James Hiwatari

Thanks for the review again! I hope I don't take this long to reply to things in the future... Where do you think the story is going now? I'm curious... Interesting perspective you have in Gunni's role in the story. I'm hoping he won't be staying annoying for too long. The story is supposed to focus on the main character's development, to the point that by the end it'll be really easy to spot how much they changed by reading the first and the last chapter written by them. We're still a loong way to the end, so I'm not despairing that Gunni is still the annoying little kid. I've been paying a lot of attention to Siggi's part of the story because his problems kind of made it urgent. But it's about time Gunni gets something out of this story too, so let's see what's in store for him... I'm glad you can get to grips with the asexual stuff. It's definitely more closely related to 'gay' than 'trans'. (And when you suggested Gunni be in a relationship with Vác... that would be an interesting thing with a nearly 10 year age gap between them. The people who are already having problems with the 7 year age-gap with Dmitri would have a field day...) As far as I can tell, in a UK context, 'queer' is being used by younger people as a more generic term for anyone who doesn't fit the cis-heterosexual norm. I'm much more used to seeing LGBTI than LGBTQ, though, I think it's more of a USA thing. It's not so much about creating divisions, though, but about trying to find a term that fits your identity when your language wasn't built to accommodate people like you. For a lot of people, 'gay' is actually a very narrow definition: it's a western concept that's used by white middle class men with a certain degree of privilege in the LGBT(I/Q?) community, and this doesn't suit everybody. And forcing people to apply this label to them because they don't want to see any others popping up is like labelling all black people 'Africans' because that's where dark-skinned people come from, despite the fact that a) there's plenty of historical documents/pictures proving there have been black people all over the word long before even the slave trade Africa is one huge-ass continent with 54 countries, so just saying 'African' can't possibly cater to all the diversity that is inside that continent. And while black people from Africa will sometimes identify with the 'African' label for a variety of reasons and contexts, it's by no means enough. 'Queer' is kind of similar. And when it's used as a general term for 'out of the norm', it's kind of handy. Gunni could, for example, say 'queer' instead of 'homoromatic graysexual', or trans!Siggi could use it instead of 'gay (potentially aromantic) trans man' because it's just that much shorter a word. But they're among the lucky ones that also feel they fit fine under just 'gay' too. And this is not the case for everybody. And, you know, just because you like think-cut fries it doesn't mean the person next to you can't order curly ones. You're not really creating a division in the movement if you're all still eating from the same potatoes.

I know, it was annoying me too. Argh, teenagers... But hopefully Gunni has grown from the experience and will learn to open his mouth sooner in similar future situations. Now, as for where their relationship takes off fro here... Thanks for the review!

Thanks for the review! And I totally agree with you on that. It was tempting to write a scene with Siggi sorting Gunni and Dmitri's relationship with a heavy dose of snark, but unfortunately I couldn't fit it into the plot. It would've been fun. But at least Gunni and Dmitri have finally talked. See, you're lucky I'm one of those people who believes sensible people would always sort their arguments by talking it out, otherwise I could try to stretch that drama for as long as possible... (I had to make an allowance for Gunni taking that long to come out to Dmitri because he's only 17 and a bit more prone to cold feet and general insecurities).

