Chapter 2 – Past Connections

“We are now descending to the runway at Wilkes-Barre/Scranton International Airport. Please make sure all trays are stowed in their upright and locked positions as well as your seat belts are securely fastened. The current temperature in the area is a chilly thirty-three degrees and there is snow forecasted for the early nighttime hours into tomorrow. The local time is now seven thirty. Thank you for flying with us once again and have a safe trip.”

I awoke to the pilot’s standard-sounding landing speech, modified only for location and current weather conditions. I glanced over and saw Aaron and Mom both passed out. Aaron’s head was even almost on my shoulder. I turned back towards the window and watched as the runway got bigger and bigger. A small jolt rocked the plane as the wheels touched the asphalt. I saw something for the first time in a long time. Something I’d never think I’d see again.

Snow.

The white powder clung to rooftops and the grassy areas of the airport. I saw tire paths crisscrossing in almost random directions from the luggage cars loading and unloading planes. It reminded me of the last time I saw snow. When Shane and I had gone into the mountains for some ski and snowboarding lessons that one and only time. Somehow, though, this snow coating the ground felt different. More special. It gave the military-like towers and structures an almost magical quality. I had to let Aaron see this, so I nudged him until he awoke. It wasn’t too hard – the landing stirred him but he tried to go back to sleep. “Aaron. Hey Aaron!” I whispered loudly since the plane was pretty quiet. I guess a five hour flight can do that to most people.

“What?” he whined as he rubbed his eyes.

“Look!” I said. “There’s snow on the ground.” His eyes widened a bit more, but the nap tried vainly to bury Aaron’s eyes again. He leaned as best he could with the seat belt in his way towards the window. I leaned back to make sure he had a good view to the outside.

“Whoa…” he breathed. “Everything’s so… white. And it looks so…” He never finished that thought. He just stared, his one hand digging a bit into my forearm as he kept trying to get closer to the window.

“Aaron, okay lean back. You’re putting too much weight on my arm, dude.” That snapped him back to reality and he sunk in his seat.

“Sorry Theo,” he said with a small giggle as I couldn’t help to rub my arm where his weight dug into it. He turned back to the window but didn’t try to get closer. “I never thought snow could look that awesome like that…”

“From what I know, it can snow a good deal around here,” Mom said as she placed a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “I can imagine you boys getting into a lot of snowball fights around these parts.”

“Snowball fights?!” both of us nearly exclaimed as we turned to our brother. “Cool!” Mom just laughed. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but decided against it. Finally, the plane docked and the painful process of disembarking from the aircraft started. Luckily since all of our stuff was already shipped out this way or in the process of being shipped, we had little in luggage to worry about – both the carry-on and regular kind.

We stepped off into the exit gate area and I just watched as passengers scattered every which way. Some trying to rush to their next gate and plane before it left without them. Others milled about the baggage claim area, hoping that each bag that dropped was theirs. Still others just relaxed in the various stores scattered here and there, checking out the merchandise or grabbing a quick bite.

Mom muttered something to herself but I didn’t pick up on what she said, distracted by things. Mom got my attention and the three of us started for the exit after she consulted a layout of the airport. “Since we forgot to leave our winter coats off to the side, it’s gonna be a bit cold between here and the car waiting for us. If you boys need to, huddle together for warmth.”

“Mom…” Aaron drew out. “We’re not babies you know.” That was Aaron’s big thing – he hated being treated like he was seven.

She just glanced down at him. “You’ll always be my baby, even when your fifty years old.” My brother just rolled his eyes while I stayed silent. I felt no need to further her silly comments along with anything I might say. That and I didn’t want to start screaming at her. I thought the pain was bad sitting in Shane’s room not roughly six hours ago. It now felt ten times worse. I was in no mood to talk.

Mom was right about it being cold between the entrance area to our waiting vehicle. I nearly froze to death within the first five steps! She wasn’t kidding! I hadn’t felt that much cold since we visited our Dad when he stayed up in Washington state. Aaron unashamedly clung to me as we both scurried and shivered our way to the car.

Mom pulled the door shut behind her and nodded to the driver we were ready. “Can you kick the heat up a bit back here please? We were dumb in our packing and didn’t have our winter coats. My boys are shivering.”

