It Was Unexpected - 1. It Was Unexpected

“What can I tell him?” she presents a pale and worried face, and her hands clench on her coffee mug. We sit across from each other at my kitchen table. I'm at a loss of what to say. Almost twenty-eight and I've never been in the position to counsel someone on an unplanned pregnancy before. Especially one like this.

“This wasn't supposed to happen you know. It was just a one time thing. He's barely spoken to me in three weeks. It's not like, you know, like a relationship” she hisses the last word like it's foul.

Oh I know it isn't. I press my lips together in a grim line. I know all too well how neither Sarah nor Scott are into relationships or monogamy. Sarah is like my own sister. Technically we are cousins, only a season apart in age, and raised together since my dad's sister couldn't get her shit together or stay out of jail for longer than half a year. My folks formally took guardianship of her when we were still in grade school. I'm well versed in her casual approach to sex and men in general. It's a far cry from my own more conservative stance on sex. I'm probably the only gay man in the tri-state area that generally looks down on hookups, or at least that's what it feels like sometimes. However, this attitude hasn't stopped me from making big mistakes of my own. Certainly at this point in time I have no moral ground to stand on.

“What can I tell him?” Sarah repeats, looking at me with eyes wild and red from crying. Well shit, what can I tell him, I think. Hey Scott, sorry to hear you've knocked up my sister that I didn't know you were banging, does this mean our date Friday is cancelled? I felt disgusting, realizing I'd been casually seeing the same guy who knocked up my sister.

“Sarah. I don't know what to say.” I stop there, nervous and nauseous, but I have to tell Sarah this now. Scott has ended up being a slimy two timing fuck but Sarah is my family. Christ how much more awkward can this get. We need a studio audience for this episode of Maury Povich. I press on, dreading this but knowing it had to be done.

“Sarah. I have to tell you something. About Scott” I swallow hard and feel my heart sink. Hopefully we don't fight too badly. Her tearful face raises to mine, and she cocks her head to the side waiting for me to go on. I look away, far too ashamed to look her in the eye while I say this. “So. This is probably a bad time but, you should know. Um. I.” my voice trails off and I stare miserably down at my hands.

“Brian. I know.” I reel back in my seat shocked, and Sarah and I stare at each other. I'm going to throw up.

She continues, “Well. I suspected anyway. Now, I know. The way he acted when I talked about you. This whole conversation so far.” Sarah laughs bitterly before continuing, “And the Scott I know doesn't care much where he sticks his pole. I had my doctor run all the screens, since I'll be lucky if all I caught from him was a fetus. You should probably too.” Her face was a terrible mixture of sympathetic and angry.

“Well. We've only done it once. With condoms.” Oh god this was the most disturbing and uncomfortable experience. I'm talking to a woman I consider a sister about the fuckboy we've both been stupid for. “I'm sorry Sarah. I didn't know. I swear.”

“I believe you Brian. You're my brother. I know you wouldn't be like that. How did he get his claws in you though? You are usually above guttersnipes like him.” Her voice is sad and weary, my only response is a shrug. I'm weak sometimes. And he put up a good front. We look at each other miserably. What do we do now I wonder?

“So, will you tell him?” I ask, genuinely concerned for her. I know I won't be seeing Scott in any sort of intimate capacity now, I simply couldn't knowing what I know. I can't see him taking the news of a baby from one of his apparently multitudinous booty calls well.

Sarah sighs and looks up at the ceiling sadly. “No. I already know I won't keep this pregnancy anyway. I'm not cut out to be a parent. I don't want to be a mom. And while this is certainly a wake-up call to stop being so irresponsible, I still don't want to continue on with it.” Sarah looks at me, challenge in her eyes. I'm not about to contradict her. It's her life and her choice. So I simply nod, head moving like a bobble head doll as this insane scenario rockets around my skull.

“I'm here for you no matter what. Sarah, I'm sorry this is happening. I can't believe it's happening actually.” my heart feels like it's ripping in two. I knew better than to think a guy like Scott wasn't really the player rumor had him being. I knew better than to hide things from Sarah. I should have talked to her. Told her when I met him, when we were “dating”. Maybe if I had, she wouldn't be pregnant with an unwanted kid.

“Thank you. Will you." she sighs before continuing, "Can you, will you go with me? I will make an appointment for next week I guess.” Tears spill over from her eyes and I can barely stand to see the sorrow and shame reflected there. And even though I can think of of thousand things I'd rather do, I love Sarah. We are a team, always have been. When one needs the other, there's no question help is coming.

“Of course I will baby cakes. You and me. Dynamic duo forever right?” my voice shakes but I look her in the eye and we both can see that though the other would love for this conversation and this scenario to have never occurred, we also see how very much we love each other.

