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Unrequited

W_L

Entry posted by W_L

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Let's see, nonpolitical topic on my life:

 

My current boyfriend is a great guy, I love the way we connect and talk with one another. He's extremely supportive, fun loving, and entertaining. Yet, there's something that seems to strain us from moving anywhere in our relationship. We're both workaholics, we place career first, but for different reasons. He wants to work hard to eventually settle down and live life peacefully. I seek to work hard in order to create something and constantly trying to reach new goals and new heights. That alone does not end a relationship, though.

 

I figured out that I still love another, who I should stop caring for.

 

Ever since college, I have always felt an attraction to some one. He is arrogant, argumentative, and extremely liberal that we usually have long diatribes on everything. Yet, we share a lot of things alike, we both have been underestimated in our lives and seek to prove something to the world. I also feel like he has a lot of unspoken pain in his life, which I wish I could help him with. When we compete against each other, it is like magic almost. We bring out the best and worst in each other.

 

I had once thought that I could love my old friend, but I dared not try it. He never dated in college, but he also never made any indication of sexual attraction nor interest even after I told him I was gay. I thought I had shoved those old desires away.

 

Yet, I feel like he's the guy that I truly wish to be with.

 

Someone once said that all love is unrequited, but I wish I could move away from it.

 

I really want a guy that is willing to fight me, challenges me, and competes with me. I love the arrogant asshole, who can open himself up and show that he's actually caring too.

 

I am a fool; I have good boyfriend, why I do I think of someone, who I will never and should never be with.

11 Comments

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Marzipan

Hmmm...

 

I have been told this A LOT lately. You can't choose who you have feelings for. Just try to figure out what it is that you excactly want. This could be an indicator that you are not in the relationship with the right person. Or it could mean that you just spice up your life with daydreaming.

 

I'm not the best advisor though. I let go of a ten year relationship since it just didn't make me feel complite and I was constantly wanting something else. The amount of unhappines I had been hiding inside came clear only after separation. Now I'm happy - mostly. I still have unrequited feelings and that is just a bitch to live with.

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old bob

The only thing I can do is to tell you from my own experiences. I plucked 2 phrases from your blog :

 

I had once thought that I could love my old friend, but I dared not try it...

 

Yet, I feel like he's the guy that I truly wish to be with...

 

Dont regret anything ! Your feelings are Gold for you. You live the life you want; you have dreams you will probably never live, but dreaming is also life.

Make the best of your today situation, enjoy what you have, and at the same time enjoy your dreams.

I'm sure you were happy to write this blog !

 

BTW, as an answer to Manda : to have unrequited feelings is NOT a bitch to live with.

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Marzipan

To Bob - It is not? How do I make it easier then? I think it is something that everyone experiences differently. I don't dwell on it 24/7 but it does hurt when I really allow myself to think about it.

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old bob

To Bob - It is not? How do I make it easier then? I think it is something that everyone experiences differently. I don't dwell on it 24/7 but it does hurt when I really allow myself to think about it.

Just a quick answer : and at the first moment, you are right.

I remember, I was 19 and I "played seriously" with the thought of suicide. But a little later (just a few weeks), the feelings about my unrequited love became bittersweet, and some years later, my crush was long fergotten but, even now, I remember with tenderness all this story, from the first encounter till the bittersweet end. This, amongst many others, is one of my beautiful memories of a long, eventful and happy life.

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W_L

Love is hard to deal with; it isn't something you can just turn off or throw aside. I thought that I had left those feelings, but I guess I was lying to myself.

 

I still talk to my old friend, he's still as arrogant and fiery as I remember. The oddest thing is that I am not attracted to him, but I know I still love him. Does that actually make sense though?

 

When I dream about a guy that I'd be in bed with; it hasn't been him for years. Yet, when I dream of living a life with a guy; it's usually him.

 

I am already in a relationship and should be happy, but the more I fight it, the more those old feeling resurface.

 

There are three sides of me in this mess: The lover, the dreamer, and the fool.

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Y_B

Great post.

 

Love is complicated and we seldom have control over our most intimate of feelings. However, the things we do have control over are the decisions we make. I think if you are having trouble sorting our what should or shouldn't be, try to remember what is. You've made a decision to be with your current guy and if you know it in your heart that it's not feasible to be with this other person, then stand by that decision and don't waver in "what ifs".

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old bob
There are three sides of me in this mess: The lover, the dreamer, and the fool.

Who is speaking here (which side of you) ?

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W_L

The lover and the fool for the most part. The dreamer has been kept out of the conversation.

 

The fool might believe in false dreams and the lover might desire him. However, as long as I maintain the knowledge of reality; I can be responsible for my feelings despite how I feel.

 

I am an odd man, because my nature is to be optimist and dreamer, but I hold them back to be practical.

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old bob

I like your answer very much :worship:. You are a wise man, despite your age :great:.

I wish you to keep your wisdom "alive" in the course of all your life. To be optimist and dreamer is a real gift which will make you happy (believe me, I'm the same and it helped me a lot, day by day).

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old bob

To Bob - It is not? How do I make it easier then? I think it is something that everyone experiences differently. I don't dwell on it 24/7 but it does hurt when I really allow myself to think about it.

"Make it easier ?" Bittersweetness is something you will enjoy when you get older. To remember bad experiences ist often very positive, much better than the experience itself

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