Depression

[Mark92]

Thank you so much guys

 

I was given an outlet to talk and didn't take it, simply because I knew I would babble and cry, and it would all come out in one huge rush. With no sense or pattern to it at all.

Adulthood was forced on me. I didnt have a childhood, even puberty slipped by me. I felt like a man at twelve. The responsibilities of a farm, animals and a sick mother, who bled like a stuck pig. Not something a twelve year old boy should be dealing with. Her hatred had me believing I was an ugly white slug. And nobody would ever like me. I was allowed through the gate to go to animal sales nothing more. And never alone. I dont know how to deal with this much crap. I think i'm winning and I fail again. Anyways I'm damned if i'm giving into this. I've come to far to go back. So a huge thanks for your support all of you Marky out

[harcallard]

well i would have to say today was a real eye opener for me once again..I got on line like I always have done to see who was onto chat. I went on to one chat sight and found a friend and started to talk to them. THen they informed me that they didn't have the time to chat and quit talking to me. Then i looked on another site and they were chatting away like it was nothing. I would not say anything but this is not the first time this has happened. So am i wrong for getting upset or even depressed? Someone else told me I shouldn't take it personal well.. in a way I do.. its like I am not good enough to warrant a little of your time and attention.

 

However, we all have baggage from our past and that is one of mine. I always had to fight for attention and you know what I am tired of fighting. See it was a week ago Friday night I was in a car accident, the car my friend was driving was hit by a car which ran a red light. Four days went by and not one person said anything to find out what was wrong?, well not until my bf told someone what had happened. This one act really mad me open my eyes and see how people really are. Only ONE person cared enough, and this breaks my heart.

 

I am also tired of, and no disrespect to any younger guys on here, hearing guys say that don't want to talk to me or any other guy because were too old for them.. hell I want to Chat not screw ya....just saying.

 

I am so ready to just quit the internet all together.. IT also is so disheartening to be around and listen to everyone else's problems and woes but no one is ever around to hear mine.. I even called my bf up and see if he could talk, but he didn't have the time.... so I am like hell... i haven't cried this much in a long time and it seems like I have been doing it for hours. I need to go to sleep or do some thing.. thanks for listening,

[harcallard]

I am sorry about the last paragraph.. I was not talking about this forum.. I love it:) I was referring to my friends around where I live

[harcallard]

I just want to know what it will take to get me out of this funk I am in now.. I feel so sad and the tears keep coming and I cant get them to stop. .....I call ed my bf again and he said he would come over later tonight...so I guess I will have to figure a way out of this on my own.

[Yettie One]

well i would have to say today was a real eye opener for me once again.

 

Only ONE person cared enough, and this breaks my heart.

 

I am also tired of, and no disrespect to any younger guys on here, hearing guys say that don't want to talk to me or any other guy because were too old for them.. hell I want to Chat not screw ya....just saying.

 

Funny thing, I was just writing about age and the perception of age in our society in my blog. But I've got to be honest I've experienced this kind of thing too buddy. I think to be fair that the younger folk to get hit on, stalked and hounded by a lot of older guys, that at times they just assume all older guys are going to be the same!

 

It sometimes takes time to prove that assumption wrong, and yes there are very definitely time when the effort is not worth the hassle.

 

I'm sorry you got kicked in the teeth by your friend. That is never nice to discover, and I feel that there are times when we do need to say something, but you need to weigh up the effects of saying anything with the trouble it might cause. Again is it worth the hassle or is it just easier to shut it and forget it? I'm not sure. Maybe you need to ask yourself how much value you place on the friendship.

 

Sometimes we don't realise how many people do care till its too late. Sometimes we are looking to the wrong people to care. Sometimes times your right, everyone is too busy trying to survive to care. It's a crazy old world.

 

Hugs Harcallard. Hope things get better and you find a reason to smile soon.

[Mikelaing74]

well i would have to say today was a real eye opener for me once again..I got on line like I always have done to see who was onto chat. I went on to one chat sight and found a friend and started to talk to them. THen they informed me that they didn't have the time to chat and quit talking to me. Then i looked on another site and they were chatting away like it was nothing. I would not say anything but this is not the first time this has happened. So am i wrong for getting upset or even depressed? Someone else told me I shouldn't take it personal well.. in a way I do.. its like I am not good enough to warrant a little of your time and attention.

 

However, we all have baggage from our past and that is one of mine. I always had to fight for attention and you know what I am tired of fighting. See it was a week ago Friday night I was in a car accident, the car my friend was driving was hit by a car which ran a red light. Four days went by and not one person said anything to find out what was wrong?, well not until my bf told someone what had happened. This one act really mad me open my eyes and see how people really are. Only ONE person cared enough, and this breaks my heart.

