Primary Target - 1. Chapter 1

“Dad, why do we have to move again?” I complained for the hundredth time from the passenger’s seat of the U-Haul.

Dad glanced at me a few times as he spoke, keeping most of his attention on the road ahead of him. “Son, it’s just time for a change. Plus, my new promotion makes it rather impractical to stay there, seeing as how I now work for Vermont’s DCF. I know this is going to be hard on both of you, but it can’t be helped.”

I knew all of this, but knowing it was going to happen wasn’t helping me to accept the fact I would leave all my friends behind – the ones I grew up with. The hardest friend to lose was Jared Petersen. The two of us go way back, almost to the womb. Mom and Dad moved into the house next door to the Petersen’s house while I was in said womb – Jared recently escaped; only being a few days old at that point. I wasn’t too far behind him – only a week separated us, but with how we grew up together, all the play dates arranged by the parents, most people thought that we were brothers. In fact, I considered him that – and, maybe, a bit more than even that.

Jared, for his credit, knew about me and my little crush on him. He just laughed it off once I calmed down and didn’t even think about it negatively after he found out, making me want him all the more. I mean hell… the boy was comfortable letting me hug him around our other friends, even if the hug lasted a bit longer than was either socially acceptable for two guys to be hugging or even the fact I probably was testing my limits with him. He even went so far as to let me kiss him on the cheek more often than not. Either way, Jared just laughed his signature laugh – the one that made me weak in the knees – and just threw an arm around me. It was normal. And our friends helped out when they could; all of his friends were my friends – we practically did everything together, so it wasn’t a shock to any of them that I came out a couple years ago.

Even though I’m only thirteen, everyone wasn’t repulsed by me and my friends even protected me from some of the more, let’s say, “uninformed” students at the middle school. Most of our friends were sports guys, making it all the easier for me when Cindy Yeager tried to ask me out and, naturally, some boy walked by. She turned to see what made me go blank and followed my eyes to the Adonis I practically drooled over. Disgusted, she stormed off and told half the school before the first period of the day began. That really pissed my group of friends off – Jared most of all – and they swiftly moved in to protect me, knowing this was bound to happen. I wiped a tear away from my face, remembering all they’ve done for me since I came out to the group.

Now, Dad had our entire lives packed up in both the U-Haul he drove, plus the SUV that my brother, Conner, drove behind him. I could have ridden with him, but I would have had more leg room trying to sit behind the toilet at the last rest stop we pulled into about sixty miles back. Conner was, I guess, a typical sixteen year old. He’s a bit nerdy sometimes, but I think there’s a little nerd in us all, but I definitely wouldn’t trade him in for a different “model”. He absolutely loves me to death and is fiercely protective of me sometimes. I swear, we hung out at the mall one day and someone purposefully pushed me and before I could even get up, I heard Conner pushing the guy to the ground, shouting obscene things at him, drawing a crowd. I nearly crapped myself when the guy Conner pinned down was like six inches taller than his five eight frame and had to outweigh my brother by about at least fifty pounds of pure muscle. Then again, Conner and his brown belt in judo must have helped the situation a little. I really don’t know.

“How much further, Dad?” I complained again. “It’s like you picked us up from Ohio and decided to move us into the middle of the Atlantic with how far we’ve traveling!”

He just laughed – I complained a lot and most of the complaints just didn’t faze him anymore. “Almost there, son. Promise.” Suddenly an exit appeared ahead of us and Dad actually started taking it. “See? From here, it’s probably another fifteen minutes, tops. Unless traffic wants to be a bitch.”

“Hey, you swore!” I mocked, poking fun when I could – he encouraged me to as he really wanted to break out of the habit. For an ex-Navy man, he was rather tolerant of my being gay, but he tells me it’s the branch of the military most tolerant – or so he believes. He used to swear every other word on a good day and when he did get angry, you couldn’t really understand what he wanted with at least ten words strung together of pure profanity. I’m surprised Conner doesn’t drop two f-bombs a sentence from how often Dad swore back before I really understood the words.

