Primary Target - 6. Chapter 6

A couple days passed with nothing of particular note happening, except my Art teacher telling us a change in plans with the project we had to do – it was due this upcoming Monday, giving everyone an extra week to work on it. Every so often though, I couldn’t help but recall the mall incident and subsequent meeting with Evan. Why did Conner and I have to sit next to the likes of Bates and his posse? Why did he have to single me out of the hundreds of other kids or even adults sitting, laughing, eating, or otherwise just keeping to themselves? It’s like I was emitting a gay beacon that I wasn’t aware of before and it attracted him to me like moths to a flame. Except that he was the flame and I the moth. I just really hope that he’ll leave me alone – my gut tells me that he’s not done yet. Until he is, I’ll have to keep glancing over my shoulder or let Conner and Dad worry to death about me. That’s the worst part I feel – my family’s concern for my well-being. I feel I can deal with my own issues for the most part, but since they love me, they’re pulled into the mix and might get hurt in the process. I really don’t want that.

Friday started like any other at school, but there was a special homeroom and I forgot why we were there in the first place. That was quickly cleared up when Willoughby started passing out papers as she spoke. “Alright, these here are the ballot sheets for the GSA for the school. Those that were interested in becoming officers for the club have already talked to their class councils and submitted themselves for consideration for the offices.” A few students giggled and fewer still made some comments. A loud crack sounded as a yardstick pulled from nowhere crashed into one of the front row desks by our teacher. Everyone suddenly grew quiet, eyes wide – mine included. “The next student that giggles or makes even a peep about the possible sexuality of these students will get sent to the office immediately. I will not tolerate that kind of behavior in my room and will make sure that the maximum punishment I’m allowed to dish out will come to pass. Like three weeks of detention after the offending student serves some time suspended either in or out of school. Are we clear?!” A very weak “yes ma’am” sounded from each student. The comments weren’t too bad – I’ve heard worse in Ohio. But still, I smiled a bit, thanking whoever that she was one of the “good” teachers. “Now then, look at the comments written by each student next to their names on the ballot – some of your choices are sophomores or higher. And remember: this isn’t a popularity contest. This club will help to influence how events are run at the school to help equality for all students, regardless of orientation.”

I looked at each section and saw both my name along with Conner’s under the President section. Every other name didn’t mean a thing to me, but I read over what each person would bring to the club. I glanced over what I wrote, remembering I gave it to Kat a day or so ago. I read Conner’s, just to see what he put down. The form said to choose two options under President, as the runner-up would be Vice-President. So naturally, I chose myself and Conner. I didn’t really care who wanted to be secretary or treasurer too much. The bell rang. “Put your ballots face down on my desk as you leave,” Willoughby said as chairs scraped along the floor as students hurriedly stood to leave.

I anxiously awaited the results to be announced over the intercom – Willoughby said they’d announce the results by lunchtime if they could. I managed to beat the rush of students to the cafeteria somehow – I still almost got lost heading towards it. I think Conner was right – it is a military secret.

“Hey Xander.”

I spun around just as I almost entered the cafeteria, staring back at the boy that I couldn’t help but gawk at. His hair seemed more styled today than any other day I’ve seen his hair. Maybe it was the lighting or maybe – hell, who am I kidding? Every day, this boy gets more and more beautiful to me. He could come in covered in sewage and I’d still want to stand near him.

“H-Hey Mason,” I said nervously. I think I felt myself blushing a little.

“I know we’re probably not supposed to tell you who we voted for, but I picked you for President. And the other Jacobs on the list – he related to you?”

“Y-Yeah, my brother. He’s a junior here.” I stepped into the nearest line, not really caring what was being served. Mason followed me and grabbed a tray. Silence fell around us for a few seconds and I looked over at my fantasy boy and he appeared… different. More nervous.

“So… y-you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but…” the voice of my angel sang in my direction as I grabbed some grilled cheese and tomato soup. He seemed to be stalling. For what – I wasn’t quite sure, but I think my heart stopped for a bit, hoping against hope that he’d tell me he fell in love with me too. “Man, I hope you don’t get mad if you aren't, but a-are you… you know?”