“Oh Brian. I love you.”she shakingly replies. We don't say anything else the rest of the night, just cry together, huddled on my couch, hugging and giving each other encouraging hand squeezes.

Next Thursday is the day. I pick Sarah up at 7, before rush hour really hits. She cries silently the whole way there and I struggle to keep my composure. She's chosen to be asleep during the procedure and frankly I don't blame her. When it's over I sit by her bedside, waiting for her to be awake. I reflect on the choices we all make sometimes, and what can happen no matter our intentions. It's depressing but today is the epitome of depressing, so it fits.

“She should be awake in the next twenty minutes sir. Vitals look fine. The doctor will be out shortly to speak with you and her. He will go over birth control options for you both.” the nurse is a cute blonde, about my height and he speaks without making eye contact, using a cool professional tone. He fusses around Sarah's bed for a moment before turning to walk away. I can't stop myself from correcting him.

“I'm sure my sister will be glad to talk about more reliable birth control.”

His eyes raise to mine and I see a hint of suspicious glare before professionalism takes over. “Indeed.” He smoothly says and then walks away. Ouch. Then it hits me. Did I just try to flirt with the nurse at the abortion clinic? At my sister's bedside? What the actual fuck is wrong with me. Jesus I need to get it together here.

“Brian?” I snap my head down to see Sarah groggily waking up, her eyes searching for me. I grasp her hands and comfort her. This isn't the time for me to think of myself. I need to focus on Sarah now. I soon show myself to the waiting room while she gets ready to be discharged home.

A few hours later we are back at Sarah's place, I've tucked her into bed and she is having a nap encouraged by meds. She was still sad on the drive home but getting in she smiled at me and told me multiple times how I was a good man and a better brother. I don't really feel it right now. Sighing, I stare at my phone, re-reading the texts from Scott. The last one is a few days old. I had told him I didn't want to see him again and when I refused to say why he had gotten meaner by degrees. I was rethinking my ability to make character judgements at all. My phone chirped as I'm holding it and I wince without looking, hoping it's not the filth pile formerly known as Scott. When I look though, it's an unknown number. I furrow my brows.

-Hi. This is awkward and I swear I've never done this before but. Your sister gave me this number. My name's Chad. I was her nurse today. She said you were single. If we ignore the terrible circumstances of our first meeting, would you like to go for coffee?

I have to read the message several times before it clicks. Seriously Sarah? This is absurd, and while I feel I should just let it go unanswered, of course I don't.

-Well. This is a first. I mean. My sister's always my wingman but wow. I feel almost dirty.

I put the phone away then, unwilling to say anymore before I end up in more shenanigans. I hear Sarah call for me and I head to her room.

“Hey bro. Did you get any interesting texts?” she smirks at me, then grimaced as she shifts uncomfortably.

I raise my eyebrows at her. “Seriously Sarah? You tried to match me at the clinic? Is this a grief thing?”

She glares at me before responding.

“He seems nice. And cute. And when I mentioned my brother came with me, he seemed surprised and commented. I talked you up. I knew he was gay in five minutes. I did it because I love you. And maybe this is something good that can come out of this. I don't regret my decision Brian, but it would be nice knowing one of us got something positive from this shit. Well aside from I'm not stuck with a child I'm in no position to parent. I'd say that's good.”

Sarah sighs and leans back into the pillows, her face going from sorrow to determination in waves. She closes her eyes. I should say something I guess.

“Well. Thanks I guess.” I mumble. I don't know what else to say. I still feel uncertain and dirty. Jeeze, my life is such a neverending blast of weird drama lately.

“Yeah yeah. I have no boundaries. You love me anyway. Just. Let me try to get something good from this ok Brian. I love you bro.” She keeps her eyes closed and I can see a tear track down her cheek.

“I love you too baby cakes. I'll make you some soup in a bit. You get some sleep.” and I walked away from her doorway.

Back in the living room I pick up my phone once more. There's another text waiting.

-I'm sorry. This is too weird isn't it. And I know I was kind of cold to you there. I'm sorry for taking up your time.

I consider how to reply. I'm not trying to make light of all Sarah has been through, but what if she is right. What if this could be something bright out of a dark place? Sure he could be another Scott and even best case scenario this wasn't a meeting story I would want to tell my parents. But Sarah's face as she tried to explain making a huge negative into a positive came into mind. This is weird. More than weird really. Awkward. Borderline horrifying. But maybe not an altogether bad idea, at least if all three of us are in agreement it's ok. Well then, I thought. What can I tell him?

- Hey Chad. My sister is insane. But coffee sounds nice. Are you free tomorrow evening?