Sanctuary - 15. Chapter 15 - Hel

The little blue wolf yawned hugely, and Hel blinked in the dim light of his tiny box room as he lay curled up in the space of his chest cavity on the bed. Both the bed and the room were much smaller than the ones he had at Aki’s house. His home… every time he said ‘Aki’s house’ his internal voice spoke moments after James’s remembered words, correcting him in the way he described where he lived. Hel both loved and hated that the voice in his head was sounding more and more like James each day, because every time he looked at the big werewolf, he couldn’t imagine going back. The spirit wolf nosed at his own hand, and slunk down from the bed.

His body slept better when he wasn’t in it, but Hel hardly slept at all, even though he was incredibly tired from running across the Heath with James, from travelling around the town and the countryside with them, being taken into country pubs in the middle of long walks and eating until he was full to bursting. James had allowed him a sip of his ale, and Hel had pretended to like it, and thought for hours about his lips being in the same place James’s had been. He and Peter had played a bit of soccer in the park, and the human’s unexpected skill was a surprise to the boy. Hel had put off doing his homework, but it sat looming in a rough pile at the foot of the bed, half hidden underneath a new pair of jeans, with only two days left to be finished before term started again on Monday. Hel didn’t want to go home, or take another cramped train journey, or finish his homework. On the other hand, he did miss playing cricket, and he wanted to try on his team kit and show off for Paul, Nathan, and the guys. The idea of seeing his new name across his shoulders made Hel happy in a way he couldn’t quite describe.

That’s becoming quite a common feature in here, his inner voice smirked. You wanna talk about James? The little wolf snapped angrily. Or not…

Various things in Peter and James house had obviously been set up with canine occupancy in mind, but though there was a fabric door pull at muzzle height on his bedroom door, Hel didn’t need to bother with it. Just as he was getting better and pushing the divide between his human body and his wolf form, though he still couldn’t change without pulling himself down the contact with James, he was also getting better at deciding where he wanted to go, and what obstacles were solid, and which ones weren’t. Falling through the floor only to crash onto Peter’s dining table had been both painful and embarrassing, but being able to simply shut his eyes and slide through the solid wooden door was much more pleasant.

The little blue wolf padded along the hallway, and cocked an ear towards Peter and James room. It was still early, and Hel figured his hosts would be asleep. The idea of curling up at the foot of James’s bed was somehow… attractive. Hel didn’t know what it was, but he wanted to stick as close to the werewolf as he could. Slinking through James and Peter’s bedroom door wasn’t difficult at all, but James and Peter weren’t asleep. The blue-eyed wolf stared slack jawed at Peter and James’s bed.

Hel knew, the moment he saw them that he shouldn’t be looking, he should turn around and get back to his own room, and try not to think about what he’d just walked in on, but he didn’t. The boy couldn’t tear his eyes away from James’s long, strong back, the sweat beading on his shoulders and the firm, rounded shape of his arse. Peter gasped and moaned, and then all Hel could see were his fingers moving through James’s thick hair, the smile on his lips as he groaned the werewolf’s name.

“Oh babe…” James’s voice ran down his spine just like his firm fingertips, and Hel shivered.

“Down boy.” Peter grabbed his man and rolled them over. Hel shrank against the carpet before he realised the greyed out shape of the human couldn’t see him, but his ears pricked up as Peter growled happily. “There’s a good dog.”

“Fuck…”

James ran his big hands up Peter’s sides as the smaller-built man twisted and purred, straddling his lover. James’s smile was full of love and adoration for his partner, but as he slid into his lover once again, James blinked, and suddenly Hel realised his whimper had been out loud and not just in the confines of him own head.

“FUCK!”

“Babe?” Peter turned to look where James was staring in shock, but frowned. “What’s the matter?”

“Get out!”

Hel turned tail and fled. The little blue wolf passed straight through one door but slammed into the next and fell back in the hallway with a whine. A moment later, James and Peter’s bedroom door slammed open, James wearing boxers and a dressing gown which clearly wasn’t his, his expression like thunder.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Hel whimpered, backing away until he was brought up short by the wall behind him, tucking his tail between his legs.

“You can’t sneak up on people like that!”

“Babe, don’t…” Peter’s voice seemed very distant.

James took a deep breath.

“I think it’d be best if you went back to your room,” he said as levelly as possible.

Hel made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, and suddenly the wall gave away and he tumbled into the room with his resting body, and James’s hot anger vanished behind the bricks. Hel crawled up onto the bed and curled up with his body, wishing he’d just backed out of the room when he’d had the chance, and wishing he’d understood what he saw.

*

“Hel, breakfast is ready.” Peter knocked on the door a second time. “It’s gonna get cold bud.” There was a pause which dragged on so long Hel figured the man had gone. “I’ll keep it warm for you; it’ll be there when you want it. You got homework to do today.”

Hel stared at the ceiling.

He hadn’t slept since blinking back into his body at the crack of dawn, and he hadn’t been able to shake what he’d seen from his head. Images of James and Peter groaned and panted in his inner vision, and the Rectory Officer’s words went round and round in his head until he was sick and dizzy. He hadn’t felt so awful since the day he’d tried to push and bite his way back into the passed out shape he had always inhabited, and Hel knew this time there really was no one to blame but himself. He should not have walked into their room, definitely shouldn’t have stayed, and his stomach twisted uncomfortably to think about what Peter might say to Aki before he got home.

Only when his empty stomach began to claw in earnest at his insides did Hel finally drag himself out of bed, into his clothes, and trudge wearily down the stairs to face James’s anger once more.