Again, he laughed. “I did, didn’t I? I know I told you to point it out, but sometimes there’s no substitute for a good swear word. Plus, I really meant it in the ‘female dog’ context, of course.”

“Of course,” I said while I rolled my eyes so hard Conner heard it over the sounds of traffic and the sound of the Santa Fe’s engine. “And I don’t want to suck Jared’s–”

Dad cleared his throat, cutting me off. “No fair!” he protested with a light chuckle. “That definitely falls under the purview of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’. I have no problem with you batting that way Alex, but I still don’t need to hear that sort of fantasy from you. Especially about your best friend. I changed that boy’s diaper a few times while you two were young for crying out loud!”

I smiled cockily. “I’d love to help him with that nowadays.” I think I even licked my lips. But then I did a double-take. “Hey! I told you no Alex anymore!”

My full first name is Alexander and before the move, there was another Alex sharing most of my classes with me this past year, so we figured one of us needed something to differentiate from the other, so I decided to use the second part of the name, Xander, as my name. I grew to like it really fast and now I’m trying to work on getting at least Dad to call me Xander. For some reason, I’m okay with Conner still calling me Alex – he’s like the only one that I’ll allow to call me by my old nickname. Well, Jared too, but he didn’t move with me. How I wished he did…

“Sorry, it’s this old habit, you see,” Dad mocked. “I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t involved in picking your name or anything when you were born. No, not at all.” Again I rolled my eyes. Just then my cell phone started to ring.

“Hey bro. You shouldn’t be calling while driving.”

“Quiet you,” Conner laughed into the phone. “I’m using hands-free, so it’s all good. I was just calling to see how much further we’re going. I need a break – it’s annoying driving with something hard poking you in the back.” I almost commented when Conner quickly cut in. “Wait, I said that to the wrong person. Forget I said it. Nice weather, huh?”

“Conner Ryan, did you sneak a boy into the car at the last rest stop and not tell me?” I loved the fact that my brother tried to quickly – and unsuccessfully – change the subject. He even started whistling! Like that wasn’t a huge sign pointing to the fact screaming “Avoid at all costs! Do not touch until forever!”

“Damn it,” Conner muttered. “I really need to watch what I say around you, don’t I?” I could tell I was making him blush through the phone.

“He better be cute, at least.”

Conner laughed. “Alex, stop. It’s hard to drive while laughing! Remember, I’m transporting most of your stuff.”

The smirk faded instantly – he was right. “You wreck that car and so help me…”

“I know, I know, you’ll finish me off if the accident doesn’t. Got it. Ask Dad already, will you? I think I see a cop in my rearview and I want to make sure I don’t give him a reason to pull me over.”

“Oh, he said we’re about fifteen minutes out from the new place tops, and I quote, ‘unless traffic wants to be a bitch’.”

“You, young man, aren’t allowed to be swearing,” Dad sternly warned.

“Hey, I was just quoting you is all!” I held up my hands in defense, my phone pinned between my head and shoulder. “I don’t want to be accused of twisting facts.” I noticed Dad rolled his eyes at me.

“You are so busted, Alex!” Conner laughed at me teasingly. “Alright, I’m going to get off – I think that cop is eyeing me or something.”

“Just flirt if you get pulled over. You certainly have the looks for it.”

“Uh… thanks?” I could tell Conner felt a little awkward with that comment.

“Hey, I know you’re my brother, but I can’t help it if you’re hot. You do know that, right? I’m not secretly lusting after you, I promise.”

“Right,” Conner said, drawing out the word. “Before this get any weirder, I’m going to go. See you both in a few.” I heard the line click as my brother ended the call.

I wanted to tell him that I call them as I see them, but I wasn’t going to call him back just for that. I wondered if I might have been a little too honest with Conner, but I couldn’t undo it, that’s for sure. “I hope you didn’t just freak Conner out so he crashes,” Dad said.

