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Mark Arbour's Pride

A blog by Mark Arbour in Member

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Cat got your tongue?

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Students

This is the e-mail I received tonight: Dear Professor, I know class has just started and I'm already behind. I'm sorry I've screwed up so bad already. I plan to come by your office this week to find out if there's anything I can do to succeed in your class. Signed: Hot male student. (OK, that's not really how he signed it, that's just descriptive) Personally, I think it sounds like the beginning of a really bad porno.

September 28, 2009

17

Midget Sex

So I was reflecting back on my interesting sexual history, trying to decide what was the most bizarre thing I've ever done. Not kinky, bizarre. And I finally decided what it was: Jacking off with a midget (or for the PC crowd, mutual masturbation with a vertically challenged man). Incidentally, I found out that just because a guy is a midget, doesn't mean his dick is. If you give me shit about this, you have to tell me your most bizarre experience too. It's my blog, I get to mak

September 18, 2009

17

A word I hate

There are words that annoy me, words that are over-used ("dude" comes to mind), offensive words, but the one word that just turns my stomach is "huggles." WTF is that? It's like taking the word hug and the word snuggle, mixing them together, and forming this bubble-gum cutesy word that makes me want to vomit. Christ. Throw in some baby talk and just finish the deal, make me puke my guts up. It belongs with other cutesy shit, like rainbows and unicorns and ponies and puppies and kittens

September 6, 2009

19

Matthew Shepard: Rest in Peace

I'm working on the sequel to "If it Fits" in my "Chronicles of an Academic Predator" series. It's called "Bloodlines" and the first chapter will post in the next few days. The story takes place in 1998, and it was impossible to avoid Matthew Shepard and his tragic ending in October of that year, not that I wanted to. I'd heard of Matthew, I'd heard his story. It was horrible, a senseless waste. But to do the story justice, I felt I needed to draw him in, and that meant I needed to get to k

September 3, 2009

6

Messy rooms breed more clutter

I've spent the past week finishing up projects and doing a bunch of late-summer cleaning, and it struck me that the whole organization/de-cluttering thing is really futile. This time we managed to get the entire upstairs cleaned, including the teenager's room, and that takes some doing. Three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, an office, dining room, great room, kitchen, kitchen nook, foyer, and laundry room, all clean, all organized. Plus the garage, the porch, and the deck. Downstairs, in

August 15, 2009

5

Working With Your Hands

When I was younger, I really had no use for doing any sort of crafty type of work. Re-finish a chair? No way. Build a deck? There are people you hire to do that. Put in a marble floor? Too easy to f**k up. Then somewhere along the way I decided to actually try doing some of this stuff, and I discovered that when I shed my pampered shell, I was actually pretty damn good at it. I just finished re-doing a bathroom entirely in tile (natural stone, I won't work with that fake ceramic shi

August 12, 2009

12

Thoughts on "Chronicles of an Academic Predator Series"

When I started writing Chronicles of an Academic character, my goal was to create a lead character (JP) who was smart and rich enough to surf through the era of the early sixties and experience the events of that time without being consumed by them. To do that, I needed a stoic, impervious character, someone who had a lot of secrets and buried them deep within and who thus was constantly guarded and deliberate. The response I got from readers was like a fuel to me, motivating me through t

August 7, 2009

15

Yet another driving rant

This is what I encountered today while driving on the freeway: A woman driving a white Lexus RX 350 SUV for about five miles with her left blinker flashing while she talked on her cell phone. She was blond.

August 4, 2009

9

Are Old People Sages?

So I conducted a week-long seminar this week. The group was diverse in age, from young people just out of college to older people beyond 65. We were having a discussion and one of the older guys got into it with a younger woman. The topic was unimportant, but the undertones of their debate were. The young lady stated her opinions logically, based on facts, and was quite impressive. The older man based his on perceptions. His attitude was one of condescension, his overall message being

August 2, 2009

12

Take a picture, get a ticket

Speed cameras, those cameras that take a picture of your car when you're speeding..they suck. When these things first made their debut around here, they were set up at intersections to catch people who ran stop lights. That seemed reasonable. Fair even. But then they started using them to catch people speeding, and that doesn't seem fair at all. I've always felt there was this implicit agreement about speed limits. They were kept artificially low, to make sure that the little old lady w

August 1, 2009

6

Lacey's Color Test

I took Lacey's Color Quiz. Results below. Interesting. Your Existing Situation Likes to be in control and wishes to hold a position of power. Comes up with ideas and plans to overcome obstacles and likes to feel control over events and situations. Your Stress Sources "Demands to be noticed by others as an important individual, needs attention and recognition. His current situation is leaving him dissatisfied. He feels he needs to make friends with those who hold the same hi

July 30, 2009

2

Pee Mail

Every day when I get home I take the dog out with me to get the mail. It's not a long walk, just down the driveway, but it gives her a chance to check her pee mail. I watch her sniff from spot to spot, figuring out who was there by her mailbox, who stopped by to pee a bit just to say hi. She of course pees there to let them know she got their mail. It's all very efficient, not quite as efficient as e-mail, but close. Then today we went down to check the mail and a dog had left a big c

July 25, 2009

6

Merging: the ultimate challenge

I know I've been ranting about driving lately. Maybe I'm just driving during "early bird special time" when all the old people are out? Sigh. So why is it so hard to merge into traffic? I mean, getting on the freeway seems to be a life challenge for some. They drive down the ramp and maybe hit 45 then slow to 20-25 mph and try to move into the slow lane. That's not merging. That's just f**king up traffic. Today it wasn't a freeway merge that got me. (And no, I'm not referring

