Zapp Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 The whole gaydar thing has always puzzled me, can someone elaborate? And on what degree would this thing work, what intricate subtleties can it detect? I'm assuming it obviously varies from person to person, the "gayer" you are the more profound? Thoughts/opinions please. Btw this is my first ever thread, what a milestone.
Menzoberranzen Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 The whole gaydar thing has always puzzled me, can someone elaborate? And on what degree would this thing work, what intricate subtleties can it detect? I'm assuming it obviously varies from person to person, the "gayer" you are the more profound? Thoughts/opinions please. Btw this is my first ever thread, what a milestone. I'm sure someone will have the innovative idea to make a congratulatory thread. I don't think that 'how gay' you are has much to do it. It really depends on how astute you are and how well you read people. The 'gayest' person I know is too self-aborbed to have good gaydar, but many of the straight women I know can tell better than I can. It's not a scientific entity, it's just a gut feeling you get about someone; sometimes you're right, and other times you're awkwardly wrong and wish you could relive the last five minutes of your life. I put some stock in it; there have definitely been times when I've known someone was gay without them exhibiting any typical 'gay' traits, but then there have been people I swore up and down were gay and they turned out just to be very, very flamboyant. I would liken it to the feeling you get when you know that a person is interested in you even without them saying anything. Menzo PS My gaydar apparently only works in North America. I can never tell if British guys are gay.
Site Administrator Graeme Posted December 2, 2007 Site Administrator Posted December 2, 2007 I think there's enough empirical evidence to suggest that some people can sense some gay people. As for how, there are lots of theories. The general idea is that they are picking up on subtle clues/hints that the person is giving out (usually subconsciously). For example, while at a train station I have sometimes looked around and found a guy who held eye contact for just a bit longer than would be normal. Were they gay? I've got no idea, but I believe it is little things like that that makes up gaydar. The more out the other person is, the easier, I believe, it is to detect them. The more experience you have being around gay guys, the easier it is for you to sense others. Other than that, I can't say. I've never tested any of my 'guesses' so I don't know if I've been misjudging people or not.
BeaStKid Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 This is the nth thread on this topic! Lol. well, all I can say is that I have an abysmal gaydar and would never rely on it. BeaStKid P.S Congrats on your very first thread!
Zapp Posted December 2, 2007 Author Posted December 2, 2007 Yeah I realised there probably would have been a million threads on this, but none since 21st November at least.
Site Administrator Graeme Posted December 2, 2007 Site Administrator Posted December 2, 2007 Yeah I realised there probably would have been a million threads on this, but none since 21st November at least. LOL -- true, very true. Here's a thread from last year in the Teens forum: https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=6422 and a couple from the Lounge from earlier this year: https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=15176 https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=10846 and a couple from previous years ago that I haven't read yet, either: https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=4544 https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=3153 Happy reading!
BeaStKid Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Trust Graeme to dig 'em up for us. Thanks mate..
BeaStKid Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Delete thread That means you found enough to read on those othere threads...
C James Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Don't delete the thread! Those are great links Graeme dug up.
Zapp Posted December 2, 2007 Author Posted December 2, 2007 That means you found enough to read on those othere threads... Well..I've come to the conclusion that nobody is ever going to agree on what it is and isn't, all I know is that some people claim to "have it" and the vast majority think it's just a matter of keen perception.
old bob Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Well..I've come to the conclusion that nobody is ever going to agree on what it is and isn't, all I know is that some people claim to "have it" and the vast majority think it's just a matter of keen perception. You came to the right conclusion. Since my first experiences as gay (I was 14) I tried to adjust my gaydar and check people around me during 64 years...with a success rate of about 65 %. So I could say it works enough to connect people and confirm it or not through some indirect questions. The only way to know if yours works is to try...The more experienced you are, the better it will work. Good luck ! Old Bob
AFriendlyFace Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 (edited) Btw this is my first ever thread, what a milestone. Congrats on your first thread! I would liken it to the feeling you get when you know that a person is interested in you even without them saying anything. That seems like a good comparison. I think there's enough empirical evidence to suggest that some people can sense some gay people. As for how, there are lots of theories. The general idea is that they are picking up on subtle clues/hints that the person is giving out (usually subconsciously). Also a great explanation IMO and a couple from previous years ago that I haven't read yet, either: https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=4544 https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=3153 Happy reading! Interestingly enough, this post that Graeme found was the first time I ever created a thread in the Lounge, in fact I think it was the first time I ever posted in the Lounge period, and may also have been the first time I ever created a thread. For the first three months I was here I posted exclusively in the Domaholics forum, and can't remember if I started any threads or not. As Graeme said, the more you're around gay people the better your gaydar works. When I first created that thread I had a small handful gay and lesbian friends and was only out very selectively. Now, I'm completely out where I live, and surrounded by GLBT people. Consequently, I now consider myself to have a very good gaydar. So I could say it works enough to connect people and confirm it or not through some indirect questions. The only way to know if yours works is to try...The more experienced you are, the better it will work. Good luck ! Exactly! Give it some time and give it some work. I can definitely say that what helps the best is actually interacting with other gay people, and practicing. Take care and good luck! -Kevin FYI: if anyone was wondering about the guy in question in my thread, I've come to the conclusion that he probably was gay but a big closet case. Edited December 2, 2007 by AFriendlyFace
Zapp Posted December 2, 2007 Author Posted December 2, 2007 But I need to know now! *stamps feet on ground*
Menzoberranzen Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 But I need to know now! *stamps feet on ground* Call me tactless, but there's always the tried-and-true method of asking.
