Unbreakable Faith - 16. Chapter 16

Unbreakable Faith

Chapter 16

Ian and Greta got into the car at 8:30 on Friday morning for the trip to the doctor’s. “Does my doctor know I’m going to see someone else?” Ian asked not wanting his doctor to have hurt feelings that he wasn’t going to see him anymore.

“He wasn’t your regular doctor Ian, just an on call doctor at the hospital. See there’s a whole staff of them at the hospital. Just because you had a certain doctor there, doesn’t make him your regular doctor. And now that you are part of our family I think its best you see our family doctor.”

Ian looked over at her and nodded. “I just didn’t want him to be upset.” He chuckled a bit. “Not that I’m a highly sought after patient, but you know what I mean right?”

As she pulled the car out onto the road she reached over and squeezed his knee. “Sure honey. And it’s very sweet of you to think of his feelings. But he won’t mind one bit I’m sure.” She was quiet for a minute and Ian studied her, seeing she was deep in thought about something.

“What is it?” he asked after a minute.

She looked at him briefly and smiled again. “Have you and Nathan had sex?”

Ian’s mouth dropped as he felt himself blushing. “No mom, honest.”

She glanced at him again and smiled. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you hon, I’m not very tactful sometimes. Just I wanted to know. And I want you to know I don’t think it’s something you should rush into.”

Ian nodded. “I know, I told Nathan he’d have to go real slow with me. I’m not interested in sex at this point in my life. And I know he’d never push it on me. How do you feel about kissing though?” He blushed again as he asked.

“I don’t see any problem with kissing.”

“You sure?”

She looked at him and smiled again. “Sure I’m sure Ian.”

She parked the car in front of a rather small, one story building. He looked from the building to her in surprise. “This is it?”

She chuckled as she nodded. “It doesn’t have to be a big place to be a good place.”

He nodded as he opened the door. Stepping out of the car he kept his eyes on the building as his nervousness grew. He hadn’t really thought much about going to the doctor, therefore hadn’t been that nervous. But being here now, in front of the building, his nerves were definitely kicking in. He followed Greta into the building and into a room lined with chairs. Greta walked up to a counter with a glass partition. A woman behind the glass slid open the window and smiled at her. “Hello Greta, how are you?”

“I’m fine Nancy. How are you?”

“Doing fine also.”

“I brought in Ian; we have a 9 o’clock appointment.”

The woman nodded. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re here. Shouldn’t be too long.” She handed a clipboard out of the window which Greta took. “Just fill that out while you wait.”

Greta nodded, turned around and led Ian over to the row of chairs. She sat down in one and he sat down right beside her. “You’re gonna go in with me right?” he asked quietly as he wiped the excess sweat from his hands.

“Sure honey if you’re sure you want me to.”

“Oh I want.” he said weakly.

She squeezed his knee then poised her pen over the clipboard. “Do you know your middle name?”

Ian put his hands under his thighs and swung his legs back and forth. “Um,” he narrowed his eyes and thought hard. “I think maybe Andrew.”

“Your birthday is December 12th right?”

He grinned and nodded. Though he hadn’t discussed it with her he figured someone must have told her. “I’ll be sixteen.”

“You’ll have to have a party.”

He leaned ahead in his chair so he could get a better look at her face. “Really?”

“Well of course really. Birthdays are a big event in our house. So you better start deciding who you want to invite.”

Ian grinned excited as ever even though it was still over a month away.

“When was the last time you went to the doctors? Not when you were in the hospital, an actual doctor’s office.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been.”

“Really?”

He looked at her and nodded. “I don’t remember going.”

“You’re going to need shots then.”

He made a face which she chuckled at. “It won’t be so bad. I’m sure you’ve felt worse.”

“Uh-huh yeah I suppose. It still doesn’t make me look forward to pain though.”

She smiled sympathetically at him. “I’m sorry hon.”

