found a better way to tell me, rather than just molest me.” Hrishi glances up and grabs my jaw, stopping me from replying. “I don’t even want to talk about that, not now. You stood up for me tonight and that was really awesome. I didn’t know if you were ever going to do that. It was brave.”

“Turns out I’m not a total jackass.”

“Surprising us both, hey, rock star?”

“You have no faith in me, do you?” I lean forward to kiss him, and it’s soft and gently spicy. It’s nice, but it’s not exactly what I’m used to. I bite his lip, and Hrishi growls into my mouth. This kiss is fierce and hard. In two minutes, I’m on my back, Hrishi is holding down my wrists, and I buck against him. I should not be turned on again, even though I’m not fully hard already. It’s not biologically feasible.

“What are you trying to make me do to you, Marty?” Hrishi looks at me intently, his face only inches away from mine, and I’m suddenly reminded that he is completely naked. He grinds into me, the heat of his body making me shiver. “What is it you want, rock star?”

“Ummm….” I have no words in me. I want him, but I can’t say exactly how. There are way too many images and desires flooding through my skull to make sense of.

“Marty?”

“I… can’t.”

Hrishi releases my wrists and I slither out of from under him.

“I gotta go put on some clothes.”

This is definitely not the finest moment in my life as I grab whatever is on the floor and shut myself in the bathroom. I’m shaking like a leaf as I yank my shirt and jumper on over my head. I don’t know what I want, but I can’t look at Hrishi while I work it out. I brush my teeth, purely for something to do, and massage my bruised knuckles. I should not have punched the wall. I’m either going to have to hang a guitar or a poster over the dent in the plasterboard or actually tell my parents, so we can get a contractor in. The last option does not appeal.

“Marty?” Hrishi’s voice is close and low. The door’s not locked, but he doesn’t try the handle. I hear it when he slumps against the wood. “You OK in there?” A long silence. “Marty? Seriously, make a noise so I know you haven’t fainted or something.”

“I’m here.”

“You wanna tell me what’s going on, rock star? You’re all hot and ready for it one second, and then… well, I’m talking to you through a door, so….” Hrishi’s sigh is full of things he’s not saying. “I thought we were getting on okay?”

“For once,” I mutter.

“For once,” he repeats. Damn the guy has good ears. “I might be smart, but I’m no mind reader.” Another super long pause, and then, the door shakes. I gather he’s thumped it rather ineffectually. “Dammit, Marty, you started this. Don’t tell me now you’re too scared to ask for what you want? You were pretty blatant about it in the showers.”

“That was different.”

“Why?”

“Because….” Because, I never thought we’d be here having this conversation. I never thought we’d fight so much, or so intensely. I never thought underneath his nerdy know-it-all exterior there was a guy who could bring me to orgasm with just his voice. “Because, I like you too much.”

“Riiiight….”

I yank open the bathroom door and Hrishi very nearly falls into me. He still hasn’t put on any clothes. Now might be a good time to be brave again.

“Is this a relationship?”

I get the rare opportunity of seeing Hrishi falter before he replies.

“No. Not if you’re still in the closet.”

“Oh.”

“Marty, how can it be? I’m not, and people are going to just work it out if we’re together in public.”

“We could just say we’re friends?”

“And how is that going to go over with your musical pals?” Hrishi folds his arms and sighs. “Do you know where my parents think I am right now?”

“Er….” The thought had never occurred to me; my parents haven’t asked for explanations of my whereabouts in years.

“They think I’m at a LAN party with my friends. And not, before you ask, because they’d freak out if I was on a date with a guy. My mum worked out I was gay before I did, though I’m still not quite sure how exactly.” He chews his lip, and I want to kiss him. I resist.

“Then why d’you lie to them?”

He sighs and shakes his head at me.

“Because, if they knew I was seeing a boy, they’d want to meet you, and my dad would totally be asking me all these questions. Like... if you were a good person, and how you treated me, and if we were being safe.” He pushes a fingertip against my lips. “And up until now, I haven’t known if I was anything much more than a convenient sexual distraction for you.”

“What we do is hardly what I’d call convenient.”

“Not really my point, Marty.”