I thought about it, the question and how he posed it. He didn’t say “gay” out loud but it was definitely implied. I wonder what that really implied, but I realized time – and the silence between us – grew strained. It was now or never as I let my unconsciously held breath out. “Yes, Mason. I’m gay,” I offered casually. I looked back at him, wondering what his reaction was. His nerves seemed a bit more frayed – he turned away from my gaze and focused on something behind me. For a break in the topic – and to give Mason time to think about my response – I decided to switch gears. “I didn’t realize this was your lunch.”

“Oh, y-yeah… well, I was late that first day coming back from an appointment and I thought I could buy something quick and scarf it down, but it wasn’t meant to be. So I just used it as a shortcut to cut through to the other hallway.” I felt the uneasiness coming from this boy growing. Was it because I was gay and he was either nervous or resentful of gays in general? Or… maybe it was something else entirely. I decided to get to the bottom of it if I could.

“I see.” I stopped and turned around, figuring it was time to get back to the main topic. “Can I ask you, since you asked me? Are you gay or straight? Maybe somewhere in between?” I made sure to keep my face soft but neutral.

Mason looked a little scared. There was a lengthy pause before he finally said, “I-It’s…c-complicated. I th-think.”

I nodded understandably. “That’s not a real answer and you know it.” Mason said nothing – in fact almost flinched at my latest words – as I paid for my meal. I wanted to profess my undying love for this boy, but if he was unsure or unwilling to answer my question truthfully, then my confession would surely scare the shit out of the kid, so I held it in with great difficulty. Now I’m glad I didn’t tell him earlier – I might have added undue pressure on him to lean a certain way if he was confused. “If and when you’re ready… I’ll listen.” I figured it was best not to push too hard just yet – he had his secrets buried like a lot of people.

I stepped out of the line and headed towards my table, not bothering to look back at Mason. I so wanted to see if he’d follow me, but I also didn’t want to guilt him into it. I took my customary seat next to Jess’s. She hasn’t arrived yet nor did any of the others. I did see Kat heading my way. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw him walk towards a different table and sat down, his back towards me. Even if it wasn’t intentional, it hurt me a bit, but I was getting myself emotionally invested in a boy that I wasn’t quite sure if he could return the favor.

“Hey Xander,” Kat said with some kind of smirk on her face.

“Hey yourself, Madam President,” I smiled back at her, teasing her about her title. She laughed.

“What’s she laughing about?” Ben said as he seemingly appeared out of nowhere, glancing at me as he sat down.

“Nothing really,” Kat said as she looked at me. “Just that I happen to know the results of the GSA election.”

“You do?!” I nearly shouted as more kids filtered into the lunchroom. “Spill! Now!”

“You’ll find out who won just like everyone else,” she mocked glared at me. I stared into her eyes, hoping she’d reveal it through them. She just subtly shook her head no. I started pouting. It’s kind of weird – Kat and I have developed this almost psychic way of communicating over the little bit we’ve been friends. All we have to do is look at each other and then just barely nod or shake our head and we’re on the same page. I don’t know if it’s really cool or if I should be weirded out. She already knew I voted for Mason before I even told her. And she wasn’t even upset like Jess and the others thought she’d be.

Within the next five minutes, the rest of the crew filtered in, got their lunches, and came back to the table as the cafeteria’s noise level increased even more, to their expected levels. Just then, a few tones echoed over the loud speaker and the buzz in the lunchroom came to a silencing halt fairly fast. The tone, I’ve come to realize, indicated when an extra announcement was needed to be made in the middle of the day. “Your attention... your attention please. Ms. Willoughby has recently come to the office to inform us of the officers of the Gay-Straight Alliance. I’m proud to announce that these brave students are helping fight for equality for all in this building. Your GSA officers are as follows: Tanya Wills, treasurer; Trish Montgomery, secretary; Conner Jacobs, Vice-President.” I mentally cheered for Conner as the others save Kat congratulated him through me. I was very proud my no-name brother in this school got elected. Goes to show that sometimes, students listen and don’t use elections as popularity contests. I was quite surprised. “And I’m pleased to announce our first ever freshman class GSA President… Alexander Jacobs. Please stop and offer congratulations to these fine students if you see them. All elected GSA members are to attend a special all-grade student council officer session after school today. Good day.”

I froze for a moment. I… won? I actually was voted by the populous of the school as President? My surprise at Conner getting Vice-President was paled by my own victory. I wanted to jump and scream that I won, but the modest side of me held on and just made me mentally shout. I won!