I felt a bit guilty over my truthfulness, but I really don’t know why I should. I mean, Conner had the looks, hands down. Even for someone that openly admits to being a huge Star Trek fan, he’s got the medium length light brown hair that actually has a few streaks of natural blond highlights running through it. And he's always playing some form of soccer almost year-round, so he’s definitely in shape. When soccer is impossible – winter usually – he’s doing some sort of exercise on the home gym equipment Dad bought a few years ago just to keep fit. He wasn’t the star of the high school team, but no soccer newbie either, he did really well for the team, scoring a few goals last season. A couple of them were actually the game winners, if I’m right. I really admire Conner for his dedication to the sport – the only thing he loves more than soccer would be his family and Jeanne Croix.

Conner was absolutely head over heels with the French exchange student the moment she set foot into his Algebra class. The five foot five young woman had ebony silken hair about half way down her back and even I can admit that her eyes were very alluring. There was something a bit off about them, but in a really good way. They were a light lavender somehow, but when she came over and looked my way a few times, I could see a silvery glint in them. That’s what Conner said he liked most about her – her eyes.

Telling her we had to move tore Conner up so bad, he wouldn’t leave his room for barely anything. Luckily I was one of those things – I had to bring him dinner and I usually stayed with him, letting him use my shoulder as a tissue as he cried a lot about it. I felt really bad for him – I could almost relate with having to leave Jared behind. While not quite the same thing, it was just as bad since I loved the boy to death – he just couldn’t reciprocate the way I wanted him to. And God knows I’ve tried to woo him.

“I don’t think I did, but I was being honest. He is good-looking – a real lady-killer if he wanted to be. But we both know that he needs that connection with someone to date them. He’s not in it for the sex.”

Dad nodded rather happily. “Yes, and I’m really grateful he’s not a player. Otherwise, I could be a grandfather a hundred times over. I’m not quite ready for that, thanks!”

“He never told me if they did anything – him and Jeanne – but he’d be the type to put like three condoms on just to be extra safe.” Dad laughed really hard at that. As long as the conversation revolved around straight sex, Dad was a lot more comfortable talking with me about it, even if it involved his other son. I wondered, not for the first time, if I should be bothered by that. I mentally brushed the thought aside – if it came down to it, I think I could discuss things with my father. He might be a touch uncomfortable, but he'd rather feel that than regret over not saying anything at all.

“He’d have better luck humping the sleeve of his coat to get off than with three rubbers on!” I started laughing at that too – so hard, the tears came out of my eyes after only a minute. Once the laughter subsided, Dad cleared his throat, becoming as serious as a heart attack. “Son, I hope you’ll be careful whenever you meet that special someone. I don’t need to find you dying of AIDS or anything of the sort.”

“Yes, sir.” I sighed. “There’ll be no issues on that front anytime soon – I need to find a boyfriend first.”

The long trek finally came to a close as Dad pulled the U-Haul parallel to the curb in front of our new home while Conner parked in the driveway right in front of the two-car garage. It was a rather nice place – at least in the early morning light it seemed so – isolated enough from the neighboring houses for privacy, but not so much that you felt like you lived in the middle of nowhere. The large Tudor style house stood at least two stories, I guessed. The rich brown and red colors of the bricks seemed to be freshly restored to its original colors, enhancing both its elegance and presence. Dad picked the place with the help of a local realtor and a couple of work buddies that actually recommended the neighborhood. Apparently, they used to live out this way before they moved out to Sandusky, Ohio – where we used to live. Now, standing in the southern end of Vermont – Newfane to be specific – it almost seemed like the move was worth it.

“Here she is,” Dad said as we all climbed out of our vehicles and marveled at the new house. “What do you boys think?” He draped his arms over both of our shoulders.

“It looks good from the outside,” Conner mentioned. “But it really matters what’s on the inside to me. Like if there’s enough space.”

“Don’t worry on that front, son,” Dad replied. “There’re about six bedrooms here. Might be more… I forget what the site said now. But we have more rooms than we know what to do with!”

