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Gulf firm is first international port operator to be certified for security by U.S. ABU DHABI

NBC's Tim Russert Dies at 58 AP Posted: 2008-06-13 15:54:47 Filed Under: TV News, Nation News WASHINGTON (June 13) - Tim Russert, host of NBC's "Meet the Press" and its Washington bureau chief, collapsed and died at work Friday after suffering an apparent heart attack. He was 58. Russert, of Buffalo, N.Y., took the helm of the Sunday news show in December 1991 and turned it into the most widely watched program of its type in the nation. His signature trait there was an unrelenting style of questioning. Washingtonian magazine once dubbed Russert the best journalist in town, and described "Meet the Press" as "the most interesting and important hour on television. He also wrote best-selling books, "Big Russ and Me," in 2004, and "Wisdom of our Fathers," in 2006. This year, Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Russert also was a senior vice president at NBC. Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL. 2008-06-13 15:42:04

Life Cereal that is... I went for a hellacious jog this morning and just when I got to the point where I was about to turn around and head home, the friggin sky split wide open and it rained like there was an arc with two of every animal being loaded up. So even though I was already tired, I hauled ass back home. I dried off and poured myself a big ass bowl of cinnimon Life cereal and a huge glass of OJ. But I think I ate too much cereal. Oh well, now that I get up early to work out I can't wait for someone else to make my breakfast because I'll starve waiting. So anyway, yeah. I might throw up this morning. Just thought I'd share that with you all

I've been contemplating this move for a few months now, and after a long, thought out process, I've decided to go through with a major purchase that may or may not have a HUGE impact on my life. There's a flap that opens in the back for maximum comfort.

I know this sounds really random, but I love my grandma. She's pretty much someone I can talk to about anything, although there are some things I won't talk to her about.... We had to brave traffic this afternoon from the South Side to the peninsula, which meant waiting in a 7 mile backup at the tunnel. I have a certain set of CD's I play when she's riding in my car, and to be honest, I kinda like listening to them. Groups like the Bee Gees and Culture Club aren't that bad, and as long as I don't have to listen to anything by Elton John or Madonna, it's all good. I drove her to my cousin James's apartment in Newport News, so we could clean for him. When we got there, I thought for sure I was going to throw up. The f**king place smells like a dead, rotting dog or something. Bascially it's because he doesn't throw anything away. When I say that, I mean ANYTHING. There were bags from Hardys and Mc Donalds and Wendys and Arbys and Burger King and Taco Bell behind his entertainment center, under his desk, in between his couch and his coffee table and even overflowing on each side of the toilet in his bathroom. Usually my stepmom cleans up for him, but ever since my dad went into business for himself, she hasn't had the time to do anything for him. So I guess my dad went over there and almost fainted, and I can see why. James never finishes his food, so all of the bags had left over fries, half eaten tacos or burgers, and other crap in them. There were cups that had been sitting so long with soda in them that there was mold on top of the soda, and when we left, it was still gross. I thought I could smell spit or something, but I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. So after we cleaned and vaccumed his place, my grandma poured bleach down all of his drains and closed all of the windows at his place. As soon as she closed the windows, i felt like gagging all over again. So it looks like we're going to have to rent a carpet shampooer and go back. Since my cousin is basically inept, we have to do it for him, or he'll live in filth. Of course, we're talking about the guy who's too lazy to buy 5 quarts of oil and a fliter so I can change his oil for him. Instead, he'd rather go to the dealership and get it done. Well anyway, the good thing is that my grandma and I got to spend some time alone. We haven't done it in a while, and I miss it. We had a really good talk about my trouble at home with my dad about Kate, and she told me that she supports me no matter what and her and my grandpa are going to help me do whatever I want to do with my life when I turn 18. Sometimes I forget how I blessed my life really is, but she has this funny way of reminding me just by being who she is.