After I composed myself, I decided to look at my friends. Ben, Eric, Jess, and Josh all stared at me with different expressions on their faces. Ben looked amused but happy; Eric seemed a bit stunned; Jess, after her initial shock, was glancing between Kat and me for some reason; and Josh was struggling between being dumbstruck and ecstatic beyond belief.

“Dude that’s so cool – GSA president man!” Josh finally decided on ecstatic. “I so voted for both you and your brother. I just didn’t think you two would win since you’re both new here.”

“Yeah,” Eric said. “I voted for both you guys too, but I really thought my vote was getting thrown away. Like Josh said, I really didn’t think you or he would win – but I really hoped you two would.”

“I was there counting the votes,” Kat smiled evilly at me, making me stick my tongue out at her. She just rolled her eyes before she looked amongst the others. “To be honest, I started to gather that they’d win from the votes, of course. I guess since they’re new might’ve actually helped them.” She stared at me again, grabbing my attention. “This isn’t that big a town, so everyone knows a little bit about everyone else, be it via friends of friends or through older siblings or whatever. No one knows much about you two except maybe us and Conner’s friends, I imagine.” She laughed again. “Surprisingly, you two actually tied somehow.”

“Really?” I asked, a bit surprised it came to a tie. “I didn’t think I’d be running neck and neck with Conner that closely. I actually thought he’d win.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think it’d come to a tie either and it’s the first time it happened. The decision of what do to came down to Willoughby – the GSA advisor. She said for all the present student council members to vote again and I guess you somehow snuck past Conner. I think it’s great.”

I took the conduct codes out again that I got from Willoughby when she knew I was running and browsed through them, finding out something rather surprising – the GSA president had a good bit of power. Yet, it seemed like nothing really felt equal for some reason. Maybe past GSA presidents weren’t all that good at it or succumbed to peer pressure. I shrugged to myself – no sense in worrying about what happened in the past.

As the other five started talking amongst themselves, I pulled out a binder and pen, pushing my tray towards the empty end of the table. I wanted to start thinking of things for the meeting after school and a little beyond that – for when the first meeting of the GSA happened. I wanted to be prepared. I felt a few extra eyes on me, most definitely from those that probably had classes with me. Which brought me to my first point: hosting the GSA meetings at some neutral site, like our house or even a gay-friendly restaurant. I know one of duties of the club is to help gay students out as much as possible, which almost is counter-intuitive for those wanting to keep it hidden for various reasons. A neutral site might help to bring some of the shyer kids out or even the ones that don’t want to be openly associated with the “fag crew” as some might call it. I jotted that thought down with the foresight to maybe rotate meeting points and started tapping my pen to my lips, almost lost in thought. For about another five minutes, I wrote down any other ideas that came to mind.

“Look at him, already thinking of ideas for the GSA,” Ben kidded. I glanced up for a second before go back to my notebook, seeing everyone turn to me. I knew he glanced over at my notebook when I heard him fall back into his chair. “Damn, he’s already got like a half page of shit written down!”

“Something wrong with that?” I mumbled, not bothering to look up again. I put my pen down, taking a small break. “If you guys know of areas where the school is lacking in equality, you’ll let me know, right? Or if you have any suggestions?” All of them either nodded or muttered various levels of assent. “I’d really appreciate it if some or even all of you come and help out in some way, by the way. Kat’s excluded since she’s almost already required to deal with me.” No one readily jumped at my suggestion to help and it kind of bummed me out a little, but I dismissed that. I really don’t what clubs my friends have signed up for or want to when it comes time for them. I went back to my notebook.

Josh crumbled up his paper plate as he changed the subject a bit. “I think it’s really cool that Conner is your Vice.” I looked at him, stopping my pen in mid-stroke.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “He’ll be a big help to me when things get a bit overwhelming down the road.” I broke myself off from the conversations again and went back into my President mode as I wanted to make the GSA the best it could be at its intended purpose.

I followed Kat into the cafeteria after the last bell sounded for the day, freeing most of the student body from the prison that is school. Those on the student council boards for each grade not to mention the newly elected GSA officers were still trapped for an undetermined amount of time. I sighed mentally, hoping this won’t take too long. Willoughby hung around in the background observing as the officers conversed amongst themselves. One senior in particular saw me and motioned me over when I saw Conner pointing towards me.

