Unbreakable Faith - 11. Chapter 11

Unbreakable Faith

Chapter 11

After services the next morning Ian followed Reverend Delmar into his office. He took the seat he’d sat in the week before while the man sat behind his desk. “So how did this week go?”

Ian shrugged; it had gone real well up until the night before. “It was good.”

“Mind if I ask what happened to your face?”

Ian put his hand up to his nose, which he knew from looking in the mirror that morning was bruised and swollen. “I got in a fight with one of the boys I live with.”

“You got in a fight?” Ron Delmar asked in disbelief.

“Well I didn’t exactly fight back.” Ian giggled, as picturing that was pretty ridiculous to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Ian shook his head. “No, another guy I live with already talked to me and made me feel better about it. I have more important things I want to talk to you about but I’m a little scared to do it.”

“Don’t ever be scared to ask me anything son, I’m never going to judge you. I only want to help you.”

Ian took a deep breath and sat back in his chair. “Someone said something to me this week. It got me thinking, thinking in a way I don’t want to. I’m hoping you can redirect me.”

Ron nodded. “What did they say?”

“They asked me if I still loved God. I told them that I would always love God. That I had him to thank for not being at home anymore.” He paused trying to remember the exact words. “Well he said that if I felt God had saved me, then I must feel God put me there in the first place. He thought I would be mad at him.”

Ron nodded again, as that was truly a loaded statement, and he could totally understand why it would give Ian some mixed feelings. “Different faiths have different beliefs about just how much control God has in what happens to us. I myself believe God doesn’t put us in these situations; he just gives us the strength and courage to deal with them. Your father was not being instructed by God to do what he did to you. I am certain that our lord would never want any of his children hurt in the way you were hurt. God was there with you, he gave you the strength to bear it, the strength to go on, and the courage to do what you did to get out of that situation.”

He stopped to think carefully on his next words knowing from just the few times he talked to Ian that he was very impressionable and took whatever was said to him straight to his heart. “It may have seemed all those years that you had no one, that you were all alone. But he was right there with you all along. Have you ever read ‘Footprints’?”

Ian looked up at him and shook his head. “What’s that?”

“It’s a poem. I’ve got it here somewhere.” He stood up from his desk and rummaged through his bookshelves. Pulling out a certain book he sat back down and flipped through the pages. “Would you like me to read it to you?”

Ian nodded, sitting up straighter in his chair.

Reverend Delmar opened to the right page and began to read;

“One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking across the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.”

“When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the foot prints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.”

“This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. ‘Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You, You’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most You would leave me.”

“The lord replied, ‘My son, my precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

Chills ran up and down his body as goose bumps rose up on his flesh and tears filled his eyes. “Wow,” he said quietly not trusting that his voice wouldn’t break if he tried to speak any louder.

“So you see Ian, even when you may have felt totally alone and totally helpless you weren’t. He was always right there with you. Feeling your pain and desperation right along with you.”

Ian nodded as the tears started to trickle out of his eyes, too emotional to say anything and feeling very bad he’d doubted anything at all.

Ron stood up, grabbed a couple of tissues and sat down again in the chair by Ian. Ian gratefully took the tissues while the man rubbed his back. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Chuckling a bit Ian shook his head. “No it made me feel good. Really. Thank you.”

The man squeezed his hand around Ian’s shoulder and pulled him closer so Ian’s arm pressed into his side. “Don’t feel bad for any doubts you’ve had since that boy said that to you. You had a right to question and you did the right thing by coming to me to get answers. You didn’t just pass God off. You sought out the truth. No one sees the truth every time. Sometimes it takes a little convincing.”

Ian nodded as he blew his nose. “I’m really afraid to ask my next question now.”

Ron chuckled. “Now what did I just tell you about not being afraid to ask me anything?”

Ian looked up at him and smiled. “Well if you’re sure.”

“Sure I’m sure.”

Nodding Ian looked down at his lap not daring to look the man in the face as he said it. “How does your faith feel about homosexuality?”

Ron kept his face passive, as this was another loaded question, one he had a good inkling was a personal question to Ian. “Son, with all the hate going on in this world, the wars, the school shootings, the terrorists, murders and rapes I hold nothing against people who love each other. I welcome love in any form. If two men happen to find love and solace in each other’s company I would much rather they do that then wreak havoc on the world. Because people who wreak havoc are very unhappy people. People in love are happy.”

Ian turned his head back up to the man and smiled. “Really?”

“Really Ian.”

“Wow you sure think a lot different than my dad.”

“There are many religions and I’m not going to list them, but I feel they get too caught up in doing exactly what the bible says not to do. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

He nodded without hesitation. “Judging people.”

