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PIEGATE

Nephylim

Entry posted by Nephylim

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SIGH

 

One of my requests for Mother's Day was a corned beef pie. My daughter asked what was my favourite meal and that was it.

 

Now... my daughter has been eating this pie since she was old enough to have liquidised food, My grandmother made it, my mother made it and I make it.

 

Lori and Sam took control of the kitchen all day for the making of the pie. I questioned why they were putting mushrooms in but was ordred out of the kitchen.

 

At about 4ish (we were eating at 6) I went out to the kitchen and there was the pie, well at least the filling. It was orange.

 

Corned beef pie is not orange.

 

I had been looking forward to that pie for weeks and so I decided that I would make my own. There wasn't much of the ingredients left so I made a small one. I was happy, chopping carrots, playing music... and then Lori and Sam arrived and the world ended

 

We had tears, we had tantrums, we had storming out of the house... sigh

 

So we didn't even get around to putting the pastry on because that hit the deck

 

Sooooo today I decided to make more pie. THe girls knew I was doing it because I asked them to get the ingredients. They were out all day in the pub and the park and I made a HUGE pie. To be honest there was probably enough for at least 6 AT LEAST. I am not that well today as I clleaned the house all day tomorrow (something which they are supposed to be doing) and my back is killing me... but I did it because I wanted to do it and, yes because I wanted Sam to see a PROPER corned beef pie

 

Well when they came back I asked Lori if she wanted pie and bang... I was told not to even go there because Lori would have a nervous breakdown if we went there again.

 

Now this is MY house and MY food they have been eating for 8 months and MY Mothers Day they spoiled. Not only that but they have TOTALLY failed to keep up the bargain about lving here in the first place which i thought was very fair. They pay for their keep be keeping house. Given that I am disabled and now having to cope with an extra 2 VERY messy adults in the house I thought that was the least they can do.... yeah right.

 

So I guess I was feeling pretty pissed at them anyway and maybe I did overreact when I said that they had better grow up and stop being so selfish. And now no one is talking to me

 

 

 

MEEEEHHHHH

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9 Comments

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Marzipan

Marzipan 969

Posted

Your daughter is an adult who seems really cool and is on her way to a really great future. However, living under mum's roof cant turn anyone juvenile. I KNOW THAT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. There is rarely a middle ground there and if there is, thank the divine forces out there.

 

MAybe it is time to make a new deal? Make your pint clear and give them time to discuss it over. Don't let them take control of your life. Make rules, don't let them bargain. When it is settled, there might be peace in the house - which I think might be a miracle. But it is possible and miracles do happen.

 

Maybe it would be time to consider other options for all parties? And get some help for you! Housekeeping for everyone else doesn't seem fair by any measurement to me.

 

Piegate sounded fun and you wrote it in a tone that made me smile, but the undertone was also a bit sad. I have my own issues with my own mum and that did sound familiar. There is a really good reason why I would never ever live with my mum again even if I love her to bits and I know she needs my help too. I'm there for her as the best I can, but I also have outside help for her. You need too look after yourself. And it is such a huge thing for you to offer them a roof over their heads that they must not forget it.

 

:hug: It will work out, but be fair to everyone, especially yourself. And you are a great mum!

  • Like 2
Westie

Westie 888

Posted

Nephy Nephy Nephy.

 

What i find striking is that we had a very similar conversation to this back in February. You are being taken advantage of. and I know that's hard to hear becuase after all - this is your daughter. But like all people, if there is something we dont want to do... and nobody is going to enforce the rules - well, let's just say that goes to the bottom of her "to do" list.

 

You need to write her a letter. An open, honest and frank letter. You will have to draw upon your prodigious talent for both writing and diplomacy, becuase its a fine line you need to tread. You are going to need to say the following:

 

(1) You love her and her girlfriend very much and you are happy to have them.

 

(2) You are not feeling very loved yourself right now becuase of the way you are being treated.