“Yes, fine.” The conversation makes my head hurt, and briefly, I wish we were back to not talking. A glance at the clock shows me we have been arguing most of the night. “Do you need me to drive you home?”

Hrishi takes a step back, shocked, and I grab his arm.

“You’re kicking me out? For that?”

“What? No!” I pull him against me and lock my arms around his waist. “I mean, it’s three in the damn morning.”

Hrishi is chewing his lower lip again, like he’s nervous.

“You wanna stay?” I ask softly.

“Yeah.” Hrishi smiles sweetly and kisses my chest. “That’d be nice.”

I pack the food away; I have my own fridge, though there isn’t normally anything in it but soda, a six-pack, and a bottle of something way too strong in the freezer compartment. I find myself plumping the sofa cushions and clearing away dirty plates and napkins. I use one to wipe my cum from the blue body of the Gibson; it’s left a smudge which I’ll have to polish out. Only when there’s no more fussing left to do, do I turn to the bed.

Hrishi sits on the mattress, the comforter pulled up over his legs, but I can still see he’s naked. I gulp audibly.

“Hrishi?”

“Hmmm?” He flexes his shoulders as he tilts his head to look at me, and his hair, inky dark, spills over his chest. The motion makes me shiver.

“D-d’you think you could maybe put some clothes on?” I hate the way I stutter.

Hrishi frowns. Then simply makes himself more comfortable against my pillows.

“I don’t sleep with anything on at home.”

“Right.”

“Don’t get fucking shy on me now, Marty. Just get over here.”

The commanding tone of his voice leaves no room for more hesitation, so I do just that, shucking off my clothes, turning out the lights and climbing under the covers. Instantly, Hrishi moulds to my side, his whole body smooth and warm against my skin. I can pick out the individual textures of his calf and knee coming over my thigh, the softness of his crotch against my hip, the hard muscle of his shoulder tucking under my armpit, his head on my chest. I wrap my arm around him like it’s the most natural thing in the world for us to be snuggled up naked in bed.

“This,” he says in a decidedly sleepy tone, “is a very comfortable bed.”

“You talking about me or the mattress?”

I feel Hrishi’s smile on my skin in the dark.

“You are my mattress. Sleep well, rock star.”

*

“Gentlemen!” Our computing lecturer claps his hands with a grin, like he’s incredibly pleased with himself. “We are now entering Compliers!” There is a collection of assembled groans and sighs, and the odd gleeful chirrup. I am barely listening, because, although Hrishi is across the room, he is texting me under the desk.

I can’t wait for this lesson 2b over so I can blow u in the backroom

U dirty fucker!

He replies quickly. U gonna say more than that when Im grabbing ur ass

I blush into my lap, and apparently, Hrishi notices.

Dont get shy rock star. TD2M

Not forgtn how gd u r with ur tongue

The idea that as soon as I’m done feeling stupid and ignorant about our new computer science topic, Hrishi will fall to his knees and make me feel like a god is doing terrible things to my ability to concentrate, even on texting.

Gonna make u swllw my cum

“If it’s too much trouble to concentrate, I’ll have your phone now.”

I blanch, and drop my mobile on the floor with a surprisingly loud clatter. Our lecturer, who already hates me, is standing directly behind me, and he looks apoplectic with rage. I really don’t want to know how much he read over my shoulder.

“Sir, I-”

“Get out of my lesson.”

I bend down to scoop up my phone, but his foot lands over it without force.

“Leave that.”

“Hey!”

“Wait for me outside.”

I scrape my chair deliberately as I get up, grab my bag, and remove myself from the computer lab. I can feel Hrishi watching me, and I wish I could say something or he would, but there isn’t any point us both getting in trouble. At least his contact information is just saved under my contacts as ‘HS’ because I’ve been faintly terrified of Leon or Jerome trying to nick my phone to see who I’m talking to.

In the corridor, I throw my bag at the opposite wall; it lands with a dull thud as I begin to pace the narrow width with increasingly angry footfalls. He is the only lecturer I have who stills treats me like this is school and I’m still answerable to him like a child would be. He had to have noticed Hrishi on his phone too, but of course, he would never touch the golden boy who can make computers do almost anything he wants. It occurs to me, he’s also the only one of my lecturers whose name I don’t know. I’m left stewing in my anger for ten minutes, and then he appears, shutting the door behind him as he looks intently at my phone.