He gave her an endearing grin. “I’ll survive. You gotta hold my hand though.”

“No problem. So you probably don’t know if any diseases run in your family?”

“No Mom” he turned and looked at her totally confused now. “You did know the Weaver’s weren’t my real parents’ right? That they adopted me too.”

Her hand flew up to her mouth and she shook her head apologetically. “Oh hon, I’m sorry, I totally forgot about that.”

He grinned lopsidedly at her. “Well that’s okay; I just would have been surprised if you didn’t know. I’m not upset or anything.”

“I should have remembered though, I feel so bad I didn’t.”

He looked at her in confusion. “Why should you have remembered? Is that a rule?”

“No, it’s just not something I should have forgotten.”

He put his hand on hers and squeezed. “I don’t want you to feel bad. I’d feel bad if you felt bad. So don’t okay?”

She nodded as she smiled at him holding back her tears. How this boy who’d been shown no love his entire life could be so loving in every way was astounding to her. It was the thing she admired most about him. How he was so able to easily show his love when he’d never been shown any himself.

“Do you remember ever having chicken pox?”

“Um, what’s that?”

“When you have a fever and get covered in red itchy spots?”

Ian nodded without hesitation. “Yeah I had that years ago.”

“Strep throat? Where you had another fever and a really sore throat?”

“Um, I think so.”

“Were you ever in the hospital before this last time?”

“No.” He quickly leaned closer to her when a man in a white coat walked out of a hallway. “Ian?” He asked, walking up to them and holding out his hand. Still leaning into Greta Ian reached out and shook his hand. “Yes sir,”

“I’m Doctor London. You want to come with me please?”

Ian stood up literally pulling Greta up with him. “She can come too right?”

“Of course.”

Greta walked along beside Ian never having considered that he would be so nervous, it was like he was downright scared of the man. He always seemed so in control, so ‘okay’ that she hadn’t realized at all that he’d be so scared. Despite his fear though he was going through with it. Not running from the building and locking himself in the car. That made her beam with pride for him.

They walked into a small exam room, Ian not giving up the grip he had on her hand. “Hop up on the table son.”

Ian looked from her to the table. Greta thought he was about to start crying and was ready to run him out of the building herself when he turned away from her and got up onto the table. She walked up beside him and put her hand on his back. “You okay sweetie?”

He nodded, not sure he could get his mouth to work. He had no idea he’d be this scared. He didn’t want some man checking him over and didn’t want Greta to see what lay beneath his clothes. His fear of being alone with the man was much greater though. There was no way he’d be able to handle this at all if she were to leave the room.

Doctor London, sensing the boy’s fear as well, took a little extra time to look over the paperwork Greta had filled out. He’d gotten the files from the hospital and didn’t in anyway blame the boy for his fear. After a couple of minutes he walked up to the table. “How are you feeling? Any aches or pains?” As the boy looked up at him the doctor got the impression he was not being seen at all. That he was somewhat blinded by his panic.

“No sir,”

“Any problems going to the bathroom? Frequent urination? Stomach pains?”

Ian quickly shook his head.

“Appetite okay?”

“Yes,”

“How’s your arm feeling?”

“Fine.”

“You get the cast off next week, is that right?”

“Yes sir,”

“I’m just going feel your neck okay?” The doctor lifted his hands and pressed them in around Ian’s neck. He felt the boy stiffen, even stop breathing and his pulse speed up. He stopped feeling around much sooner then he normally would have. After asking a couple more questions which were answered almost robotically he looked over at Greta. “Can I talk to you in my office for a minute?”

Greta nodded then put her hand on Ian’s shoulder and smiled at him. “I’ll be right back okay hon?”

Ian nodded looking green in the face and feeling like he was going to throw up all over the place. He watched as the two walked out of the room and the door was closed behind them.