“No problem, ma’am,” the driver said.

“S-S-So c-c-cold,” Aaron muttered, his teeth chattering violently together. I just nodded. He still hugged me to him and I held him to me. His numb hands chilling my back through my tee. Pennsylvania winters are definitely not made for kids to be wearing short sleeves and thin khakis.

Slowly the back cabin area started to warm up and us brothers finally thawed enough to at least loosen our grips on one another. He giggled a bit as he looked at me when his look slowly changed. Something he obviously remembered. He became thoughtful as he slowly turned towards a different window. One where I couldn’t see his face. I scrunched up my forehead as I tapped his shoulder. “Aaron, what’s up?”

He glanced towards Mom, who seemed to be passed out again. He brought his voice down to a very low whisper. “Theo… is there… something you wanna tell me?” He fidgeted in his seat, unable to stay looking at me. “Maybe something… you’re scared to talk about?” He turned to me slowly and his eyes met mine. I silently cursed myself as I felt the color drain from my face.

He knows.

But… how? Am I like secretly wearing a rainbow flag and suddenly talking in a lisp?! This is twice now someone’s figured me out. What am I doing wrong?! I do what I think is my absolute best at hiding it from everyone and I still get “caught”. Maybe I left out one of my teen pop magazines, the one where I had drawn a heart around almost all the boys in it. If I did… did he look through it? I mentally kicked myself. God, what am I doing that makes people realize?!

“Th…Theo?” his voice sounded somewhat worried. Concerned. “Um… I-I don’t quite understand it all, but… I want you to know that… I don’t care. Really, I don’t. You’re still my big brother.” Aaron placed a hand on my knee, making me turn back to him. “I-I still love you.”

I couldn’t help but pull my knees to my chest, Aaron’s hand slowly falling off my leg. “Wh-What am I doing wrong…?” I mumbled, feeling confused as to just what I did or said to make others even think I was gay. “Wh-Why is it so hard to hide this?”

“Hard to hide what?” Mom’s voice made me look up at her and I started to panic. Did she just hear what Aaron and I were saying without saying it directly? Did she read the hidden meaning that both of her boys understood? I started to feel dizzy… weak.

Suddenly, Aaron spoke and managed to kick on a bit of waterworks. “I-It’s hard to hide how m-much it h-hurts to be away fr-from our friends.” Mom’s face showed her sympathy towards us before she patted Aaron on his knee and looked out the window. I immediately calmed down and chanced a glance at him the first moment I could. He had a wan smile on his face. I… I couldn’t believe that Aaron was really cool with it. I figured this would’ve been like gold against me if I accidentally pissed him off. Keep it as a trump card of sorts and bend me to his will. I shook the thought from my head and I felt guilty for even thinking it. Aaron wouldn’t ever do anything like that. He’s too genuine a person to think about revenge plots five years down the line. It’s just not who he is.

The rest of the twenty minute drive was quiet. I kept glancing at Aaron as I couldn’t help it. I needed to talk to him, privately, once we got to our new home. I needed to let him know how awesome he was for not hating me. Occasionally he’d look at me and he’d almost blush a bit before he diverted his eyes back to the snowy countryside.

The driver pulled up to a snow covered pathway. He opened the window separating us from him. “Sorry folks, but this is as close as I can get you. Not allowed to drive on this particular driveway.” The driveway in question went up a few yards before curving to the right towards some trees. A rundown gate of sorts flanked the sides of this driveway. If I wasn’t sure if we were at the right place – seeing as how I couldn’t even see the house – the address on the right portion of the gate told me we were here. Our new home.

“Why not?” Mom asked, looking down at us briefly. “How far is it to the house from here?”

The driver shifted in his seat a bit more. “It’s only a few hundred feet, if I could guess. Maybe a bit more. But it’s just that… let’s just say that I’ve been warned to never drive up this driveway without permission first.” We all looked at the man strangely. What’s wrong with driving up a driveway? Is this place supposedly cursed or something?