Ok, so it

So there's a tornado warning until 11 this morning, which, combined with the lukewarm temperature and dark sky, is making me a little nervous. Knowing my luck, the bastard will touch down in the driveway and mash my car up...lol. I turn 17 on Thursday....I know, big f***ing deal, right? That's how I feel in a way, but I also feel kinda weird about it. It's my last year as a minor, and I feel like I can't wait to get the hell out of my dad's house. Not that we aren't getting along better, because we are. Actually, we're doing ALOT better, and I'm going with him to Florence, SC today to pick something up. We're leaving in a little bit. It's just that I feel like he doesn't need me around to make his life a living hell, even though I'm trying hard not to. He just up and quit his job a couple weeks ago and went into business for himself, and my stepmom and cousin are doing a lot to help him out. The thing is, he wants me to quit my job and work for him, but I don't want to. I haven't given him an answer, but I plan to tell him today on our road trip. I hope it won't make him mad at me or change things between us, but I think I'd be really dissapointed in myself if I left the golf course. I'm thinking that I might stay at the golf course and help my dad out when I can. He said he'd pay me more to work for him than I'm making now, but I don't think I could take his money. I'd only be willing to help him out if it were for free, just because he's my dad and anything he does to make money benefits me anyway. I know he pays my cousin, but James is 21 and has his own place and things. I can understand that, but as long as I live at home, I don't think I can take his money. At the same time, I don't want to quit my job. Not just because of the money, but because, in a stupid sort of way, I feel like it's the most important thing I've ever done in my life. I make really good money, and I feel like I'm in charge of myself (which I basically am, even though I have a supervisor). I like working on things, and I'm learning a lot about wiring and hydraulics. I think I'm going to try to take some electrician courses when I get into college, and some Process Controller courses too. Since it's doubtful that I'll be getting into William and Mary, I have to start thinking about ODU for now. Maybe at some point, if I get good enough grades at ODU, I can look at going to W&M, but for now, I don't see it happening with my grades as bad as they are this year. So anyway, yeah, that's what's been going on in a nutshell. My lovelife has been moving in two speeds...slow and stop. Me and Taylor have been taking things one day at a time, but I can't be bothered with his dumbness. I haven't smoked any pot in three weeks, and my goal is to never smoke it again. It seems like he's just picking up the slack for me, and he's missing a crapload of school. I still love him and we hang out all the time, but as far as being boyfriends, I think we're over. But I'm okay with that, and he's getting over it too. I'll always be here for him, and as soon as he decides to get himself together, I'll help him anyway he needs me too. But I have to think about myself, too. I hope that doesn't make me selfish, but even if it does, I have to be that way.

Here's a dead on analysis of the candidacy of Barack Obama by Kyle_Anne Shiver American Thinker: Why I'm Thanking God For Obama

wtf? http://youtube.com/watch?v=v3tUxajUVEQ

Ok, so I got a lot of reading and writing done today, and I can honestly say that I'm all caught up I've been a little preocuppied this week with Taylor and his new car. We took it for a spin as soon as he got his license on Friday, then we spent about four hours in his garage polishing the rims with Mothers. Man, talk about a good arm workout :pickaxe: :pickaxe: :pickaxe: To those of you who are wondering, I just sent chapter four of Time In A Bottle off to my editor, the Great Talonrider!!!! and to my beta readers, so as soon as I hear back from all six of them, I should be able to whip it into good enough shape to be posted. I have a little bit of news too....I might be doing some summer missionary work. I wont be leaving the states, but I'll have a chance to work at some church rec centers hold bible studies. I really want to do it, but I have to get the green light from my dad first. My pastor thinks I'd be perfect for it, and I think so too, but I have a couple things I'd have to iron out first.....The main one being if I'd be able to come home and see my parents (corny, I know, but I can't help it) and the other is coming home to see Taylor, since I'd be going without him. One other thing is that this will definitely drain my savings account, since I still have to pay for gas and insurance for my car. I'd get to take it with me, but my dad would have to ride with me to wherever it is I'd be (either Kansas, Missourri or Texas) and then fly home. But this is something I feel like I have to do for myself as much as for anyone I'd be helping out, and I'd also still be able to update my stories and write new ones because I'd take a laptop with me. So anyway, that's about it. Kisses Nick