Greta sat down in the chair facing the doctor’s desk while Dr. London sat down on the corner of the desk. “I can’t do this to him. He’s terrified. Just when I was feeling his neck his pulse got so fast I’m sure he was going into a panic attack. I’ve looked over his files from the hospital and I already know I want to run more tests than that doctor did.” He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. “My plan is to just admit him to the hospital for a day or so. Sedate him, give him an exam and run my tests. That way he’s only stressed for the few minutes he’s there before he gets the shot.”

Greta nodded unable to disagree. “I think that’s a good idea. I had no idea he’d be so terrified.”

“How is he otherwise, with you and your family? Does he seem okay?”

“He seems fine, which is why I was so surprised with the way he was in there.”

“Have you considered having him see a psychiatrist?”

“My husband counsels. He’s been working with him. And Ian is pretty open. He doesn’t really hide his feelings. He pretty much says what he’s feeling.”

“Has he talked much? About his past?”

“Some, he never goes into any details or anything like that. But he has mentioned his parents a few times.”

“How does he seem when he talks about them?”

Greta wiped at her eye where a tear was threatening to fall then pulled a tissue out of her purse. “More confused than anything. And he’s trying really hard to get all his answers.” She let out a small weak laugh. “He’s constantly asking questions. About what is right, what is wrong, and how things should be.”

The doctor nodded as a small smile filled his face. “I’m impressed he’s doing that. Impressed he’s not just blaming himself. He seems like a bright boy.”

“Oh he is, very smart. It’s like he’s got the mind of a wise old man. He doesn’t have all the answers but he knows what he has to do to figure them out, and he’s doing it.”

“So you want to go with my idea of putting him under at the hospital?”

She shook her head and let out a long relieved sigh. “Anything but this. I can’t take seeing him so scared. When do you want to do it?”

“As soon as possible. How about this coming Monday?”

“Sure, that sounds fine. Thank you so much.” She stood up and shook the man’s hand then went and collected Ian.

In the car on the way to school Ian clutched at his stomach still feeling quite nauseous. “I’m sorry mom,” He said shaking his head.

“It’s not your fault hon.”

“But I don’t know why I got so scared.” He turned sideways in the seat and leaned his head back against the passenger side window. “It’s not that I didn’t trust your doctor.” He looked down at his hands and shrugged. “Maybe it was. I don’t know, it just came on so fast, I tried to be good. Honest.”

Greta pulled the car into a parking lot and turned sideways in her own seat after parking the car. “Honey I’m not mad at you.” She could see the fear on his face, hear the desperation in his voice and it nearly broke her heart. “Don’t you think that, not even for a second. These things happen sometimes. It’s nothing to be mad about and nothing to be ashamed of.”

Ian looked her over. If he’d been anywhere near as bad as he’d been at the doctors when he was with the Weaver’s he imagined he’d be tied to the cross in the basement by now. He knew the Delmar’s would never punish him like that but wondered just what would be considered wrong in their eyes. He knew he wasn’t the perfect boy. Knew he still had to be doing things wrong and was seriously wondering why he never got into trouble anymore.

He was fully aware the Weaver’s had been overly strict, that he’d been punished for things most kids never got punished for. Now suddenly it was like he could do whatever he wanted and never get into trouble for it. He wasn’t sure that was right. Was still worried it would all go to his head and he’d really and truly become a bad boy. “What would be wrong? In your eyes?” he asked, his eyes studying her face.

She made herself more comfortable then reached out and took his hand. She pulled it over to her side of the car and held it with both hands in her lap. “Well anything that could cause us to worry about you. Like going out and not telling us where you’re going, being late for curfew. Doing stuff that could be dangerous for you. Swearing, fighting, purposefully doing anything destructive whether it’s to yourself, someone else or property. Anything that’s against the law.”

“So like tonight, if I was late coming back from Nathan’s I’d get in trouble?”

“If you were late and didn’t call.”

“And how would you punish me?”

“You’d be on restriction. Probably for the rest of the weekend. Depending on how late you were.”