“This is disgusting.”

“Well, it’s not for you, is it?” My reflexes are pretty quick, and I snatch the phone from his hand. A quick glance at the screen tells me he hasn’t scrolled back far enough to have read the exchange Hrishi and I had a little while ago where he offered his cock as a way of shutting me up during a music theory lecture.

“You should learn to respect women a lot more.”

“Huh?” It takes a long minute for me to realise he hasn’t worked out the person on the other end of the texts is another guy.

“I’m going to talk with your tutor, this is obviously incredibly unhealthy. You should attend some sensitivity training.”

“Piss off,” I mutter, but low enough not to be heard directly. He knows I said something derogatory, though.

“No woman who lets you speak to her like that, is ever going to respect you or herself. Is that what you want?”

At least I can be honest with my answer.

“No.” I grit my teeth. “So, can I come back in or what?”

He glares at me.

“Are you actually going to learn anything?”

“From you?” I sneer at him, “probably not.” I snatch my bag, turn and walk away down the corridor.

“I still expect you to complete the assignment!”

I give him the finger as I turn the corner.

Mt me in library

I spend the next forty minutes hanging around in the stacks thumbing through some sheet music and scrawling notes in my journal. We’ve also been given a new assignment for music today: an original song as a solo piece. I’m used to making charts for the band and having Leon beef up my lyrics, but this is different. Also, I know I’m going to have to perform it in front of people, so it can’t be something I don’t want everyone to know. I have a little three chord strum with the line ‘I never knew, I never knew’ going round and round in my head when I hear Hrishi whisper my name in a library quiet voice.

“Hey.” I’m still tense from my argument, and I flinch when Hrishi lays a hand on my shoulder. “I can’t stand that guy. He fucking hates me.”

“C’mon.” Hrishi grabs my hand and tugs me toward the back of the library. “You’re no use to me all wound up like this.”

“What…?”

There is a tiny storage cupboard at the back of the stacks. Hrishi pushes me in, follows and then presses me back against the door; effectively locking it with my body. Just as I’m about to pull him in for a kiss, he works my jeans open and kneels between my feet.

“You can’t fix everything with blo―” I start to say, but my sentence ends with a groan because, Hrishi has fixed his lips around my shaft and is lapping at the head of my cock like a cat with all the cream. His eyes are closed, and his lashes are incredibly long and dark against his cheek. Even in the dark of the cupboard, it’s a massive turn on just to look at him. He explores further with his tongue and begins to bob up and down my length, with his hands gripping my thighs. “Oh fuck….”

Hrishi makes a rather contented noise around my dick in his mouth. As he begins to work my jeans down under my arse with his hands, squeezing my cheeks hard, he opens his throat and the pressure around me increases tenfold. His nose rubbing against my treasure trail tickles, but my laugh turns into a moan in my throat because, even though I can’t describe what he’s doing to me, it feels fantastic. I thread my fingers into his hair as he continues to suck my shaft in and out of his mouth, and he practically purrs. I don’t apply any pressure, but it’s nice to feel anchored. My legs are probably going to give way any second.

Hrishi lets go of my arse. There’s a wet sucking noise, and suddenly, his fingers return moist with his own saliva to press against my sphincter. I near enough jump out of my skin.

“Hrishi!”

“Keep your voice down!” he hisses quickly. He hasn’t moved his hand away, and punctuates his words by licking the exposed head of my hard on while he touches me in a way I can only think of as intimate. “Shut up and trust me.”

“But….”

“Marty,” Hrishi’s voice is full of warning, a deep tone I can’t resist, “be brave, rock star.

I take a deep shuddering breath as he wraps his lips around me again. My thighs quiver as Hrishi fondles my balls and strokes the tips of his fingers over my entrance in time with the bobbing of his head. I feel helpless, so I clasp my hands together behind my head and try not to cry out when Hrishi uses the pad of his thumb to press hard into my taint. My orgasm hits like a sledgehammer around the back of my skull, and I don’t get even a momentary warning before I come in his mouth. I curl over his head, every muscle tense as I flow out into him, and Hrishi sucks on my cock like a tumescent popsicle. He settles back onto his heels with a grin, still touching me, rolling my nuts between his fingers, and rubbing little circles on skin I never thought had so many nerve endings. He looks incredibly smug.

