Rechan

No, third person. The manner in which I am writing it, the way I am presenting the various scenes, I do not think that first person would serve it well. First of all, when I expressed my problem on another forum I have been bitched at that it is indeed how romances work, that is my problem, it's too one sided. It seems to be the consensus there. His issues don't exist in a vacuum. It has to do with a relationship. And you can't have a relationship by yourself. Since a second person is needed, I need a second person and I haev nothing. He does care about other people's feelings. He's a loyal and sympathetic friend. Jacob's issue is ignorance of relationship skills, not a disregard. Not an inability, but his habits. It's like someone who has never lived with another person having to deal with all the nuances of personal space/privacy, of mitigating chores, of ensuring the other person pays their side of the rent. It's not a deficiency, a personal flaw in the individual. Just inexperience woefully too late in life. I don't even have a second person, let alone an interesting one.

I've talked about the story I'm trying to write. But I've realized I have a significant problem. So far, I have been focusing on the Main Character's problem. The story is about his issues, his ineptness with relationships. I have so far looked at the story as merely Him changing, getting better, and making the relationship work. But I realized that's not how romance stories work. You need two people. Two people with their own issues and those problems clash, complicate the situation. Two people that change. Not one with problems and one who is static. The second man has been utterly just a person who stands there and the main character bounces off of. I've tried to make a character that would compliment the Main Character and so far it has felt flat, unworkable. Now I am left with the need to create the Romantic Interest, the Second Person, from scratch and I am drawing an absolute blank. I can't fill it in. It needs to be able to work with my MC and nothing feels right. I have zero inspiration.

I have some idea of Jacob's partner, but it's a little odd mishmash. I'm not sure how it Sounds, so to speak. Or if they go well together. As for the first point, I was thinking about his partner and how his partner would interpret love and affection. I was thinking that he would be the type to enjoy giving/receiving gifts, and acts of service (cooking for you, coming to your performance regardless of his interest, other gestures of affection). With these, I figured also being touchy/feely would be too much. But you're right, that making it a misunderstanding isn't speaking to Jacob's faults. Hrm. Ah. I've always heard it as just Safe, Sane and Consensual. Btw, thanks for coming back to the thread.

Lately I've considered actually Jacob being the touch-based one. That he is just physically affectionate, and the other guy interpreting it as him always wanting sex. Not sure just yet. I'm actually wrestling with it. I'm having to create the other guy from whole cloth to compliment/contrast Jacob, and it's a little tricky. It's much easier to see the Other Guy's flaws than it is Jacob's in the relationship. Which is a bit counter productive. RACK? Alas, the story I was looking to get edited is at this point DONE. I've all ready submitted it for publication. It's as polished as it's going to get.

I've been thinking about this. Trying to think of a good situation where the middle man would know Jacob's sexual history and his current problem, along with the younger guy's. The first thing that comes to mind is a roommate of the younger guy. But this also brings to mind "How does he know Jacob?" The character that comes to mind is one who is awkward, uncomfortable with the situation - that the younger guy is bringing lots of partners over and it's bothering him, but he doesn't know how to address it. A character like this is amusing, but it brings back the question of his relationship to Jacob. The solution I've thought of is that the Roommate has a sister. The sister is close to Jacob. The roommate tells his sister his problem, and his sister relates it (in anecdotal fashion, all amused) to Jacob, and Jacob gets it in him to have a talk with the younger guy. Or the sister could be encouraging Jacob to talk to the young guy to begin with. Jacob knows the roommate (more an acquaintance than a friend).

I didn't get any replies to this, either, so I thought I'd call attention to it. Any suggestions as far as this is concerned?

That's an interesting point. Especially for someone who is just physically affectionate. Physical affection does not mean a signal for sex. I actually bought a book a while ago with the intention of using it to create or express conflict in relationships. The Five Languages of Love. That particular conflict (Misinterpreting physical affection) was one that hadn't occurred to me. I realized that you can't post explicit stuff in the eFiction area. Right now, I need just a grammar check, and putting the final polish on the story to make it pop (adding little extra details to add a little more character or whatnot). As for the freakiness... It's Furry BDSM.