The senior clapped his hands as I approached him. “You’re Alex? Steven Phillips.” We shook hands once he offered me his. His free hand brushed his dark brown hair off his forehead, drawing my attention to his rich brown eyes for just a second. I didn’t want to stare too long and creep the senior out in any way.

“That’s me,” I said, ignoring for the moment the use of the wrong nickname for me. Conner grabbed my shoulder and shook me slightly, clearing the dazed look I just realized I had on my face away.

“Willoughby told me that you two need to attend your grade’s council meetings to stay in the know of what’s being discussed and to offer advice as needed.” We both nodded, understanding what he was getting at. “You both come from grades nine and eleven, so you’ll be at those meetings. The other two grades’ minutes need to be reviewed as well. Any ideas on how you want to split that up?”

“I was thinking the sophomore notes can come to me while the senior ones go to Conner,” I suggested.

“Sounds good to me,” Steve said with a smile. He turned to the gathered officers and addressed them. “Sophomore secretary, make sure to get your minutes to Alex–”

“Xander, please,” I corrected gently, unable to hold my tongue any longer.

Steve’s grin turned sheepish. “Sorry, get your minutes to Xander. Ash, make sure you get yours to Conner. Are your lockers okay for that?”

“Fine with me,” Conner shrugged. I nodded in agreement as we verbalized where our lockers were.

“Now, I’d like to hear thoughts on the homecoming dance.” Steve waltzed around the nineteen of us. Looks of uncertainty from all the students bounced around as most seemed to not know where to start. I decided to start with an idea I had at lunch, in case it wasn’t already covered by school policy.

“It’d be nice – not sure how it was done before we got here – if it’s open to any type of couple,” I started. “If any student is caught harassing another student because of who he or she came to the dance with is grounds for immediate removal of the disruptive student and their date. No refunds either, of course. On the grounds of PDAs, limit every couple to just holding hands, hugging, and of course standard rules for slow dances. If the same couple is told three times to stop for anything beyond those, they are asked to leave as well. Also, if we can get enough chaperones to supervise to make sure things don’t get out of hand would be cool if that’s possible.”

Everyone stared at me with mouths almost agape or different stages of shock with the exception of Conner – he somehow knew to expect this from me. I was trying to be fair for any type of couple – straight or gay – and I figured those suggestions I prattled out were all fair. Steve was the first to compose himself out of the surprised students. “I’ve been a part of student council since seventh grade and dealt with GSA members since my freshman year here and you’re the first president that’s actually seems to give a damn. Really. The other ones my freshman, sophomore, and junior years were pushovers or students who really didn’t care enough about equality for all students. And that’s counting the two presidents that admitted they were gay.” He stepped in front of me and offered his hand. “I think you’re going to be an awesome help getting this school leveled out more. And it’s about time.”

I felt prideful tears in my eyes as I took his hand. “Thanks, that means a lot, especially coming from the senior class president.”

Steve released my hand. “Any objections to what Xander proposed?”

“I just thought of something else to add to my list,” I blushed as the idea came to me at the last second. Everyone else chuckled a bit. “Have the students selling the tickets force each student to read and sign a sheet basically stating that they agree to those rules and punishments if they buy tickets – you know, prevent kids from saying, ‘Hey I wasn’t told that!’ or some such. They don’t sign, they can’t go to the dance.”

“Good idea,” Kat agreed. “I’ve heard of a few incidents where kids got away with things only because there wasn’t any proof of them agreeing to things.” Murmurs of approval rang amongst the members.

“So it’s all agreed then?” Steve asked. “If anyone objects, speak now.” A few seconds passed and no one said anything. “Good. Seniors, start thinking of ideas for themes and costs of supplies – we’re buying this year, as usual. Everyone else, thanks. Especially to our GSA president here for his great ideas.” Everyone started to disperse and I grabbed Kat for a second, but before I spoke to her I caught sight of Mason. He looked a bit… something. I couldn’t quite place his facial expression. It almost looked worried for some reason, maybe a little irked. I don’t know.

“What?” she asked, breaking my stare with Mason – his eyes had found mine. He had started over towards me, but stopped when he saw Kat. His shoulders slumped and he just walked away, almost defeated. I thoughtfully raised an eyebrow towards him before looking at my friend.

“Who’s our secretary?”

“Jarrod Isengaarde. Why?”