“And what exactly is restriction? I mean what would I be restricted from?”

“The phone, going anywhere, having Nathan over for Sunday dinner.”

Ian nodded, feeling that would be a punishment, as not talking to or seeing Nathan for the weekend would make him unhappy. Therefore it made him want to obey the rules so it wouldn’t happen.

“Do you want to go home for a while? Instead of right back to school? You still look a little green around the gills.”

“No, I’ll be okay.” He smiled at her. “Thanks though.”

It was eleven o’clock by the time he walked into the school. Knowing it was fourth period he walked down the hall and into the home-ec room. He smiled seeing Nathan. Though he was nervous about meeting his mother that night, he was still excited about getting to spend the evening with the love of his life.

He walked up to their usual table where there was some type of tissue paper spread over the surface and Nathan was looking pretty harried. Ian chuckled as he sat down. Nathan grinned at him and shook his head in frustration. “Hey babe. You know cooking is a heck of a lot more fun than this.” He waved his arms dramatically over the paper on the table.

Ian smiled, already feeling less sick now that Nathan was by his side. “What is it?” He asked, looking over the table.

“Sewing,” he nearly gagged as he said it which set Ian to giggling.

“What are you making?”

“We, we are making a bed spread.” He pulled a huge stack of scraps of material out from another chair at the table. “Now that you’re here we can pick our material. I figured I’d just start cutting the darn shapes out til you got here.” He turned in his chair so he was facing Ian and their knees were touching, the stack of material in his lap. As he started rifling through it he asked. “So how did the doctor’s go?”

Ian drew his hands back from the stack and slouched his shoulders. “Horrible.”

Nathan looked up at him his face full of concern. “How so?”

“I freaked out.” He said a little too loudly. He quickly looked around and didn’t speak again until everyone looked away from him. He leaned in a little closer to Nathan and made sure to adjust the volume of his voice. “I just got so scared Nathan, I nearly puked all over myself. The doctor didn’t even examine me. I think he thought I was gonna die of fright or something. The way I was feeling that wouldn’t have surprised me much either.”

“Do you know why?” He asked, his concern still written all over his face. “I mean why you would be scared of him? Were you that scared of the doctor in the hospital?”

“No, that’s what’s even more confusing to me.”

“Well maybe cause you had so much else on your mind in the hospital. Maybe you were so scared of everything else at that point you didn’t really have the opportunity to get scared of a doctor.”

Ian nodded as he studied his hands, which he was wringing together. “Yeah maybe. But I just don’t like being that scared, especially when there’s no reason behind it.”

Nathan reached over and gently separated Ian’s hands. He held one in each of his own and looked deep into Ian’s eyes. “You have every right to be scared now and then Ian. I realize it must really suck for you. But you don’t have to feel so embarrassed about it.”

Looking him over, Ian cocked his head to one side. “How did you know I was embarrassed?”

“Cause you aren’t holding eye contact with me. Cause you keep looking down at your lap.”

Ian met his eyes and grinned. “You know I love that you know me so well.”

Chuckling Nathan squeezed his hands a little tighter. “You may not always like it. But I’m glad for now you do.”

“I won’t ever dislike it.”

“Well we’ll see. You are an original person so you may be right.”

Ian grinned even bigger. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

Grinning back Nathan laughed a little bit. “Compliment, all the way baby.” He looked back down at the stack. “So I guess we should pick out our stupid material.”

“Well who you gonna give it to? That should help us decide.”

“Well you are gonna have it silly. I want to picture you sleeping under the blanket made from our love.”

Ian snorted and quickly put his hand over his nose. Nathan laughed too. “A bit over the top?”

“Little bit. Very sweet but sounds like it’s coming right out of a Sylvia Plath poem.”

Nathan nodded as he chuckled some more. “Do you want it though? I’d really like if you had it. Though I said it kinda corny, the sentiment is still there.”

