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[The Reaper]

I lay immersed in darkness, missing you.

 

The tears jerk down as I imagine your face.

 

It feels like an eternity, as I wish for you now

 

Your a thousand miles away and i mourn every inch.

 

The further I travel across the flowing, raging river of life, the closer i get to you.

 

You are my holy grail, my chariot, my love.

 

I cradle you in my arms as I tell you "I love you." The tears pour out as I hear "for always."

 

 

 

Not a day passes without you in my mind, you flutter my brain like a butterfly.

 

Flowers in the garden and you in my arms is the dream the dreamers dream...the dream I dream.

[Menzoberranzen]

I don't understand the title....

 

Individually, each of these lines is well crafted, eloquent and quite evocative. As an ensemble, they conjure up and image of a brooding teenager lamenting that nobody understands him. Technically, I think the poem is quite excellent, but artistically, I think it's too melodramatic. You definitely have a knack for writing poetry, but this piece is too 'emo' for my tastes.

 

Anyway, I'd love to read some more of what you've written,

 

Menzo

 

PS Please spare me the tirade on precisely why this isn't emo. People always object when I use that term.

[AFriendlyFace]

I like it, Ian. Well done