Thanks for the review! Heh, sorry not sorry for screwing up your mind. Siggi and Dmitri are for now very close best friends (Siggi is only beginning to admit to their level of bonding) who really, really care about each other. As you pointed out, there's a level of understanding between them that Siggi hasn't been able to find with anybody else. As for whether this is enough for romantic involvements... I can't say anything about the future, but at this point in the story Dmitri would definitely reject that idea as part of his blank ban on relationships. He would be particularly wary about a romantic involvement with Siggi, though, because even as Siggi's best friend he already engages in the kind of 'dangerous' behaviour that he's so afraid of when he's in love (like how he blames himself for Siggi's suicide attempt). Oh, did I just say something that might imply Dmitri's found love? Nah, I'll let you wonder about that. I already said a couple things about the trans stuff in the reply to the Be Myself! review, but one way people suggest to get cis people like you to have an idea of what it's like to be trans goes like this: it's as if no matter what you do and what you say, people will treat you as a woman. You can be doing the most macho stereotype out there, but someone will still tell you you're using the wrong toilet, that you should look more like your 'real' gender, and possibly threatening to put you back in your place in a nasty way. Basically, the world shouts at you that you're a woman, but you know it isn't true. Yet, nobody believes you and gives you shit because of that. And then you have to find a way to prove that you're a man, because 'the way your body is' is suddenly not enough. You have to make your body fit into other people's idea of manliness before you can have a chance of not being called 'madam' by strangers. That's an idea. Don't know how useful it would be, but might be worth trying it out.

Wednesday, 19th February The news of Fenrochi’s brief reign of chaos spread like fire (any and all puns intended, though laughter and groans are strictly optional) thanks to mass usage of phones with cameras, and to the peculiar human instinct of turning all tragedies into public spectacles. Footage made by people who had been in the audience when Fenrochi shot a fireball at Franklin Hill made it to televised news programmes and attained record number of views in a certain popular video-shar

Brandon ended up taking me to my music class. He only let go of me once I had been safely ‘delivered’ to the teacher, and promised he was going to look for me during the break to check on how I was doing. At first, I was not sure if he was being serious, or just trying to be nice to me, but the expectation made me unusually anxious to get out of music class. At least I did not have a panic attack during class like I feared. The teacher gave me one of the school’s violas to practice on for the d

Thanks for the review! We should make an AA-style meeting group to get Brandon to be a better person. Btw, the student the headmistress mentioned with the sports injury was pretty much taken from my own experience of going back to school after getting my first knee hurt. I needed a friend to help me go between classes (mostly to carry my stuff), and I was absolutely terrified of people bumping into me when I was walking with crutches (and even more so once I started to walk without crutches, but was still half-way through the recovery process). At least people tend to treat you nicely if they see you have an obvious reason to be struggling, and they try to help. And for Oscar, it's not only the things you mentioned, but also the fact that everyone in the school knows what happened to him because it was on the news. And that could potentially make things a lot worse too. Argh. At least we should be heading to some more cheery stuff in a bit. Lift our moods and stuff.

Thanks for the review! You do inspire me. Just a bit of nit-picking: Oscar is actually bisexual. He's figured it out when Oliver came out as trans. I'm not surprised that it's difficult for you to get your head around the trans stuff. Unfortunately it is the kind of thing that people only realise exists when they come face to face with it because of the kind of world we live in. Even in so-called LGBT spaces the T is often left out (I was once denied access to the male toilet in an a gay bar, just to mention my first personal experience of transphobia in queer spaces). And it is pretty hard to understand the feeling of not belonging in your own body or that there's something fundamentally wrong with the way people treat you based on the way your body looks if you don't have that kind of feeling yourself. So no hard feelings about that. The one thing I would really like you to understand, though, is that regardless of how much of it you understand on a deep level, you should still respect someone who tells you 'my name is so-and-so and I use [insert here gender] pronouns'. And you shouldn't invalidate someone's opinion of their own gender based on their bodies. It's weird? Maybe. Would it feel weird to call someone a 'he' when you can see he has boobs? Well, it's not for me, but who knows. The thing is, it might be the weirdest thing for you, but for the person you're dealing with it might the different between managing to get through one more day or jump in front of the next car. I'm not saying you're doing it, by the way. You've been pretty nice about your confusion, and that's why I thought you're the kind of person who could absorb the stuff I said above. Also, lots of people just need some time to get used to things. Maybe at some point in the future you'll have some sudden 'Eureka moment' and it'll all fall nicely in place. Who knows... Instrument-playing Brandon sounds like an interesting idea, but I think Oscar would've known if Brandon played anything, since they were friends for 2 years and Oscar helped Brandon with all sorts of school stuff. So it wouldn't really work. But you made me imagine Brandon playing the piccolo, and at least for me that's an amusing mental image to end my day. So thank you. And rest assured I don't like stereotypes either, but sometimes I like to use them as a way of luring people into a false sense of security before utterly destroying their expectations when they least expect. Thanks again! You do inspire me.

