Severely Moonstruck - 5. Confusing Concoction

Remus and Severus walked to Hogsmeade together, mostly in silence. The leaves on the trees were turning yellow and red, and falling to the ground. It had rained during the night and everything smelled fresh.

They started out in Honeydukes, where Remus bought some liquorice wands and chocolate, while Severus said that he needed to save his money for a new quill from Scrivenshaft’s. When they left the shop, Remus offered him some of his chocolate.

‘No, thank you,’ said Severus politely.

‘Oh, shut up! Have some chocolate!’

Severus looked at him, one eyebrow raised. Then he made a face that might have been some sort of smile and took the offered chocolate from Remus, wordlessly.

When they had bought everything that needed buying, they wandered around aimlessly for a while, Remus chatting idly and Severus occasionally commenting.

They stopped outside the Shrieking Shack and Severus looked up at the tall, foreboding building. ‘That’s where they put you, isn’t it? It’s where the passage leads.’

Remus hesitated. Then he nodded. ‘Yes. In there I can’t . . . I usually can’t hurt anyone.’ He shuddered. ‘I hate that place . . . Can we leave?’

Severus nodded, and turned around, but stopped in his tracks. Remus turned as well.

Avery, Mulciber and a few younger boys were striding towards them.

‘What’s this, then?’ said Avery cockily. ‘Making friends with Gryffindors, Severus?’

‘We’re just—’ Remus began, but Severus silenced him with a look. He was utterly calm, but there was a storm brewing in his eyes.

‘While your concern is touching, I really don’t see how it’s any of your business,’ he said softly.

The Slytherin boys came to a halt before them. Avery shook his head. ‘I remember when we first got sorted, Sev. Malfoy took you under his wing. Saw potential in you, he did. He’d be shamed, seeing you now, fraternising with the enemy.’ He spat on the ground.

Severus said, ‘Kindly shove off, Avery.’

‘Make me.’

Before Remus had time to realise what was happening, Severus had his wand drawn and was pointing it at Avery. His hand was perfectly steady, his jaw set. Avery glared at the tip of his wand, but he seemed less cocksure than he had a moment before.

‘Severus, stop!’ said Remus, grabbing Severus’s wrist. ‘He’s not worth it.’

‘Ooh! Better do as your girlfriend says!’ Mulciber sneered. ‘Lupin, isn’t it? What do your little Gryffindor mates say to you hanging around with the likes of this one?’

Severus did not lower his wand. ‘Leave, now, or I will hex the lot of you so badly you won’t be able to tell anyone who did it!’

Avery shrugged, his manner aloof, though his flickering eyes gave him away. There was fear there. ‘Whatever. Let’s go, boys.’

They all turned to leave, but one of the younger boys hung back slightly. Remus recognised him. He was small and lithe, with dark hair and blue eyes very reminiscent of a certain someone.

‘You’re Regulus, aren’t you?’ said Remus to the boy, as Severus finally lowered his wand. ‘Sirius’s brother?’

The boy looked at him, chin held high. ‘No, I’m not. He’s my brother,’ he said. ‘Not anymore, though. Not since . . .’ He looked behind him, after the rest of the Slytherin gang. When they were far enough away, he turned back to Remus. ‘Is . . . Is Sirius all right?’ he asked quietly.

Remus was surprised by the question. Then he nodded. ‘I think so. As all right as he ever is.’

‘Tell him—’ Regulus hesitated. ‘No. It doesn’t matter. Don’t tell him anything.’ He turned around and hurried after his friends.

‘Odd kid,’ said Remus. ‘He looks so much like Sirius . . .’

‘He’s talented,’ said Severus, eyes fixed on Regulus’s retreating back, ‘but he’s almost as hot-headed a fool as his brother.’

Thunder rumbled somewhere in he east. A few drops of rain hit Remus’s head, and he pulled the hood of his cloak up. ‘We should get inside. Let’s go to The Three Broomsticks.’

Severus nodded.

They had almost reached the pub when Remus heard his name spoken. He turned his head to see James and Lily coming trotting towards them.

‘How’s it going?’ asked James. ‘Everything good?’

Remus nodded. ‘Yeah. You?’

‘We’ve been to Madame Puddifoot’s,’ said Lily, smiling. Then she looked past Remus, at Severus. ‘Oh. Hi, Sev . . .’

Remus looked behind him. Severus stood stiff as a board, face unreadable. He blinked and inclined his head in greeting.

‘Snape,’ said James curtly, nodding his head.

‘Potter,’ Severus replied, his lip curling slightly. Silence followed as they seemed to size each other up.

‘We’re going to The Three Broomsticks,’ said Lily, breaking the silence. ‘Care to join us?’

‘Yeah, why not—’ Remus began, but Severus interrupted him.

‘No. Thank you, I . . . You go, Remus. I have something to . . .’ He fell silent, swallowing and looking away.

Remus blinked. ‘Yeah. We don’t want to intrude. I’ll come with you, Severus. To do the thing.’

If he hadn’t known better, Remus would almost have thought that the look Severus gave him was one of gratitude.

When Lily and James had left, Severus set off in the opposite direction. ‘Let’s go to The Hog’s Head instead,’ he said. ‘It’s quieter there.’

