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I can understand what your friend says about a small part of yourself wanting to still be with an ex. For me there is only one person who I'm still friends with after the break up. To be honest the only times we took it past 2nd was after it was over. Besides him, the only other person who I dated long enough to leave an imprint was a jackass. I have borderline hateful/indifferent feelings towards him. The point of mentioning either of them was to say, that even though I would never date them again, there are still things about the way they were as people that I can regret loosing. Sometimes if I'm with someone in the present, and they happen to do something or say something that pisses me off, I tend to think back to past relationships where this same situation would have been different. Sometimes I think that if I had just stayed with that person everything would have been easier (or drama filled, but with hot sex ^_~). In the end you snap out of it and slap yourself for even thinking those thoughts about getting back with an ex. ^_^

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I so agree on this one, Korbin is so right on the nose regarding my ex. I think back to good moments and think damn what was I thinking, however, once I've snapped myself out of it, I'm like WTF?!? It was a very conntroling one regarding that ex and I frankly know now that it was so unhealthy. At that time though I didn't have a clue. It's clearly an imprint which defines you later on in life.

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Well, I can certainly add my two cents - though the shrink visits related to the topic have cost a lot more than that!

 

I was with the love of my life for 6 years. From the moment we met it was like we had known each other since the beginning of time, and I understood the concept of a soulmate. It was perfect, except that he was very attached to his family and his small town and could never fully accept that he was gay or come out publicly.

 

I was a secret for 2 years, until his family stopped in unexpectedly & we met and hit it off. I was the nice roommate! (With nary a thought as to why I seemed to be attached at the hip to their son!) I held on through four more years but, in the end, I needed all of him. We fought for months before calling it quits after one perticularly cruel argument where we both used our intimate knowledge of the other to say what we knew would hurt the most. (On Valetines day!)

 

Well, never a day goes by that I don't miss him. After a lot of thinking, and some truthful remembering - I realized that I never stopped loving him, I just stopped accepting the games we had to play. I was mad at them, not him. Our frustrations drove us apart, not a lack of feelings for each other.

 

No matter why we end a relationship there will always be love for that person, somewhere. It is just a matter of which is stronger - the anger or the love.

 

after 10 years of silence I wrote to Corey asking if we can't find a way to be friends. It took a month, but he called. Redefining who we are hurts, but I am glad to have him back in my life. I still care.

 

C

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