Employee Performance Evaluations

[Julian Alexander]

So, i was looking at a site from one of the authors i read and found this little blog post that i find pretty funny:

 

Employee Performance Evaluations:

 

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

14. "He's been working with glue too much."

15. "He would argue with a signpost."

16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

28. "One neuron short of a synapse."

29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 Minutes'."

 

Enjoy,

-Jules

[rich_e]

My favorite one is by far:

 

27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

[xander]

lol, I love this!

 

Some of my favorites like #28 are:

 

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box.

3. Few fries short of a Happy Meal.

4. One twist short of a slinky.

5. A few cards short of a full deck.

6. About as sharp as a marble.

7. A few threads short of a sweater.

8. A few clowns short of a circus.

9. A few Brady's short of a Bunch.

 

Then a few other funny ones I've heard...

 

1. The light's on but no one's home.

2. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

3. A few shades BEYOND blonde.

4. The cheese slid off the cracker.

5. The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool.

 

Then for the computer nerds such as myself...

- The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed yet.

 

Nice topic! lol

[BeaStKid]

[Bondwriter]

Lots of these, in my experience, would apply to employers' evaluations.

[JamesSavik]

At a place where I used to work, someone put a roll of toilet paper in the john and each sheet was stamped with an employee evaluation form.

[rknapp]

Lots of these, in my experience, would apply to employers' evaluations.

 

Yes, this would totally fit in with whoever wrote the schedules for today. I swear, that store is run by complete MORONS sometimes.

[ashessnow]

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of definite won't be."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

13. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."