“Well there you are, your breakfast is keeping warm in the oven, but you’re going to have to fry your own eggs.”

Hel glanced at the frying pan like it might try to bite him: he’d never understood cooking.

“Thanks.”

“So, homework today? I don’t expect you’ll want to be sitting trying to get it done on the train home tomorrow. You said you had maths and geography left to do right? Go grab your stuff and I’ll clear the kitchen table for you.”

Hel glanced up from his already half-empty plate and bit his lip.

“Where’s James?”

“He went out for a run,” Peter replied without feeling. “Chop, chop kiddo! Homework!”

“Aww, c’mon…”

“Ah, no excuses! Let’s go! I know all about ox-bow lakes and how the movement of people affects landscapes; let’s do this.”

Hel grumbled under his breath, but there was no way he was willing to argue with his host. Peter hadn’t seen him in the bedroom, and it was his oblivious nature which had allowed Hel to stay and watch what he shouldn’t have for so long, but the little spirit wolf had no doubts James had told him everything. It was way worse than the time he’d accidentally seen his foster mother naked, because that had been quick and embarrassing and quickly brushed over. What James and Peter had been doing turned his stomach into a tangle, his knees to jelly, and his mind completely inside out.

Hel stared at the same quadratic equation for thirteen minutes before Peter laid a hand on his shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Breathe there bud.” Peter glanced over his shoulder at the page. “You need to carry the five there… and x in equation seven equals six, not nine.” Peter dropped the pencil he’d picked up automatically and sighed. “Did you wanna fix it, or d’you want to go through it from the top?”

“I hate math…” Hel groaned. “What can’t I just play cricket and go running?”

“Because the scoring system in cricket requires way more mental arithmetic than I can ever be bothered with?” Peter shook his head. “Tell you what, we’ll work on these, and if you get all the practice questions done right, I’ll let you teach me how to score wickets.”

“Yeah?” Hel smiled hopefully up at the man whose house he was staying in. “Really?”

“OK,” Peter took the seat opposite and picked up the pencil again. “So we start by trying to find y – that’s this equation here.”

“What about x?”

“Don’t worry about him.” Hel blinked, frowning, and he was no longer sure Peter was talking about his math problems. “We’ll sort x out later.”

*

“Hey little boy,” James dropped down onto the grass beside Hel and smiled at him. “What has Peter got you reading now?”

“A Short History of Nearly Everything,” Hel smiled. “It’s about how science happened. It’s good.”

“You got your homework finished?”

“Yes,” Hel glanced up from his book and folded the pages around his finger to temporarily mark the spot. James sat with his elbows on his drawn up knees, hands dangling together in the space over his lap. Hel gulped, because all he could see was the firm shape of James’s strong fingers digging into Peter’s supple flesh.

“Good.” James took a deep breath, staring out at the distant hedge. It was the first time in quite a long time they had both been wearing their human skin, and thus able to have a conversation, because the full moon had held sway over the werewolf for twenty four hours and Hel had tried to spend as much of that as he could in his other body. “You know we’re going to have to talk about last night, don’t you?”

“Um…”

“You shouldn’t have seen that.”

Hel laid the book down, and resisted the urge to fiddle. James wasn’t looking at him, hadn’t met his gaze since he’d sat down, but Hel could feel the heat of the werewolf next to him, and he shivered uncomfortably, wishing there was a quick way to get past the conversation which was already making his stomach churn with worry, and back into the warmth of James’s good graces when he’d hung his arm around Hel’s shoulders and told him to be good.

“I understand the need to be curious, Hel; I do, but you can’t just walk in on people. Even if we hadn’t been… it still wouldn’t have been appropriate. Do you understand?”

Hel nodded glumly, but he bit his lip to keep from talking. He’d lain with James on the heath, curled up to his warmth, played and tumbled with the big wolf for hours, and he didn’t see why any of that was so different from seeing James with Peter. Every time he’d touched the werewolf, he’d felt calm, safe, contented. It was only seeing him with Peter which made his stomach turn into fleshy origami.

“Oh little wolf,” James’s voice was soft and sincere. “It’s a confusing time I know. It’ll get easier.”

Hel didn’t say anything, but he was surprised when a whimper issues from his throat, because he hadn’t meant to let James know how knotted up and miserable the conversation made him. His insides were hot and full of pulsing fire, but as James put his arm around Hel’s narrow shoulders and hugged him against his side, all of Hel’s attention pulled down towards his lap. His jeans felt tight, restricting, and his belly was suddenly full of hot treacle. His brain tingled all over when James sighed softly, and the prickling sensation raced down his spine and into his crotch. Hel panted, staring blankly down at the grass between his feet, unable to move. James shifted his weight, and Hel found the fingers of one hand clutching tightly at James’s sweater.

“No…”

“You can’t be too attached to me little wolf.” James peeled his clothes from Hel’s unconsciously vice-like grip. “My heart already belongs to somebody.”

Hel tried to swallow his words, but they got stuck in his throat, and his voice cracked when he whimpered.

“I-I-I don’t…” he gasped, wondering why his heart felt so tight and hard. “I c-c-can’t…”

“Hel?” James’s question was full of warning. “C’mon bud, stay with me.”

“I-,” Hel began, but already it was too late. The world went faded and blurry for a moment, and Hel slipped out of his body as it fainted, the boy he was going limp in James’s arms. James met his bright blue gaze, and Hel whimpered as the world went dark, and he too fainted.