“Why such a big house, Dad?” I asked. I wasn’t really brought into the buying process – Conner was. He figured it was a good learning experience for my older brother since he’s getting closer to the day he goes out on his own. And it’s not like we buy houses every other day, but Dad figured I had a few years yet to be burdened with such complexities. And, he said, I could learn when Conner went to buy his first place. I just shrugged my shoulders at the whole idea – I didn’t really care either way.

“To be honest, I couldn’t pass it up when I saw the price for the space. Plus…” Dad faltered – I knew why. The wound was still fresh for us all. He struggled to say, “It’s what Mom always wanted.” I think we all wiped a few tears from our eyes. Dad cleared his throat, hoping the emotion went with away with the action. “Alright, we have a good bit of work ahead of us, boys. Xander why don’t you start with your stuff from the Santa Fe? Conner and I will start with the U-Haul.”

“Yes, sir,” I saluted Dad just like he used to show me, snapping to attention for a moment as I performed the action. He laughed and ruffled my hair as I headed towards the SUV.

By around one, both vehicles were unloaded to the front lawn – Dad wanted to get the U-Haul dropped off at the local rental shop ASAP. While he did that, Conner rode behind in the Santa Fe and I started with the boxes. I started lugging them into the house and into the main living room, stacking them in various piles – my stuff in one, Conner’s in a second, Dad’s stuff in a third, Dad’s office stuff in yet a fourth, and the gym-related items in a fifth. I didn’t want to traipse the stuff through the house as we didn’t know what rooms were going to be for what just yet.

Dad and Conner came back in a little bit and started getting the furniture into the house as the clouds in the sky started to darken up, the threat of rain imminent. We finished clearing the lawn of our stuff just as the rain started, a few sighs escaping from us all.

“Why don’t we take a break here?” Dad suggested. “I’ll run out and get some dinner for us while you two go pick out your rooms. No fighting over them or I’ll just give each of you a broom closet or something to live in.”

“But Dad,” I sighed, exasperated. I saw his eyes grow large as Conner started cracking up. “I already came out of the closet – I don’t want to go back in!”

I watched as Dad’s shoulders sagged; Conner fell to a knee, he was laughing so hard. Both of them sometimes got a bit tired of my constant comebacks and witty replies. “Just for that, I’m going to get something from wherever Conner wants me to go. I was going to get something from your favorite place, but you’re incorrigible sometimes!”

“You know where to go and what to get, Dad,” Conner said, still trying to hold his laughter in. “If it’s nearby, that is.”

“Incorrigible?” I asked, an eyebrow raised. “Really, Dad?”

“It’s better than the alternative,” he mumbled with a smile as he turned and left out from the front door. I took a moment to actually study the living room. It was really big – I’d estimate it being at least twenty feet by twenty-five feet with a nine-foot ceiling. A small balcony overlooked the space from the second floor with a nicely carved pine railing stained with a light honey color – a striking contrast to the darker, almost mahogany-colored railings on the staircase leading to the second floor. At least the staircase is wide, I thought as I glanced at our desks and mattresses needing to climb said stairs.

Conner nudged me out of my semi-trance. “Hey, we going upstairs or not? I’d actually like your opinion on which room I should pick.”

“Oh, sorry. I was just taking in the living room first.” I stepped to the staircase and swept my arm out in grandiose fashion. “After you, sir,” I said with the snootiest butler-like voice I could muster.

“Why thank you Jeeves.” Conner parried my butler voice with that of a snotty, rich businessman voice. He even walked up the stairs like someone shoved a splintery stick up his ass, making me giggle at the visual.

After I climbed the last step, I briefly took in the small seating area at the top of the steps, complete with furniture. Dad did mention that some of the antique stuff came with the house – the previous owner didn’t want to take it with them and Dad offered to include some extra money in the sale of the house to basically buy it off them, allowing us to sell a bit of our outdated stuff back in Ohio. They did say a few of the beds were being left behind, but we decided to lug the mattresses with us just in case the ones left were either disgusting or broken.

