I always hated shopping.

I would see cute clothes, but not cute FOR ME.

Nothing ever felt like it fit right, even when it fit the way it was 'supposed to'.

I found myself constantly passing by masculine looking clothes even though they felt more ME. 

I never understood the 'in fashions' or shared my friends idea on perfect outfits.

I felt awkward in the women's section, like I was an invader that didn't belong. I always felt like people were looking at me thinking ' you shouldn't be here!' especially in the change rooms.

Just the idea of having to go out shopping for new clothes was exhausting and just felt so 'wrong'.

The last 2 months or so I have started shopping in the men's/boy's section. I have been choosing clothes that FELT right and fit COMFORTABLY.

Men's jeans and t-shirts, long board and cargo shorts, muscle tanks and men's accessories.

Shopping doesn't feel wrong any more. Getting dressed doesn't feel like a lie. I don't feel quite so out of place (maybe only a little because I don't pass very well, but it's ignorable because I FEEL like I belong, fuck what others think) .  

I invested in a really nice and comfortable binder tank and I LOVE it. I feel more comfortable and confident while wearing it. I feel like I look more RIGHT, more like ME. I even wore it to work for the first tie today. At first I was super nervous and shaky, because I'm not exactly out to everyone there and I didn't want any awkward questions. I don't know why I thought someone would say "hey, here did your boobs go?" but it seemed like a legitimate  fear on the way in. 

Of course no one said anything, and there was no weird looks. I felt so much better! I even told my one work friends who I am out to I was wearing it and how excited I was and she was cool about it and asked how it worked and commented on how well it worked. It was really nice. I'm going to request a new uniform shirt, men style because the women's in tapered and extenuates my hips awkwardly, and I think that will help even more! I just need well fit men's dress pants and my work uniform will be ballin' ! 

It's still super awkward to go to bathrooms and change rooms though. Since I'm not 100% out (and even if I was I don't pass very well I've been told), I still use the women's, but it feels wrong and like with shopping I feel like I'm in the wrong place and I'm invading. I just try to time it to make sure I'm not in there alone and it's the only time reminding myself 'the rest of the world thinks I'm a women' is a good thing. But that will come eventually.