Well today I had enough.....my cousin James has crossed a line that I don't think he can uncross. I actually started this blog entry by saying that I wanted to have him jumped, but I'm not going there right now because I'm so angry with him that I'm afraid I'd go through with it. This moron has his own apartment, but for some reason, he keeps sleeping at home in his old room and I think he's doing it to make me crazy. He has something smart to say about everything I do, and if he doesn't get his way, he pouts and crosses his arms and throws a hissy fit. I can't believe my dad and stepmom are putting up with him!! Since the last time I made an entry about him, he's only gotten worse. He was with my dad and stepmom one night when they picked me up at work and asked me where I wanted to eat, so I said Smokey Bones. Well, he stayed quiet the whole way there, then when we got there, he got out of the car without saying anything and stormed off like he was pissed about something. When we got inside my dad took James to the side while me and my stepmom waited to be seated. The next thing I know, my dad's back without James and he tells us that we're going to Silver Diner instead!!! I mean, it doesn't matter to me where we eat at, but you should have seen how this jerk was pouting and acting like it was the end of the world that we went somewhere he didn't want to go. So we leave and the whole way to Silver Diner he had this self serving. sh*t eating grin on his face that made me sick to my stomach. When we got there I ordered some French fries, a grill cheese and a chocolate shake and he got a burger and fries and a coke or something. Anyway, he saw what I had and got jealous and started pouting again, so my dad orders him a grill cheese and a chocolate shake and has them box up his burger!! That's just a small sample of the crap he's been pulling. I heard him on his cell phone telling one of his friends that he was getting an Avalon...an Avalon!!! This son of a bitch should be riding a bike for the way he's been acting. So I finally said something to my dad about it, and he got mad at me. Before I could start my second sentence, he cut me off and said I was out of line. Of course, that just set me off and the next thing I knew, I was grounded from my car. It just pisses me off that he caters to James the way he does. He's not even his real son, but he treats him better than he treats me or even my stepmom. So I've decided that I'm just going to ignore them altogether and act like they aren't there. I'm sick of acknowledging my loser cousin and my asshole dad, so I've decided not to. I don't care what he does next to manipulate my parents and I don't care what they buy for him. In fact, I hope they go broke buying him everything he wants. I only have to put up with this BS for another two years, then I won't need any of them anymore anyway.

I got a really encouraging email from someone who must be reading Bodega Bay on Nifty. Here's an excerpt: My guess is that the guy went to the No Sex section of Nifty by mistake, got mad because there was No Sex (go figure) and lost his temper. Anyway, if you're a reader of mine who's(not whose..see Razor, I do know the difference) easily frustrated by a lack of sex, don't read any of my short stories, and don't read Time In A Bottle.....the ironic part is, if he would have just been patient, he would have come across more sex than he's probably had in all of his pathetic years....but, such is life. Kisses Nick

Last night we had my birthday party and Im still kinda wiped out from it all. Everything started at 5 and my folks cleared out for the most part, which was a good thing. My dad and stepmom spent the entire day cleaning and getting everything set up for me, and I feel bad because my dad even got the hot tub cleaned out and ready but it was too cold for us to use We had such a good time though. My buddy Jonny manned the grill and we had brats and wings, and someone else brought about 60 cans of whip creams. It wasn't my first time doing them, but I guess I forgot how intense it can be :pickaxe: :pickaxe: It just seemed perfect because even though it was cloudy, it never started to rain. I was a little worried that the music was too loud, but I guess that was silly because it wasn't like my grandparents, who are our next door neighbors, were going to call the cops on us :2hands: So anyway I have this really good friend Stacey, and her and I had a really long dance to one of my favorite songs by John Legend. She just broke up with her bf less than a week ago and she's been really bummed out, so it was like a double bonus for me. I got to dance with my best girl friend and I actually got to see her smile a happy smile, not one that she was faking. Of course I got lots off cool stuff too, like a sh*tload of clothes. My cousin James got me a bad ass Nike jogging suit, which I needed bad, since I've pretty much outgrown my last one. Anyway about six of my friends crashed here last night and I should have gone to bed too, but I was way too hyper to go to sleep. So instead I stated up till 5 in the morning, then I finally crashed until noon. When I got up almost everyone was gone except for my cousin and Taylor. My folks were off to church so we made a big breakfast and trashed the kitchen. I may or may not have slopped waffle batter in between the stove and the counter and I know I spilled a whole bag of popcorn kernals when I was looking in the cupboard for something. So anyway now it's raining and I have nothing to do. I tried on some of my new clothes but what I really wanted to do was go car shopping again..I guess it's not necessary. I already know what I want, and my dad said he'd get it for me, but I have to pay for the gas and help pay for insurance, which I think is total BS but I guess I have to take what I can get. Of course, that meant I had to get a job, so I called my old boss at the commisarry and asked if I could come back. She said no prob, but right now I'm only going to work ten hours a week, at least until the end of the school year. I'll still be working for tips, though, so that means I have to hussle more than I used to so I can be back at the register and bag for more people :wacko: :wacko: As far as my writing goes, here's where I am....... I finished Bodega Bay, and I started posting Time In A Bottle...in the meanwhile, Staking My Claim is going to be my primary focus. I just posted chapter seven and I'm working on eight right now. I don't know how many chapters this story's going to be, but I promise that no matter how many it is, I'll make it worth your while (if you're reading it, that is)