 

(3) Everything you do is done with love - including writing this letter

 

(4) For your own sanity and for THEIR DIGNITY things have to change

 

(5) They made a promise to do the housework. They broke that promise. You dont want anything extra. You just want them to keep their promise. Tell them what housework entails. you EXPECT the bathroom to be cleaned twice weekly. You EXPECT the laundry done. Sheets are changed on thursdays. These are your expectations. This is what they pay in Leiu of rent. When they start paying cash, they dont have to do the housework. Simple.

 

(6) When people dont pay rent, they get evicted. The same is true here. If they dont meet the requirements you have set, then they are not paying their way, and regretfully they must leave. You love them to pieces, but you will NOT be taken advantage of.

 

(7) How much do they cost to keep - can you quantify what it costs to keep them? How much EXTRA you are spending out of your pocket. How much have they cost you in the last 8 months? Account it up. Then ask them if they believe they have done enough housework to pay their keep. I'll bet they havent.

 

The next thing I want to point out to you nephy, is that based on what you earn and the fact that your daughter and her girlfriend are claiming job seekers allowance (or at least should be), there are likely to be things you can claim. for a start, I sincerely hope you are still claiming the 25% discount on your council tax (if your council does this). In addition, is there any level of housing benefit that the girls could be claiming if you were to, say, issue them with a rent book?

 

Nephy, you are far too nice. You have spent 25 years providing for your daughter, and she is still withdrawing from the "bank of mum". Well I'm sorry but this is a recession, the bank is going bust, she's reached her overdraft limit and there is no chance of extending further credit facillities. You dont want anything unreasonable, but if she thinks you do, then she should leave. And that will be very hard to say - but for her sake and yours, you MUST say it.

 

You are not doing her any favours by wrapping her up in cotton wool.

 

Much love

 

Westie

 

 

  • Like 4
WatchPatRun

WatchPatRun 101

Posted

Nephy, if you made pie I would happily eat some and if there wasn't enough I would tell you to have it :3 YOU ARE TOO KIND to deal with things like that. Sorry about your back :/

  • Like 1
Nephylim

Nephylim 15,080

Posted

It was very much a tongue in cheek entry although I was totally pissed off at the time,

 

I most certainly have taken your good advice but I have had good news THEY ARE MOVING OUT ON 1st MAY WOOOO

 

Don't get me wrong I adore my daughter and love Sam like a daughter but 8 months is more than enough.

 

Unfortunately I can't claim anything because the girls are both working. I lost the 25% and don't get a bean off the govt... and that suits me fine :) (well apart from Tax Credit but figure I earned that :)

 

Pat, you can pop in for pie any time hun :) I would send you some but I don't think it would travel well :)

Toast

Toast 1,951

Posted

Did someone say Pie?

  • Like 1
Arpeggio

Arpeggio 2,742

Posted

Pie?! -looks around frantically-

  • Like 1
Nephylim

Nephylim 15,080

Posted

And you shall have some pie. Meeow, meeow you shall have some pie.

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Cia

Cia 59,544

Posted

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I have to agree with a lot of what Westie said. I never went back home but almost all of my other siblings have. I couldn't image the stress. I've had sibling a stay here with her family for 4 weeks and thought I was going to go mad. You definitely deserve a gold star. And a calendar with a countdown date circled on it :P

 

 

  • Like 1
Johnathan Colourfield

Johnathan Colourfield 546

Posted

I totally agree with Cia's calendar comment :) You really do deserve a break Nephy :) You work hard enough doing a lawyer's job and looking after Ef. Having those two added to your plate must have only frustrated you further.

 

And damn for mothers day being ruined for you :(:P i'll send you something next year to keep you happy :P

 

I think their actions were out of order, they are treating your house as a halfway house without any real respect for it. Now i know they are your daughters but you do need to confront them about it. Them moving out is a shorter term solution for what i think could be a long term issue between the group of you. I've never understood female arguments :P hehe :)

 

You are an amazing mother to many people :) And just an impeccable role model and dont forget that :)

 

**checks counter** by the way thats three hugs *ahem* hehe

  • Like 1

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