Truths and Lies - 12. Chapter 12

Part V Truths and Lies

Chapter 12 Truths Or Lies

While I wasn't keen on the idea of replacing the watch I had lost, my mom insisted we stop by the jeweler. We perused the glass cases, visually sifting through dozens and dozens of men's watches. But as soon as my eyes fell on it, I knew it was the one: the Tag Heuer 2000 Chronograph with three subdials, a calendar, a tachometer, and a stainless steel case. My mom asked to see it and the balding man with the pencil thin mustache politely took it out and laid it on the small presentation mat. My mom gestured to me and I picked it up to take a closer look. I could tell immediately that this was indeed exactly the same as the watch I had left behind at Hode Ranch. My mom asked how much it was, and the salesman replied calmly that it was only...eight hundred and ninety nine dollars!

"Oh, Good heavens!" my mom gasped.

"You're in luck, ma'am," he noted as he politely took it from me. "It's on sale this month. Normally, it would be nine hundred and eighty nine dollars. We are currently offering six months no interest if you sign up for an Ashford card today..."

"Mom, forget it!" I urged her. "The watch I have is just fine." Of course the plain little kid's watch currently strapped to my wrist was nothing compared to the sleek and shiny chronograph dangling from the man's hand. The only thing that was different about it than the one I had left at Hode Ranch was the wrist band, which was a wide, stainless steel linked bracelet. Mine had a simpler cloth band with a Velcro clasp. Maybe my dad had changed it, thinking that the cloth one would be lighter for a kid and fit better on my skinny, thirteen year old wrist.

But my mom didn't seem to want to forget it. She looked it over carefully and then started rummaging through her purse, and I knew she was looking for her credit cards.

"Why mom? Why do you want to spend so much on a watch for? It's not important!"

I was shocked to see that there were actually unspilled tears in her eyes. "It was a gift from your father," was all the explanation she would offer as she handed the salesclerk her Platinum Visa card. She even got him to find a nearly identical replacement for the cloth wrist band. She made me wear it out of the store and I felt bad thinking that I had carelessly left a nine hundred dollar watch in that stupid metal barn, only to have it be blown to bits along with the Cage, the huge display screen, Mr. Al-Jihuad's luxurious suite, Billy's office, and that back room...

"I guess that's everything," my mom noted. "You'll have to go to the office on Tuesday and ask for another student ID, and you hardly ever go to the library..."

"Thanks, mom," I said, giving her a hug right there in front of Jesse and Miranda. I didn't exactly understand why the watch was so important to her. Maybe she thought if I told my dad that I had lost it, he would be angry and disappointed in me.

"Well, I suppose you boys are just dying to go to the arcade," my mom noted reluctantly.

"Me too! Me too!" Miranda sang, her thin braids leaping away from her head as she quickly bounced up and down in anticipation.

I didn't dare say anything under the circumstances but I think my mom understood that we didn't want to baby-sit a hyper nine year old at the arcade.

"Oh, that's no place for a proper young lady," my mom told her gently. "I was thinking we'd go have tea and crumpets, but if you really want to..."

"I want tea and trumpets!" Miranda insisted. "Who wants to go to that noisy old arcade anyway? That's for stinky boys!"

My mom wanted us to meet up in an hour, but when she saw the look of disappointment in my eyes, she stretched it to ninety minutes.

"Please don't go running off...someplace," my mom pleaded.

"We won't!" I assured her.

Jesse and I made a bee line for the Funtime Arcade. But before we got there, I wanted to take care of my other friends. I didn't know what I was going to say to Gene, so I saved his call for last. As it turned out, I got Gary's and Morgan's voice mail, so I just told Gary that I was doing okay and that I was with Jesse now, and confirmed with Morgan that I'd see him at church tonight. Now it was time to face the consequences of yet another one of my lies. Remembering how clever I had thought my story last night as I effortlessly pulled the wool over my mom's eyes, I now felt thoroughly ashamed.

"I need to give Gene some kind of explanation," I admitted sheepishly, looking for help.

"You want me to think of a good lie?" Jesse asked with a sardonic smile.

I nodded shamefully.

"Tell him that some high schoolers you met at the rummage sale wanted to take you out, but you were afraid to tell your mom because you didn't think she would let you go off with people she didn't know. So you said you were going out with Gene and his brother instead. Then your cellphone battery ran out and when your mom called to see where you were, she couldn't reach you and that's why she called Gene's mom." He explained all this in a quick and unemotional voice. It was like he had a computer program in his head for making up stories.

"That's a good one," I acknowledged, "but I sure hate to tell Gene that I was sneaking around behind my mom's back."

Jesse nodded. "I understand. But that is what you were doing," he pointed out. "Gene might actually be impressed that you had the nerve to pull off something like that."