The following interview is a Nickolas Taylor Web Publishing Production

I just googled What's The Difference Between Me and You, and found out that my story is the forth result that pops up!!! ok, big deal, right Well, I think it's pretty neat that something I wrote and posted to the internet comes in just behind Dr. Dre's lyrics to the song with the same title....that means that somewhere, someone's googling the lyrics for that song and while they're looking at the results of their search, they're seeing a link to my story yay!! So anyway, I'm officially two chapters ahead on Bodega Bay. I sent 21 in, as I said in my last entry, but it hasn't been posted yet. When it goes up, i'll give everyone who reads it time to digest the chapter before I post 22, and in the meanwhile, I'll pound out 24. When I'm done with that one, I'll post 23 and work on 25, and so on.... Well, just wanted to share the google thing with everyone. I'm home sick, and I'm bored, so I'm writing and googling crap at the same time to fill the time. I'm definitely going back to school tomorrow :pickaxe:

One year ago today I registered at Gay Authors after I finished reading The Log Way by Dom Luka, and the rest is history I found the Soap Box, then I found the rest of the forums, including The Library. The Soap Box is gone, The Library has been replaced by e-fiction, and it seems like there's all new people at the forums. I mean, there's a lot of people from last year, but it seems like a lot of the people who were here before have stopped posting, but in their place, some awesome new people came along and and registered. A year later I have my own (great) editor, my stories got hosted at CRVboy and RCWP and as of today, my one year aniversery at GA, I have my own spot on the shared hoted page at GA. I know I should shut up already about it but Im so excited I can hardly sleep. Anyway, I wanted to publicly thank my editor Talonrider for helping me get so far and for showing me things that I would have never known if he hadn't offered to be my editor. I also want to thank Joe for being so patient and for designing my page. He did a great job and I'm a little stunned when I look at it. I really had to stop and think about how much I've written and I never realized I had so much material. The most important people to thank, though, are my readers. You guys have been awesome. I get pm's, emails, ecards and encouragement from you all and I dont know if I would have ever been this motivated to write if it werent for all of that. From the very start, when i was posting What's The Difference on a xanga page, to when I started posting at the library and then at efiction, from CRVboy to RCWP, it's meant so much to me. I'll never be able to express how I really feel about the support I've gotten. To Kitty for doing such a good job on my anthology entries and for helping me get here, thank you and here's a To Mary from RCWP, the greatest webmistress of ALL time, and to Robb at CRVboy for givinig me my first chance to be hosted at a major site. Ok, Im gonna stop now because Im getting all emotional I just feel so blessed to have found not just GA, but the entire gay net authors communitty. To anyone who's thinking about writing and is unsure about whether they have what it takes, go to the Library and read what I had been posting when I first started. Trust me, you'll most likley blink and say, WTF???? lol...and then go for it.

