I always love it when we get a feature from Libby Drew - having someone who has been there, able relate writing tips from experience, is a valuable experience. Here she talks about using the characters various senses in your writing. Enjoy!

“Stop! You’re scaring me,” Megan said

“I’m not trying to scare you,” Steve soothed. “We need to talk.”

“Don’t come any closer!” Megan cried.

“Don’t be afraid, Megan,” Steve said. “I only want to help.”

“But I thought— You’re not here to kill me?”

“I never was. Do you believe me now?” Steve asked.

“Yes,” Megan affirmed.

Well, I don’t believe him. Out of context, I haven’t the faintest clue why Megan would either. Dialog without any sense impressions, thoughts, or feelings of the viewpoint character becomes totally abstract. It stops making sense. The reader gets lost. Don’t let that happen. I’m not saying insert epic volumes of purple prose. Just add enough to keep the reader oriented.

A flurry of dialog doesn’t mean everything else should stop. Readers wants dialog—they crave dialog—but they’re not willing to be cut off from the rest of the story to get it. So how do we keep them connected?

• Let the reader SEE things that are happening as the characters speak.
• Let the reader HEAR things that are happening as the characters speak.
• Let the reader SMELL, TASTE, and FEEL. Give them tactile sensations.
• Show the reader any THOUGHTS the viewpoint character is having.
• Express the emotions of the viewpoint character. (Try to show and not tell, if possible. Megan didn’t feel terrified. She trembled.)
• Make the reader aware of the viewpoint character’s goal.
  

“Stop!” Megan stumbled backward until her elbows hit the balcony railing. “You’re scaring me.”

Steve halted, raising one hand to Megan while he reached into his pocket with the other. “I’m not trying to scare you.”

He had a gun! The tremble in her knees spread to the rest of her body. She pointed a shaking finger at Steve. “Don’t come any closer!”

A cold wind whipped at them both, plastering Megan’s silk blouse to her skin and sneaking up her skirt. It stung her bare legs and dried the tears on her cheeks instantly.

Steve eased his hand from his pocket and held up a small envelope. “Don’t be afraid, Megan. I only want to help.”

Megan squinted through her tears. That was her name on the envelope, written in her mother’s delicate hand. Her mother was alive? “But I thought— You’re not here to kill me?”

“I never was.” Steve ripped open the envelope and showed her the note inside. Even from across the balcony, Megan could make out the scratchy “My Dearest Daughter” at the top, along with the date. January 1^st, 2012. Less than a week ago. “Do you believe me now?” Steve asked.

“Yes.” The relief stole the last bit of strength from her legs, and she sank to the cold concrete, clutching the railing as the tears overwhelmed her. She’d been wrong about everything. Could Steve ever forgive her?

Because I know you won’t be able to sleep until you know… Steve did forgive her. Although he also wants to secretly kill her for being so whiny. I know I do, but maybe I’m projecting.

Sense impressions and thoughts. Intentions. Emotions. Now the reader knows where we are. He has a physical impression of the place (the balcony), understands Megan’s viewpoint and why she’s scared, understands her plight and her emotional reaction to the threat, and in general gets involved in the scene.

This is vital. Curing the so-called “talking head” syndrome is not about adding “he said, she said” so we know who’s speaking. (Actually, it’s usually about removing those things.) We need to keep the reader connected to the action in a subtle, peripheral way. Don’t leave your readers deaf and blind.

Of course there will be times when dialog is very simple and straightforward and keeping the reader oriented will be a piece of cake. But there will be other situations where the character’s movement, the scene’s complexity, or the depth of the viewpoint character's thoughts, feelings and changing motives may require considerably more author interpretation. How much you put in depends on all those factors.

In any case, you need to keep the reader in the story. Just because you see and hear the details in your head as you write the scene does not mean that the reader will by osmosis discern the same details. Good stories are ones we can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Appeal to your readers’ senses. Involve them.

~Libby