“Okay then, if it’s what you want. I’d love to sleep under something we both made.”

“Even if it comes out crappy?”

He smiled as he nodded. “Even if it comes out crappy.”

“Okay so that means you gotta pick the material.”

Ian laughed out loud. “Oh I see the plan behind your madness.”

Nathan laughed right along with him.

“But if you want it to be made with love,” he stopped to giggle. “From the both of us then you should still help pick out the material.”

Nathan rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay you got me.”

Nathan met Ian at his locker after the last bell of the day rang. “You ready?”

Ian pulled out his last book and shoved it in his pack. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Well you don’t gotta really start to worry til after five. We’ll be alone til then.”

“Oh,” he paused then added a ‘YAY’

Nathan grinned and took his hand. “Shall we then?”

“We shall.”

Ian could never have prepared himself for the house at the end of the driveway they pulled into. He leaned forward as they drove closer, his chin dropping lower and lower. “Are you teasing me?” he asked, looking at Nathan in shock.

“Huh? I didn’t even say anything.”

“No not that,” he pointed out the front window. “This house. You’re teasing me right? I mean this can’t be your house.”

Nathan looked at him, his own mouth dropping open in surprise. “No man.” He shook his head and chuckled. “I’m not teasing you. This is really my house.”

His eyes as wide as saucers, Ian turned his head back and looked out the front window again. “Wow,” was all he could manage to say. It stood three stories tall, was brick and had white pillars going from the porch up to a balcony on the third floor.

“I guess I shoulda prepared you a bit huh?”

Ian looked back at Nathan and snorted yet again. “I got a rich boyfriend,” he said excitedly. “Me, little ole Ian Weaver, dating an heir to some fortune.”

Nathan parked the car as he busted out laughing. “Well since you were with me before you knew, least I know you aren’t in it for the money.”

Snorting again Ian put his hand over his mouth. “Darn it, why do I keep doing that?”

Nathan laughed again. “I think it’s cute.”

Looking around the car Ian shook his head. “Man, you even live on the ocean.”

“Well we are an ocean side community.”

“Wow I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe I’m actually gonna be able to go inside there. Be able to eat dinner in there.”

“It’s just a house.”

Ian looked at him and laughed. “Yuh right, it’s a palace. I always knew you were a prince, now I got my proof.”

Nathan was still grinning at Ian’s last comment when they walked into the house. He grinned even wider when Ian’s face filled with awe as he looked around the large entry hall. He knew his house was nicer than most but to him it was just his house. Seeing Ian’s reaction to it though certainly was something special to him.

He gave him a thorough tour of the first floor. Through the large dining room. Into the even bigger kitchen. Back through the entrance hall past the winged stair case and into a huge living room with the biggest TV Ian had ever seen.

“Wow,” Ian stated, walking up to it and running his hand down the side. “This really a TV?”

Nathan chuckled. “Sure is. Do you want to watch it?”

Ian put his finger between his lips and shrugged, he still wasn’t certain about the whole TV ‘being a tool of the devil’ issue.

Nathan held up a finger as his face brightened. “I got an idea babe. You want to watch home movies?”

Lowering his finger out of his mouth Ian looked him over. “What’s home movies?”

“Movies of me growing up.”

A brilliant smile lit up Ian’s face. “Yeah,” he answered almost breathlessly, as he’d always wondered what Nathan had looked like when he was younger.

“Well grab a seat on the couch.” Nathan said as he lowered himself down in front of the TV cabinet. “I just gotta find some good ones.”

Ian walked over to the couch and took a seat. Nathan spent a few minutes tinkering around then grabbed a remote off the top of the TV and sat down beside him. “This is when I was five. The baby stuff is boring.”

Ian’s eyes widened as the TV came to life. He imagined if it were dark the TV would light up the entire house it was so big. His eyes became fixated on the TV as Nathan, cute as a button appeared on it, running through the back yard of the house.