OK, so if you haven't heard the news yet, I just made it to the shared hosted page on GA. I'm very excited and very nervous, but I'm more excited than anything. I've got a lot of writing to do, and I'm proud that I get to do it here.....I promised myself that I wasn't going to stop working until I made it to my own Hosted site at GA, and now that I'm almost there, I feel like it's time to turn things all the way up. there's only one problem I seem to be having..... I need to design a page and the program I was going to use, Presentations 12, is ultra wack So I'm off, in search of something better.....of course, getting that something better means either having someone do most of the work for me(which would make me feel bad because no one should have to) or begging my dad to buy a better program for me. (sighs) Trying to get my dad to spend anymore money on my computers going to be hard. I already told him that I wanted him to get me the Vista upgrade when it comes available, and he looked at me like I had an eyeball in the middle of my forehead or something. I could ask him to let me take some money out of savings, but that's going to be drama too So I'm going to keep looking for the next day or so, then I'm going to have to try to bust him down for what I need :2hands: I've gotten lot's of good feedback on Bodega Bay. Even a couple of the hosted authors have contacted me about it, so I know I'm moving in the right direction with it....it seems like I have good luck with anthology's Everytime I sit down to write a story, I end up with a chapter story and I have to start over on something new That's cool, though...I like starting on a short story and suddenly realizing that I have something I can work with that people might like :ranger: So, I'm almost done with chapter 3, then I have to get it edited and send it in Hopefully in the meanwhile I can get something figured out about building this page...wish me luck Kisses Nick

Well, I admit it....I've been slipping. My writing has been sucking lately. I feel really dissapointed in the last chapter of My Jump Off that I posted. Here's what I think happened.... I started off just writing for my boyfriend, but i felt like I wanted everyone to read what I was writing, mainly because I think I wanted to know if it was any good or not. I mean, getting an honest opinion from Taylor about a story I was writing just for him was going to be impossible. So I started posting my first story on Xanga. Well, from there, I started posting in the Library here at GA and I got a lot of good feedback from everyone here. Then Myr opened up the efiction section, and I started getting even more feedback. Then, I scored a really awesome editor, Talonrider, and the next thing I knew, I was learning how to write.....when I say that, what I mean is, I learned the rules of grammer and punctuation. I also learned the difference between to and too Then I got hosted at CRVboy, and at the Talonhouse. I was soooo excited, especially when I started getting even more feedback from people, good and bad. Then I felt a little frustrated when it seemed like the GAC's were trying to hold down the non hosted authors by keeping us from making story announcements and i wrote about it right here in my blog. Then, I got some advice about posting at Nifty. I didn't want to do it, but in the end, I decided to submit a story. That's when things really picked up. It was awesome to open my inbox and find between ten and twenty emails from readers about my story each day!!! Then I went to my page and saw that I had gotten a ton of hits. I actually averaged about 100 hits a day, which isn't a lot compared to this site, but it's a lot to me. I had about 600 hits on my page when I first posted on Nifty two weeks ago, and now I have over 2500 hits So, when I was writing my anthology story, I thought I would have a really good feeling about it. Instead, I felt a lot of pressure to make my story at least as good as my spring anthology. So unfortunately for Kitty, I changed my mind a bunch of times and then I couldn't decided what I wanted to do. Finally, last night, I made a decision (sorry Kitty ) Then I sat down and read chapter seven of My Jump Off over again, and I stopped to think about what happened with it. I think I had the same problem. I was getting so much good feedback that I didn't want to dissapoint my readers, and I also felt a lot of pressure to hurry up and get the next chapter out and I think I rushed it. Even if no one else can tell, I can. So, I've decided to take my time with the next chapter and do what I've been doing.......enjoy writing this story. If I start hating it, it's going to suck, and I know it. **************************************************************************************** You see, time is passing, people asking how come none of this ain't lasting Money will make people deal like they don't even have to feel But no, it ain't real Some lyrics from the CD I've been listening to a lot lately. I've gotten into Santana, and I love listening to everyting he's got. But to me, his best ever song, and I mean ever, is Do you like the way? featuring Cee-Lo and Lauren Hill. It inspires me to think and to write PS: Little Buddha.... I did it. Wish me luck

