ISO: Editor, Genre: science-fiction, gay fiction. Length: 1500 words.

[albertnothlit]

ISO: Editor, Genre science-fiction, gay fiction. Length: 1500 words. Commitment: Long Term.

Story title: The Portal
1500 words
Turnaround expectations: within one week
Previous experience: I have worked with editors, line editors, and proofers in a professional setting prior to the release of my published works for about two years now.
What I need: someone who can help me gain insight on the reader perception of the stories. Which characters are engaging, which ones aren't, etc.
What I expect: feedback on how the ebb and flow of the narrative is perceived, as well as what the final impression of the reader is. Feedback on setting choice and emotional character buildup.
How much have I done: the story is completed.
Software I use: Microsoft Word 2013, OpenOffice Writer.
I prefer comments and changes using the Track Changes function in Microsoft Word.

 

 

The Portal by Albert Nothlit

snippet

 

   Brett Riley leans on the railing of the bridge overlooking the freezing river. It is early January, and when Brett leans forward he sees pieces of ice floating on the current.

    He climbs onto the railing. Behind him cars speed past, their headlights illuminating Brett's crouched shape before disappearing down the freeway. A few drivers catch a glimpse of a young man perched precariously on the edge of the bridge, wearing a rumpled suit that is soaked from the morning's icy drizzle. None of them stop. Brett ignores them as well. His eyes are fixed on the swift waters of the river below, his thoughts darker than the overcast sky.

    He clutches a wet piece of paper in his left hand. Laboratory tests. He has already read the results and his mind is chasing itself in circles as he shivers where he crouches.

    He thinks of Samuel, who used to be his best friend until Brett decided to stop hiding. He doesn't know why Samuel comes to mind just now, but he decides it is fitting. Everything in Brett's life has gone downhill since he confessed to his best friend how he felt about him.

    Brett had been prepared for rejection, but the end result of his confession had been worse than he had imagined. Samuel stopped talking to him. He spread rumors about Brett which the entire school believed. Brett's family had reacted with complete denial. The eldest son, the pride of the family, could not possibly be gay.

Brett left for college seeking acceptance, and he found it, but there was no true companionship in endless parties and casual sex. He started feeling empty inside. Now he is almost thirty and nothing has changed. He still feels lonely, no matter how hard he tries to find the one. Lately he has even stopped hoping he ever will.

    Brett straightens up, barely keeping his balance.