Circle

I'm glad you're still liking the story. Excellent observation! I will go fix this now. Thank you so much.

Hi! I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'll definitely check out your story in the near future . My grammar is in no great shakes, I know. English is my second language . If you could point out these places that would be much appreciated so I'll go and fix them. Thanks for your patience and time .

Lol, I had quite a bit of fun writing this chapter, not least because I get a chance to call someone Wanker_4_lif3. And that's the thing with Dan - even if he were older, he could well react the same way, so should he wait til 18 to discover this site? Don't think so . David, Dan and Chris do English Literature, so it's natural that they read . David was also reading a story printed off the internet in Chapter 3 I think. By the way, for me, u r = you are and ur = your. This would make sense because sometimes people use urself and it is consistent this way. And I think Dan was making fun of Bilad's grammar. Maybe I should have typed ur to make it more obvious? But then, Dan would never bring himself down to write text-speak

I have a strategy for that... I carry a notebook with me even to the showers. Always write down these ideas and little snippets of writing. And then I hit the library (when I have time), make sure I'm not hungry or horny, and give myself a nice view outside, and force myself to write from 10 am - 3 pm, having no communication with anyone whatsoever. If well, it truly hurts to stay away from Youtube and Facebook etc... as they say, no pain no gain

HAHAHA I love ur comments too! If Dan's trying to get rid of his feelings for David, David isn't making it easy, that much is true . Thanks for the read and your lovely comment

I was shocked! No, not really, hehe. Unlike Asamvav, however, I did not have gag reflexes. I also don't find the warning necessary as it must made me read the first bit thinking about what will come, lol. If you wanted to shock a reader, you wouldn't post at the beginning of a chapter 'Shock on its way', right? I think it was a good chapter. Some good insights into Luka as character development and a sex scene that worked and served your storytelling objectives. What I had a little trouble with is perhaps the word 'Lover' being used to describe Mark. Their roles being equal, the element of drug use, the lack of any real meaningful (and healthy) relationship between the two made me frown at the word slightly. Also, one other detail: I assumed Luka is 17. Yet Mark is able to lift a 17-year-old onto his laps and wrap his arms around him? Do you know how hard it is to do that to a 17-year-old? lol. But yeah, aside from that, consider me shocked! (And that's a good thing )

Hi Finn, I think you did a good job introducing the cast of the story here. There were nice attention to details too. For me though, I think as a first chapter it would benefit from a sense of direction and purpose. That would make it much more focused give it a stronger sense of progression. Keep it up

Oooh yay first review Hehe, maybe you can go back and like all the other chapters? . Just kidding. I hope you like the beginning of Part Two and that it's worth the wait. Yeah, I also believe there's something sad and true about Chris's opinion - at least when I wrote it . I'm glad you liked the gay dating site scene. I actually had my doubts about it for a long time. I hope re-living your teens has been a pleasant experience .

One week had passed. Life was well enough but all of them seemed to have forgotten I was gay and still in desperate need of a boyfriend. Wasn’t that the whole point of coming out, so they would find me some guy? I felt cheated, led on by false promises of happiness and came out to my friends for no reason – then again they weren’t paid, so I suppose I gave them no incentive anyway. Now it was up to me to make things happen. On that following day I asked Chris a question that I later found unive

Man, you got to the heart of it and nailed everything I was trying to say I'm glad you could identify with the chapter. Dan is absolutely healing! I hoped this revelation 'redeems' or at least explains Dan in some way, of his paranoia, awkwardness and perhaps initial unfriendliness towards others. Part two is coming this Saturday. I'm excited, since there will be plenty of new characters in Part two for Dan to get to know . Once again, thanks for the read! It's not often that a reader get to the bottom of what I was trying to say. I'm gonna go cry now... lol

What a horrible discovery! I empathise with Colton's position completely. Only one thing grabbed my attention however, maybe because it's written in big letters and in bold: Boy of four dies as IRA bombers attack shoppers: Many shoppers injured as blasts rip through busy market I would think that the title of a newspaper article would try to avoid using the same noun twice. In this case, I think 'shoppers' is quite cumbersome and I believe if you replace 'Many shoppers' with 'Dozens', for example, it could increase its power and make it more news-like. So... Boy of four dies as IRA bombers attack shoppers. Dozens injured as blasts rip through busy market Not sure if that's what you had in mind, but it's a trivial suggestion. It was a great chapter .