Conner almost left my sight as he entered the first room to our left. By the time I got over to him, he already came out. “That one is kind of small. There’s already a desk there – it’d be a good room for an office for us to share, maybe. I think there’re some rooms downstairs that Dad can claim – making this the young men’s floor.” I liked how Conner was thinking and smiled at the idea. I poked my head into the room and agreed with Conner. There was a built-in desk that wrapped around two of the walls. There were even network outlets in the wall in a couple of spots. I pulled out and noticed a small, almost invisible door to the right butted up directly next to the room’s door. I opened it and saw the skeleton of what was the house’s centralized networking center.

“Conner! Look, it’s a wall mount!” I exclaimed adamantly. “Whoever had this house last had this place set up for a decent network!” Conner stepped over and I could feel him behind me as he inadvertently bumped into me.

“Oh cool, you’re right. At least we know where the router is going!” He leaned over me to peer into it a bit better. He reached in and fished out the end of a cable. “Good, the ends don’t look too dirty or worn. Oh and there’s a coax cable here too for the cable modem! Sweet!” He laughed a bit as he pulled a phone cord out a bit to show me. “Damn, there’s even a phone cord here. I hope it was used for ISDN and not a fifty-six K modem. We’ll just hide that from Dad – knowing him, he’d go for the dial-up again if he saw it.” We both shuddered at that thought – in the age of blazing download speeds from the cable providers, dial-up would be like bringing a pellet gun to a battlefield full of AK-47s.

“I’m just warning you now – you might want to knock before coming into our office once we get Internet hooked up here.” I craned my head back to look up at Conner. He looked down at me and just chuckled as he brushed a few strands of my blond hair from my forehead.

“I’ll give you the same warning then,” Conner said as he playfully tapped my cheeks with his palm. “We keep the door closed if we’re doing something ‘private’, open if it’s just homework or IM’ing friends. Deal?”

“Deal.” I turned around and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying the side of my head into his chest. This was one of the best things I loved about Conner. He acts all weirded out by my gay behavior, but deep down, I don’t think it truly bothers him. I still remember when I told my family that later, he pulled me aside and told me he’d listen to any of my relationship problems. I looked at him a bit uncertainly and he elaborated that he said any topic was fair game, as long as I kept it as general as possible most of the times.

I felt him pat my back as he returned the hug. “What brought this on?” he asked. I looked up at him again and he arched an eyebrow.

“Just wanted to let you know that I love you,” I said. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that I’m really grateful for you putting up with my shit sometimes. I don’t think I could ask for a better brother.”

“Aw,” he sighed. “You know I love you too, Alex. I always have – even when I knew you were gay before you said something to us.”

Now it was my turn to arch an eyebrow as we maintained eye contact. I almost felt mesmerized by my brother’s soft, brown eyes, his kindness radiating down to my own eyes. “You knew before I came out?”

“Well, maybe saying I knew is a bit too much. It was more like a feeling that you were.” Conner unwrapped me from him and gripped my shoulders lightly as he crouched a bit, coming down to my eye level for a moment. “There was a boy at the high school that was outed by his best friend and I saw how everyone started treating him and made me watch him a bit more closely. While he wasn’t acting like a flamer, there were a few subtleties I picked up that were a bit different from the straight guys. Then, I’d come home and see some of those same subtleties in you; some of course were different.”

“Oh really?” I pouted. “I thought I hid it well enough before I came out.”

“Don’t get it twisted Alex – I wouldn’t have known unless that one guy at school was outed and saw the differences between him and the straight boys. I really didn’t like the name calling almost everyone did towards him. I even defended him quite a few times just because I knew it was wrong. Anyway, my suspicions helped prepare me better when you decided you were ready to come out.”

“Why did you defend him?” I asked, my curiosity overriding the rational part of my brain that told me not to ask.

I should’ve listened to my rational side – Conner’s smile faded and almost turned into a bitter scowl. “What do you mean ‘why’? I did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. Hell, I did it for you!”

“For me?” I looked a bit confused. Before I pissed Conner off even more, it clicked. “You did it after I came out, didn’t you?”