 

I am also tired of, and no disrespect to any younger guys on here, hearing guys say that don't want to talk to me or any other guy because were too old for them.. hell I want to Chat not screw ya....just saying.

 

I am so ready to just quit the internet all together.. IT also is so disheartening to be around and listen to everyone else's problems and woes but no one is ever around to hear mine.. I even called my bf up and see if he could talk, but he didn't have the time.... so I am like hell... i haven't cried this much in a long time and it seems like I have been doing it for hours. I need to go to sleep or do some thing.. thanks for listening,

 

I just want to know what it will take to get me out of this funk I am in now.. I feel so sad and the tears keep coming and I cant get them to stop. .....I call ed my bf again and he said he would come over later tonight...so I guess I will have to figure a way out of this on my own.

 

Harcallard, the internet is a very fickle place. People don't have to be 'real' per se, they can be whom ever they want. It's why for shy individuals it's a life saver. But it can also breed ignorance as easily as any other part of society. My personal philosophy is that no body has the right to make me feel bad apart from me. If people don't want to talk to me, then it's their loss, not mine. I actually apply this philosophy to every part of my life. I dress like a tramp most of the time because it's comfortable, and I really don't have time for 'fashion'.

 

So that's my advice, stuff em !

 

And I hope your feeling better after the accident, hopefully it wasn't too serious.

[harcallard]

Thank you so much MIke and Yettie and everyone else for your words of comfort and encouragement. I am doing better since I wrote my last posts.. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system. I received two broken ribs and a collar bone. I am having to type with one hand.. it really isnt as hard as it seems. I need to go lie down but thatnks again to one and all. Here is a big to each and everyone of you.

[comicfan]

Thank you so much guys

 

I was given an outlet to talk and didn't take it, simply because I knew I would babble and cry, and it would all come out in one huge rush. With no sense or pattern to it at all.

Adulthood was forced on me. I didnt have a childhood, even puberty slipped by me. I felt like a man at twelve. The responsibilities of a farm, animals and a sick mother, who bled like a stuck pig. Not something a twelve year old boy should be dealing with. Her hatred had me believing I was an ugly white slug. And nobody would ever like me. I was allowed through the gate to go to animal sales nothing more. And never alone. I dont know how to deal with this much crap. I think i'm winning and I fail again. Anyways I'm damned if i'm giving into this. I've come to far to go back. So a huge thanks for your support all of you Marky out

 

Mark,

 

You are one of the strongest souls I know. Your life hasn't been easy but you are seeing things that you never knew existed. Just take each day as it comes and remember a few simple things that are difficult for everyone. First you have to like yourself. If you don't how can anyone else. Second, what people say about you are just that, things people say. You give them strength or take it away. Only give strength to the ones that help you. Third, I've seen your picture, Nephew, and trust me you aren't a white slug, worm, or anything else. You are one handsome individual and life is just starting for you. Don't let a ghost steal your future. We all have image problems at one point or another, just take it in stride with everything else.

 

I just want to know what it will take to get me out of this funk I am in now.. I feel so sad and the tears keep coming and I cant get them to stop. .....I call ed my bf again and he said he would come over later tonight...so I guess I will have to figure a way out of this on my own.

Harcallard,

 

Alright you have been going through a lot, and I'm sorry you found yourself at ends. However, tears aren't always a bad thing. Sometimes it is better to let that pain out. Glad to hear your bf was coming over later, but like others here you have found strength within yourself that you didn't know you had. Remember, you are a stronger person than you thought. Needing people doesn't make you weak, it just shows you are human, like the rest of us.

[Mark92]

I'm feeling a bit better today Tired because I sat up through the night talking to Mrs Fox. She's a good listener, and while she fed her two cubs from the chicken I gave her. She listened to my babbling. No answers, no interference, just let me get it all out. Even the really bad shit, not even Stuby knows. I fell asleep on the ground by her earth. and didn't wake up while 9am. The lads were both there, so all the chores were already done, apart from making the daily bread and getting the food out of the freezer room for dinner. So thats all for now. Apart from saying a huge thank you for all your support. I'm here for you, as you are all hear for me. Marky

 

all round

[JOeKEool]

Just want to say a quick "Hi" to everyone here. I am still trying to make my home livable for two. I let all go to hell for the last ...9 years I guess. Plus I am a major pack-rat. Stuff stacked to the rafters. Sorting...Cleaning...it's all good !!! High stress with all of it and giving up my solitude. I will gain so much more than I am losing. Just trying to keep my head in a good place thru it all.

 

And the kids are out of school so it seems like 24/7 when I have them. I watch them every two weeks now.

 

I'm thinking of all of you often. Not on-line much except to see e mail. Not writing. Not reading. Things will get settled down again soon.

 

Be well and keep strong,

 

Joe

[Mikelaing74]

Joe if the cleaning is stressing you out, then have a friend do it for you ! That way you're not tempted to go 'Oh I'll just hang on to that.'

