The Moonlight Sonata by Greedy Algorithm

[Greedya]

Hi everyone!

 

(Click here to read the story)

 

This story is experimental.

 

First, it is a bit of real-person fiction. "You" (the reader) are a character in the story. But you (the reader) read the story from "my" point of view. This is a little twisted. Second, I intentionally spice the story with saccharinity, use of anthropomorphism, and metaphors. It may well be qualified as prose poetry. Finally, the flow of the story is influenced pretty much by classical music.

 

So what do you think? Do I overuse colourful words? Is the story difficult to follow? Too much sweetness that it doesn't feel real?

 

Thank you for reading and commenting!

 

Oh, and please don't hold back your comments. Constructive criticisms would be highly appreciated.

[Nephylim]

This is certainly out of the ordinary.

 

There were places where I found it a little wordy but surprisingly as it's actually ALL wordy, there were places where it wasn't. I think that in places you were straining to find the words and used some that were suspect to say the least. However the story certainly had a flow that although it 'feels' very strange when reading it as fiction, makes much more sense when read a lyrics.

 

 

It's a brave experiment and while I think sometimes you havn't quite pulled it off, overall I like it a lot and it has the potential to be great.

 

 

[Greedya]

Thank you so much for your comment. I really love it when someone points out things in my stories that they think don't work. I have a few readers in other communities who dare to tell me right in the face "this thing is total crap because..." and I love them to bits.

 

My selection of words is quite playful, and I ascribe a lot of human verbs to nonhuman subjects, which may sound odd. Based on what I heard previously, some of my readers love this playfulness but overly playfulness disrupts the flow if it isn't understandable, I know. *sighs* Being poetic, I bow and accept comments like "strange", "verbose", "purple prose" because I expected them from the beginning. I just hope that this playfulness doesn't prevent this story from being an enjoyable read.

 

 

it 'feels' very strange when reading it as fiction

 

I don't mind if the flow or the words are strange. If the story flows well and the narration is understandable and you have a good time reading it, then my objectives are reached. It seems, though, that this story is a little awkward; meaning, doesn't flow very smoothly and the vocabulary is a little off (maybe difficult words? maybe improper use of words?). I'll work on that! Thank you once again! *hugz*

[Greedya]

Ch. 2 - The Moonlight Sonata is posted, and I assure you, you've never read a sex scene like this.