What an interesting setting! Such a human and heart rending portrayal of a tragic period in history. I love the opening paragraph - it has such meaning and depth! The craftsmanship of each sentence is top-notch. Unlike Fishie, I find the disjointed scenes okay . There were only a few minor distractions for me as a reader. I wasn't entirely convinced by some of the semicolons used, and this sentence confused me: Mrs. O’Malley, who had, a few moments before, stepped into the bakery, after dropping young Byron off at the bus shelter. If crossed out a non-restrictive clauses, it would be this: Mrs. O’Malley, who had stepped into the bakery after dropping young Byron off at the bus shelter. So I found that a bit odd. I would think after all non-restrictive clauses are removed, a sentence would still be complete and self-containing. There was a typo you might want to catch Jack tried to speak, but his lips were on fire. He wwas unable to press his lips together. And I think there were missing or extra punctuation marks towards the end of the chapter, but as I said, these are minor distractions which do not (at least for me) detract from the central message and goal of this particular chapter. I really enjoyed the ironies built up to the accident and I felt it brilliantly executed. Thanks for writing this .

Is there an option to choose where you don't really count how many of each POVs you read or, that it doesn't bother you in the slightest? For me though, I prefer to write in First Person because it is how my writing style came to be. It is easy to pick up and less easy to master, true, but I like the directness in establishing a relationship with the reader as though you are speaking to them directly. Third person is like telling the reader about something that happened and from my point of view less satisfying as a whole. I've only ever used third person omniscient once - it works well with post-modernism, when somehow the omniscient POV is explained by the story itself, which adds to a reader's appreciation of the architecture of the story (I hope). To conclude: I kind of already know what POVs work with a story I'm trying to tell, if i decide to tell it. So I don't particularly feel like a deliberate choice has taken place .

Yup

Hey, but Ravage has a 27 seconds cooldown, so if you interrupt it with the knockback he has hell of a long time to wait before he can use it again! (Just leave dots on him, heal and cleanse yourself ) I know I brought this back from the dead, but still interested if anyone here still plays .

Here is why: Nerimon (Alex) is helpful in providing a critical (though not comprehensive in any shape or form) yet entertaining account of his reading of Twilight. As someone who knows vaguely what makes good writing, I believe Nerimon made some good points which may shed light on 'why people hate Twilight' - at least in terms of its quality of written words in relation to its success.

The only person who could have granted Ronny forgiveness is... himself. When things are beyond repairable, it just had to be boxed somewhere and try to move on. While Ronny went on and build a life for himself (and Edward did not), I think the events never left his heart. I hope the ending ties back into the story title like you desired . Thank you for your perceptive reviews and comments - after so long I wasn't really expecting this to be read again but still, I have to ask, how did you come across it? .

Hehe, don't worry! Blame my unusual use of the name. I'm glad you like this chapter though . I found it very difficult to pull off convincingly.

Nope, Ronny doesn't want the throne . The question is, is the desire for Edward's forgiveness something out of selfishness and of his own gain? Or is forgiveness something everyone deserves, no matter what they did?

Very few people can not change given the circumstances, I'm afraid . I only aimed to create something remotely convincing of someone who has been tortured, kept alone and confined in a horrible place. Not that I have been in that position, but I try .

Hehe, maybe Ronny didn't know what to say .

I'm glad you loved this chapter! Of course, after staying in bed for one whole chapter, Ronny has to get up and do some damage. I don't think he has a problem with them personally though.

I loved that you picked up on the black cat . Don't worry, Ronny will soon no longer be bored and disinterested, hehe.

Yeah, Ronny is all of the above! I think my 19-year-old self was trying to challenge the convention of stories beginning with a bang with something quite the opposite. Guess I was going for a slow-burning effect. I'm glad you like it .

Hey Lisa! Sorry for the late reply. I wanted Dan's confession to be out in the open because I think he wants Chris to be there to support him when it happens. The chance of someone overhearing him in a giant school canteen is rather low though . Coming out is an important psychological step and I think if the object of someone's affection knew about it too, it can be a healing experience, and usually a springboard to something else. Thanks for the review!