"Or he might think I'm a lying dickwad," I suggested.

He shrugged. "You can always tell him you ran off to an illegal cage fight to look for me," he reminded me with a straight face.

"It was even on the news last night..." I revealed with wonderment and maybe just a hint of pride.

"I know," he answered uneasily. We stood over to the side of the wide corridor, across from the arcade, and I made the call.

"Hey," Gene answered in his usual easy going tone.

"Uh...hi," I said nervously.

"Perry, my man--glad you called! I was really freaking out wondering what that phone call was all about last night! I don't remember us making any plans and I thought you knew that Georgie went back to Miami on Sunday..."

I gave him the story that Jesse had fabricated, trying to sound convincing even though the words felt thick and clumsy as they came out of my mouth.

"Well, I've heard of Gary Van Driesen. He's supposed to be the next big basketball phenom over at H.T., or so they say. I didn't even realize you guys knew each other."

"Well, like I said, we just met at the St. Agnus rummage sale," I explained.

"That's pretty cool then. I guess he heard that you were a top player at St. Boniface and maybe wanted to check you out or something."

"Check me out?" I asked, aghast at Gene's brazenness. I had only found out last night from Theresa that Gary might have some sort of feelings for me...

"You know, like scouting for the team for next year," he continued. "I wouldn't be surprised if you and Morgan both made the varsity team, although you guys would totally rule if you decided to go JV. That's my plan, anyway," he chuckled amiably.

It was odd how my story about me deceiving my mom didn't seem to upset him. I had been planning on apologizing profusely for dragging him unwillingly into my little deception, but now I wasn't so sure that was necessary or appropriate.

"Anyway, you guys have a good time?" Gene asked casually.

"Uh...yeah...sure. He's great and his girlfriend, Theresa is very cool."

"Well, I think it's great to have a friend like that in high places. No doubt he'll be star center next year and captain of the team, so that's a great connection, bud. Way to go!"

"Um...how was your game this morning?"

"Aw, we blew it...twenty seven to twenty five," he said disappointedly. " Just between you and me," Gene added, lowering his voice conspiratorially, "I think that sometimes Kyle's more interested in the way he looks than in the way he plays. I mean, when he's focused, he's a top-notch quarterback, but when he's worried about impressing his gal, or some buds over on the sidelines or whatever, I don't know, man. He makes some bad calls. He threw two interceptions today. Totally a lack of concentration if you ask me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, wondering if Kyle suspected that his gal, Melissa was writing me suggestive notes.

"Well, we got one more chance. If we win next week, we'll be in the playoffs. Otherwise--it wasn't a bad season."

"Gees, I hope you guys make it, Gene. Anyway, it's really noisy here. I'm at the mall with Jesse and my mom so..."

"Hey, what're you guys doing later on?" Gene asked. "Maybe we could actually get together..."

"Well, we were all planning on going to Saturday night Mass," I informed him, "Me, Jesse, Morgan and Tom."

"Okay then..." he said, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Why don't you join us?" I asked. "Maybe we could all hang at Herbie's for a little while after."

"That sounds cool," he agreed. "I'll check with the 'rents, but I don't think it'll be a problem. They'll probably freak though when I tell them I actually want to go to church!"

I had noticed that the Rauch's were one of those families that only showed up for big holidays like Christmas and Easter and not much else, and Morgan had never mentioned seeing him at Saturday night Mass.

"Do you need a ride?" I asked.

"Nah, not for getting there anyway. Maybe if we hang out afterwards...But we'll see. Anyway, hopefully I'll catch you tonight then!"

"That would be awesome," I told him. "And I'm really sorry about that whole business last night..."

"Aw, don't sweat it, Per. Glad if I was able to help out--even if I didn't know about it!" he laughed congenially.

"Thanks so much Gene. I really owe you. Hope I see you tonight. Bye!"

I turned to Jesse, rather stunned by the unexpected tone of the conversation. "That was weird," I noted.

Jesse just shrugged. "The fact is, you can't expect to tell your mom everything," he said. "As it is, you've really put her in a bad spot."

"I know," I said dismally. "I feel terrible about that."

"I know you do," Jesse said sympathetically, sounding less stressed than he had all day. "We'll get through it though. You're mom's very cool!"

It was a relief to hear Jesse finally showing some signs of a positive attitude. Maybe I had actually gotten through to him in my own clumsy way. "What about your mom? How will she take it?"

I could see that wasn't something he really wanted to think about right now. He sighed heavily. "That's a different story. One of the big reasons we finally moved out here was because I was getting in too many fights. When my mom finds out I'm falling into the same pattern again..."

"Then we won't tell her!" I declared.

Jesse shook his head. "No, you're mom is expecting me to tell her, so I have to. Anyway, it would be wrong not to. Hopefully she'll just ground me for a month or something...You'll be gone most of the time anyway!" he added optimistically.