warning......serious self exploration ahead Ok, so I got this email from one of my Nifty readers, and they asked me a simple question....why do my two longest stories and all of my almost all of my poems involve plot lines or themes where the main character has a good family???? I had to stop and think about it for a minute, and then it came to me in a flash.....because I think families are important. Not just because I come from what I think is a good family, but because, as a Christian, i've always been taught that besides faith in the Lord, there's nothing more important for anyone to have. Sometimes I read stories on Nifty or even here at GA, and it seems like the parents are the villians, and the rest of the family are always homophobes. Now, not all of the stories are that way, and I didn't take any of that into consideration before I wrote my stories, either. I mean, for one thing, What's the Difference Between me and you? is a story about my family, so in a way, I can't help the theme in that story. But Jarred in My Jump Off has a strong family too, and I didn't even give it a lot of thought before I wrote the story. I just let it all flow out as I was writing, and when I was done, he had a cool mom and dad. Well, maybe not that cool, but if you've read it, you know what I mean. I guess what it all boils down to is this......family means a lot to me. I know it's not realistic for me to think that everyone is going to have a supportive family, and that when they come out that their parents are going to not just accept them, but actually support them and accept their boyfriends or girlfriends. But I think it's okay to wish that it could happen for everyone. By the way, speaking of My Jump Off, I'm half way done with chapter seven. I'm gonna try to get it finished up by tonight and get it posted either tonight or tomorrow, but no promises Kisses Nick

Ok, so I've been totally bored today. We got home today from Carolina and I slept all the way home, but I was sharing the back seat with my cousin James and I had to sleep sitting up, so I had a sore neck and a headache when we got home. Then I got online and chatted for a while but my PC crashed and I had to restore it back to it's last recovery point. In the meanwhile, Taylor hasn't called and I'm getting depressed, so I started reading. I found a story by Matt, Unrequited, and it was good. I immediately gave it a soundtrack, so it had to be good. Only good stories get soundtracks because I can get a feel for everything in the story. I know that sounds goofy, but it's true. So I only listen to Carlos Sanata: Supernatural when I'm reading it. I've only gotten as far as the second chapter, so I might add more musc to it. The song, Do you like it that way featuring Lauryn Hill and Cee-Lo is the best intro music for that story. I suggest playing that track while you read the beggining paragraphs if you decide to check it out. I guess I should mention that Taylors in Tennessee visiting his real mom. Him and his real parents (his stepmom and dad) went, and they'll be home tomorrow. It wasn't as bad as last year was when he went because ... A ) We were going to the Outer Banks anyway B ) There's no medical emergency like last year (his mom had cancer) I'm pretty bitter about it though, because she's never been there for him and he's always there for her. In fact, if it weren't for his dad, Taylor would never get to see his mom. His dad actually plans the trips to go see her because she's so selfish and rejects him. Anyway, let me get off of that subject, because it makes me so mad I actually start to shake. One thing I can say though is that I thank God everyday for my family. I can't even imagine being treated like that by my dad. We might argue and fight, but he's never made me feel like he doesn't want me or that I make him anything less than proud. So anyway, right now I'm wondering what's going to happen next on this site. It feels kinda weird not to have Myr running things, and I can see the difference. It's not necessarily a terrible thing, but in my opinion, not everything seems to have been planned very well. Either way, I would like to congratulate Jack Scribe on becoming hosted here at GA. He definitely deserves it. When I was first hosted at CRVboy, he was the very first person to email me about my story. I read what he had to say and I took a lot of his advice and I feel like the difference is there. I've had a lot of people talk about the difference they've seen in my stories, and I can honestly say that at least some of that comes from what Jack said to me about establishing certain things right away in my story. He also gave me a compliment that meant a lot coming from someone like him. He's a really good addition to the hosted authors. Also, I got my summer anthology entry off to Kitty, and I'm waiting to hear back from her. I had a couple of questions about it, and I wanted her honest opinion. I mean, she does an awesome job for LBTW, and with the anthology too. So whatever she suggests is what I want to do.