Nathan leaned over and undid Ian’s shoes, pulled them off then pulled off his own. He lay down on the couch, turning on his side with his legs behind Ian’s back. “Why don’t you lie down and snuggle with me Ian?”

Ian pulled his eyes away from the TV and looked down at him. “You think that’s okay?”

“Sure I think that’s okay. We both got clothes on. I’m not gonna touch you where you don’t want me to. Honest.”

Ian, though still not sure, nodded then laid down on his side as well, with his back to Nathan’s front. He put his head on Nathan’s bicep and Nathan’s other arm came down across his chest. Ian took Nathan’s hand and interlaced their fingers before his eyes settled back on the TV. He felt warm all over, warm and very happy to be lying there in Nathan’s strong arms. His body tingled at every contact spot, his back, his head, his butt, and his legs. He felt he would be completely happy to stay in this position forever.

“You sure were cute Nathan.” He nestled his head a little deeper into the crook of Nathan’s arm.

“Were?”

Chuckling Ian gripped Nathan’s hand a little tighter. “Well you know, you still are.”

“I don’t suppose you’ve got any pictures of when you were little?”

“No, I’m sure I was incredibly cute though.”

Nathan let out a small laugh while he kissed the back of Ian’s head. “I’m sure of it.”

They were silent for a few minutes while Ian watched Nathan’s younger years unfold in front of him. He found the movies absolutely fascinating. “Nathan?”

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t have any brothers or sisters?”

“Nope, my parents decided before they were even married that they just wanted one.”

Ian nodded and watched a little more. “Nathan?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever want brothers or sisters?”

“Once in a while. Mostly I was happy having my parents to myself though. And there were always plenty of other kids around to play with.”

“So you always had lots of friends?”

“Yeah, there are lots of kids my age that live right around here. Mark lives just at the end of this road.”

“So you guys have been friends a long time then?”

“Since we were like four.”

“Wow.”

Nathan nodded his head behind Ian though Ian, still staring at the TV couldn’t see it. He was barely watching the TV, his mind too busy being consumed by the great feeling of Ian in his arms. Of the fresh clean smell of his hair, the aroma of all of him. The aroma of ‘boy.’ A smell Nathan had always loved but with Ian it had more effect on him than it ever had before.

He badly wanted to have sex with Ian. More so though, he wanted to stay with Ian, to be with him forever. He knew if he pushed Ian too fast he could easily scare him off and had resigned himself to the fact that his hand would have to satisfy him until Ian was ready. Which, Nathan figured, would be a good long time.

“Nathan?”

He grinned and squeezed his arm around Ian a little tighter. “Yeah babe?”

“What’s your happiest memory?”

“That day in the bathroom when you said you’d be my boyfriend.” He felt Ian’s chest expand under his arm. Ian let go of his hand then rolled himself over. He pushed himself up on the couch so they were eye to eye.

“You serious or are you just flattering me?”

Nathan grinned at him, his heart racing at Ian’s beautiful face being so close to his. “Of course I’m serious. You made my life that day. It’s like you made me whole.” The engaging grin that came across Ian’s face melted Nathan’s heart.

Ian ran his hand up Nathan’s stomach and rested it on the small mound of his pectoral muscle. “Did you have a boyfriend before?”

“One or two. None I felt anywhere near as strongly about as I feel about you though.”

“My new dad says I have to work on my self esteem.” Ian’s eyes fluttered up to Nathan’s then landed back on the hand that was on Nathan’s chest. “I think you are good for that.”

Nathan laughed as he moved his hand over Ian and rubbed it up and down his back. “Well it’s all true, what I say.”

Ian smiled at him. “You mean so much to me Nathan. I think about you all the time. I don’t even want to think of my life without you being in it.” He looked up into Nathan’s eyes. “I really, really love you.”

“I love you too Ian. With all my heart.”