That didn't sound very encouraging but I realized there was a good chance I was going to be grounded as well. Still..."Maybe they'll at least let us get together at each other's houses!" That was all I really needed anyway.

"I don't know, dude. Your mom might be willing, but mine..."

I wanted to discuss the situation further, but we were interrupted by the appearance of two familiar faces in the crowd.

"Awesome!" Tom exclaimed. "What're you guys doing here?" Derek was with him, but he was hanging back, looking very uncomfortable for all the obvious reasons.

"Hi guys!" I said, feeling much more surprised than I should have by the sudden appearance of two people who were so frequently on my mind these days.

"Hey, Jesse!" Tom said excitedly, and it seemed like he was about to go into his waist squeezing act. But apparently he realized that wouldn't be the best thing to do, especially in the middle of the mall, so he just held his hand up for a high five. Jesse and I both delivered and he seemed satisfied.

"Hey, Derek," I said, wanting the younger boy to feel like he was among friends, but he only nodded back with the slightest hint of a wary smile.

"So, you guys going in?" Tom asked, pointing a thumb toward the entrance of the arcade.

"Yeah, for a little bit," I said. "We're here with my mom and Jesse's sister."

"Cool," Tom said, a big grin on his face. Derek still kept his distance, the expression on his face unreadable. Tom came closer and glanced around. "Hey, guess what?" he asked in a more hushed tone, but still loud enough to be heard over the people in the corridor and the video game racket coming from the nearby arcade.

"What?" I asked, realizing I was grinning too, just because Tom was. Jesse seemed interested in what Tom had to share, but wasn't smiling and Derek came only close enough to hear.

"Derek and I had a good talk on the phone last night, and it looks like..." Tom began.

"Don't!" Derek snapped irritably. "Are you crazy?"

Tom gave Morgan's brother a chastising scowl. "Perry and Jesse are totally our friends," he explained. "We can share this with them."

"If you say anything, then you can just forget the whole thing!" he threatened.

Tom seemed really taken aback by his friend's vehement stance. The two stood facing each other, Tom with a disappointed and confused look on his face, Derek with a defiant and somewhat fearful expression on his.

"Are we going in or what?" Jesse asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket and walking past the three of us.

Tom and I quickly followed but Derek still held back. When we got to the entrance, Jesse turned.

"C'mon Derek--I'll kick your ass on NBA All-stars!"

It was startling to see the face of the younger boy light up at Jesse's challenge. We all headed in. I told everyone since it was my birthday, I was treating, and I stuffed a twenty dollar bill into the change machine and passed out the pile of golden 'Funtime Arcade' tokens that spilled from the machine's steel belly. Jesse and Derek were next in line for the basketball game and we left them there.

"What do you want to play?" I asked.

Tom shrugged. "Don't look like we can get on Kingcarver anytime soon," he noted a bit disappointedly, gesturing to the large group of teenage boys surrounding the popular game.

"That's okay. Let's just find something that's open," I said.

But the arcade was rather full, and we ended up settling on that most ancient and revered of all video games: The Simpsons. I was glad too because it was a team play rather than a versus game.

"I'm sorry Derek acted all weird," Tom apologized as we began punching buttons and yanking on our joysticks (hehehe...).

"It's okay. I think I understand where he's coming from," I noted as the two of us deftly maneuvered Bart through his paces, clobbering the denizens of Springfield with his trusty skateboard.

"Yeah, I told him that I--" Tom stopped abruptly as a couple of kids strolled by us, then continued in a quieter voice that was hard to hear over the intense electronic cacophony of the crowded room. "I told him that I like boys!"

"Wow, that's great!" I said, marvelling at Tom's ability to be so straight forward about his sexual orientation. "How'd it go?"

"Well, it was kinda strange at first--especially since it was over the phone and I couldn't see his reaction, ya know?"

I nodded.

"So there was a pretty long and uncomfortable silence. But then he said that was a pretty brave thing to admit and he was glad that I'd shared it with him."

"That was a pretty mature reaction," I acknowledged.

"Yeah, I thought so too, but I think part of it had to do with the fact that he has some of the same feelings."

"Did he tell you that?"

"Well, not at first. It seemed like he wanted to avoid the topic, and he started talking about sports and stuff. He even started telling me he had this crush on some girl in his class. So then I was starting to get kinda scared. But I did ask him what was going on with him and Jesse."

"You did?!"

Tom nodded. "And he said he'd really fucked up and he felt terrible about it. That's when he told me about the letter he wrote and how he felt about Jesse."

"That's so cool that the two of you could share all that stuff!"

"Yeah but it was still kinda weird...It was like, yeah, he thought Jesse was really hot and stuff, but when I said, 'So you like boys too!' he wouldn't exactly answer."