“C’mon Aaron,” I said as I tugged on his arm. “Apparently the locals are spooked about our new home.” Mom put the house key in my hand. He followed me out the door and we tore off down the path as fast as we could, not wanting to feel another blast of arctic air. As we rounded the bend, I almost stopped but the frozen wind reminded me I couldn’t.

The place was… huge! The place had to easily have like ten rooms. Probably more. It looked a bit worse for wear in my initial glance in the dark, assisted only by the lights coming from the structure itself. The lights gave the place a really… foreboding feel to it. I dismissed it as the first flakes of this storm we heard about on the plane lazily glided through the air.

“H-H-Hurry u-up!” Aaron complained as I finally got onto the wrap around porch. I shakily put the key into the lock and turned it. The lock released and Aaron almost shoved me out of the way to dart inside. I didn’t stop to wait and ran right behind him. Warmth washed over me as soon as I stepped over the threshold. Slowly, feeling started to come back to my numb limbs. I stepped over to a still shivering Aaron and rubbed my hands up and down over his exposed arms, attempting to warm him, all the while hoping my arms wouldn’t become frozen. “G-God it’s c-cold out th-there!”

“Y-You s-said it,” I said while shivering. I realized I had a few moments before Mom came in. “A-About wh-what was s-said in the c-car…”

“I-I told you… it’s o-okay w-with me.” He placed a hand on my chest. “R-Really. I-I meant it.”

“I-If you tell a-anyone without my p-permission, I’m gonna k-kick your ass. Understand?”

He nodded before he hugged me. “I wouldn’t d-do that, Theo.” I relaxed in his arms. “But… can we talk about it sometime? When we’re alone and have more t-time? I have some… questions.”

I nodded as Mom walked in the door, shivering herself. She at least had a scarf wrapped around her neck. She unwound it from her person and hung it on the coatrack right by the door. She waited until most of her shivers stopped before speaking. “At least it’s warm in here!” she laughed. “The snow’s really starting to come down now.” I glanced out the windows in the door and the flakes looked heavier and fell more rapidly. I think I heard the wind pick up a bit too. “I’m glad when the attorney’s office called to inform me of the weather here that I asked if they could make sure the fridge and pantry were stocked. If we’re snowed in, we won’t have to worry about starving right away.”

“That’s good to know,” I said as I couldn’t help but glance around. The entryway was pretty large… grand even. “Mom… how big is this place?”

“Pretty big,” she said with a tone of wonderment. “And to think… it’s been sitting here practically unused for ten years.”

“Do you know how old this place is?” Aaron asked. “It looks… really old.”

Mom laughed. “It’s probably at least a hundred. Maybe more.”

Absently, all three of us strolled through the entryway and found ourselves in a dining room of sorts being overlooked by a kitchen that would make Gordon Ramsay envious of. The space was huge and surprisingly modernized. Stainless steel appliances contrasted against the age and character the cabinetry exuded. Somehow, the mesh of old and new seemed to work. “Glad they did get the appliances in order. I’d hate to have seen what was here before we got here.”

“Is the cable set up? The Internet?”

Mom thought about that. “I don’t know. We might not be able to get it out this way. I’ll have to check on that with the cable company.” She smiled at the two of us. “Why don’t you boys go explore? There’re plenty of rooms to pick from to call your own, that’s for sure. Make sure you have your phones on you, just in case you get lost in here.” Both of us started back towards a set of stairs we saw in the entryway.

As we climbed Aaron asked, “Did you wanna look around on your own? Or do you mind if I tag along?”

I smiled at him as I threw my arm around his neck. “You said you had questions for me? I figure we have some brotherly time to spend together without Mom’s interference.”

His smile matched mine. “Cool, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind me sticking around for a bit.” We reached the top of the stairs on the second floor. The two of us glanced around. “Um… how about left?”

“Okay.” We veered to the left and started down the halls.

“When did you realize you were… gay?” Aaron asked. There… he actually said the word we danced around. It was actually a relief in some ways to hear him just say it and the tone he used. Totally curious and supportive.

“Probably last year,” I said a bit hesitantly. It felt strange to be having this conversation with my baby brother. I figured it wouldn’t happen until at least my junior or senior year. “I… um, started crushing on…” I blushed a bit. “On Shane around then. Pretty hard.”