* * *

The Hog’s Head was indeed quiet. There was no one there but the bartender and an old warlock smoking a pipe. Severus nodded at the bartender as he entered. ‘Good afternoon, Aberforth.’

‘Afternoon,’ the old man replied, inclining his head. ‘What are you boys having?’

‘Firewhisky for me,’ said Severus. ‘And tea.’

Remus ordered the same, and they found a table in a corner where they sat down, sipping their drinks. The tea was strong and milky. The whisky burned Remus’s throat in a pleasant sort of way. He glanced at Severus, who sat very quietly, staring down into his teacup.

‘Are you all right?’ asked Remus at last.

Severus nearly met his eye. Nearly. ‘Yes. I’m fine.’

‘You and Lily . . .’ Remus hesitated. ‘You used to be friends, didn’t you?’

Severus opened his mouth, as though he meant to speak, but then closed it again. He nodded.

‘Seeing her with James . . . That hurt. Didn’t it?’

Severus’s voice was barely more than a whisper. ‘We grew up in the same town. She . . . She was kind to me. I repaid her kindness very poorly. Now we’re just . . . civil.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Severus shook his head, looking down at the table again. ‘It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.’

Remus took another sip of his whisky. ‘I’ve never had Firewhisky before,’ he said, for lack of anything more profound. ‘It’s good.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thank you for before, with Avery and them.’

‘I didn’t do it for you. They get on my nerves. Keep badgering me to—’ Severus cut himself off. ‘They’re cowards and sycophants who have never had an independent thought between them. I’m sick of the lot of them. You’re the only one who makes any sense around here. Everyone else is so dreadfully tedious and stupid.’

Remus smiled. ‘You know, I think that’s the first time you’ve ever paid me a compliment.’

‘Not so. I said you were good at Defence Against the Dark Arts.’ Severus looked up at Remus again, and once again there was that odd hint of a smile there. Remus briefly wondered if Severus ever smiled at anyone. And then he realised that he really wanted to see a smile on Severus’s face.

He wanted to be the one to put it there.

‘Severus?’

The other boy looked at him, questioningly.

‘Are . . . Are we friends?’

Severus frowned. ‘I . . . I don’t know.’

‘I like spending time with you.’ Remus felt a tingle in his stomach as he said it, and he knew he was telling the truth. ‘Not just studying with you, but talking to you and getting to know you.’

Severus nodded slowly. ‘I suppose . . . I suppose we are friends, then.’

Remus felt his face split into a grin. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’m glad.’

* * *

Remus returned to the common room that night to find Peter and Sirius playing Exploding Snap by the fire. It appeared as though James and Lily had not returned yet, or if they had, they were elsewhere.

Sirius resolutely ignored him when he approached, but Peter looked up at him with a wide smile, ever cheerful. ‘How was Hogsmeade?’

‘All right.’ Remus sat down in an empty chair. ‘Ended up at The Hog’s Head. The Three Broomsticks was so crowded. No Butterbeer, but I tried Firewhisky.’

‘Getting smashed with Snivellus, then?’ Sirius spat.

‘No. Just a drink.’ Remus sighed. Since Sirius had been the first to speak, he might as well. ‘Ran into your brother.’

Sirius scoffed. ‘Let me guess. Called me a blood traitor.’

‘No,’ said Remus calmly. ‘You’re well off the ball today, Sirius. He just asked if you were okay.’

Sirius stilled, and said nothing.

Peter let out a shriek, followed by a delighted laugh as the cards blew up in his face, which lightened the mood considerably for all of ten seconds. After that, it seemed like the game was over, and Peter proceeded to pack up the cards.

‘I think he’s worried about you,’ Remus continued after a while. ‘Maybe, I dunno, send him an owl or something? If you don’t want to talk to him face to face?’

‘What, so he can report back to Mother? No thanks.’

‘I don’t think he—’

‘Well, I don’t care what you think!’ Sirius growled, suddenly standing up. ‘You want to go hang out with Slytherins, be my guest, you traitor!’ Then he stormed up the stairs to the dormitory.

* * *

It was the first dream of its kind that Remus had had in a long time. The ones he’d had before had nearly all been about Sirius. This one wasn’t.

In the dream he was alone with Severus in an empty classroom, and they were kissing. Then, as is often the case in dreams, they were suddenly naked. Kissing, still. Touching. Bodies so close. And Severus was smiling.

Remus woke, sweaty and hard, the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. After taking a few moments to calm down, he realised how very not good this was. For one, the only person Remus had ever wanted that way was Sirius. And he was quite sure that Severus didn’t like boys.

Since the incident in Hogsmeade, Remus had formed his own pet theory about how close Severus and Lily had really been. At least he was quite certain that Severus had felt more for her than just friendship. That did not bode well for a potential romance.

Severus wasn’t beautiful. He had sallow skin and greasy hair, and he took every opportunity to be mean and sarcastic. And yet, in many ways, he was far less cruel than Sirius, and his deep, black eyes seemed to hold a spark. Sometimes it seemed that spark was for Remus alone to see.

Remus thought of Sirius. Sirius, who would coax him into bed and shag him silly. Sirius, who would tell him that he loved him and then take it back. Sirius, who was beautiful and cold and without mercy.

Sirius, who hadn’t touched him in over a month. Who barely spoke to him anymore. Who had made him choose.

And Remus had, whether he had meant to or not, chosen Severus.