"Well, I have to tell you, I had a little conversation with him too outside the library one day after school," I revealed. "And I guess I shouldn't be telling you this, but I did get the sense that he was pretty confused about all that kind of stuff."

"Don't worry. I won't tell him you said anything," Tom said with a conspiratorial wink. "But yeah, I got pretty much the same sense. So I thought, 'Okay, this was a good start. We can take it slow. I won't push him,' ya know?"

"That sounds like a good approach," I agreed.

"But then, out of the blue, he just says, 'So you wanna jack off together sometime?' Just like that!"

"No wonder he didn't want you saying anything before," I said sympathetically. "I'm not sure you should have even told me!"

"No, Perry. I'm not gonna hold anything back from you," he assured me in a solemn tone. "You're too important to me, you know that. I guess I need to explain to him about that."

"About what?" I asked worriedly. "You mean about how you feel about me?"

"Yeah, I think it would be best to get that out in the open, out of the way, don't you?"

I shook my head ferverently. "No, Tom. Please don't say anything. It'll just confuse him even more. Just go ahead and...and do what he wants to do, and take it from there."

Tom paused the game and stared at me in an intense way that was beginning to make me uncomfortable. Suddenly, the way he looked at me reminded me a little bit of Billy Zanterman..."Yeah, you're right, of course. I mean, telling the truth is always the best thing, but I guess the timing's important too."

"It sure is," I acknowledged. And then I said something that even surprised me. "I'm not really sure that telling the truth is always the best thing..." I offered tentatively.

"Really?!" he asked, wide eyed.

"I just mean, you don't want to mess things up--freak Derek out with too much information, that's all," I explained quickly.

Tom took a few seconds to absorb what I had said, and then nodded resolutely. "Yeah, you're right. The only people who need to know how I feel about you is the two of us," he declared.

"Absotutely," I agreed, picking up on Gary's little catch phrase.

"What about Jesse? Did you tell him?" Tom asked apprehensively.

"Nope. It's just the two of us," I assured him with a warm smile. See how easy that was?

Tom just nodded, totally accepting my response. I felt terrible. "No, Tom. That's not true," I admitted.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"I did tell Jesse how you feel about me, and he said it must be very hard for you..."

"Yeah...well..." Tom mumbled, and didn't say anything else on the subject.

We had nearly gotten to the last level when Jesse came over with Derek again lagging behind.

"We're goin' to the john--wanna come?" he asked casually.

"What's wrong with the one in back?"

"Out of order--according to the sign," Jesse explained.

"But we're not supposed to--" I started to remind him.

"Gees, Perry. A guy's gotta take a leak sometime! I don't think your mom would want a bursted bladder on her conscious!"

Everyone laughed at that, and so we left the arcade. Since Jesse had already declared the restroom on this side of the mall to be 'yucky,' I suggested the Barnes and Noble. It's men's room was always pretty clean.

Once inside the expansive bookstore, I started leading the way to the bathroom when Jesse stopped and pointed to the coffeebar.

"Actually, that'll do," he said, heading for an empty table.

"But I thought..." But Jesse was already taking a seat so the rest of us followed, Tom and I somewhat confused, Derek with a distinctly apprehensive look on his boyish face.

Once we were all settled, Jesse leaned in and spoke in a subdued voice. "Well, there's no point in beating around the bush, but I assume Perry got from Tom what I got from Derek."

Derek looked accusingly at Tom, but the Hispanic boy just shrugged. "It's no big deal," he noted.

"What are we talking about again?" I asked, still wondering what had happened to our bathroom mission.

"About Tom and Derek jacking off together," Jesse explained quietly and succinctly.

I just had to glance around when he said that, making sure there was no one who could overhear Jesse's sotto voce. Judging from the heat emanating off my cheeks, I imagined anybody within a five mile radius could see me blushing though. Derek looked embarrassed but didn't dispute Jesse's announcement.

"What's the problem?" Tom asked, directing his question to Derek.

"Well, we were just talking," Jesse explained in a calm voice, "and I think Derek's a bit jittery about the whole thing."

"But you're the one who suggested it!" Tom accused his younger friend, with just a hint of uneasy confusion in his voice.

"He's worried that it would mean that he's gay..." Jesse added quietly.

"Hey! Does anyone want me to get them something?" I asked loudly, rising quickly to my feet and gesturing to the coffebar where they also sold sodas and cookies and stuff. I really didn't feel like being even a silent part of this surreal conversation. It was hitting too close to home for my taste.

"Please stay," Jesse asked, beseeching me with his crystal blue eyes.

I slowly sat back down.

"Well...aren't you?" Tom asked Derek confusedly.

"I never said that!" Derek protested rather loudly, and then winced when he realized that he had raised his voice.

