Guys, I have come up with the basic outline that every retail assistant follows. Here it is!

1. Follow customers like they're the fish to your shark. And when he/she stops to look at something, get in their face and ask: 'How can I help you? Is there anything you are looking for?'

2. When behind the counter and the customer asks for an item, reply with: 'Sure we've got some out the back.' Then, go out into the break room, send 3 text messages to your friends, then come back out with a smile saying: 'Sorry we don't have any out back.'

3. Never forget to ask the fundamental and the prime go-to question for small talk: 'What are you up to for the rest of the day?'

4. Invite the customer when he/she is paying to give a coin donation to that child cancer foundation charity, sweeping your hand to the donation box. When the customer says: 'No just this thanks', mutter a curse under you breath such as 'bitch.'

5. When you get fired, leave with dignity, knowing that Jordan's guide to unemployment will soon be available.