Conner’s scowl faded into an almost sad smile. “Yeah. I didn’t pick on him before you did but once you did, I saw him in a new light. I mean what if that was you? I could almost picture you being the one pushed around by the school jocks, getting knocked to the ground and laughed at just because you happen to like boys and not girls. It actually started to really anger me, so I decided to do something about it. I stepped in and stopped a few of the jab sessions, helped the poor kid pick up his books and papers when they spilled onto the floor thanks to the ‘assistance’ of the quarterback or the center of the basketball team or whatever.”

I marveled at Conner, appreciating him even more. “Conner, you are something special. You know that?”

I saw the tears in his eyes. “I-I just couldn’t bear to see you get hurt, little brother. Especially o-over something as trivial as your sexuality. Well, trivial in the sense it shouldn’t even be an issue.” A few of those tears escaped down his cheeks. I brought my hand to his face and used my thumbs to wipe them away, touched by the emotion he held for me. “But… I-I don’t know w-what I’d do if… if…” He couldn’t finish the thought as he choked a bit, but I think I knew where he was headed. I felt a few tears of my own escape; he brought his hand to my face and used the back of his hand to brush them off. He broke his stare into my eyes, looking at the carpet. A moment later, he cleared his throat, wiped at his eyes and turned to me again. “How about we finish looking at the rooms?”

“Yeah,” I barely whispered.

After checking out the other rooms, Conner decided to take the one across from what we designated our office/game room and I opted for the one at the end of the hall – by far the biggest room on the floor. I made sure it was okay with Conner – he liked the size but figured I’d get more use out of it due to my age, referring to him leaving for college in only a couple of years. We went back downstairs to double check for bedrooms on the ground floor and, sure enough, the master suite was just a hallway off the living room. A room that functioned like a home office actually sat near the front door and opposite the living room – the double doors facing the sliding door off the living room, leading to our rather spacious backyard. There’ll be at least one goal back there at the end of the month, I mused inside my head. Dad came back not too much later after that – the two of us started lugging our boxes up to our new rooms and we ran into him.

“Need help there, Dad?” Conner asked.

“I’m good,” he replied as he carried the drink carrier and the food bag towards the kitchen. We followed him. “So, now that we’re all on a break, I think this would be a good time to discuss school a little. Now, I know there’s about only a month left in the summer, but I think it’d be good for both of you to try and get ready for it. Also, I feel I need to discuss more, uh, delicate matters.”

“You mean about my being gay,” I said for him.

“Yes, that. I was just curious about how you wanted to handle this. You were outed at your last school and everything was rather okay for you, but you had a really good group of friends to help keep you safe. You won’t have that here – at least not right away.”

“Dad, I have no intention of hiding who I am to these people. I was outed against my will back in middle school, but it was really an eye-opening experience for me. Now that I’ve been out, I can’t go back to the secrets, the hiding – it was so hard trying to keep it hidden and so draining.” Dad nodded, but looked a little upset with my choice. “Granted, I’m not going to march into the office, grab the microphone for the PA system and announce my orientation to the entire student body on my first day. But if someone asks me, I’m going to tell them.”

“Okay, fair enough. I think I can go with that plan. I just don’t want to see you get hurt, son.”

“I know Dad. There is something that I’ll have this year that I didn’t last.”

“What’s that?”

“Conner,” I stated simply as I looked to my brother.

Dad nodded in approval and Conner locked hard with my eyes, a very determined expression on his face. “Dad, I’m just warning you now, if anyone hurts my baby brother over this, don’t be surprised if I come home with a detention or suspension.” He chuckled a bit, his stone expression softening just a bit. “You’re going to hate me saying this as a Navy man, but ‘Semper Fi.’ Hoorah.”

Dad cringed at hearing the Marines motto, but he quickly dismissed the military humor. “Conner, that’s a very commendable thing you’d do for Al – I mean, Xander. I will only be alright with said detention or suspension, but only if he’s in a situation where he might be severely injured or worse, alright? Fighting isn’t always the answer – this is coming from a Navy man, remember?”