“Exactly. I believe everyone should follow the Lord, which means any race, age, color, or sexual orientation. I would never turn anyone away from this church. And I would never try and change anyone here to conform to a certain being. I believe God loves and accepts everyone. Therefore I do too.”

Ian took another long deep breath and looked down at his lap. “So if I told you maybe I was gay you’d still let me come here and talk to you? I could still go to your house to eat?”

Reverend Delmar smiled. He pulled the boy into another tight hug. “I’d never turn you away Ian. Always remember that. I’ve only known you for a week and already I like you very, very much.” He let go of him a minute later to see more tears trickling down the boy’s face. He handed him another tissue. Figuring they’d covered enough hard topics for one day he didn’t want to press on any further unless Ian wanted to. “Was there anything else you wanted to discuss? Or shall we go eat?”

His face lighting up to a brilliant smile he said. “Food is always good.” He composed himself wiping the last of the drying tears from his face and fanned at his eyes. After a few minutes they got up and left the church then walked into the Parish.

They walked into a very large open room with a dining room table on one side and a living room on the other. In the middle just across from the door was a long counter that separated the kitchen from the main room. Past the living room area was a staircase that led up to the second floor. Mrs. Delmar was behind the counter in the kitchen with another woman Ian recognized from services but didn’t know.

“Hey honey,” Greta called out to Ian as he walked up to the counter with the reverend. “This is my,” she glanced at her husband, “well our daughter Natalie.”

“Oh,” Ian reached out and shook her hand realizing that she was the sister Matt had spoke of. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too Ian.” she smiled warmly at him. “I was glad to hear you’d be spending the afternoon here today.”

“Matt’s out back if you want to go say hi,”

Ian nodded. “How do I get out there?”

“Right through those doors.” Greta smiled as she pointed over past the living room couch. “We are having baked ham. Do you like that?”

“Oh yes, ma’am. I love it.” He walked off through the living room and out the back door.

Ron looked at his daughter. “Did you call Social Services?”

“Sure did, first respite will be next weekend. I guess we have to have five before he can come to stay permanently.”

The Reverend nodded. “Yeah we’ve got to do the same thing. It’s a good idea I guess. I just wanted to get this thing settled faster I guess.”

Ian had the time of his life that afternoon, after eating dinner they sat around the large dining room table and played board games. He felt so comfortable around everyone in the family. More comfortable than he’d ever felt in his life. Though he didn’t really want to go back to the Harvey’s, he left the Delmar’s at shortly after seven already looking forward to next week when he’d get to spend the afternoon there all over again.

On Monday Nathan walked into the library about five minutes after Ian had sat down. Ian’s face lit up as Nathan sat down beside him. “How are you?”

Nathan smiled at him. “I’m good, how are you?”

“Good,”

“What happened to your face?”

“Some jerk I live with.”

“I hope he got in trouble.”

“He did, course now he’s just twice as mad at me. But I’m just gonna stay out of his way.” Ian turned in his seat, “Can we go to the bathroom?”

Nathan chuckled. “You gonna be able to go this time?”

Blushing Ian shook his head as he pushed at Nathan’s arm playfully. “Hush up. But let me go first this time. I have to get something out of my locker on the way.”

“No problem, see you there in five.”

Halfway up from his chair, Ian looked back down at him. “Five?”

“Five minutes.” Nathan grinned.

Chuckling Ian nodded, “Oh.” He got the pass from the librarian who gave him another odd look. After leaving the library he went to his locker and pulled out the watch. He’d gotten some wrapping paper from Mrs. Harvey and had even topped it off with a bow. Tucking it in his pants pocket he closed his locker and went into the bathroom.

Exactly five minutes later Nathan walked in and immediately enveloped him in a big hug. “I missed you this weekend.”

Ian hugged him back. “I missed you too.” After they separated he smiled at him. “I got you something.”

Nathan’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

Ian nodded enthusiastically as he pulled the package out of his pocket and held it up in front of Nathan. “Here it is.”

“Wow, you’re so sweet, you wrapped it and everything.”

“Well open it before you call me sweet.”

Nathan let out a laugh then ripped off the paper. Getting to the box he opened it up. His face filled with a happy smile. “Oh Ian it’s wonderful. I really needed one and I love the one you picked.”

Nearly bouncing up and down on his feet Ian looked from the watch to Nathan. “You really mean it?”

Nathan looked over the box at Ian. “Well of course I mean it. I don’t just say things to hear myself talk ya know.”

“Well I like to hear you talk,” he smiled at him.

Nathan pulled the watch out of the box. “You gotta put it on for me. I can’t do it with one hand.”

