Crisis! Advice?

[*HJ*]

Eeek! Man, I hate drama. My friend is having some issues, and I don't really know how to help her *sigh*.

 

She is dating a guy that has already broken her heart once. I was left to pick up the pieces cause she couldn't do it. Now they are dating again and he is avoiding her. Example: Today I got back from my trip and I stopped by our tennis match and she was in a horrible mood. I asked her sister and she mouthed her bf's name. I thought, "oh Shit!" Well turns out that he had been avoiding her all day and She was really upset. When she gets like that she just shuts down, cries, and refuses to talk. I'm afraid she might....ya know, and she is like all i have in the world other then my dad and I just don't know how to help her. What would you guys do??

[rainyday]

I was in the exact same situation a few months ago, one of my friends had an ex-boyfriend she just couldn't get her mind off of. She gave him everything and he gave her nothing in return. It was even to the point that she became suicidal, I had to go over there one night and convince her that suicide was not the answer to her problems. I hate to say this, but you can't change her, and whatever love or misguided affection she may feel towards this person. All you can do is simply be there for her and look out for her to make sure she doesn't become self destructive. My friend has finally (I think, it's been a year long process) gotten rid of her ex-boyfriend and blocked his number from calling her. Basically all you can do is simply be there for her, and give her your thoughts on the subject without telling her what to do. You can make suggestions, but never try and tell her to get rid of him that will only make it worse. Have you tried talking to him about it? I would have to know more about the dynamics of their relationship to give you further advice. I would simply tell her that she doesn't need someone who isn't willing to give her the love/attention she deserves. One sided relationships don't work out, that's probably why they broke up the first time.

[*HJ*]

I was in the exact same situation a few months ago, one of my friends had an ex-boyfriend she just couldn't get her mind off of. She gave him everything and he gave her nothing in return. It was even to the point that she became suicidal, I had to go over there one night and convince her that suicide was not the answer to her problems. I hate to say this, but you can't change her, and whatever love or misguided affection she may feel towards this person. All you can do is simply be there for her and look out for her to make sure she doesn't become self destructive. My friend has finally (I think, it's been a year long process) gotten rid of her ex-boyfriend and blocked his number from calling her. Basically all you can do is simply be there for her, and give her your thoughts on the subject without telling her what to do. You can make suggestions, but never try and tell her to get rid of him that will only make it worse. Have you tried talking to him about it? I would have to know more about the dynamics of their relationship to give you further advice. I would simply tell her that she doesn't need someone who isn't willing to give her the love/attention she deserves. One sided relationships don't work out, that's probably why they broke up the first time.

 

Yeah, he just ignores me and shuts down worst than her. *sigh* he is so not good for her. I mean he is a nice guy but I just don't think he knows what he wants. He is toying with her emotions.

[Adam Phillips]

Yeah, he just ignores me and shuts down worst than her. *sigh* he is so not good for her. I mean he is a nice guy but I just don't think he knows what he wants. He is toying with her emotions.

 

You have to tell her, once, as gently as you can, and then let it go: "He is not good for you, he is not demonstrating the behavior that a guy who cares for a girl exhibits, and you deserve better, and you need to think better of yourself than to put up with that kind of behavior from him. If you don't cut him loose he is going to hurt you again. There; that's my opinion, but I have no control over what you do. We won't talk about this again, and if you choose to stay with him, when he breaks your heart again I will be there for you and will not tell you I told you so, but I'm asking you when and if that happens to remember this conversation. Now, let's go to a movie."

[Linxe Termoil]

Sounds like my brother's relationship with his girlfriend. We've been telling him for years to get rid of the biatch and he still won't listen, no matter how sick and tired he is of her. You're just going to have to let her figure things out on her own. The only thing you can do is keep an eye on her and if you really think she is suicidal, you need to talk to her parents or someone else and get her the help she needs; unfortunately, it's most likely going to be more help then you yourself can provide.

 

Other then that, I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I also think that perhaps you need to address her about your fears and concerns and let her know what they are. Maybe if they see that someone else is scared and worried and has fears of their own in regards to her, she'll snap out of it.

 

Regards,

 

Linxe

[Gaytron87]

We are often taught to let our hearts lead us. It is a beautiful concept. The draw backs are situations like your friend is going through. You need to be there for her when she is falling apart. That is the only thing you can do. She knows the relationship shes in is not the best. Sooner or later she will do something about it. In the mean time Work on finding a replacement guy for her.

[NightOwl88]

One of my Sisters was in a similer situation to this not to long ago. She was with this one guy who kept dumping her and soon as she was over him would come back. After the last go around she was so devastated that one of her friends where she lived had to step in and get pretty physical with the guy. He was only doing it because he enjoyed seeing her get hurt but the threat of bodily harm * he was such a pretty boy* made him get the picture.

 

I'm not saying that you have the guy injured but maybe getting to him and telling that your not gonna stand for him contuniuesly hurting her, some time a hollow threat works wonders.

 

 

[nightsky]

Eeek! Man, I hate drama. My friend is having some issues, and I don't really know how to help her *sigh*.

 

She is dating a guy that has already broken her heart once. I was left to pick up the pieces cause she couldn't do it. Now they are dating again and he is avoiding her. Example: Today I got back from my trip and I stopped by our tennis match and she was in a horrible mood. I asked her sister and she mouthed her bf's name. I thought, "oh Shit!" Well turns out that he had been avoiding her all day and She was really upset. When she gets like that she just shuts down, cries, and refuses to talk. I'm afraid she might....ya know, and she is like all i have in the world other then my dad and I just don't know how to help her. What would you guys do??

 

 

 

I wouldn't say too much negative about the boy. She obviously feels very close to him and likes him a lot. If you say something too negative, she may feel defensive and decide not to confide in you any longer. I would want to talk to her about what he does to make her feel good about herself, what does he do or say that makes her like him, and how does he communicate that he values their relationship? what does he do or say that lets her know that she is special to him? that he values her?

 

when she can't give good answers, she'll probably come around to figuring out he's not great for her, IMO.

 

BTW, it is a myth that asking if someone is feeling suicidal or like hurting themselves is going to give them ideas. Just ask her. "I'm worried about you and sometimes you say stuff that makes me think you're going to hurt yourself" or something. If she says she has thought about suicide, direct her to the national hotline (1800SUICIDE).

 

 

[JamesSavik]

It is wise to avoid unnecessary drama. Stay out of it.

 

You can help put out the fire after the explosion as long as you are no so close to it that it blows up in your face.

[*HJ*]

Thanks guys. Great advice! I guess i'll just wait for the next explosion and go from there.