Aaron couldn’t help but smirk. “That reminds me… how was it? You two kissing?”

I balked. “You… you saw us kiss?!” Aaron laughed a bit. He stopped quickly when he saw me looking both pained and just starting to get angry.

“N…No! It’s just… when you asked me to leave, I wasn’t quite ready to see Ian again. Thought it would hurt both of us too much, so I… kinda hung around Shane’s door for a bit. Heard what you were talking about… sorta.” He hung his head. “I didn’t think you’d start talking like that with each other… honest. I just figured you two would start remembering things together… kinda like Ian and I did.”

I wanted to feel a sense of betrayal towards Aaron. He spied on us! He listened to us share secrets only Shane and I talked about! Well, I guess my secret – Shane didn’t really hide too much from the world. Nothing big at all. Not like me. But as much as I wanted to stay angry, I just couldn’t. Sometimes Aaron did that to me. He had an innocent air about him, one that I felt compelled to protect from any disturbance, even if it was me. “Aaron…” I sighed. I started to pout. “I should be mad at you, for listening to us talk.”

The rooms seemed to go on forever, but in reality they didn’t. We rounded another corner, only to see that the staircase leading both to the first floor and third floor was only a few yards ahead of us. Aaron lightly giggled as he glanced at me. “At least it shouldn’t be too hard to figure this floor out. It’s one big square.”

“That’s good to know,” I said absently, still dwelling on the fact that I felt uneasy about what Aaron did.

“I said I was sorry,” Aaron pouted, sensing my conflict. “I-I didn’t realize you two shared things like that with each other. Like Chris and Chad do.” He paused. “I thought I had another year or so before you two would bring up relationships.”

“Why did you think that? Shane’s fourteen, bro. Older than both of us. He’s well into puberty. I’ve been in it for a bit myself, course not as long as Shane.” I looked at Aaron. “Have you started yet?”

He looked away. “I-I don’t know. How did you know?”

“Well if there aren’t the visible signs, like hair or getting bigger, there is a subtle feeling you get when you start. I felt it. That’s how I realized I was gay. As more and more of my friends started talking about girls, I just wasn’t getting that vibe. That’s when I started looking at my guy friends a bit differently. I knew something was up. I saw all of them in a different light.”

“Like Shane?” he asked. We reached the stairs and walked up to the third floor. This floor felt smaller than the second, but it felt more… I don’t know. Majestic? Grand? I wasn’t quite sure, but it did feel special to me in some way.

“Yeah, like Shane.”

“Does being gay make you feel different?”

Wow, I didn’t think Aaron could ask suck tough questions. “Um… in some ways, yeah but in others no. I mean…” I paused as I poked my head into a room only to pull it back out again. “Yeah, it’s different in the fact that I don’t like girls like most guys do. But as for the emotions? I don’t think it’s any different than it’d be if I was straight. Like Shane or Chris.” I stopped Aaron for a second. “Are you… getting feelings like I do? Or are you not sure yet?”

Aaron’s eyes shied away from me. “I-I don’t know, Theo. I think it’s too early for me to know for sure.”

“It’s okay, bud. I was just wondering. No rush,” I said. We resumed walking. “Will you tell me when you start to get those kinds of feelings? It’d be nice if we could talk about things like that. Probably would help to make sure we stay… you know, connected if you end up being straight.”

Aaron finally looked back at me with a small smile as I stared at him. “I’d like that Theo. I’d like that a lot.” A door stood partially open at the end of the hallway, almost teasing me with what lay beyond it. I walked a bit ahead of Aaron towards the room. I pushed the door open a bit more once I got to it.

The room wasn’t all that large. At least to me it didn’t look it. The remains of what seemed to be layers of dust used to cake the very floor itself, along with the mantle over the small fireplace and the ornate woodwork in the room. I stepped in and took in the space and stared at the four poster bed in the one corner, opposite the main attraction of the room: an awesome bay window that bulged the otherwise square room out in a semi-circle of glass. “This is my room…” I breathed out to no one. That window enchanted me and I had to walk towards it. I climbed up onto the very thin pad on my knees and just tried to imagine the view through the inky night and powdery snow. I could see a few things, but it was too hard to get the grand scope of it all this late at night.