Zapp Posted December 2, 2007 Author Posted December 2, 2007 Call me tactless, but there's always the tried-and-true method of asking. Because nobody admits they are gay if they are stuck well and truly in the closet, besides it could lead to some serious questioning.
Site Administrator Graeme Posted December 3, 2007 Site Administrator Posted December 3, 2007 If this is in relation to your friend -- just be a good friend and give them a chance to open up to you. It will take time, because (as you identified), they'll be very cautious about saying anything. Finding ways of telling him that you're gay friendly (the best way to encourage them to come out to you that doesn't require you to tell them that you're gay first) isn't going to be easy at your age. You have to balance the obligatory "macho" image with the idea of being accepting of differences. Maybe some of the other teenage members can offer suggestions on how you can show you're gay friendly without revealing too much yourself.
Zapp Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 Talking to him at all would be a good start haha. I think if I have a gaydar then lkike others have suggested, it usually only works on the flaming types.
AFriendlyFace Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Call me tactless, but there's always the tried-and-true method of asking. Because nobody admits they are gay if they are stuck well and truly in the closet, besides it could lead to some serious questioning. I agree with Perth, why would anyone in the closet tell someone they were gay if asked? WE - and other "out" people - would presumably do so, but I think it's pretty unlikely a closeted teen would. (and admittedly I think it would be a pretty stupid thing to do unless he did want to come out or really trusted the inquirer) I have a friend who has a friend and when I met him he set off my gaydar a little, but my friend had previously mentioned that he was straight. Later however, I asked "Are you sure he's straight?" and my friend responded, "Yes, he told me he was straight in high school right after I came out to him." Now I'm not saying the guy is gay, but I really don't think telling someone you're straight in high school after the topic more or less "comes up", is really much of an indication of whether or not someone's really straight. (I do believe my friend that the other guy is straight however, since presumably it really would have come out by now if he weren't in the course of their friendship, but that fact that he said he was straight in high school when probably feeling put on the spot seems essentially irrelevant) Graeme's advice seems like a good start though! Just my opinions, -Kevin
myself_i_must_remake Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 it definitely exists. i spotted one at the checkout counter to pacsun right when i walked into the store so we're talking like... eighteen feet away, right when i saw him i was like BAM, got you pegged. the part of the story i'm less proud of is when he did turn out to be gay, and have a huge drug problem and turn out to be a major slut. i had asked him for his phone number hahahaha. i have balls once in a while. it was actually new year's eve of last year so i can celebrate this one month disappointment shortly. (and do so alone :'( ) i have a feeling my gaydar misses a lot of people that are gay that are just more subtle. i still swear there's a facial thing that i can see but oh well last time i said that i got ass-raped on this site. (heh heh...) current example - the cute little emo thing i see at my school that i try to hunt down so i can hear him talk and observe him. he's given me eyes before twice and then we looked away and i was like ughhhhhh tits. and the worst thing is i have exactly four more days of class and i haven't seen him in a few. (we don't have class together, but we have class around each other and hover around the same areas. it's a small campus) so what if i don't see him again? rawr.
Demetz Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 There's a pretty simple method that I use: pull a person aside, somewhere you can speak privately so he doesn't feel threatened by the presence of others, let him know you're gay so he doesn't feel like that's something he needs to hide from you, and ask him. A closeted guy may still say no, but discretion + non-threatening is usually the best combination to get someone to say yes if they are gay.
Benji Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 There's a pretty simple method that I use: pull a person aside, somewhere you can speak privately so he doesn't feel threatened by the presence of others, let him know you're gay so he doesn't feel like that's something he needs to hide from you, and ask him. A closeted guy may still say no, but discretion + non-threatening is usually the best combination to get someone to say yes if they are gay. :wacko: .....Well my gaydar works perfectly, how else could I find the only straight guy in a gay club!!
rknapp Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 :wacko: .....Well my gaydar works perfectly, how else could I find the only straight guy in a gay club!! Lol my gaydar is so on-target that I could walk into a gay club and peg everyone as straight.
Site Administrator Graeme Posted December 5, 2007 Site Administrator Posted December 5, 2007 Lol my gaydar is so on-target that I could walk into a gay club and peg everyone as straight. I remember walking into a gay bar in Birmingham, UK, bought a pint, sat down, drank it, and only realised it was a gay bar when I was leaving and saw all the gay literature on a table nearby....
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now