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Even though it's an old story, I still like it a lot. It was one of those great beams of inspiration, and I haven't quite managed to write a short story I liked that much ever since (The Princess and the Wanderer is probably an exception, but it's a longer story, so for me they're kind of in different categories anyway)

The meeting about Kresten made me feel sick for the rest of the day. Even with my best efforts to concentrate on the music, I couldn’t look at Siggi without thinking about all the horrible things he went through. My imagination kept sending me flashes of scenes that were like horror movies depicting the things that Siggi told us during the meeting. Santa noticed I was distracted, but hopefully he was the only one. My lack of concentration and my mistakes were not as obvious as the ones Gummi was

The whole school seemed to know that I would be coming back that Tuesday morning. From the moment I got out of Ms Savage’s car I felt like I had become some sort of special attraction for everyone to ogle at. Endless pairs of eyes followed my every movement, but only a few were kind enough to smile, give me a thumbs up, or show me some other form of encouragement. The sudden attention was embarrassing, but the encouraging gestures (as few as they were) still made me feel good and glad I was fina

Thanks for the review! That was the least I could do after two months completely away from everything. I'm glad you liked the 'great return'. You know, at this point in the story Gunni is definitely not quite up to the task of giving Siggi what he needs. You're absolutely right. But will he ever? I'll just grin deviously and pretend to ignore that question for the time being. Hope you like the next chapter too!

“And remember, it’s ok to not want to talk about something; you can tell Gummi you don’t want to answer a question, and you’re allowed to say ‘no’ if Gummi asks you to do something you’re not comfortable with.” “You don’t need to remind me of those things, Arnar.” Especially not for the third time on the way to the Harpa. “But thanks anyway.” “How are you feeling?” It was too late to feel anything that would keep this meeting from happening. “I’m ok, I think. I’ve felt worse.” “Good. But if

“Arnar, I need to talk to you.” Gummi came up to me as soon as I walked off the stage at the end of my first day conducting a rehearsal. He seemed anxious. I nodded in agreement and he took me to his office. It was a rather long walk, but he did not say another word to me during that time. “What is this about? Are you going to say the rehearsal went horribly wrong and you want to take over from here on in?” “No, it’s nothing like that.” Gummi sounded angry and impatient, but he managed a quic

The social worker came early in the morning. She marched into my room like she owned the place, or at least like she did not care she was entering a hospital room full of sick and injured children. “Good news, Sigga, we found a foster family for you.” “The name is Siggi.” Though if she had not learned the first three times, there was no reason to believe she would on the fourth. “Anyway, Sigga…” Exactly. Ignore me. Make me so tired of your obtrusiveness that I will go with the first family you

Thanks for the review!Everything went as well as could be expected with my partner, but then just as I was getting ready to come back to writing, my computer failed me. And in the middle of the holidays as well! Argh. >.< Anyway, this story should get new chapters in next two weeks or so. I've got a few stuff prepared for The Orchestra, but I haven't done much for Be Myself! yet. The nose job can be done as outpatient, or so I was told. But it's not so much the surgery itself that's the issue, but the whole idea of having to go back to the hospital and the stuff related to it. Even if he can just come and go in a couple of hours, it's still that same environment. For the moment he wants to avoid that, but we'll see how the rest of his recovery goes.

