Buicks
Anyone ever driven a Buick? They're designed solely and completely for old people. They are soft and cushy, so those brittle old bones won't get shaken up if the car hits a bump. They're quiet so old people can't hear everyone honking at them, although that's not really all that important. Just turn the hearing aid down. But they're like land yachts when it comes to take a corner, wallowing through the sea that is the road, listing dramatically either way. That doesn't matter to the elderly though. They don't go fast enough to even think about squealing a tire on a corner.
It is important to understand the relationship between the elderly and Buicks in order to best plan your driving route. For example, if you come to a stoplight and there are two lanes, and you can get behind one of the cars, which do you choose? Hint: Not the Buick. If you're planning to merge onto a freeway and you're following a Buick, what do you do? Follow them down the ramp then swing around them and jump into the lane ahead of them. Don't worry. They're comfortable driving along the shoulder at 25 mph. What do you do when they stop at every intersection, seemingly confused? If you said honk, you're wrong. See above paragraph, referencing hearing aid.
What if you come to the intersection and there's Buick in each lane? You have to look for other clues. If the driver is wearing a hat, beware. This is the most advanced of Buick drivers, adept at f**king up traffic at any time, night or day. If you see hair that is white, or, God forbid, blue, these people are only a shade better than hat wearing Buick drivers. Take another road.
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