"Lonely Differences" by Johnathan Colourfield

[Agincourt]

This thread is for discussion of Lonely Differences by Johnathan Colourfield.

 

As always, there may be spoilers so be warned that if you haven't read the story, you may not want to continue here.

 

I actually have very little to say about this story. The genre is not one that I particularly relate to.

 

Conceptually, this story reminded me a lot of Comicality's We Are Many. It's kind of a bait-and-switch, in the sense that the story seems to promise an interesting romance and outcome, then everything goes to hell at the end. In both stories, I am unclear what point the author seeks to make. Is it a sense of hopelessness, like Mark Twain's predestination-oriented works that he wrote very late in life? I don't find a lot of reward from stories where the outcome is for the hero to find that the game was completely rigged against him all along -- he didn't have a chance. In other words, as soon as he starts down the story path, his doom is a foregone conclusion -- he just doesn't know it yet. Nothing he does can save him; no amount of virtue, cleverness, shrewdness, heroic effort, skill, daring, or pluck will make the slightest difference. And there seems to be no particular reason for him to be chosen for this doom -- it's just a manifestation of the "shit happens" principle.

 

I don't read stories in this genre as a rule, and I'm sure there may be something I'm missing. Or maybe not. In any case, this was my reaction.

 

A

[StoriesByCirrus]

*** spoilers ahoy ***

 

I found this story problematic.

 

I think one of the basic problems was that you introduced a lot of ideas and even scenes which didn't go anywhere, or contribute to the central storyline. This ended up diluting the central storyline to the point where it was almost obscured, and it was hard to tell what the point of the story was supposed to be. You mention the class difference between the "forms" - but that never really turns into anything. You have scenes with Jesse and Marcus which seem like they should be important later on - but then the characters never appear in the story again. The balance between exposition and action seemed a bit out of whack - the story didn't feel like it "flowed". Some of the back-and-forth dialogue went on longer than it had to. You kind of have to get in, say what you need to, and get out.

 

As a protagonist, Eric was more of a passive observer to the plot rather than making it happen. He didn't make a choice about what happened to him, or what happened to Eric. I was intrigued by the developing relationship between Eric and Calvin, but then you cut it off before it went anywhere. I got the feeling that this was a story you intended to be much longer, then you changed your mind and suddenly decided to try and end it as quickly as possible.

 

I think there is potential for a good story with those characters in that setting, but you might have to get back to basics: Identify the central plot, then make sure everything in the story serves that plot and propels it forward.