Thanks for the review! We'll see where Oscar goes with the nose thing. It mostly depends on his mental state and how he recovers. He's just learning that he can be the person he wants to be regardless of other people's opinions. Where should this lead him? (The answer at the moment is 'I have to take another look at the chapter plan to make a decision', but let's pretend I know exactly what I'm doing for the time being)

Heh, I guess I like to confuse people a little... Sorry not sorry. And you're right about the doctor. He definitely wasn't what he said he was. Take that any way you want. (And yes, he's the pimp too. I shall leave you wondering how and why that is) Thanks for the review!

You know, the suggestion that Oscar and Jean could be brothers was almost tempting enough to make me run with it and pretend that was the truth all along, but I'm afraid this isn't to be (so at least _that_ part of Jean's sex life doesn't get too much into creepy territory). You're right about me liking to confuse people, though. The truth will be revealed eventually, so don't despair. As for the ghost... I think I'll leave you wondering about that too. Sorry. Thanks for the review!

You're right about the doctor. He was definitely not what he said he was. As interesting as it would be to have Jean and Oscar be half brothers, it can't really be the case. Jean was all the way in France until he was at least 7 years old with his father there. For Oscar to somehow be his brother, he would've had to be in France too. Or who knows, maybe Joseph Schubert really isn't Oscar's father, and Oscar is in fact the fruit of an illicit affair his mother had with a French farmer. Tempting, but nah. The truth lies somewhere else, and I can't quite tell you where just yet. Be patient... Now that my computer is back, I should be able to update Be Myself! in the next two weeks, and then everything will be back to normal, so at least you won't have to wait too much. Thanks for the review! And I hope you haven't forgotten this story either. >.

Thanks for the review! This was one of those chapters that I had to go and watch cute kitten videos for an hour after writing because it leaves behind a horrible feeling. I do imagine myself as the character when I'm writing, so this chapter wasn't particularly easy to shake off. At least Siggi's life did improve a lot after this. As you said, Arnar really is a life-saver. And now to post the new chapter!

Thanks for the review! And sorry for the horribly late reply. I managed to have both my computer and my screen die on me in the week between Christmas and New Year (yay lucky me) and I only got everything fixed this week. As soon as I catch up to all the stuff I have to reply to, I'll post a new chapter for The Orchestra and one for Sonata for Siggi. Double update for an apology... how's that? I'm glad you liked the chapter. The relationship between Arnar and Siggi is one of my favourites in the story. The next chapter is all going to be from Arnar's point of view too, so there's more of that coming. So... do you think Dmitri and Siggi should be a couple in the way that Gunni and Dmitri are now? As in, not just sex friends? Gunni (and Dmitri too, actually) still has a great deal of exploring to do. There will be more on that after we deal with the nasty Kresten issue, and then... we'll see. I hope you haven't forgotten the story after all this time!

Aaaaand here I am finally replying to reviews! My computer lives, and so I can get on with my life and get the posting back on schedule! Hurray! Aw, I like the scenes with Arnar and Siggi too (you might be able to tell by the sheer number of them between chapters 42-44). Siggi does need a lot of love unconditional support to get out of his dark place, and Arnar has plenty of that now. Let's hope it all works out for the best. And thanks for the review and sorry for the horribly late reply. It shan't happen again!

1st September, 1999 School teach music and celo nice sound i wana learn. Celo is nice feels good. I will play lots of celo and be real good and all that. Teecher say I play nice too. Dad dont like it but teecher say its gud so dad say ok if I only play at skul. I wana play everyday! 17th June, 2000 Im 7 today. Asked nurse if been a boy can make me stronger nurse said I was a very strong girl already but my broken nose hurt allot and I dont feel strong. 18th June, 2000 Asked dad

The week between returning home and going back to school was supposed to be a time of rest and gradual normalisation of my new life. Now that I was out of hospital, I was not the only one who needed to adapt to disruptions in routine and unexpected complications. Mr Viñas started to wake up earlier than usual in order to prepare my liquefied food before everyone else’s. Ms Savage became my personal nurse, taking my temperature every few hours and checking my stitches every day and making sure I