Tom shook his head, glancing helplessly at each one of us in turn. Finally he focused in on Derek. "I told you that I like boys, and you were okay with it!" he whispered sharply, a hint of panic in his voice.

I cringed, totally freaked out by the fact that we were out in public discussing these incredibly personal things!

Derek nodded. "I know..." he said, his voice strained.

"We're all okay with that, Tom," Jesse assured him smoothly. "It's great that you know where you stand. The important thing is that you've got three good friends now to support you."

Tom's normally mocha tinted skin turned an odd shade of dark pink, but I could see he was really touched by Jesse's words.

"But I guess what I wanted to say to the two of you, is that you can do those kinds of things without a person being gay."

"How do you know?" Tom asked curiously.

"I knew a gay kid back in Evanston, but I also knew lots of kids who messed around but were just as straight as Perry."

Why did he have to bring me into this? I found this conversation almost as uncomfortable as stripping in front of Billy and Zhen Woo last night.

"So, do you and Perry do it?" Tom asked excitedly.

I wondered if everyone could hear my heart pounding against my chest. But Jesse just glanced at me expressionlessly. "It hasn't come up yet...excuse the pun."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This whole conversation sounded like something that belonged in the letters page of a porno magazine.

"Maybe all four of us could get together sometime..." Derek started to suggest excitedly, and I could've sworn Tom was going to start foaming at the mouth any second now.

Jesse shook his head. "Perry's really shy, in case you haven't noticed," he pointed out.

"He is.." Tom added sweetly.

"Gees, it's really hot in here--I gotta take a leak!" I announced, getting up quickly to leave the three of them to their fascinating discussion. I took my own sweet time and splashed lots of cold water in my face before finally returning. The table was abandoned, but I saw the three of them standing by one of the magazine racks. When I got closer, I saw that they were looking at one of the martial arts rags.

"If you tried this out on the street, you'd be dead!" Jesse declared confidently, pointing at some sort of step by step instructions involving two guys in white karate outfits on a floor mat.

"Awesome!" Derek declared, obviously impressed by Jesse's expertise. "You gotta show us some of that stuff!"

"I don't think so," Jesse answered somberly.

"But..." Derek began to protest.

"It doesn't bring anything but trouble..." And Jesse looked at me with that familiar hurt in his crystal blue eyes and I felt like holding him in a tight embrace.

"Sometimes, it's the right thing to do," I noted.

Jesse didn't answer, and there was an awkward moment. "Anyway," he said, glancing at his watch, "Perry and I need to go meet up with his mom. Are you guys coming to Mass tonight?"

"Well, we might..." Tom said, a playful but slightly weird smile on his face. By the way Derek was blushing, I guessed they were planning on getting together for a little alone time first, so apparently Jesse had managed to assuage Derek's concerns.

"Remember what I told you," Jesse said, as if lecturing a bunch of grade school kids. "Don't get caught!"

"Don't worry--that's the last thing I want," Derek laughed nervously.

"We'll be careful," Tom answered sincerely.

"Good. And I'll work on Perry. See if we can put together that foursome one of these days," Jesse offered matter of factly.

I just stared at my blond friend, frozen in shock. Tom and Derek looked at us with equally stunned expressions.

"Just kidding!" Jesse announced, slapping me forcefully on the shoulder. "The only person tenacious enough to get into Perry's pants is Queen Jessica!" he joked, and Derek thought that was pretty funny, but Tom just sort of scowled.

But I soon realized that Jesse had done an amazing thing. He had defrayed Derek's jitters about jacking off with Tom, and had made it clear that, despite the damning letter Derek had written to Jesse, no one was ready to label him as a homosexual. He had expressed to Tom the support he now had from three of his closest friends. And he had even managed to paint me as a straight arrow as well, which never hurt.

As we headed back to the other side of the mall to meet Miranda and my mom, I recalled something I had wanted to talk to him about.

"Remember, you said that if my mom found out about us, she'd send me to live with my dad?"

Jesse nodded curtly.

"Well, I was just thinking that maybe she wouldn't..."

Jesse stopped so suddenly I had to back up a few steps to reestablish eye contact with him.

"Didn't you see the way she treated your Aunt?" he asked, referring to our Thanksgiving Day gathering.

"Yeah, exactly!" I said excitedly, seeing that Jesse and I were on the same page. "I mean, that's what I was thinking. If her own sister is like that..."

"How many times a year do you see your aunt?"

I shrugged. "Maybe twice, three times..."

Jesse nodded and looked at me seriously. "Imagine, if that's how your mom treats her only sister, think how difficult it would be for her to find out that her son is the same way!"

"But she treats her sister okay," I countered.

Now it was Jesse's turn to shrug. "They see each other at family functions a couple of times a year. They give each other a quick hug--the same kind you might give someone you barely know at church. Does she treat your Uncle Ron that way?"

