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A Testy Situation!


GREEN

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So I received a call this morning before school. It was from David's sister. I told her I would go get him but she said she wanted to speak to me. I asked her why she would want to speak to me about her brother considering what his family had done to him. She seemed taken aback by what I had said and then she said that she was sorry about that. I wanted to reach through the phone and beat this woman. I asked her what she wanted from me. She said she wanted to see David, that it had been a long time since they'd seen each other but she wanted some details from me.

 

David walks into the room at this time and he asks me something which she hears. She quickly told me not to say it was her. meanwhile I am wondering how she knows me or our phone number. When David leaves I ask her this and she says she had been searching for him for the last year and she found us a few weeks back. She called him but he had hung up as soon as he knew whos he was. I asked her why now and she said she really didnt feel the same way as his parents do about her brother being gay. Apparently when they kicked David out when she was only eleven. David was fifteen.

 

She also told me that she had left their parents home when she turned eighteen and is enrolled at a college near us. This got me to like her a little. I knew david had a sister and two older brothers that seemed to share their parents views. When he got kicked out his aunt took him in until he was eighteen.

 

I told her that I would have to tell David that I had talked to her. She seemed to understand this. Then I told her that I would like to meet her some time.She said that she'd like that too. Then she asked me if I was his boyfriend. I laughed at this and told her no, were just friends.

 

When I told David about this he told me that he doesn't want to see her and that I shouldn't see her either. He washed his hands from them a long time ago and he didnt need to remember what they had done to him. So I told him I wouldnt talk to her if he dint want me too but deep down I feel like she's being very genuine about this. He called me later on and told me that maybe we should meet with her.

 

So I called her back and were seeing her tomorrow. I know how much David feels like he needs a connection in life. Even though I see him as family and treat him as such, I can see that he needs this. I talked to him about this and he said I was right. Now Selene doesn't feelt he same way about this. I thought she wouldnt. Selene is every protective of us when she's not hitting us, so when she heard about this her first instinct was to ask what his sister wanted from him. She thinks that this is very suspicious of her to call him now.

 

GREEN

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Guest Rob Hawes

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I think you've handled this situation perfectly so far - you've told David you've spoken to her, you've agreed to respect his wishes and you've supported his decisions. Now you've just got to keep on doing the same. Whether he decides to meet her or not is up to him. Whether he decides to continue seeing her or not is his decision. All you can do is support him whatever he decides to do.

 

Keep in mind how you felt when it felt like your friends were pushing you to have a relationship with your mother - they were right, they were doing what they thought was right, but you felt pressured and maybe a little betrayed by their attitude. Don't make the same mistake. Maybe he will meet her and they will have a great relationship or maybe he won't want to have anything to do with her - either way it's his choice and all you can do is be his friend.

 

That's my opinion anyway, for what it's worth.

 

Rob

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I think you're handling this pretty much as best as possible. You can't and shouldn't press David to have a relationship with his family, but his little sister was awfully young when all the crap went down, and it's been a very long time, at least for her. Acting as a screen for him, checking her out first, seems like a reasonable thing.

 

What you oughta do is bring Chaz and Selene with you. Have Selene sitting off in the corner somewhere, and make it a point to lay a good solid kiss on Chaz while you're there. Her reaction ought to tell you a lot. (Plus there's the excuse to kiss Chaz -- I can't imagine that being a hardship :) )

 

After that David can decide what he wants to do. I can certainly understand him not wanting to have anything to do with her, but family is nice to have if they're not people whose bodies you want to leave in a ditch somewhere,

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