“You feel better now, rock star?” He licks his lips arching a dark eyebrow at me. “Dear gods, but you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Hrishi….”

I manage to catch his shirt as he stands and pull him close for a kiss. He tastes like me, invades my mouth like he belongs there, and I groan against him. Hrishi weaves his fingers into my hair and tugs sharply. I gasp.

“Less tense now?”

“Yeah.”

“Time to return the favour then, rock star.” Hrishi pushes me down by one shoulder, doesn’t let go of my hair, and I get his fly open as fast as I can. He’s already hard, and I want to look at him, maybe kiss him a little, but Hrishi yanks me forward by my hair and forces his cock into my mouth. I gasp, wrap my fingers around his hips, and let Hrishi dictate the pace. I glance up at him, and he’s grinning broadly.

“Good boy.”

I love the feeling of his hard cock sliding in and out of my mouth: the stiffness of the muscle, and the silky smoothness of his skin against my tongue and lips. His precum coats my tongue, sweet like honey, and I groan. I can’t get enough of the taste of him.

“Touch me.” Hrishi pulls me close, his pubic bone pressing against my nose, and I can’t reply. I swallow around the head of his cock, and I take him as far into my mouth as I can. He growls, and I can feel the vibration all the way through my body. “C’mon, Marty, don’t get all shy on me. Touch me.”

His arse is perfect. Since I came over his back in the shower, I haven’t spent nearly as long admiring him as I want. Sexy illicit hook ups at college are great, but risky, and not fantastic in terms of privacy. But it’s what Hrishi wants, and who turns down the chance to grope a guy as sexy as him?

I get his chinos and underwear down under his arse, and knead the firm mounds greedily. Hrishi makes a satisfied noise, works his fingers to the back of my head and thrusts his dick firmly but slowly into me. I brush the cleft between his buttocks and he jerks involuntarily. I stop, concerned I’ve gone too far, but Hrishi tugs on my hair again.

“No. More.” He glances down at me, his eyes dark and full of fire. “Now.” Nothing about his tone suggests he’s begging; he is demanding, and I am in no position to argue. I skim my fingers over his skin again until I touch at the tight pucker of his hole. I’ve fantasized about fucking him for weeks, seen his body and his face every time I’ve jerked off at home in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep, and now he is commanding me to bring him pleasure with my fingers. Any reservations I have about screwing up or hurting him are swallowed along with the inexorable thrusting of his cock.

I work my fingers into my mouth, just like he did, then touch back at his entrance. He moves against my hand, bringing my mouth closer so his thrusts don’t leave any room for lack of contact. Just as he buries himself in my throat once more, I push a finger past the tight ring of muscle and into his body. Hrishi growls and grabs my neck and shoulder tightly, and I work into him, trying to remember what it feels like to have his body surrounding part of me. He’s so warm it’s like a furnace, and tighter than I have an adequate analogy for. I’ve watched enough gay porn to know what I’m aiming for, and in between the sawing motion of his hips, I find it.

“Fuck!”

Hrishi gasps loudly, his voice seeming to fill the tiny closet we have trapped ourselves in, and I can’t help but smile privately that I caught him off guard. I get the feeling he wasn’t expecting me to know where to look. I stroke my finger against the firm muscle of his prostate again, and he clutches at my shoulder so hard I think he’s drawn blood. It only takes another few strokes, and I’m swallowing his orgasm just as happily as he drank mine. I pull out of him gently, not letting go of his cock until I’m stroking his butt with both hands again, and grin.

“Will that do?” I ask, sounding beyond cocky.

“Oh, Marty….”

“Why don’t you come to mine and we can work on whatever new damn assignment I’ve gotta slog through?” I offer as I stand, rearranging my clothes.

“Work?” he enquires.

“Well, we can start with good intentions.”

Hrishi’s smile is the only answer I need.