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Bitch!


AFriendlyFace

443 views

Who you may ask? That'd be me :(

 

I've been a royal jerk to pretty much everyone the last few weeks. I pretty much realized I'd gone completely over the edge today when I was at work and one of my co-workers was helping me with some paperwork. I'd made a mistake on one of the forms and she was explaining what I'd done wrong and what I needed to do to fix it (which wasn't pleasant, and was a lot of work). Anyway I guess I was starring at her like I didn't understand or something because she explained it again, nicely I might add, and asked "does that make sense?". And I just pretty much went off and said "Yeah, I understand it; I'm just not happy about it :angry: ". She didn't say anything, was still quite nice really, but I knew I'd crossed a line.

 

There was no real reason for it either. By all accounts it should have been a good day. I mean I'd actually done quite well for the week and even if this deal had been completely unsalvageable, which it wasn't, it wouldn't have really mattered that much. Plus everyone else was in a perfectly good mood and being quite nice to me. I was just being an all around cranky bitch.

 

Not just at work either. With all my friends lately I've pretty much been hypersensitive and all but looking for trouble. It seems I've been going out of my way to either be offended, annoyed, or hurt by them. The ones that have stayed on my "good side" are pretty much the ones that are extremely sympathetic, and rational and have basically let me whine and...use them :(

 

I've kinda been doing nothing but "taking" and not giving when it comes to my family too.

 

*sigh* and I guess my whole attitude has been...different. The other day someone pointed out that I was being very negative. Then later I got a "You're so aggressive", which actually was probably a compliment since it took place in a club and he was referring to my sexual behaviour (which he was into), but nevertheless... I was troubled by these remarks and asked a close friend if he thought I was too pushy. He diplomatically responded "you're just very assertive".

 

It's a sad and frustrating thing. I never really felt like people were taking advantage of me before, but I was always laid-back, positive, and easy-going. I like to think I used to be a rather giving person...I guess I went from never saying "No", to never expecting to hear it. :*)

 

Then there's driving...YIKES :blink: , when I look back on the way I've been driving (weaving in and out of traffic, speeding, tailgating, accelerating to get through lights, etc.) it kinda scares me.

 

I've pretty much been ignoring Lucky (my cat) too.

 

Anyway, I know I need to fix it. I know I need to change. I know I need to care. And I'm going to. I apologized (twice) to everyone at work, and I'm going to work on making amends in the other areas as well. See I've always had one really good thing going for me. No matter what I've always been on my own side. I've always liked and respected myself. I've always prided myself on being my own best friend...well I was starting to get on my nerves too. So I know it's time to fix it.

10 Comments


Recommended Comments

xander

Posted

Hey Kevin! Sorry that you've been kind of testy latley...it happens to the best of us.

 

I don't know what it is about me, but whenever I get hurt and my mom tries to comfort me, I get mad at her for trying to comfort me and shove her away, lol. I think there might be a little subconscious thought occuring that goes like, "hey, you're always bashing gays and your son is gay, why bother comforting him? he's gay." Keep in mind that my mom doesnt know I'm gay, lol.

 

Good luck!

Ronnie

NaperVic

Posted

Kevin,

 

It just sounds like you're having your boy period. :D

 

Lot's of gay guys get them. Believe it or not, I can be bitchy at times :o . I know, I know, you don't believe that, but it does really happen once in a while.

 

Just try to ride this period out. You can think bad thoughts about other people, just try not to actually vocalize them.

 

Take Care®,

 

Vic

Camy

Posted

That you're blogging about it, and have realised you've been 'less than Kevin' probably means you're over it. ;)

 

Seeing as you're a real sweetheart, it's obviously an aberration. So ... As you've apologised at work, spend some quality time Lucky stroking, and damn well take care driving!

 

Camy B)

Guest

Posted

I feel like I'm reading something I wrote a couple weeks ago. I always find it really unsettling because I never see it happening; only when I'm knee-deep do I come to the realization that I'm being difficult. I always thought it was weird to get on your own nerves, but hey I guess it does happen to other people. Right now I'm in the recovery stage, which is good. :P (the stage where you go out of your way to be nice to people). That's always fun.