I shook my head. My mom and Uncle Ron spent lots of time together just talking and relaxing. We got together for barbecues and swimming. It was a close and easy going relationship, nothing like the tense and dispassionate relationship between the two sisters.

"Okay...maybe it is hard for my mom to accept that some people are different, but I'm not sure she'd send me away."

"She would--because of me!" Jesse told me pointedly. "I think she'd have a really hard time believing that her own son might be gay, but she could certainly believe that the strange, long haired kid from Illinois is! Instead of just a troubled teenager, I'd become Public Enemy Number One!"

All right, if Jesse was trying to scare me, he had thoroughly succeeded. Seeing the fear in my eyes, I saw Jesse relax a little.

"It'll be okay," he assured me, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. "We can do this without people having to know. It's not ideal, but as far as I'm concerned, it's better than nothing."

"It's everything!" I told him plainly. "It's totally Everything!"

My mom brought Jesse and Miranda back to our house for dinner. Then we could all go to Mass together before dropping the Taylors off. There was no more talk about the ramifications of last night's events or the impending consequences, and I was glad for that. I hated to see Jesse suffer. It just stabbed at my heart, and I realized that I'd do anything in my power to keep him from mental anguish or physical harm.

Miranda insisted on helping my mom put together a spaghetti and meatball dinner, so that left Jesse and me some alone time up in my room. Naturally, raw, uninhibited animal sex was completely out of the question, but we closed the door, and held each other tight for a very long time. I could sense the emotions seething through Jesse just as they were through me, that all-to-familiar ocean of teenage angst and passion that seemed to threaten to overwhelm us with it's overpowering intensity. And yet, it was inevitable as we clung to each other that we would both start getting aroused. I realized Jesse was even grinding his hips tentatively into mine, and that his hardness was rubbing against mine through our jeans.

"That's enough of that!" he noted breathlessly as he gently pulled us apart.

"No it's not," I stated, before plunging in for a passionate kiss. I ran my fingers through his long blond hair and it felt so silky I wished that I could just wrap myself up in it. Finally we had to pull apart to get some oxygen back in our lungs, but Jesse clung lightly to my hips. He laughed, but it wasn't exactly a cheerful laugh.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I was just thinking what it would be like if we could see each other the way we really are inside," he speculated.

"You mean our guts and blood and stuff?" I teased.

Jesse shook his head. "No, seriously, Perry, as beautiful as you are on the outside, if people could somehow see you for who you really are--your true essence, you would look even more gorgeous than you do now, as hard as that is to imagine."

I realized that he was being totally sincere and that it was meant as a compliment, but I just found it difficult to accept. "After last night, I bet I must look like Freddy Krueger inside!"

Jesse shrugged. "You might have picked up a couple of zits, but it's nothing serious, believe me."

"You're the one who's beautiful inside and out," I assured him.

"No, that's not true," he replied grimly. "If you could see the person I really am--without this silly shell--you'd just puke out your guts and run and run and never look back."

I sat down heavily on the bed. "Why, Jesse? Why do you say things like that?" I asked, tears coming freely to my eyes.

Seeing the dramatic effect his comments had on me, Jesse's hardened expression softened a little. He came and sat beside me. "Nevermind me," he said apologetically. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself again...Isn't that pathetic?"

"I can't stand to see you suffer, to see you get down on yourself like this," I admitted, grasping his hand in mine. "What you did with Tom and Derek today was just...wonderful. What an amazing person you are! I don't know how you can say all those horrible things about yourself!"

"Believe me, it's not very hard," he laughed drily. Then he looked at me and I saw that shadow part of Jesse slowly fade into the background. "I'm so stupid, so wrapped up in myself," he admitted. "I'll knock it off, okay?"

I nodded gratefully. We hugged and Jesse rubbed his hands soothingly over my back and neck.

"What's this?" he asked, his fingers gliding over the silver chain around my neck.

I pulled the crucifix out from under my shirt. "Jessica gave it to me this morning as a birthday present...Pretty nice, huh?"

Jesse carefully handled it with his fingers. "Turquoise..." he noted.

"Turn it over," I urged him, and he did so.

His eyes opened wide and he smiled. "Wow, she did this for us?" he asked, reading the inscription: P&J4ever.

"Yup, Perry and Jesse forever! Isn't it great?"

"I love it!" he exclaimed, holding my chin and giving me a tender kiss. "Tell Jessica thanks for both of us." He smiled at me and I smiled back. Then something caused his expression to darken.

"Listen, there was something Gary said about last night..." he began tentatively.

"What...?"

"Well, about that hacker dude, Billy? Gary said that he and you were separated and then this guy took you in a back room..."

I nodded. "Yeah, it turned out they wanted to do a strip search," I admitted, feeling my cheeks turning red.