Ok, so I have to warn everyone that I'm a little grossed out right now. Me and taylor went to a party at our freind Justins house and his folks were gone. There were so many girls there...they probably outnumbered the guys like 3 to 1......anyway, it seemed like all the guys there were scoring with like 2 chicks at a time. Now, a lot of people know about what me and Taylor did before.....well, it didn't happen again (shudders). We got our swerve on, then we hiked it back to my house. I was hungry when we got here, so right now, Taylors cooking something downstairs with my cousin James.....I'm not too sure, but it can either be hamburger meat I smell or sausage. It kinda smells like both. I went down there, but they kicked me out of the kitchen because I kept eating the cheese that James was grating. So, now I'm back up here, and I went into my ebooks folder and opened up my poetry folder that was inside of the ebook folder. I found a poem I wrote when I first found out that I needed to have another tumor taken out. I guess the real reason I wrote it was because we didnt know what was gonna happen, and I admit that I was pretty scared. But I prayed about it for a long time, then, when I was done feeling sorry for myself, I felt like writing a poem. So I did. I didn't really know what I wanted to say, but once I got moving, everything just flowed out and it all came together. Anyway, I wanted to share it because I feel like I should be proud of myself. I dont want to sound all arrogant ( I know, too late ) but I felt like I stayed pretty strong through it all and I was able to keep myself pretty positive. That wasn't easy, either, considering that my parents were fighting non stop and my dad wasn't sleeping. I just knew that I had to be the strong one this time for everyone. I hope you guys like it. If not, that's okay. I still wanted to share it with everyone, because you're all like my second family. Ok, it smells like the food's burning..... Kisses Nick

Ok, so I had the surgery yesterday and the doctoer removed the tumor. We have to go back today for a followup at the doctors actual office somewhere in Norfolk. When we're there, I think I'm gonna give this guy a piece of my mind. He promised me that it wouldn't hurt, and that I would hardly know what happened. The truth is I'm miserable. And maybe I'm just being grouchy, but I really think this jerk either lied to me or he screwed somthing up and I'm not supposed to feel this sore and tender. It hurts to even take a deep breath right now, and everytime I try, I cough, and that makes the pain worse. It's almost feels like someones stabbing me in the lung. At the same time, my dad had to redress my bandages, and when he pulled them away, I think we both almost fainted. The cut actually starts at my belly button, and I get queezy even thinking about it. Someone acutally cut me open at my bellybutton Ok, so now that I'm totally grossed out and I'm thinking that the worst is behind me, I find out that when we go in today, the doctor might decide to admit me to the hospital for a night if he doesn't like how my incision's healing I can say for sure that I don't like how it's healing, so how in the world is he going to like it??? I'm hoping to God that I'm wrong and that it's okay......I guess we'll find out at 4. There's good news, though. I finished chapter 6 of My Jump Off , and i got it posted today. I hope everyone likes it. Also, I worte a poem when i first found out I had another tumor, but i'm not sure if I'll post it or not. It's a little defiant, and maybe in a way, I was trying to poke death in the eye, even though I didn't know yet what was going to happen. It's a little personal, but I might post it someday. I mainly wrote it for myself as a way to stay strong in case the tumor was cancerous, which I'm sure now that it wasn't because they would have told us yesterday at the hospital if it was. The other good news is that I'm actually all caught up on my school work, and I found out that these days I'm missing aren't going to count against me. With finals, that's a good thing. I know I can stay on the A/B honor roll, but there's no way I can make the principals list because I've had too many referals this year. I don't really care about that though. So anyway, sorry if it seems like I'm complaining. I really don't feel good, and my throat still feels dry from not having anything to drink for almost a whole day. I just needed to vent a little.

Ok, so as of midnight, i'm not allowed to eat or drink anything. That totally sucks because I know that when I wake up from my surgery tomorrow I'm going to be thirsty and it'll probably be the same guy as last time feeding me ice chips with his bare hands That said, I've come to a conclusion......I'm like P Diddy.....no, I'm not a famous rapper who lives in New York, and Suge Knight doesn't want to kill me (at least I hope not :wacko: ) but for the last few days, I've been saying things like, I won't stop. Of course, that's the P Diddy signature saying on just about every song he's in. But it's the truth. I just finished chapter 44 of What's the difference between me and you and sent it off to my editor, so hopefully if I can come home tomorrow night, I'll have the energy to post it. If not then, definitely Tuesday. I'm also still writing poetry, and I posted the mothers day poem I wrote for my stepmom, My Mom , in the e-fiction section of the site. Also, I'm still gonna get to work. I can go back next week So anyway, call me Diddy......or just call me Nick either way, I won't stop Someone important to me once said this in a PM he wrote to me: Life is like driving NJ. There is a rearview mirror and it serves a purpose but to get to where you want to go, you've got to be looking forward. BTW, the next chapter of My Jump Off is coming soon

