First of all... and most importantly... Davey is HOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!!

... for a week :wacko:

dkstories... this one's for you (but only because now that you've been subjected to the amazing amount of nerdiness that Rich posesses, and I know you'll appreciate this. Robert, too!)

My objections to this video are rather limited actually... but it managed to create a rather LARGE and RIDICULOUS debate between Rich and I. So let me pose the question to all of you rather literary minded people.

Do the words 'lair' and 'layer' sound the same when spoken?

Rich insists that they do and what do I know about words anyway? While I went the hair, stair, lair vs. bayer, mayer, layer route. Steve says that Rich's insistance at maintaining his position, even when I've sufficiently proven him wrong, has to do with the leg that broke off the X-chromosome to make a Y-chromosome instead. Apparently it holds all the genes for knowing when to stop, when to shut up, when to know you've lost and bow out gracefully along with all the ones for common sense and knowing that pissing your wife off should not be entertaining and could likely be disasterous to your happiness.

Horrifying stories from you friendly, neighborhood Junior High School. My daughter, who is 12, and has been told clearly that there will be no dating of boys, or boyfriends, until some unspecified time when we've decided she's ready, came home the other day and said that a boy asked her out at school. So, of course that gets my attention, and I'm like... back up, what does that mean exactly when you're 12? So she says that she and her friend were standing there at lunch when some boy walks up to them and says, "He (points to his friend across the way) is asking you two out, (both of them?!) but only if you're virgins. He wants a virgin."

Pardon my interruption when I take this time to point out, once again, 12 YEARS OLD!!!!!

Anyway, so my daughter gets all "Oh no he didn't!" and she and her friend walk over to this... boy and she says, "First of all, that's not how you approach a girl, and second of all, we're not virgins, and I'm pregnant," and stalked off. And while I'm all for standing up for yourself and putting some poor excuse of a boy in his place... have you met 12 year old girls? By tomorrow, this will be her fourth kid! :wacko:

Rich came home, and I made her tell him the story, which came out as some half-assed version, so by the time I was done filling him in completely he was saying, "WHAT'S THIS BOY'S NAME?! I'm SO kicking his ass! And then I'm calling the principal, and he can kick his ass again! My daughter shouldn't have to be asked about her virginity at school! She's 12!"

***OMG I just totally erased ALL of this and then freaked out while Rich was saying, "Ctrl Z. Ctrl Z." Sometimes I love the nerdiness... as long as he's saying lair correctly ***

On to the Banana Man. UGH!

So, as we are all aware, I work in a grocery store, and when a customer is ready to pay for their items, we have a protocol to follow. We're supposed to say hi, ask how they are, did they find everything okay, do they have their preferred customer card, and so on. Not that we have to recite a script or anything, but that's the deal.

Anyway, there is this man, and he always comes in late when I'm working, and always manages to come through my line, and he's like... 40's, skinny, blond, glasses. He's a doctor, and carries his fanny pack over his shoulder like a purse. He always buys bananas... and on occasion supplements them with a box of chocolate donuts, hence the name.

Now normally, this is how it would go down...

Me: Hi!

Him: *grumble*

Me: How are you?

Him: *scowl*

Me: Did you find everything okay today?

Him: NO!

Me: Oh no! I'm sorry. What didn't you find so I can get it for you?

Him: NOTHING! I just HATE that you ask me all these questions!

Me: ...

So, then I decided, fine. If that's what he wants, I'll give it to him. I started not saying anything to him at all, except at the end when i'd say, "Thank you, have a good night." Apparently that wasn't satisfactory either cause then he got ruder... if that's possible. Anyway, the other night I'm working and he comes in and I see him at the end of my line and I'm like... UGH! :wacko:

This time it went like this...

Me: Hi!

Him: NO QUESTIONS! (not hi, not hello, not go f**K yourself... NO QUESTIONS!)

Me: 'Don't tell him to go f**K himself. Don't tell him to go f**K himself'

Then when he left, and I was having my little meltdown about what a total f**ker he is, my pal Trevor comes over and sees me all out of sorts and is like "What happened?!" So I tell him, and he makes me swear that next time Banana Man comes in, to call him over so he can punch him in the face! We love Trevor... just saying.

I was telling my pal Steve from work about him, and he totally knows the guy I'm talking about and has had to wait on him too, and said he didn't get the 'no questions' thing, but he did get told that people should go back to the countries they came from, and since Steve is hispanic, and I am not, that apparently won't work on me and he had invent some other way to be a jerk. So the more I thought about it, the more pissed I got, so I think I've come up with a solution. He wants no questions... and I have to ask him some, so I'll just ask him every question I can think of so that the next time when I just ask the few I have to ask him, he'll be appreciative!

Hi! How are you? Did you find everything okay? Do you have your customer card? How was work? What did you have for dinner? Warm enough for you? What color socks do you have on today? Working tomorrow? Almost time for your next oil change? You voted for Bush, didn't you? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A TOTAL PRICK!? You get the idea...

I mean really. He's only buying bananas. How long is he actually in this transaction with me? A minute? MAX? f**king be nice!

That is all...

Hugs,

Viv

PS. We have hay bales!!!!!