 

It's something I'm definitely guilty of Snuggle clears out once a year, usually when I'm not around !

 

My kids have just broken up, so it cuts my commute from 10 to 5 minutes !

 

Be well and have some

[harcallard]

I guess I should start by saying that it has been a new record for me two days of being happy and then it falling apart. Once again people don't want to hear about it. One person who I thought i was really close to cant seem to chat when his husband is around, imagine that...but if I were a 22 year old well endowed person, he would talk my ear off.. Then another one told me the other day the reason why some on my group don't like to be around me is because they have a problem with some of my characteristics and I was like what the hell? I thought when you were friends with someone, you took the good with the bad?

 

I thought I had worked some thing out with my Bf, the one who is in the closet still, well apparently he is pissed off at me once again because I was asking a mutual friend about him.. and hasn't talked to me since yesterday. I am like " what the hell is going on?"

 

Iguess i am just venting..geez i need a life..hope all is well for everyone.

[comicfan]

Joe - Just get what you need done. We will be here when it is all over and you have time again.

 

Mike - Is Snuggle free? I could use him to help clean house. Good lord between what my parents saved of mine and my brothers, and my own crap I'm going to need massive dig out. lol.

 

Harcallard - Sometimes life just wants to overwhelm you. Just hang in there. Sounds like you need to have a serious sit down and talk with the BF. And friends. well they will fight with you and hurt your feelings, but trust me the ones who stay with you through thick and thin are the ones you come to care about because those are you true friends.

[Mark92]

Hey Joe good to see you I have crates and crates of hoardings, but its all brand new and boxed. And as soon as Stuby is here, he's threatened to take most of it to charity. We all look forward to seeing you back here.

 

Mikey LOL I wonder what it is you're hoarding? But alls good I hope

 

Harcallard, I agree with everything Comic said. We are always here, if you dont get a reply straight away. It wont be long until one of us drops in to see whats afoot.

 

And Unc Thank you. You have a wonderful knack for picking people up. You just have to learn to do things for you sometimes.

 

Hugs all

[harcallard]

Today is the 1st of july and the start of a new month. I can honestly say that I am much happier now thanI have been in a long time. I finally let go of someone who I thought was my friend. As it turns out, they really weren't. Yes it did hurt but for me it is much more of a relief to get rid of all the negative energy.

 

I want to personally thank all of you for being here to listen to me, you will never know how much that has helped me:)

 

My birthday is in 5 days and I am bound and determined to stay in a good mood.

 

Have a great day one and all.. Love and hugs

[Mikelaing74]

Harcallard it's good to know you're doing better, like I said to Marky a wee while ago. Every day you achieve something, even if it's just as mundane as getting out of bed. Don't let the illness win.

 

Charlie B, snuggle is not free, but he's reasonable

 

Marky, I just seem to accumulate things. He goes through all my paper work and stuff and if it's more than a year old it heads for the shredder. He knows I scan it all anyways. Also just stuff I collect, when I'm at work if I'm working with a server or something and I've taken stuff out of it, tends to just g in my pockets till I get home And you should thin about clearing some of the stuff you've collected over the years, it can be a good excercise, letting go of some bits of the past.

 

I hope everyone is well, lots of all round.

[Yettie One]

Hey gang

 

Just thought I'd drop by today and catch up. I love this post for some strange reason. Maybe its got something to do with the fact that eveyone feels ok to be open and honest here. Maybe its that there is no one judging anyone here.

 

What ever it is, I'm learning everyday that this road is a bit of a yoyo. I'd figured that this was going to be a difficult road to plod along, but don't think i'd fully appreciated how difficult. It's madness, some days I feel as if I can get on with life, and the very next day I can't face the world again.

One night I can sleep too much and the next I'm too anxious to get a wink. Sometimes I can smile and laugh, other times all i can do is frown or cry.

I don't get it. everything is a roller coaster. Funny thing is when I really think about it, its been like that for a while, but I'd never really noticed. In some ways I wish I could go back to those days of blissful ignorance.

 

But each day is about small targets. Carry on putting things back in order. It feels in a way as if I have to rebuild my life. I still can't figure out how I let it get so out of control. It mystifies me.

 

Harcallard I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling better of late. That feeling of peace and happiness you have right now. Enjoy it, remember it, that is what we are all striving to win back. Really hope you have a brilliant birthday mate, and all the very happiest wishes for the year ahead of you.

 

Marky long time no chat buddy. I hope the farm is not keeping you toooo busy. All work and no play will make Mark a very naughty boi! haha, actually I'm not sure that Stubby would mind that. Hope your good bud.