“When they start, I’d like him to get me a copy of the freshman council minutes, if he wasn’t already required to get me a set. It’ll help me to not be redundant – sometimes I do that.”

“Yeah, I’ll go tell him now.” She walked away and nudged the boy she mentioned a second ago. I watched as Jarrod nodded his head slightly. I found Mason by the door, studying me intently. He seemed to perk up that I was alone again and he started my way. I turned back to Kat and saw that she and Jarrod exchanged a few more words before she came back over to me. Mason stopped in his tracks and a scowl crawled onto his face. He stormed away and out of the room.

“So?” I asked as I filed away Mason’s reaction as something to watch for in the future, mainly Art class.

“Yeah, he’ll slide them into your locker once he gets them typed up.” She shook her head. “I didn’t realize you were so good at this, Xander. Please never run for student council president. Ever.” I started laughing. “After people see you in action, I’d lose next year hands down.”

“You can have the council. I’ll take the GSA over it any day.” She suppressed a giggle as I thanked her. I caught up with Conner and we left the school in his SUV.

I sat in front of my laptop as I typed up all the handwritten notes I made at lunch and added to over the course of the day. I really wanted to get the officers together and maybe make signs to advertise the GSA. Maybe Conner has some ideas. I paused in typing and pulled out the brochure on the codes of conduct and browsed it again – I wanted to try and memorize this damn thing so, if the shit hit the fan, I could recall on demand.

“You’ve been looking at that pamphlet all day, bro,” Conner sighed as he plopped in front of his desktop. “Each time I saw you in the halls, your nose was buried in that or your notebook.”

“I plan on taking this very seriously,” I said, not looking up from it. Suddenly, it floated out of my hands. I looked up and saw Conner holding it away from me. “Hey!”

“I feel that you’re already trying to do too much, Alex,” Conner smiled lightly as he knelt before me. “It’s rare when I see you dedicate yourself to something with this much focus. While it’s not bad in the least, there are limits, bro.” He tossed the codes behind him onto the floating desk. “Don’t forget who your V.P. is – let me help you with this.”

I sighed. “You’re right, you know.” I rubbed my face, trying to relax some. “It’s just… I was talking to some classmates when they came up to offer congratulations on me being President and they told me about how most, if not all, of the past GSA presidents were totally worthless or just epic fails, further supported by what Steve said at the meeting today.” I stared intently into my brother’s eyes. “I… I want to make a difference, Conner. I want to make my school safe so you don’t have to worry all the time about me. To help allay Dad’s fears and the fears of all the other gay kids and their parents.” I never felt this much passion for a cause before. I mean sure, I wasn’t one of those “I hate myself because I’m gay!” types before, but I never thought to help fight the good fight. Now that I decided to get swept up in this club, my whole perspective has changed. But I also don’t want to force or flaunt my orientation in the faces of all the straight people of the world – I just wanted balance in all things.

“So… any orders, Mr. President?” Conner smirked. He was getting a kick out of calling me that.

“Well, it’d be nice if we could get those two girls with us before our first official meeting and maybe make some posters for the school. And I’d like to talk to Willoughby in hosting the actual meetings not at the school. You know why probably.”

“Yeah, I got you bro.”

“I’d also like for us to start an advice or help section of the GSA for students with any issues relating to sexuality – like what we did for Eric the other day. Do research and help those struggling with having gay siblings or just dealing with themselves being gay.”

“I’ll get with the girls and see if the three of us can work on posters,” Conner offered.

“Sounds like what I was thinking. I can pull up some of the sites I used when I was trying to figure myself out. I probably still have the links. I’ll work on outlining a help services program idea and we can present it to Willoughby.”

Conner pulled his phone out and proceeded to look for contact information – I guess he got Trish and Tanya’s numbers during the course of the day – most likely at the meeting. He stepped out of the room as he placed a call. I minimized my notes and other ideas and opened a fresh document. I started typing away as I worked It only took me probably twenty minutes or so to get a rough first draft worked up and I leaned back in my chair, really proud of what I think I had planned. Just then, my phone beeped twice, telling me I had a text message.

I opened it. “Headed out w/ Trish & Tanya – call if needed.” It was Conner and I smiled. I really couldn’t wrap my head around it still that Conner was my second in command for the club – it makes a huge difference. I lowered my phone when I got another text message. My eyes widened when I read it.

“Don’t rock the boat, faggot. You’ll regret it.”