Ian nodded and reached out for it. “Sure.” He wrapped the band around Nathan’s wrist while Nathan turned his wrist over so Ian could fasten it. He’d just gotten it fastened around his wrist when the PA system crackled to life.

‘Ian Weaver to the office please.’

Looking up at Nathan his face filled with fear. “Oh no.”

“You can’t be in any trouble Ian, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Never having been called to the office before Ian had no idea at all what to expect. “What if it’s cause we keep meeting in here?”

“If that were the case they’d be calling me too.” He pulled Ian forward and kissed his forehead. “It’s nothing I’m sure. Don’t worry so okay?”

Ian squeezed him back nodding, though it was awful hard not to worry. “Okay, well I better go. I’ll see you at lunch okay?”

“Sounds like a date.”

Chuckling Ian grinned at him before he walked out of the bathroom and down the hall and stairs to the principal’s office. The principal himself was waiting for him in the main office. He was a bit more at ease to see the man smile at him.

“Come with me to my office Ian.”

His fear that had been eased came right back as he followed the man to his office, increased even more when he saw another person, this one a woman sitting there. He sat down in the chair next to her that the principal indicated, while the principal sat behind his desk.

“So how are thing going Ian?” the woman asked.

Ian looked at her closely. “Fine ma’am.” He wanted to ask who she was but didn’t dare. Somehow, he figured she must have sensed how he was feeling.

“I’m Nancy Patterson by the way. I’m your guidance counselor.”

“What’s a guidance counselor?”

“I help you choose your classes, give you information on jobs and colleges for the future. That sort of thing. Basically I counsel you about your high school career so you can use it to the best of your abilities.”

Ian nodded. “Oh,”

“So the reason we wanted to talk to you,” Principal Miller spoke up, “was because you have four study halls. We realize that was not your choice before. We’d like to see you sign up for a couple of electives, now that you do have a choice.”

“What are electives?”

The man pulled a piece of paper off his desk and handed it over to him. Ian looked it over seeing a list of classes. Ones his father had never allowed him to take. “Now I understand you can’t take gym for another week. But I do want you to take it. That still gives you room for two of these classes while still leaving you a study hall. Do any of those look good to you?”

Ian looked back down at the list again. “Well I’d like to take a computer class.” He’d never even turned one on and had always, deep down, been fascinated in hearing what they could do, sometimes in classes and sometimes from just listening to other’s conversations. He looked over the list again. “And.....do boys take home ec?”

“Sure, more and more boys every year. It’s not just a girl thing anymore.”

Ian nodded as he handed the list back. “So I can take those?” he asked, excitement rumbling through his gut.

“Sure, right after lunch you’ll have the computer class. During this period tomorrow you’ll have home-ec, that will leave you your last study hall of the day.”

Though a little dismayed he was going to lose the study hall he had with Nathan he nodded, still excited about the new classes. He’d still get to see Nathan at lunch and guessed that would just have to do. He didn’t expect it would look too good to ask to change it so that he could visit with his boyfriend. Just the thought of ‘boyfriend’ made him smile.

He met up with Nathan back in the library when he went to get his books. Before they really got to talk the bell rang. After returning his books to his locker they walked down to the cafeteria together, got their food and took their seats across from Mark and Jason.

“Okay then, person who apparently can’t walk and talk at the same time. Why did you have to go to the office?”

Ian looked at him and laughed. “Sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable talking in the halls I guess. I’ll have you know I have been known to walk and talk at the same time. Sometimes I can even chew gum too.”

Mark, Jason and Nathan all laughed. It always made Ian feel good when he made people laugh. “Anyway,” he said once their laughter had abated, “they wanted me to sign up for some more classes.” He looked at Nathan. “Which is good but I’m gonna lose the study hall we just had.”

“Oh no,” Nathan said, the look of sadness on his face making Ian feel twice as bad.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m just sad. What classes are you taking?”

“Computers. And...” he blushed, embarrassed about it but not sure why. “Home ec.”

“And which one are you taking during our study hall?”

“Home ec.”

Nathan looked down at the table and nodded. “Well my mother’s always telling me I should learn how to cook. It’s only a month and a half into school. What do you say I sign up for that class too?”

Ian’s face lit up as his mouth dropped open. “You’d do that?”

“Of course I would. I think it would be fun.”

Ian leaned over and wrapped his arms around Nathan. “That would be fun. Do you think they’ll let you?”

“I’ll make them let me. Just consider it done.” He squeezed Ian tightly before letting him go, always hating to let him go each time they separated from a hug.

“When’s your computer class?” Mark asked.