Yeah, the character is dealing with his relationship shortcomings, and the conflict that brings to the guy (Steven). After all, Jacob (while he still wants sex) wants something of substance because he's never had it and feels that he has cheated himself because of that. The change comes from grappling with his own intimate social skills blowing up when put to work. Really that's all I want here - suggestions on how they might blow up. Really?! Where? ... Do folks here mind the freaky stuff? I have a story sitting in my hip pocket, but it's... freaky.

Yeaaaah no.

Honestly? I've never been in a relationship before. And given my sexual history... Let's just say if "Write what you know" was enforced, I wouldn't be writing romance or erotica. So i have to take some steps into the "fake it really well" arena. I think part of the challenge also will be making sure Jacob is a likable character instead of an asshole, or at least someone that will not grate on the reader. They need to liek teh character in order to keep reading, need to care otherwise why bother investing in his struggles?

One thought for a beginning of the novel is that Jacob comes into contact with a younger man who is doing the same things that Jacob did in his younger days and he wants to caution from. The challenge though is finding an appropriate venue for this young man and how Jacob knows him. My initial idea was that he would be a relative or perhaps the son of a friend's relative, a boy who just went to college and just came out and they are ushered towards Jacob. Or they solicit Jacob's advice. Although that doesn't make sense. Your family isn't going to know if you're a slut; you're not going to advertise it. And if there's all ready a large support network for those realizing their sexuality, why go to an older person? So there's the issue of how Jacob (or whoever steers the boy his way) would know, or how that "coming into contact" would work out right. The whole point of this interaction is to 1) show the audience Jacob's internal strife and past. The reader will see his loneliness and perhaps his ineptness/need towards other men, but not have the background or the real far reaching nature of the issue. And 2) It will bring it to the forefront to the character. It's the first step to wanting to do something about it. Or perhaps that first step should come when he meets The Other Man, because if he sees the potential there, he's going to want to rise and meet it. I'm not sure. That's part of the why of this thread, so I can have a nice sounding board.

Hm. That's an interesting take. Here I was thinking of the reverse, of the fact that because of his habits, cheating initially wouldn't enter his mind as way of therat. An interesting idea I had was that at some point when he is in deep with the other guy, an attractive man offers some no-strings attached sex. And Jacob initially takes the bait, but has to actually stop and think about it, remembering that no, that's actually not a good idea. I had thought he might even go to the length of calling his boyfriend to ask if he could (but that perhaps is too unbelievable to write in, or would do more damage realistically than I want). Or perhaps it isn't at first, until he remembers that men he cheated with left their SOs for him, or it ruined their relationship, and oh god it may ruin his, as this is his only shot! Although there's also the question of why the other guy even puts up with him. So far, I have no idea of the Other Man's character yet. Because Jacob and the premise of his issue has been sitting in the back of my head for years, taking up a visible space but never given attention.

I'm not being flippant. I'm just saying that it doesn't exist in these terms in the setting being used.

I think I can see that now. More in the sense of in a relationship, you're supposed to at least accept or encourage your partner's interests. Keep up on them. Ask them about them. Even if you have no interest, they do and you care about them so you care about their interests. However with family members or colleagues, you might not care at all and so it's ok to just nod your head and smile and change the subject unless they're bombarding you with it. But if your partner cares about something then you can't just blow that off. Actually, no. I don't want to dwell on this but I'm not writing about current day earth with humans per se. I know you're going to say "Well that alters everything becasue culture and history and the relations of species", but it doesn't for this purpose. Trust me. The story has a certain niche with its own assumptions of setting built in so my readers will understand. Culture and psychology are quite the same but issues like STDS are just not a concern for reasons I don't want to get into.

Bare in mind that outside of his issues, Jacob is not a douchebag. He has no deep seated emotional or social disorders. So he cares about another person's life and personality, he has empathy. He has friends. These problems don't exist with platonic relationships. And he knows general social etiquette - if he's doing something with a friend, he's going to be polite enough to call if he's going to be late. So what you're suggesting Dolores is purely to his romantic interests, he doesn't show emotion very well in them. Or is ignorant to the expression of non-sexual affection, and perhaps acts less interested in a person's life and personality than he would if he was not interested in having sex with them? I like these. These are helpful. Jacob has yet to be fully fleshed out in my head, I wanted to get his issues down before I started rounding him out, that way his issue could be more cohesive than tacked on at the end.