“You want this to be your room?” Aaron asked, breaking my trance. I turned to him and he wrinkled his nose up at it. “You can have it. I don’t see what’s so great about it.”

I got back to my feet and dusted my knees off. I stepped over and pulled my brother into a hug. “Maybe one day I’ll show you why this room is so cool, Aaron. But trust me, I’m very happy to hear that you don’t want to fight me for it.” I laughed for a second. “I didn’t want to have to use the ‘big brother’ card on you.” He laughed a bit too.

“I hope we have enough blankets to stay warm tonight,” he said as we left the room. I pulled the door shut and removed a small sticky I had in my pocket. Before we left California, I wrote my name down on it so I could use to claim my room. I found a box of tacks nearby, so I tacked the sticky to that door to make sure my sticky would stay on the door. My brother brightened as we reached the stairs again. “I’m gonna check out a couple of the other rooms up here. See if they’re anything special.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m gonna check out the first floor.” Before I could take my first step down, Aaron once again pulled me into a hug. A tight one.

“I heard it’s not easy being gay from somewhere,” he said into my shoulder. “I hope it is easy for you, Theo. You’re awesome and don’t deserve any crap from anyone about it. Even if I don’t fully understand it.”

I didn’t know what to say to him. Once again, Aaron shows me that he’s one hell of a kid. “Th…Thanks, Aaron. That really means a lot to me. Probably more than you think it does.” Patting him on the back, I sent him on his way and I made my way to the first floor again. I almost ran into Mom as I hit it.

“Oh Theo… you startled me,” she said as she had just begun to turn up the stairs. “I was on my way to come get you.” Mom glanced behind me. “Here, come with me.” Curious, I followed her a few feet until she stopped at some old benches in the entryway. She sat and patted it next to her. I sat down. “I wanted to let you know that I might not be here in the morning. The lawyers are sending a car to come get me first thing. Like seven or eight. I just wanted to let you know so you wouldn’t worry.”

“Why so early?” I asked. “I mean, with the snow and everything…”

“They want to make sure that I fulfilled my part of the will that was left. Tomorrow is the deadline and they have to show that we’re here and residing here to the courts before they close for the day. The snow might slow them down a bit, hence the early start.” She placed a hand on my cheek. “They’re trying their hardest to make sure this works out for us, so that this house will stay in the family.”

“Whose house was this, Mom? You never did say.”

“This house – and surrounding lands – belonged last to my great Uncle Thaddeus. He was my grandfather’s brother. Thaddeus had no one to bequeath this place to, so I guess when I used to visit him, I made an impression on him. He left it to me. To us.”

“Why you?” I know she somewhat answered it, but I felt there was more to the story.

“Well, I guess Uncle Thad thought I would do this place the most good. His regular nieces and nephews – from a letter he had attached to the will – didn’t seem like they’d keep the history of this place alive. Nor would any other of his great nieces or nephews.”

“I kinda see it now,” I said as I stared into a wall. “Since you majored in history back when you were in college…”

“He thought I’d appreciate this place all the more.” She made me turn to her. “Theo, this place has a deep past. Back when a lonely old cottage used to sit on these grounds… I just know there’s a story here. Waiting for us to tell it to the world.”

I stood up and helped Mom back to her feet. “I think I’m gonna go crash. I picked out a room on the third floor to be mine. That’s okay, right?”

She smiled. “That’s fine. I kinda figured that would end up being the boys’ floor. I bet even Chris will pick the remaining room up there to bunk in when he visits. There’re a couple rooms on the ground floor that I’ll probably pick as mine. The other I’ll turn into the family office.” Mom stepped over to a bin sitting out by the base of the stairs. She pulled out two blankets – mine from my own bed. The bed I had back in California. “I hope these will help you sleep both warmer and better.” I took them from her and she threaded her fingers into my blond hair. “We’ll be back on our feet in no time, Theo. Just you wait and see.”

“Are Aaron’s blankets in that bin too?” She nodded. “I’ll take them up to him. Is that just blankets? Just our stuff, as in me and Aaron?”