“I get it Dad,” Conner remarked. “I just…” Again, my big brother found tears in his eyes. “I just remember what happened to Mom like it happened yesterday… I mean, I always feel like I could’ve done something to protect her f-from those bastards! T-That I could’ve saved her!”

Dad pulled Conner to him as he sobbed uncontrollably. Out of the three of us, he felt the most guilt with how Mom died only half a year ago as the memory quickly and unwillingly came back.

The two of them were walking back from a convenience store and heading back to the car. I stayed with Dad after my own soccer game – even with my two left feet, I don’t play too horribly – as we chatted about the game and things I could’ve done better. We saw the other half to our family in the distance and I waved to the two of them. Conner was happy to see me again, holding my extra-large cherry slushy drink in one hand with his own in the other. He started to break away from Mom, Conner wanting to congratulate me again for our win that day. Just as he got about seven steps away from her, two armed men jumped between the two of them, one facing Mom, the other Conner. My brother was oblivious until he heard Mom gasp out in terror. I shouted for him to duck as he went to turn. Everything that day, that moment in time, seemed to stretch on for eternity, Dad and I helpless to do anything but watch in panic-stricken terror. Conner turned and launched his own drink at the man facing him, the drink exploding in his face. The gun ended up pointing down as the surprise hit the man when I saw the barrel flash. I remember screaming and wanting to run towards Conner, but Dad grabbed me and held on fiercely. He wouldn’t let me go and there was no chance in escaping his iron grip.

Conner went down.

As he did, he tried to throw my drink at the other man, missing by only a few inches, but it was enough. The man turned towards Conner and put the gun to my brother’s temple but before he could finish Conner off, Mom reared back and kicked the man in the balls, forcing him to double over in pain. Relief washed over both me and Dad as she smiled as we started over towards her.

The bullet hole appeared on her forehead before we could take our fifth step.

Time seemed to slow down even more as I watched blood spray from the wound and her eyes, her beautiful emerald eyes, started to roll back into her head, the spark of life, that vibrancy I always loved when I looked into her eyes, faded to nothing. Her limp body sagged as her knees first hit the ground with a dull thud. It pitched forward; the momentum of gravity shaking loose some of the exit would debris before her face fell within inches of Conner. I could only imagine the lifeless visage that befell her face as all her functions ceased.

Dad nearly threw me behind him as he raced towards the scene and covered the ground in about two seconds flat, body-checking the first man as he finally cleared his face and eyes of the liquid drink and somehow wrestled his gun from him. Before either of the two men could act, I saw the barrel flash once, twice. Both men collapsed.

I’m still not sure if Dad killed them or not. I hoped he did.

Conner only suffered the one gunshot wound to his chest. He was lucky – very lucky. A millimeter to either side and it would have perforated his lung or his heart. It managed to thread the gap between the two vital organs and he only suffered some minimal bleeding in the grand scheme of things. But Mom… Slowly, I made my way to the scene, wanting to see her one last time, already knowing she was dead. I felt numb, cold from shock; I was as lifeless as her. I took in the scene. The two robbers moaning a bit in agony as I finally heard sirens in the distance. Conner crying in both pain and anguish as he stared horrified at Mom. My eyes found her.

I wish I never looked that day.

I saw the small bullet hole in the center of her forehead, a crimson dot on her otherwise pristine skin. The back of her head… was almost entirely gone. Dad told me once that a bullet will do that – in like a needle, out like a fist.

I came back from the flashback, still hearing Conner crying into Dad’s chest. Suddenly, dinner wasn’t agreeing with me. I bolted to the sink and hurled everything back up, then some more that I didn’t know I had. The third time only bile and stomach acid made its journey up, leaving that awful taste in the back of my mouth. Feeling I was done, I turned and slumped to the floor, my back against some cabinetry. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face into my legs, crying just as hard as Conner. Before I knew it, I felt two bodies on either side of me wrapping arms around me, the sound of crying filling both of my ears.