Jesse shook his head angrily. "That's unbelievably disgusting..."

"I'm not that horrible to look at, am I?" I tried joking.

But it was no laughing matter to Jesse. "Those sick fuckers--I'm glad that place blew up!" he said, his jaw set and his blue eyes taking on an icy glare.

"Well, I am too--sort of. I just hope no one got seriously hurt..." My voice trailed off uneasily.

"What is it, Perry. What happened in that room?"

"Did Gary tell you that I was pretty sure Billy was gay?"

Jesse shook his head. "How'd you know?"

"Well, it was just an off handed remark he made when we first met, but then, it seemed weird that Mr. Al-Jihuad--he was the big boss--suddenly decided that I needed to be searched...for hidden weapons. I don't think it was something they did very often, and especially not with kids my age."

"Gees, I hope not..." Jesse agreed.

"The other weird thing was, I don't think that it was usually Billy's job to do that. There were other people who apparently knew the procedure better than him, so it seemed like a strange set-up. And then it also turned out that it was only a few days 'till Billy's eighteenth birthday."

"So the boss was giving you to this guy as a...birthday present?" Jesse asked disbelievingly, a thoroughly disgusted expression distorting his normally angelic features.

I nodded. "Well, at least that's what I think was going on if I look back at it. At the time, I was pretty scared..."

"I bet you were," he said sympathetically, and held my hand between both of his and that felt good.

"So he had this form he had to fill out as we went. He'd ask me to take something off, and then he'd go through that piece of clothing, and we'd go on with the next thing."

"How far did it go...?" he asked apprehensively.

"Well, first I had to take off my shoes and socks, and then I actually had to show him the soles of my feet, which seemed pretty silly..."

"He didn't deserve to see your beautiful feet, Perry!" Jesse said, leaning over and kissing me lightly on the cheek.

I felt that delightful tingle of electricity from Jesse's touch and I shrugged. "What could I do? Then I had to take off my shirt and like, show him my armpits...and that was pretty embarrassing because there was also this bodyguard there--Zhen Woo..."

"Yeah, Gary told me about him. He sounds like really bad news..."

I nodded, imagining what the huge Asian could do with his bare hands alone. "And there was a camera, so I guess Mr. Al-Jihuad and his two friends were also watching--and one of those friends was a really pretty woman!"

Jesse was pressing my hand harder and harder between his.

"And then I had to take off my pants so he could look through my pockets and stuff, and I was super embarrassed but I was also starting to get pretty irritated."

"That's good, Perry," Jesse said encouragingly patting my hand. "In a situation like that, anger is better than fear. It helps you stay more focused."

"Well, yeah, I guess...It had a lot to do with the way Billy was looking at me...like he was starving or something. And it just creeped me out so much knowing that he was looking at me like...like a piece of meat!" I felt myself getting really worked up now and I could picture Billy's pimply, perspiration covered face, those grey eyes staring at me through those black framed glasses..."Oh, Jesse, I feel so bad about it now but..."

"Bad? About what?"

"It's just that...that when Billy said I had to take off my boxers, I got really mad and..."

"And what?" Jesse asked with intense concern.

"I called him a fag!" I admitted shamefully.

"Oh..." Jesse acknowledged quietly. I felt his grip on my hand loosen slightly but he didn't let go.

"I told him it made me sick that he was just staring at my stupid body like...like that, and I wasn't gonna strip for him!" Some sense of the panic I had felt last night was making my chest tight and my arms feel tingly and detached from the rest of my body.

Jesse shook his head in stunned disbelief. He let go of my hand and stood up and started to pace slowly around the room.

"I felt really bad about calling him that," I admitted. "And..and 'queer' too," I added with shame.

Jesse stopped across the room and looked at me. "God, Perry...I think that was incredibly brave of you to stand up to him like that, and he absolutely deserved to be called those things...and worse--getting his thrills by taking advantage of a defenseless kid!" he said angrily. "But Perry...that was so dangerous. I mean, those people, that bodyguard, they were professionals...probably cold blooded killers!"

I looked at him in wide eyed shock.

"I don't think they would've killed you," he added quickly, "but they could've hurt you so bad...so easily..."

There were tears in his eyes now and I felt terrible for having revealed all this to him. He returned to the bed, but knelt in front of me. He put his hand on my knee and squeezed it. "If something had happened to you, Perry. If someone had hurt you...because of me..." His voice became choked with emotion and he laid his forehead against my leg. I stroked his silky blond locks and tried to let the fear that was beginning to well up inside me, slowly subside. I was with my beautiful ninja angel now and nothing could harm me.

I could feel Jesse shaking with real sobs now and I felt awful for him. "I..need...you...Perry..." he gasped fitfully between sobs.