“Right after lunch.”

Mark and Jason looked at each other and smiled then gave each other high fives. “Awesome dude.” Mark said looking back at Ian. “We are in that class.”

“Really?” Ian asked happily. “That’s great.” He looked over at Nathan who had let out a long sigh and was sagging his shoulders. He reached out his hand and rubbed it along his side. “You okay?”

“I’m just pouting. Now I want that class too, but I know I can’t get out of Government.”

Jason snorted and shook his head. “Man Nathan. You got it bad.”

Ian looked over at Jason. “Got what bad?”

“Got it bad for you.”

“What?”

Nathan chuckled and looked at him. “I’m head over heels for you Ian. I always want to be with you.”

Ian’s eyes sparkled as a smile filled his face. “You’re so sweet.”

“It’s true.”

He moved his hand down to Nathan’s and squeezed it. “I guess I got it bad too.” He looked at Nathan’s lips, longing as he had several times to kiss them like he’d seen Mark kissing Jason’s that day. It was something he fantasized about but something he knew he’d never dare to initiate. Something he was hoping Nathan would initiate some day soon.

Still whenever he looked at the guy he got a feeling of euphoria, as well as disbelief that someone that cute, someone that nice, actually wanted to be with him. Though he found it unbelievable he wasn’t going to let it slip away. He felt more strongly about Nathan than he’d ever felt about anyone. The feeling was so good; he saw no way that it could be wrong, not in the eyes of God, not in the eyes of anyone. If feeling this good was a sin, he wasn’t so sure he would ever be able to stop sinning.

After lunch he walked with Mark and Jason back up to the second floor and into one of the school’s three computer labs. Long tables in two different rows filled the room. At each table two computers were set up. “You can sit right here Ian. Mark and I sit right at the next table back.”

Ian nodded as he set his bag down on the floor and looked over the machine before him. A machine that was totally foreign to him. A machine he’d not once touched. His father thought they were tools of the devil, though Ian never really understood why. His father had a long list of things that were considered tools of the devil, though Ian never understood why they were thought of this way.

He was looking the ominous thing over when he heard his name. “Hey Ian. What are you doing in here?” He looked to his left to see Paul putting his bag on the floor near where Ian had put his.

“I’m taking this class now.” In the week and a half he’d been living with the guy he’d still not figured Paul out. Paul never teased him outright but Ian often got the impression that Paul liked to crack little jokes about him behind his back. But the guy was always basically nice when they were face to face.

“Well that’s cool.” Paul sat down and moved the mouse that was set up by his keyboard. Ian watched what he did and followed his lead, not wanting anyone to know he didn’t even know how to get a computer started.

“Ian you gotta sign up for messenger.” Mark said behind him. “You can use the same account you already have but you got to put it in that computer.”

Ian turned and looked through the two computers behind him at Mark. He blushed but had to admit it, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“You have hotmail?”

Not knowing what that was he figured he didn’t have it and shook his head.

Mark stood up and walked up to Ian. He knelt down beside his chair and took charge of the mouse. Ian watched as a pointer on his screen moved about. “This is your MSN.” He said, clicking on a butterfly. “We need to sign you up for an account so you can get messenger and we can send messages during class.”

“We are allowed to do that?”

Knowing Ian probably wouldn’t do it if he said they weren’t, he muttered out a ‘sure,’ feeling a little guilty for lying. But he knew Ian wouldn’t get in any trouble as the teacher rarely made rounds in the class, in fact after giving initial instructions the man was barely in the class.

“What do you want your user name to be?”

“What’s my user name?”

Mark looked up at him, he knew Ian was very out of touch but hadn’t suspected he was so severely out of touch. “Well your email address. Like mine is Markluvsjase.”

Ian smiled. “That’s so sweet.”

Jason chuckled from behind him and Ian turned and smiled at him.

Paul started to fake gag beside him so Mark reached past Ian in a flash and smacked Paul in the arm. “Shut up.” Ian could tell he wasn’t angry from the humor that was in his voice. He looked back at Ian. “So you got any idea what you want?”

Wanting to go on the same theme but not wanting to advertise at that the same time he said. “IandNalways.”

Mark’s eyes lit up. “Ohhhh good one.” He typed it into the computer then did some more fast clicking. The end result was a small screen that came up with his username at the top. “Now I’m just gonna add me and Jason, I’ll add Nathan too so if he’s ever on when you are you guys can chat.”

Ian nodded though the whole concept was still confusing the heck out of him. “Okay you’re all set.” Mark stood up just as the teacher walked into the room.

“So what do I do with it?” Ian asked quietly.

“Hold on. You’ll see.”