 

Wayne hope the heat is not being such a meanie to you. I'd send ya a massive hug, but if your as hot and sweaty as me, then maybe its not such a good idea. wet and sticky is never a good hug! Hope you had a good weekend buddy.

 

Hi Joe. Hope the house clearing is finished and you got everything you needed to get done, done.

 

Mike you are always there with a kind word and a voice of encouragement. Thanks. Your a great guy. Hope you are well and having a good weekend too.

 

So yeah, just felt the need to write something, let off a bit of steam or just get my mind in order. Not really sure which one of those is truest, but thanks for listening anyway. Love to you all.

Edited July 1, 2012 by Yettie One

[Mark92]

Hey lovely peoples

I want you all to know, how coming here every day makes me smile. To see everyone supporting each other, caring about each other. It's a good feeling isnt it??

 

Halcallard So good to here your feeling better Keep it up.

 

And Yettie my neighbourly Yorkshire man, Like me I hope your bad days are fewer and fewer as time passes. I still YO-YO but more up than down.

 

Mickey Mike You are becoming part of the furniture now, its good to have your support and caring nature. And I honestly mean that

 

It's Mine and Stuby's first anniversary today. And we have spent the whole day together. Our gifts to each other had deep meanings for both of us. Slightly marred by the fact it was early to bed for Stuby, as he has his first day of summer work tomorrow. So early to bed and early to rise. He's my reason to be, my life, my soulmate and my every thought.

 

Keep supporting each other and hugs all round

[comicfan]

Hi Gang,

 

Well as usual I try to take care of everyone else but unfortunately the heat finally did me. Came home with a temp and not feeling well last night with the temps up as well. Been an unusual summer so far. Anyway my temperature finally broke today but drinking enough fluids to float a boat.

 

Hope all is well with everyone.

 

Yettie, so you know, I never turn down a hug.

 

Mark, Glad you and Stu got to enjoy your day together.

 

Harcallard - Hang in there.

 

Mike - Only you could make an innocent comment seem dirty. Geez.

[harcallard]

HI guys.. well today was going well until I Tried to talk to a friend, or at least I think he is a friend, but anyway and every time we seem to be on at the same time he doesn't really chat that much, and very rarely when his significant other is on..maybe I am jumping to conclusions, but I get the impression he doesn't really want to talk to me.. his excuse is he is always working and this or that, is the reason he cant chat but them I find out form other people ha he has been talking to them for periods of time at the same time I try to get him to chat...I am to the point I don't give a care anymore.. but the sad and expressing thing about it all is that I still do. Maybe I need to get a life and get off of this damn computer, or maybe i Need to stop think ing things aren't what they really are. I mean maybe he is busy and can only get on when he can.

 

I hope everyone's day was a good one. Hugs to all

[Zolia Lily]

Harcallard, being turned away by a friend can really hurt. What about if you emailed your friend and asked if you could make a specific time for you guys to speak online together as you're missing them? Ask if you can have their sole attention for a chat together?

The other thing might be to tell them that you sometimes feel like they are avoiding you and that the rejection really hurts. It's a hard thing to do, but confronting things can sometimes bring things out into the light...

[harcallard]

Zolia Lily.. thank you so much.. I will send him an email.. I guess I tend to be a very strong extrovert and maybe that may scare some people away. I think part of my problem is that I am not a multitasker...I mean everyone I know who is on line is typing on the computer, talking on the phone and doing something else. my bf says I tend to blow things out of porprtion....maybe I do? Thaks for listening. HUgs

[Mikelaing74]

Harcallard, a quick email is a safe way to go. It exposes neither of you, just remember to forget when you send it, so you get a pleasant surprise when you get a reply.

 

As for being an extrovert, I can say from experience that it can be a little intimidating, this from an introverte !

 

Hugs

[comicfan]

Hacallard,

 

One of the things I have learned the hard way, if you want something you need to ask for it. The less drama and more honest you are the better the results usually are.

 

I agree with Lily, email your friend and tell them the truth. Some of my friends are great multitaskers, some are horrendous. I accept people as they are. Hell, I sure as hell am not perfect so why should I expect anyone else to be. Those who can't multitask, well I spend extra time with them. They are my friend and I make sure they get the time they need. There are some who need more of my time and friends, hell I can see them once every year and we pick up like not a day passed. There are others who feel if I haven't called them once a day that I just am not interested in being their friend. Their feelings are hurt. The only way I know these things is I ask. People can't always read or know how their actions affect another. Don't be afraid to speak up, especially if it is a friendship you want.

 

Hope it helps.

 

Wayne

[Y_B]

Maybe I need to get a life and get off of this damn computer, or maybe i Need to stop think ing things aren't what they really are.

 

That.

 

There's no reason to ever have to make someone talk to you. If your "friend" is being distant and you've tried to connect, give it a rest if there's no reaction. Screw him. Make new friends.