[The beginning of this harkens back to the missing chapter 45. Chris ran into his ex, and the guy she'd cuckolded him with, and caught enough of the last encounter between Joe and Alex to realize they'd split, just not the exact circumstances. Short section too -- seemed like a good place to stop, and I've not had a lot of time to write]

It was late, and Chris was lying on his couch wondering how things had managed to get where they were. He wasn't a bad guy. He was pretty sure of that. He was a good cop, he loved his kid, he was nice to animals. Dogs, at least.

It just wasn't enough. He hadn't been good enough for his mother's family, just a half-breed with a mystery grandfather. He was an Indian enough for most everyone else, and the weak little wuss to the rest. A pathetic little kid with a pair of drunks for parents, not good for anything. He'd been a lousy husband and a failure as a lover.

So there he was, lying on the couch in his grandmother's house. Alone. Hell, even his imaginary friend was alone. He was getting dumped in his dreams. It was pathetic.

The banging at his kitchen door brought him back to reality. The clock over the stove read 11:35. Nobody banged on his doors that late at night. Steve had a key, and there wasn't anyone else who would have any reason to.

Chris opened the door. Standing on the other side was Joe, hand raised to knock a second time. Chris had a flash of irritation. Dumping Alex still rankled.

"Joe," he said. His voice was flat.

It was reflex, but he gave Joe a quick scan. Rumpled shirt, tousled hair, and thicker beard shadow than he'd ever seen. He had a small bulging duffle bag. He looked haggard, his eyes bloodshot. He was trembling a little.

Joe didn't say anything. He just dropped the duffel and latched onto Chris, hugging him hard. The ride in the cab had been nerve-wracking. He'd gone from the club to his apartment, then over to Chris'. Twenty five minutes in the back of a cab, riding along with the shadow of a corpse, the roof covered with tiny chittering spiders.

He'd been tempted to stay in his apartment when he'd gotten there, where he was safe, where reality wasn't all twisted. He couldn't do that. Alex knew where his apartment was, could get inside. It would only take a kiss, a single touch, to stop him. If he did that, he'd be lost, and so would Toby.

"You're shaking," Chris said. The embrace had taken him by surprise, as had the fierce power behind it. Something was very wrong. He wrapped his arms around him. His right hand was stroking Joe's back in unconscious comfort. "Are you okay?" he asked gently.

Joe loosened his hold a little, enough to allow him to speak. He was going to say something, he really was. He saw the concern in Chris' eyes. Then he found himself kissing Chris.

The kiss was gentler than Joe had expected. He felt safe, all wrapped up in Chris. It was different than the last time. When he'd kissed Chris he was hit with guilt for cheating on Alex. This time he knew Chris was Alex, and more. The more was washing around him. This was more solid, more real, than kissing Alex ever had been. It was better. He didn't ever want it to stop.

The kiss had surprised Chris too. The first time Joe had kissed him it had taken him by surprise, and ended before he could really think about it. This time he had warning. He could have stopped it. He just didn't want to.

The moment Joe's lips had touched his the thinking part of his brain had turned off. The kiss was more right than anything else he'd ever done. The dreams he'd had of Joe and Alex, the reality with Megan and a half dozen women before her, none of that could compare to this. It filled his head and overwhelmed his senses. He could hear someone whimpering a little. Chris was pretty sure it was him.

Joe finally broke the kiss to take a breath. He let himself relax. The tension from the ride had drained away with the kiss. He felt more stable, more ready to face Chris. Chris wasn't quite so ready. His eyes were still closed, and his body still felt the warmth where Joe had just been.

Joe took a deep, shuddering breath. He was feeling everything he'd ever felt for Alex, without the doubts, without the feeling that something was lacking. He only hoped Chris felt the same way.

He grabbed his duffle as Chris finally opened his eyes.

"Moving in?" Chris asked. It just slipped out of his mouth. The question was half-sarcasm. It was half real, too.

Joe just smiled and walked into the living room.