 

Well, from what I've read, you seem like one of the nicest people I've come across, so you're entitled to your down time every now and then. And at least you understand that you're doing it. I hate it when people are not considerate, and never realize that they're doing anything wrong. (See: my roommate all freshman year). And that's definitely not you.

 

[insert cookie here],

Richie

Razor

Posted

Hello Kevvers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ah, you're a sweetheart, I have no doubt you'll quickly resume being the absolutely sweet Kevvers we all know and love. :) Truthfully, this is exactly what I would expect from you; the presence of mind to apologize and consciously try to change your actions and the way you're dealing with things.

 

So, go do something fun. Kiss a boy or six. Then tell us about it. :)

AFriendlyFace

Posted

Hey Kevin!

Oh my gosh, Ronnie!! :D It's great to see you! How have you been?

Sorry that you've been kind of testy latley...it happens to the best of us.

Thanks, Yeah I am feeling much better lately :)

I don't know what it is about me, but whenever I get hurt and my mom tries to comfort me, I get mad at her for trying to comfort me and shove her away, lol. I think there might be a little subconscious thought occuring that goes like, "hey, you're always bashing gays and your son is gay, why bother comforting him? he's gay." Keep in mind that my mom doesnt know I'm gay, lol.

Awwwww :hug: I'm so sorry. I hope everything works out and that maybe your mom will end up being cool with it in time!

 

Take care and have an awesome day! Great to hear from you! :D

 

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

Posted

Hey Vic! :D

It just sounds like you're having your boy period. :D

Ya know that had occurred to me actually! But I figured it was still no excuse, plus it was lasting a really long time.

Lot's of gay guys get them. Believe it or not, I can be bitchy at times :o . I know, I know, you don't believe that, but it does really happen once in a while.

:blink: No way!!

 

LOL, I'm sure you're not that bad though :)

Just try to ride this period out. You can think bad thoughts about other people, just try not to actually vocalize them.

*sigh* Yes, I think vocalizing was part of my problem :(

 

I do seem to feel less irritable now though :D

 

Take care and have an awesome day!

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

Posted

Hey Camy!! :D

 

That you're blogging about it, and have realised you've been 'less than Kevin' probably means you're over it. ;)

Thanks, I guess admitting you have a problem is the first step LOL!

Seeing as you're a real sweetheart, it's obviously an aberration. So ... As you've apologised at work, spend some quality time Lucky stroking, and damn well take care driving!

:wub:

awww thanks Camy :D

 

That is very good advice!

 

Take care and have an awesome day!

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

Posted

Hey Richie!

 

I feel like I'm reading something I wrote a couple weeks ago. I always find it really unsettling because I never see it happening; only when I'm knee-deep do I come to the realization that I'm being difficult. I always thought it was weird to get on your own nerves, but hey I guess it does happen to other people. Right now I'm in the recovery stage, which is good. :P (the stage where you go out of your way to be nice to people). That's always fun.

Well I'm glad to hear that there is hope! LOL I can't imagine you being too mean to people either

Well, from what I've read, you seem like one of the nicest people I've come across, so you're entitled to your down time every now and then. And at least you understand that you're doing it. I hate it when people are not considerate, and never realize that they're doing anything wrong. (See: my roommate all freshman year). And that's definitely not you.

 

[insert cookie here],

Richie

Awww thanks! :wub:

 

*eats his cookie**

 

Take care and have an awesome day! :D

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

Posted

Hey Jamie!

 

Hello Kevvers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ah, you're a sweetheart, I have no doubt you'll quickly resume being the absolutely sweet Kevvers we all know and love. :) Truthfully, this is exactly what I would expect from you; the presence of mind to apologize and consciously try to change your actions and the way you're dealing with things.

 

So, go do something fun. Kiss a boy or six. Then tell us about it. :)

Awww :wub: wow, thanks, Jamie!! That was really sweet of you to say! :D

 

 

As for the boys though... *sigh* I'm so not sure where I stand right now. LOL, surprisingly though that doesn't seem to be bothering me very much. I'm just sorta gonna see what happens.

 

Take care and have an awesome day!

Kevin

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