“Yeah. Sheets too.”

“Okay. Night Mom. Love you.” I tossed my blankets on the top of the bin and struggled with it a little. I had to pause on the second floor before I could even attempt to get it up to the third. I didn’t realize blankets could be so heavy. Aaron emerged from somewhere and rushed to help me as I almost tipped backwards on the stairs.

“Whoa, Theo! You okay?” he asked a bit panicked as he took one side of the large bin after he caught me.

“Yeah, didn’t… realize this would be so… heavy and awkward to take… up two… flights of stairs.” Once we got it to the third floor, I had to sit on it and catch my breath. “Thanks for the assist, dude.”

“Yep, no sweat,” he said, beaming a bit.

“Actually for me… there was a little sweat.” Aaron laughed and I did too.

“What’s in this bin?”

“Our blankets and sheets from… from California.” I stood up and took the lid off again. The smell of our old house wafted out of that container, breathing a bit of that spirit into this old place. A faint trace of the California heat seemed to linger within. I couldn’t help but bring my sheets to my nose and I inhaled. I stopped short and bit back a sob.

“Theo, what is it?”

“Th-The sheets… I-I swear can sm-smell Shane on th-them…” Aaron knelt next to me and leaned his chest against my back, wrapping himself around me.

“I know it sucks Theo…” he said sadly. He leaned over and kissed me on my cheek. “C’mon… I’ll help you make your bed. Then you can help me with mine.”

“…’Kay,” I said as he had to help me to my feet. We pulled all my stuff out and left his behind before we somberly walked to my new room. The only thing that seemed clean in my room was the bed itself. Still, there was a layer of dust on the sheet fitted to the queen-sized mattress. Aaron and I pulled it off and took the cases off the pillows. Before we touched the other sheets, we both ran to the bathroom in the center of the floor to wash our hands. We agreed it wouldn’t make sense to put clean sheets on the bed if we dusted them up anyway with our hands. Both of us decided to brush our teeth while we were there once we located our toiletries. After only a few minutes, I had a bed ready to sleep in. My mood had lifted a bit.

I had to help Aaron deal with his emotions as he too managed to smell his best friend on the sheets and blankets. It took him a bit longer to recover being a bit younger than I am, but I didn’t mind. We always tried to help one another out. I still remember suffering through a few nights of sharing a bed with Aaron when Chris left for college – he couldn’t get to sleep. I was surprised I didn’t get kicked or punched at all those nights – Aaron settled in really well when he felt my presence. He didn’t even steal the blankets from me. At least for the first two nights he didn’t.

“Alright, beds are made,” I said as I smoothed out Aaron’s comforter. I glanced around the room he picked. It seemed to be similar to mine, but there was no fireplace and seemed more spacious. Still, I didn’t mind. I liked the bay window in my new room. It looked like it’d be a good place to think on things. I walked to the other side of the bed and pulled my brother in for one last hug for the night. “Good night, bud. If you need me, I’ll be down the hall. If you get confused about where you are, just call my cell. I’ll keep it nearby, okay?”

“Okay… thanks Theo. I can’t say enough how awesome you are.” He giggled a bit. “Even if you like boys.”

“Hardee har har,” I mused as I pushed myself off him. It didn’t last as he rushed me and planted a quick, brotherly kiss to my lips.

“Good night, Theo.” I ruffled his hair before I stepped out of his room, walked down the hall and into my new room. As I slid onto the surprisingly comfortable bed, I thought back on the whole day. As I was setting my phone down on the nightstand I somewhat dusted off earlier, I stopped and brought my phone back to me. I scrolled through my contacts and almost called but I stopped. Instead, I opened a text and typed out a text message.

Good night, Shane. Love you bud.

I let the phone sit on my chest for a few moments as I shifted a bit. I tried to wrap my brain around the thought that he wasn’t just next door any more. He was clear across the country. I couldn’t help but sigh in distress. My phone tickled my chest and I quickly opened the text.

You too, Theo… You too

I put the phone on my nightstand and rolled over, pushing my sad thoughts out of my mind. I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. I silently wept until blissful sleep took hold of me.