July 23, 2009

10

Conservatives and Liberals

In political discussions, I've noticed distinct differences between Conservatives and Liberals. Conservatives tend to bluster. They usually cite facts they have read from the various conservative e-mails that fly around, the bulk of which have been exposed as false by sites such as Snopes. That doesn't matter. They'll regurgitate them every once in awhile to rile each other up. They are convinced they are right even when they are wrong. If you don't agree with them, you are wrong. Perio

July 20, 2009

10

Driving Slow in the Fast Lane

Any of you remember the "Far Side" cartoon on these people? It showed special chambers in hell, one for murderers,one for thieves, and one for people who drive slow in the fast lane? I wish I believed there was a hell; then I could believe there would be some justice for these morons. Today I was motoring down the freeway and came upon a minivan (of course) blocking my way in the fast lane. The speed limit on the freeway is 60, everyone was going 65, I was going 70, along with the peopl

July 17, 2009

4

Sex on the Freeway

I had this rather surreal experience last week. I thought about blogging about it, but then changed my mind. I figured it might be a little bit out there for the prurient tastes of the GA crowd. But it continues to haunt me in a pleasant and unpleasant way, and I mean, what's the use of having a blog if you can't write about weird shit, right? I had gone out with a few friends (boys night out) and drank, played cards, that kind of shit, and ended up being the designated driver since all I

July 13, 2009

10

Buicks

Anyone ever driven a Buick? They're designed solely and completely for old people. They are soft and cushy, so those brittle old bones won't get shaken up if the car hits a bump. They're quiet so old people can't hear everyone honking at them, although that's not really all that important. Just turn the hearing aid down. But they're like land yachts when it comes to take a corner, wallowing through the sea that is the road, listing dramatically either way. That doesn't matter to the elderl

July 11, 2009

18

WTF is wrong with the letter "y"?

Really. What did "y" ever do to the gay community to get it removed from their language? Why does boy have to be boi? Why does hey have to be hai? Is that supposed to be cute? A way to distinguish gai people from other people. A wai to describe or delineate other members of the gai communiti? What's next? Mai Dai celebrations? Will the holidais change too? I find this almost as irritating as Randy Jackson calling everyone "dog". I'm not convinced that such differentiation does t

July 8, 2009

10

Reputations and Heresy

I logged on tonight, ready to head off to bed, and went to check my profile to make sure no one posted something obscene or anything in the comments section, and I noticed that my reputation tag had changed. It said Reputation: 106 Someone Might Think I'm Dom Now that's f**king funny. Even if it is heretical: I'm a Domaholic who's way beyond any 12 step program. I'm trying to figure out who did it. Joe is suspect numero uno.

July 8, 2009

10

4th of July: Worth Celebrating

It was different this year. Not the fireworks; they were no better than normal. Not the barbecue. It was as good as always. No, what was different this year is that for the first time in a long time, I actually felt like celebrating. I think that we (the US) actually have a chance of being a great nation again. A new president, a new approach, a new direction. Heady stuff. I'm not naive enough to think that just because Obama is President that things will miraculously fall into place

July 5, 2009

4

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Michael Jackson

I was supposed to take a vacation to get away from the f**king heat here in the midwest (see last blog entry: Doldrums), so I did. To Cleveland. Now I know what you're thinking, not exactly a tourist mecca, and you'd be right, even though all the cute guys up there look a lot like Billy. And even though I went up there for a wedding (family thing...drank too much..puked...did it right) you may want to re-think that and make a stop at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It's set on the wa

June 29, 2009

6

Doldrums

It's hot and humid here in the midwest. It's f**king miserable. I hate summers here. Summers where you can't go outside for more than five minutes without getting drenched in sweat. Summers where the air-conditioner never stops running, and the electric bill shows it. Summers where the sprinklers can't keep the lawn wet one week, then torrential thunderstorms threaten to wash everything away the next. Give me snow, I can handle that, but not this shit. It makes me feel depressed and beate

June 23, 2009

11

Another year older and deeper in debt....

"16 Tons," a depressing oldie. So here I am on my birthday, watching the yard guys mow my lawn, enjoying a lazy day, and I hopped on over to GA just to see who wished me a happy birthday (and who didn't, so I know who to be mean to in the future). I'm just kidding. Anyway, I was thinking about this community and how vibrant it is, and how glad I am to be part of it again. The last few months have been a wild ride for me. I posted my first story ever on GA, in e-fiction, on September

May 13, 2009

9

Playing Along with Viv and Tiger

A - Age: 46 B- Bed size: King C - Chore you hate: Cleaning floors (vacuuming or mopping) D - Dogs or cats: Both. They're awesome E - Essential start your day item: ADD medicine F - Favorite color: Green G - Gold or Silver: Depends. It's changed over time. Now, probably silver. H - Height: 6'3 I - Instrument played: Piano (badly) J - Job title: Assistant Professor K - Kid(s): One. L - Loud or quiet: Loud M - Mom's name: Mom N - Nicknames: Go

April 26, 2009

0

On Leaving an online site....

I've been involved in lots of online sites, anything from this one to my Yahoo group. There have been times in the past when I've felt the need to move on, either permanently or temporarily, for various reasons. Sometimes someone pisses me off, sometimes I simply grow tired of the group or bored with the posts. In fact, there was a period of time when I took a sabbatical from this site. Why? It falls into the "someone pisses me off" category and revolved primarily around someone who's name

April 13, 2009

4

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