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Buicks


Mark Arbour

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Anyone ever driven a Buick? They're designed solely and completely for old people. They are soft and cushy, so those brittle old bones won't get shaken up if the car hits a bump. They're quiet so old people can't hear everyone honking at them, although that's not really all that important. Just turn the hearing aid down. But they're like land yachts when it comes to take a corner, wallowing through the sea that is the road, listing dramatically either way. That doesn't matter to the elderly though. They don't go fast enough to even think about squealing a tire on a corner.

 

It is important to understand the relationship between the elderly and Buicks in order to best plan your driving route. For example, if you come to a stoplight and there are two lanes, and you can get behind one of the cars, which do you choose? Hint: Not the Buick. If you're planning to merge onto a freeway and you're following a Buick, what do you do? Follow them down the ramp then swing around them and jump into the lane ahead of them. Don't worry. They're comfortable driving along the shoulder at 25 mph. What do you do when they stop at every intersection, seemingly confused? If you said honk, you're wrong. See above paragraph, referencing hearing aid.

 

What if you come to the intersection and there's Buick in each lane? You have to look for other clues. If the driver is wearing a hat, beware. This is the most advanced of Buick drivers, adept at f**king up traffic at any time, night or day. If you see hair that is white, or, God forbid, blue, these people are only a shade better than hat wearing Buick drivers. Take another road.

18 Comments


Recommended Comments

Former Member

Posted

I recommend you print out your blog and read it again in 20 years. You will be amazed about the silly things you wrote when you were 20 years younger.

MikeL

Posted

I started out reading this thinking you were dissing Buicks. Was I ever wrong!

 

Buick has spent tons of money trying to position their product as a young person's car, even paying Tiger Wood millions to be their spokesman. It appears you are not easily swayed by advertising. That's not a bad thing.

 

I wonder what old folks could do to change your opinion of them. Perhaps they could appeal to your love for your parents or grandparents. No, I guess that won't work on you.

 

Hmmm...I'll give it more thought after my nap. :sleep::P

sat8997

Posted

My husband used to own a 1985 Buick Riviera. It was already old when he decided to buy it, but it was in excellent condition (his excuse for the purchase). On the rare occasion when I drove it, I hated the damn thing. I swear the front end on that car was twelve feet long.

Drewbie

Posted

I have to agree with mark :D

MikeL

Posted

On which point, Drew?

Drewbie

Posted

Buicks=slow drivers :P and if you see one run! :P

Tiger

Posted

I like speeding in my Buick. FYI, I'm not old. :P

CarlHoliday

Posted

I had a Buick Century, but it drove like a boat. I do look forward to when I'm over 70, or better yet 75, and will be able to get another Buick and drive exceedingly slow, especially at stop lights and on ramps. What I'm looking forward to most, though, is being totally confused at fourway stops then, just when all the other cars are totally pissed, suddenly bolting through.

MikeL

Posted

Carl, why don't we old guys all buy Buicks and move to Drewbieville? ROFLMAO.gif

Mark Arbour

Posted

Buick has spent tons of money trying to position their product as a young person's car, even paying Tiger Wood millions to be their spokesman. It appears you are not easily swayed by advertising.

 

And that was an amazing exercise in stupidity (GM's bankruptcy was a self-inflicted wound). They build cars for old people, then try to convince people they're a young person's car? Anyone with an ounce of marketing sense could see that they have a perfect niche market that they should capitalize on.

 

Their reason: The people in their market were dying at an alarming rate. (Sadly that does happen when you get old). Which genius forgot that there are new people getting old to take their place? :blink:

Former Member

Posted

BTW: According to the forum this was your 50th blog entry: CONGRATS!!! :2thumbs:

Mark Arbour

Posted

Well I'll be damned...so it was.

 

Thanks Tob!

MikeL

Posted

And that was an amazing exercise in stupidity (GM's bankruptcy was a self-inflicted wound). They build cars for old people, then try to convince people they're a young person's car? Anyone with an ounce of marketing sense could see that they have a perfect niche market that they should capitalize on.

 

Their reason: The people in their market were dying at an alarming rate. (Sadly that does happen when you get old). Which genius forgot that there are new people getting old to take their place? blink.gif

GM also built Pontiacs for young people. I owned three of them along the way, including the first car I ever bought. Now they have dropped Pontiac. Where is the product that will build loyalty as younger drivers age? Where will new Buick customers come from?

 

Worse yet, what sort of cars will GM offer when Congress finishes designing them. Politicians are already trying to call the shots, insisting that GM build more electric cars...which no one wants.

 

For the record, I have never owned a Buick and never will. I've moved away from GM products toward Chrysler products in recent years (which have been excellent cars). We recently bought the first foreign car we have bought in 32 years.

Mark Arbour

Posted

Pontiac was supposed to be the sporty division, you're right, but constantly ran into pressure from Chevrolet moving upmarket, and Oldsmobile (then Saturn) and Buick trying to be more sporty (European). GM decided that Chevrolet could be the entry level brand and offer sporty options (like the new Camaro and the venerable Corvette) in a more efficient way than having a whole division devoted to it. I like Pontiacs, but it was a smart move on their part.

 

Lots of people want electric cars. I'd buy one in a heartbeat. I think the Chevy Volt has real potential. But, even if it doesn't, hybrids make a lot of sense. They are simply a more efficient use of energy. You recapture the wasted energy used when braking. If you haven't driven one, try it. My favorite so far is the Ford Escape hybrid.

Tiger

Posted

My next car will likely be a Toyota, just an FYI to everyone, though if I get rick, I just might by a Cadillac Escalade. 0:)

Mark Arbour

Posted

My next car will likely be a Toyota, just an FYI to everyone, though if I get rick, I just might by a Cadillac Escalade.

Who's Rick? :D

Drewbie

Posted

Hates escalades. I'd rather get a Bmw x5 or an escape:P

Mark Arbour

Posted

The Audi SUV is way better.

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