He listened while the teacher talked. Might as well have been speaking a foreign language as Ian had no inkling about what the guy was talking about. As the box on his screen started blinking it caught his attention and he looked down at it. He smiled seeing a smiley face on the screen. Beside the face was Mark’s name so he figured Mark must have sent it. His eyes widened as another window opened and he got another smiley face, this one beside Jason’s name.

Ian looked back at them and shook his head as he mouthed. “I still got no idea what to do?”

Paul snickered beside him then leaned over to Ian’s computer. “You just click your mouse in here Ian,” he said pointing it to a box at the bottom of the windows. “Then type whatever you want to say to them. If you want to use the faces you just click on this drop down. To choose one you just click on it and it will show up in this window.”

“Okay,” Ian took charge of the mouse and looked over the large amount of smiley faces to choose from. He chose one with its tongue sticking out for Mark and one with a real big smile for Jason. “Do I hit send?” he whispered over to Paul.

“Yep,”

The only thing he learned that class was how to use Messenger. He supposed the teacher was trying to teach something else but it was all so far over his head he couldn’t even start to comprehend it.

To his happiness and astonishment Paul seemed to step in and save the day. He didn’t know it until they were in the van and heading home. Paul spoke up from the seat in front of him. “Kyle?”

“Yeah Paul?” Kyle replied while keeping his eyes on the road.

“Ian and I need to use the computer tonight, as part of study hour. Is that okay?”

“I guess.” Kyle’s eyes flickered back to Ian in the rear view mirror. “You taking computer now Ian?”

“Yes sir,”

“And he doesn’t know a thing.” Paul piped up. “I figure he needs extra tutoring. I can do it but of course we’ll need to use the computer.”

“That’s very nice of you to help him out Paul.” Kyle said. “I’m proud of you.”

Ian was the most pleased of all however. This must have meant that Paul didn’t hate him. That perhaps he was a nice guy just like Jeff. Paul had teased Mark and Jason in computer class; he’d sensed then that the guy just liked to tease people. But the way Mark and Jason reacted told him Paul was just doing it in good fun. That he wasn’t being mean. Which perhaps was what Paul had been doing with him all along. He just took everything so literally he hadn’t seen it.

They were home no more then five minutes when Ian was called down out of his room. He walked down the stairs to see Mr. Harvey sitting at the dining room table with Reverend Delmar. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked fearfully as soon as he saw them there.

The reverend looked up at him and smiled. “No son not at all. I just wanted to talk to you.”

Relaxing his body in relief Ian walked over and sat down by the man.

“Do you know what respite is Ian?”

Ian nodded. “Yeah, it’s when you go stay at someone house.”

“Well yes that, plus it’s a chance to get to know a family. To see if maybe you’d want to stay there permanently.”

“Yeah I heard that too.”

“So I’m here because I’ve been to see your social worker. I want to ask you now, if you are willing to test drive our family.”

Ian’s mouth dropped open as his face lit up in surprise and with incredible happiness. “Really?”

Ron nodded elated with the boy’s reaction. He’d been leery that Ian may not want to live with another preacher. He’d had an inkling that Ian was smart enough to know the differences and understand that all preachers weren’t bad but hadn’t been sure until seeing his elated face. “Like I said on Saturday I really, really like you. The wife is crazy about you and Matt’s never talked so much about any one, well except girls, in his entire life. I know we all already want you to live with us. But we need you to be sure.”

“But I already am sure.” He looked over at Mr. Harvey. “I mean I really like it here. Really I do.”

Mr. Harvey grinned. “I know that Ian. But you knew from the beginning this situation would only be temporary. This is a transition place not a permanent place. And if you want you can come back and visit us anytime. You’re only a couple of houses away.”

“Oh I’d want.” He said smiling; glad he hadn’t hurt the man’s feelings by being so excited to go someplace else. He looked back at the reverend. “I do know I want to live with you guys. I know already. I don’t need to test drive you.”

Ron chuckled. “Well we have no choice in that. Social Services requires so many visits before we can make it official.”

“How many?”

“Five.”

Ian sighed. “Well okay. But just so’s you know I don’t need it. I want you to know I’m already sure.”

“I know, and I appreciate you making that clear for me. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

Ian blushed as he rubbed his hands together, still not too comfortable with receiving compliments.

“So how about you coming over on Friday night and spending the weekend with us? You can stay from Friday until Sunday evening and we can do that every weekend until our five visits are up and you can move in permanently.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Before the man left he gave Ian a big hug which Ian gratefully returned. He was feeling so incredibly happy so often now he could no longer decipher his happiest moments but knew this one was up near the very top.