"I need you too," I assured him, bending down to kiss the top of his head. "You're my strength..."

"Oh...yeah...I'm really strong...!" he sniffed, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve.

"Anything I did last night that seemed brave was only because I wanted to get you out of that place so bad."

Jesse nodded in reluctant understanding. He dabbed a few tears from his eyes and gave me a tentative smile. "You are amazing," he said in a raspy voice of approval. His expression relaxed a little and became more thoughtful.

"So how was that Karate Kid, anyway?" he asked with more than idle curiosity.

I shrugged. "Other than kicking me into the side of the Cage, I didn't get a chance to see him in action. But supposedly he had defeated three opponents before me in like a really short amount of time."

"Think I could've taken him?" he asked worriedly.

I shrugged. "I don't ever want to find out. I hope you never have to fight anyone ever again. I don't want to marry Mike Tyson!"

"So, you'd really marry me?"

"Absotutely!"

"God, Perry..." He looked at me, not knowing what to say. He actually looked embarrassed. He suddenly grabbed my knees and squeezed them tightly. "Perry...you're knees are so...so hot!" he declared, rubbing my legs through my jeans.

I had to laugh and so did he and that sure felt good. "Don't get yourself too worked up...We're having meatballs for dinner!" I reminded him.

"I have all the meatballs I need right here," he said, staring directly at my crotch.

As if on cue, I felt my dick rolling up the side of my thigh, ready to stand at full attention for my beautiful blond angel's inspection. But I knew this wasn't the time...

"Hey, I almost forgot to show you!" I said, unzipping, and untying my left shoe before tugging it off. I brought my foot up and rested it on the edge of the bed, then rolled my sock down far enough to expose the blue band clinging tightly to my ankle.

"What the...?" Jesse muttered. He got close enough to read the names. "Hmmm...that doesn't even deserve to be on your beautiful foot," he declared. He pulled my sock off and I thought he was going to slip the band off, but he actually grabbed it with his teeth and started tugging it down without using his hands, all the while snarling like an angry dog!

I couldn't believe it! Using a combination of teeth and tongue, Jesse managed to get the elastic band down around my heel, while his nose and chin pressed right up against the side of my foot. It was so sexy and I was getting so hard! He started dragging it towards my toes, but his moist and slippery tongue tickled my sole like crazy...

"Stop!" I gasped, trying to keep all the loud noises from shooting up my throat. But he didn't stop, and the tickling went on unchecked as he slowly worked the band across the length of my foot. By the time he got it up to my toes, I knew he was just goofing around because his tongue was darting around and in between my toes in a very unproductive, but extremely stimulating fashion. Finally I had no choice but to let the laughter pour out, and just concentrated on not accidentally kicking him in the head as he finished his work.

He finally got the band all the way off and spat it out on the floor.

"You won't be seeing Jessica until Tuesday, so you won't be needing that for a while!" he noted. Then, being the cold and cruel bastard that he was, he started gliding his fingers mercilessly over the sole of my bare foot.

I couldn't believe it. My beautiful blond angel had--within the span of a couple of months--become a totally sadistic foot freak! I felt so helpless as he tightly clutched my ankle. His fingers alternated with his lips and tongue as he brought me dangerously close to creaming my pants!

"Hey, I want to get tickled too!"

We froze, realizing that Miranda was standing in the doorway. I hadn't even heard her open the door...Had she knocked? I coughed and sputtered in complete embarrassment, but Jesse quickly recovered from his initial shock and gave me a playful wink.

"I'll tickle you when we get home," he promised breathlessly.

"That's not fair! How come Perry get's to be tickled now?" she asked petulantly.

"Because he doesn't have any brothers or sisters to do it for him," Jesse explained calmly and sweetly.

"Oh..." Miranda said, apparently not able to come up with a plausible retort. "Perry, do you want me to tickle you too?" she asked sweetly. "I am your girlfriend and your foot doesn't look too icky..."

"I think Perry's pretty worn out. Maybe another time," Jesse said, once more coming to my rescue.

Miranda put her hands on her hips. "Well, it's time for dinner anyway, so you'd better wash up and come downstairs! Perry's mom made like a gazillion meatballs, so you'd better be super hungry!"

"We are!" Jesse assured her.

We both watched as Miranda left, and we just remained frozen in place until we heard her get to the bottom of the stairs. I realized I had been holding my breath, and let it out in a loud sigh.

Jesse picked up right where he left off and started frantically kissing my foot again until I reluctantly pulled my leg away.

"Time to eat," I reminded him, wiping Jesse's saliva off with the comforter on my bed.

"Yeah..." he gasped breathlessly. "Two meatballs and a sausage in a nice white sauce for me..." he said with a hungry smile as he leered at my severely tented jeans. Hopefully, the food could wait for a few more minutes...

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