The lights are on...
Entry posted by AFriendlyFace
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But there's really no one home.
My attention span and short-term memory seem to be getting progressively worse with each passing day. I'm lucky to finish sentences nevermind multi-step tasks. It was always something I just sorta blew off before. "Oh I'm just absent-minded", "it's just another quirky aspect of my personality"...but it's getting worse, and it's starting to actually bother me.
I lost money again at work today...it's about the 5th time (that I know of) that it's happened since I've started. There are other people who have been there years and never lost any. I still have no clue how I'm doing it. It doesn't make sense either; at my last job I was the fastest, most accurate cashier. All I can guess is that there's just too many completely different things going on at once, or else that I'm just less careful in general since it's my money and not the company's.
LOL, and goodness knows I'm not particularly careful with my own money. I'm lucky to go three days without buying some new article of clothing. And eating out? I'm lucky to go one day without eating at least one of my meals in a restaurant. Anyway, I've got to put a break on my spending...I get the impression my friends might hold an intervention soon otherwise 
So getting back to the point: I can't FOCUS! I lost a belt too. I mean granted I have so many it probably seems like it would be hard to keep track of them all anyway, but actually I'm pretty well-organized and tidy around the house (probably as some sort of compensating mechanism - I just can't handle clutter and disarray). That belt, like every other belt, shoe, shirt, and pair of pants, had a specific place in one of the closets that it's supposed to occupy. It isn't there, it isn't visting any of the belts nor is it hanging out in the dirty laundry with the pants...it's just gone. I mean how does one actually LOSE a belt? Not that it's the first piece of clothing that's gone inexplicably missing. I mean it's very easy for me to lose stuff in general. I just put it down then wander off, but with clothing I'm generally aware of removing them from my body, and I don't generally do that in public places (if it happens in someone's home presumably they'd run across the item and, upon seeing me the next time, say something to the effect of "hey scatterbrain, you left without your shoes the other night"). Anyway I just don't quite understand how bits of clothing just go missing periodically. My primary checkbook has been MIA for the last 6 or 7 months.
Anyway, I'm seriously beginning to worry. In the past couple of months I've wandered away from sinks with the water running, FREQUENTLY prepared things for cooking/washing/cleaning etc. only to fail to turn the actual appliance on. "Gee these veggies are taking forever to cook!...ohh well perhaps if I turned the stove on". How I've managed to avoid having a car accident is beyond me. I am NOT focused enough to be behind the wheel of a highspeed vehicle. I mean I think I'm too much of a space cadet to drive, but I can't exactly not drive; it's pretty much a requirement of modern life, particularly if you are a young, single, working person. It's fine for an 80 year old to say "I just didn't think I should be driving anymore", but when a twenty-something year old says it people think he's nuts!
The most frustrating times aren't those in which I misplace things, or even when I forget an important step in an everyday activity; the most frustrating times are those in which I'm really trying to focus, trying to remember what I needed to do or say and can't.
I really am worried. I'm getting enough sleep, my mood is good, I'm eating heathily and yet, for lack of a better term, I'm getting senile. Worse considering the frustration that comes when I try to focus and can't, walking around in a happy, foggy daze is not only getting easier to do, it's also getting more tempting. It's almost like I'm giving up. For years I struggled to keep my mind on the matter at hand, now I'm content to let it flit about wherever it deems appealing. What if one day I wander into my own little world and don't come back at all?
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