so, Bieber Fever has hit.

 

like, really hit.

 

the little f**ker's everywhere!

 

what started as an unexpected (read: unwanted) surprise on daytime tv last month, has now turned into a full-blown cultural phenomenon. he's #1 on the charts, #1 on Twitter, #1 in little girls' hearts and I'm pretty sure full-grown adults do #1s in their pants every time they hear his pre-pubescent voice.

 

but, for all the hype and screaming and oh-my-god-he's-so-freaking-cute, Bieber Fever is still a work in progress.

 

consider the following incidents at work:

 

Monday, 7.05am

Matt: "Morning, all."

 

Colleague #1: "Morning."

 

Matt: "See the news this morning?"

 

Colleague #1: "No, why?"

 

Matt: "Justin Bieber cancelled his concert. Worst news ever."

 

Colleague #1: "Justin who?"

 

Matt: "Oh, never mind."

 

 

Monday, 12.17pm

 

Matt: *sits down at lunch table* "Hello, everyone."

 

Colleague named 'Everyone': "Hello."

 

Matt: "What's news?"

 

Colleague named 'Everyone': "Not much."

 

Matt: *feigns interest, contempation and, finally, lack of knowledge* "Anyone see that Bieber thing on the news this morning?"

 

Colleague named 'Everyone': "Who?"

 

Matt: "Oh, never mind."

 

 

Tuesday, 7.37am

 

Colleague #7: "Hey Matt, I saw that Bieber kid on the news last night."

 

Matt: "Really?"

 

Colleague #7: "Yeah."

 

Colleague #8: "Me, too."

 

Matt: "And?"

 

Colleague #8: "What's wrong with his hair?"

 

Matt: "I don't know, Colleague #8. I really don't."

 

 

Tuesday, 12.08pm

 

Matt: *sits down at lunch table*

 

Colleague named 'Everyone': "Hey Matt, I saw that Bieber thing you were talking about."

 

Matt: "You did?"

 

Colleague named 'Everyone': "Yeah, it was on the news last night."

 

Matt: "Oh. And?"

 

Colleague named 'Everyone': "Um, that's all, really."

 

Matt: "Fair enough." *begins eating lunch*

 

 

Tuesday, 2.37pm

Matt: *walks back into office after his break*

 

Colleague #3: "Baby, baby, baby, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

 

Matt: "What are you doing, Colleague #3?"

 

Colleague #3: *goes silent* "Um, nothing."

 

Matt: "No, wait, you were singing, weren't you?"

 

Colleague #3: "No!"

 

Matt: "Yes, you were."

 

Colleague #3: "No, I swear!"

 

Matt: "Were you singing a Justin Bieber song, Colleague #3?"

 

Colleague #3: "No! I swear!"

 

Colleague #4: "Don't listen to him, Matt. He's been doing it all day!"

 

Matt: "Right, Colleague #3. You die now."

 

Colleague #3: *tries to run away* "Baby, baby, baby, noooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

 

 

Thursday, 10.23am

 

Matt: "Hi, Colleague #247."

 

Colleague #247: *mumbles greeting*

 

Matt: "How are you today, Colleague #247?"

 

Colleague #247: *grunts* "Shit."

 

Matt: "How come?"

 

Colleague #247: *grunts again*

 

Colleague #2479: "I don't think he's well, Matt."

 

Matt: *nods at Colleague #2479* "Is this true, Colleague #247?"

 

Colleague #247: *grunts again*

 

Matt: *rests hand against forehead* "Have you had the flu shot?"

 

Colleague #247: *grunts, mumbles, nods head*

 

Matt: "Hmmm...."

 

Colleague #2479: "Any idea what it is, Matt?"

 

Matt: *considers situation for a moment* "Well, I can't be sure, but I think he might have a serious case of Bieber Fever."

 

Colleague #2479: "Oh, of course!"

 

Matt: "Yep. And I think he might be terminal."

 

Colleague #247: "Matt, f**k off."

 

Matt: "Your funeral, buddy." *walks away*

 

 

so, there you have it.

 

Bieber Fever is catching.

 

and in a world of blanket news coverage and reverse-cycle air-conditioning, I fear it's a matter of time before I become the next victim.

 

god help us all.