Dealing with Life - 2. Chapter 2

Stephan sat on the park bench looking out through the trees and listening to the gurgling of the creek. He was trying desperately to lose himself in the sound. He felt like if he listened close enough he could make out words as the water flowed by. He had a similar creek back home he would escape to when he needed to be alone.

The park was relatively empty. Most of the students were still in class. He had skipped one of his classes for the first time. He just could not get himself to face anyone at the moment. He knew he was on the verge of crying. That seemed to happen a lot lately. How he has managed to keep that from everyone around him he always found amazing. He had become adept at smiling and being friendly to those around him, regardless of the pain trying to surface.

He sighed and decided to get up and head back to his dorm room. Sean won’t be back for a couple of hours. Maybe he could lay down for a bit.

“Steph!”

He turned and saw Tyler running towards him. He felt his heart skip a beat. “Great, that’s all I need now” he thought. It wasn’t that he disliked Tyler. In fact it was quite the opposite. He could not seem to think straight when Tyler was around and it seemed to just make him feel worse about himself. Tyler was in his History class and was part of the reason he skipped out today.

“Hey Ty” he said trying to conjure a smile.

Tyler winced. “You don’t look so good. How are you feeling? I missed you in class.” Tyler was looking at Stephan with what looked like genuine concern.

“I’m just not feeling well. I was just heading back to the dorm to lay down for a bit.” To himself he thought “You wouldn’t be so concerned if you knew what I keep hidden.”

“Hey, why don’t you join me for dinner. My treat!” Tyler was looking at Stephan with a hopeful look in his eye.

God! How can you say no to those eyes. As much as he hated himself for it, he felt himself giving in. Tyler was looking at him with those green eyes, brown hair blowing in the breeze, and that half smile that seemed to make his common sense just step right out the door.

“Ok, maybe something solid in my stomach will help. As long as you think you can put up with me that long.”

Tyler’s half smile turned into a full-blown smile that about took Stephan’s breath away.

“I think I can suffer through the company,” Tyler said, leading the way to the Sub Shop. They walked in silence and ordered their food. After they sat down to eat Tyler looked at Stephan with a thoughtful look. “Are you ok Steph? I know you said you wasn’t feeling very well, but you seem to have been down about something for quite a while now.”

At the pained look on Stephan’s face, Tyler hurried on. “I know we haven’t really known each other that long, but I really like you and hope we can become friends. If you need to talk about anything, I am a good listener.”

Maybe I should just come out and say it, Stephan thought to himself. I could just tell him I am gay, but I don’t think I could bear him looking at me with hate in his eyes. Instead he said “I am fine, really.” He could not get himself to look into Tyler’s face, so he missed the look of hurt and doubt there.

As they where finishing their food, one of the boys at the table next to them started telling a joke about a “fag”. As he continued his joke, Stephan felt himself shut down. His self-loathing was coming to a peak.

“Ty, thanks for the sandwich. I really am not feeling very well. I am going to head back to my room.”

“Hey, my pleasure. Think about what I said.” Please talk to me Steph, he thought. I know something is hurting you and I would really like to help. Out loud he said “Get some rest and I will see you tomorrow.”

Stephan hurried out and back to his room. He fell on his bed with tears streaming down his face. “God! I can’t take this anymore!”

He got up and left his room. He went up the stairway to the roof. For a moment he just stood there looking out across the campus. “Goodbye” he said as he took a step off the roof. He heard someone scream his name and wondered if four stories were high enough and then everything went dark.

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“STEPHAN!”

Oh Jesus don’t let him be dead! Tyler ran as fast as he could to reach Stephan. He had fallen into some bushes and didn’t seem to be moving. Tyler could barely see through the tears streaming down his face. He vaguely heard someone say they had called for help.

“Why couldn’t you talk to me Steph? What could be so bad that you couldn’t talk?” He didn’t know what to do. He knew he wasn’t supposed to move him, but he should be able to do something, right? He resigned himself to holding his hand and waiting for help. There was so much blood!

He felt a hand on his shoulder and was pulled back. As he looked up he saw a cop with the paramedics coming in behind him.

“You have to give them room to work guy.” The cop kept his hand on his shoulder and he found it somewhat comforting while watching the paramedics go to work. He heard them say he was still alive and felt himself grow weak with relief. If the cop wasn’t holding on to him he was sure he would have fell to the ground. “Easy there,” the cop said.

Tyler started to follow Stephan to the ambulance, but the cop held him back. “You can’t ride in the ambulance, but I can take you to the hospital in my car. Maybe you can answer some questions for me about what you saw on the way?”

Tyler nodded and followed the cop to his car.