I think that has to constitute as the longest week of my life! [sigh]

Well, the deed is done and I’m now single. I’m not really sure how I feel about it to be honest, it’s been such a long time since I’ve been on my own...truly on my own. It feels liberating, but then the coin flips, and my mood darkens. I guess it'll take time for things to settle down to some semblance of normalcy.

So anyway, the break up. I’m not going to go into great detail, because it’s still kinda raw. But I didn’t bother with any complex plan, so I just printed his profile page off, and put it in front of him. How could he argue with the evidence right in his face? He tried, trust me. Said he was only doing it for a laugh, that it meant nothing, that he meant for me to find it. The last one was a shocker, and a lie!

But still, he reckoned I neglected him, that we didn't have sex that often! Yeah ok, four or five times a week. Not as much as we used to granted, but shit, my dick would have worn itself out by now if we f**ked two times a day like we used too. Can anybody honestly say, they still have sex as much now, as they did when they first started going out?

As for neglecting him, I don’t think so. If anything he wanted too much of my time, so much so, I had all but ignored my friends. One of them did point out that little piece of information when I went round for dinner last week. He was quite blunt about it as well, and as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. It looks like I have some bridges to rebuild and a lot of grovelling to do.

Anyway, we’re done; I just don’t need someone like him in my life anymore. I don’t know why I put up with his shit as long as I did; there is more to it, but that’s a tale for another day maybe. It was like having a leech sucking me dry, emotionally and mentally, and it’s only now that I can stand back and wonder why I never did anything before. Hindsight is a great tool don’t you think?

It’s still awkward round the house, monosyllable answers going back and forth, but that suits me fine. I just have nothing to say to him at the minute. The fun part is going to come when we start separating all the stuff in the house. I already have my list, I wonder if he’s done the same?

Apartment hunting is a pain in the ass, most of the time when you ring for a viewing it’s gone already. At this rate I’ll be back with my parents, and that’s a fate worse than death. Not that I don’t love them both you understand, but it would drive me totally nuts. I need my own space, and my mother would seriously invade it with all the fussing she does. She means well I know, but at the moment I can’t handle it. I feel my temper could let fly at any given moment with all the stress that’s building, and I don’t want her in the firing line.

So anyway, I needed to get out Saturday night and let off some steam. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a gay club, but it didn’t seem to have changed that much. Hot shirtless guys grinding on the dance floor, just what I needed! It was really fun to let loose and dance most of the night away with one cute guy or another. This may seem strange, but it was nice to know that guys still found me attractive. I guess I haven’t been feeling that in a while. Anyway, I met this cutie, Steve I think his name was, and we clicked and went back to his. Jesus was he a live wire, but I was a happy boy in the morning. The dirty look I got from the ex when I got home was surprising, considering what he'd done; quite frankly I didn't give a toss.

I’m going to have to take a break from writing, at the moment I’m forcing it, and it shows in the draft for chapter 5 of OLAD. I can probably get that chapter finished, but after that it could be a month or two before I post anything else. I just have so much crap going on I can’t concentrate, and the words struggle to make it to the screen. I will get back to it, but for now I need to sort myself out.