Ok, so today has been the day from hell. I knew I had a doctors appointment. My dad made one for me last week because I have a real tender spot on my stomach, and it's getting bigger and worse. So today we go to the doctors and he presses on it real hard and I kinda yelped a little. Then he feels all around it to see how big it is, and I tell him that it's gotten bigger. Then he sits back and takes off his glasses and asks me about my appetite. I tell him that I'm eating ok, but my dad jumps in and says that I havent been eating good at all compared to how I normally eat. So, he tells me to be honest about what I usually eat at school, and I tell him that I eat fritos and a m&m cookie all day. So then he drops the big question......have i been on a diet lately....I tell him no, because I havent been, and he looked at me like I was lying. So, he asks if Im sure, and I promise him I havent been dieting. See, the last time I got really sick was when I went on a diet and didnt tell anyone about it. I ended up in the hospital for a few days because I only wieghed 87 pounds and I was supposed to be 110. Even after I got out of the hosptial, I had to drink these nasty shakes and my dad and my stepmom watched me to make sure I took them. When I went to school, the vice principal made sure I drank my shakes when it was time and that I ate some lunch. Of course, even if he hadnt, my friends were on my case about it too, so they woulda made me drink them. That was last year. So anyway, when the nurse weighed me when we were walking to the room where we waited for the doctor, I wieghed 102 pounds. That means I lost 11 pounds since my last appointment, when I was 113. The thing is, I'm hungry all the time, and I have been eating a lot. Lately, though, I haven't felt too good, and I guess I don't really think much about food. I eat when I go to work, and I always have dinner when I get home at night. I even eat dessert sometimes. Ok, back to the doctor. He tells me that he doesn't like the sore spot and sends me for some x-rays. Well, then we have to go downstairs and wait like 45 minutes for them to call us up. The whole time, my dads stressing out. He kept reaching for his cell but there was a big sign that said no cell phone use, so he had to put it away. Finally we get called back and here's where he totally embarrases me........the lady giving me the x-rays was telling me to face different directions, and when we were done, my dad was asking her why she didnt have me standing in all these other positions and kinda yelling at her that there was no way that they could see everything because they missed spots.. I wanted to die right there. So now that Im totally embarrased we go back upstairs and wait for someone to come back and talk to us about the xrays. They took us back and the doctor said that he wanted to send me to a specialist, so we had to go to Norfolk to Sentara for some stupid nuclear department they have. I had to lay down in the same loud machine they put me in last year and they rubbed red crap all over my chest and made me lay still. So anyway, we spent all day at the doctors office until 3 in the afternoon. I still made it home in time to get to work in time, but my dad was tripping out and talked to my supervisor when we got there. He told her that I might have to quit because he thinks it's too much stress on me. I was soooooo pissed. So now, instead of going to school tomorrow, I get to spend the day at CHKD in Norfolk while they make sure Im not dying or whatever(rolls eyes). I'm sure it's something gay and everyones just flipping out over nothing. I just hate it because it seems like I'm always having some kind of medical drama and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the tumors, and I'm sick of the surgeries. I'm sick of seeing my dad and my stepmom stress out over crap like this, and I hate how it makes them fight. They're like the perfect couple, but they fight like crazy whenever stuff like this happens because they're too stressed out and won't calm down. My dad was so worried last night that he stayed up till like 2 in the morning. I could hear him in his office working. That's what he does when he's freaking out about something. He gets on his office pc and works. So when I get home from work, the first thing I notice is that my dad and my stepmom arent speaking. Great. I just want all of this to be over so we can get on with things.