Briansboy, thanks for your attemp at reading the 2nd story I've ever written. I've always said I'm not a writer, I just love writing. You've brought out some great points and since I didn't have a beta or editor, I probably should remove the story until I have time to edit it.
Trust me it's not because of your harsh critizing, I've thought about it before, you just reminded me. It's a good thing I'm not thin skinned otherwise I might be discouraged to continue.
I think you mentioned you are new to the site, with that being said, I'm not sure if you realized you could have actually PM'ed me as some other's who were seriously offering corrective criticism have done.
I have a beta and editor now and my writing style has changed, some say for the better, I don't know.
I would say I'm sorry that you won't be reading any more of my newer stories, but I'd be lying,
With that I'll say GA is a great site filled with amazing talent. I hope you enjoy your time here and not let my story ruin it for the other writers.
Oh and I'm not going to write you off as a "jaded, bitchy queen" because I don't know you or anything about you, but I will just write you off...