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About this blog

An examination of my own whirling thoughts, opinions, and rabbit holes.  Most if not all posts will center around writing and my motivations for undertaking such work.

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Entries in this blog

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Words for My Brother

I went to Kentucky. My brother's funeral was on Saturday, and I needed to be there for a number of reasons. Chief among them was my mother. She needed support. She needed to know she wasn't alone. She needed to know that Adam mattered. So I went. My sister and I met with Mom the morning before the funeral. It was scheduled for 10 AM, and we sat at her house with her for a couple of hours before heading to the funeral home. About a half hour before it was time to go, she looke
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Gone

I got a call from my sister this morning. "Bub, they found Adam unresponsive. I'm not sure how he is, but I'll let you know. Mom is super upset, so I know it's bad. Love you. I'll call soon." A few minutes passed ... then the phone vibrated with a text. Two words. "He's gone." My brother died today. My brother is gone.
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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A (little) Secret That Has Never Been Told

As a writer, I love hidden meanings. As a reader, I love them even more - particularly when I stumble on them myself. So, it was with great joy that I inserted one into one of my stories. Once someone sees it, they'll KNOW. No guessing required. It'll be that obvious once discovered. It wasn't hard to do, but apparently it was (is!) hard to detect. It has been years now, and no one has found it. Or, if they have, they've yet to comment on it. So my question is: have you done somet
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Motivation

Warning: I'm about to geek out over working out. Move on if you aren't interested. LOL   I've got the habit now. Getting up early, going to the gym, and getting that handled 4-5 days a week is now something I just do. I used to be extrinsically motivated by results. I needed to SEE changes to keep doing what I needed to do. But I'm past that. It's just something I do (which helps with consistency).   But after using a new workout system called "Average to
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Sneaky bastards ...

Well, we knew it'd happen. This week, I've been tapped by our CFO to help in a dispute against one of the federal regulatory agencies governing us and our funding. The short of it is this: an audit found they had overpaid us for our lab expenses to the tune of $200,000 a year for five years. In other words, they planned to shave a cool million off our next payment and withhold $200,000 a year from here on. The reasons are utterly bogus. Claiming we're double-dipping. Part of that is cl
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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We All Resist in Our Own Way

Yesterday, I visited my tattooist. I had given him the parameters for a new tattoo. I wanted the inclusive pride flag, tattered and marred but still flying. And with it, the symbol of the Social Democratic Party of 1932 Germany. The Social Democratic Party was the only real opposition to Hitler and the nazis (the only party to vote against the Enabling Act responsible for the authority Hitler gained to send people to their deaths in concentration camps). Though ultimately defeated, they fou
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Politics - They FAFO, we all pay

Yesterday, my clinic system had an emergency meeting. That's because we're an FQHC - Federally Qualified Health Center, and about 40% of our patient population has Medicaid as their coverage (insurance). Medicaid is how these people pay for their healthcare - everything from vaccinations to pregnancy care to emergency visits. Medicaid literally saves millions of lives from preventable deaths every year. The trump administration attempted to freeze all federal grants yesterday. And for a mom
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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If You Love Someone ...

Do you know that axiom, "If you love something, sometimes the best thing you can do is let it go."? I've appreciated it but never considered what it means on more than a superficial level. Well ... that has changed. I'm in an open relationship with my husband. I'm polyamorous, and he accepts that. He and I have each other, and we each have a boyfriend. My boyfriend is a super sweet, lovely guy named Matthew. We've been together now for about three years. While camping with Matthew
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Stinky Nature

As anyone who read my last entry knows, I like to work out. It's something calming, something I control, and it is therapeutic in ways nothing else is in my life. So during today's lunchtime, I strolled out past our garden to our garage. I offhandedly noted that Kevin had been working on the garden, and caught the barest scent of the chicken manure he'd used in his raised beds. No biggie. It wasn't too bad, and I was raised on a farm - I had smelled far worse. I started my workout in our de
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Aging My Way

I think I've done it. After literally years of tinkering and trying different workouts, this week is the first time since I've turned forty that I've managed to work out five days in the same week, and not ended up with aching joints. My workout of choice had always been weightlifting. I love lifting so much. Change is dramatic, and you get out of it what you put in. There's nothing easy, and you have to push past your notions of what you can do. It's absolutely a mental challenge as well a
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Well, It Happened

Looking at all of the numbers related to the Delta and Omicron variants, I suspected since I'm in healthcare and my husband is in one of those "Essential Services" positions with lots of customer service interaction, that it was only a matter of time before we got hit. The night before, I felt ... odd. Cold. I went to bed dressed in a sweater, sweat pants, a knit cap and two pairs of socks. I woke the next day to largely the same symptoms. But I was feeling mostly okay - to the point where I deb
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Faking It

The chapter I'm currently writing has this scene. It's a scene with a therapist and her client, and I am trying to portray her as clever, caring, and deeply insightful. I mean far more insightful than I could ever be. And let me tell you, that's tricky business. So I'm faking it. I get the luxury of time, while she has to deal with someone sitting across from her, and she is having to think on her feet. What takes me writing and rewriting, and hours of thought, she does in moments. I g
Wayne Gray

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A Different Kind of Story (for me)

I've been working on a new sort of story, a sort I've never really written. I'm writing a story about a "what if" scenario. It's a tale, set in a world much like our own, with one key difference. That is, it's written in a world where Love is Love. Where healthy relationships of all kinds are simply accepted, and there's no social pressure to be something you're not supposed to be. The difference is actually quite profound. I have to think about it. I have to constantly rewrite bits, b
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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The Sawmill - A Gay Campground

A reader emailed an article written by a woman detailing her struggles finding acceptance for both herself and her partner. The story details them sort of falling into life in an RV, and making their own path. It's a great read, and she has wonderfully perceptive views. Take a look. Gay and Lesbian RV Living After I read it, I was curious; I followed the link in the article to the campground in Florida called The Sawmill. And there it is. A warmer, sunnier, more tanned, though les
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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Hope

My husband and I had our first night out in over a year in a physically distanced, but indoor dining situation. We went to a spot we love - a little, intimate place with dark, burnt orangey walls, ferrous-stained concrete floors with these glorious cracks filled with rust, and of course a terrific menu. The servers all wore masks, and all the patrons did too until served. Between courses we masked up again, and were all more than six feet apart from other tables. To add a bit of security, I
Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray in Blog

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