James Hiwatari

Wow, thanks for the long, well-thought review! Let's see if I can make justice to it... You do have a point that Gunni's exposure to porn and 'gay sex' has been rather biased and sketchy. We both know there's a lot more to it than those trauma-inducing videos that Fríða found on the internet. But regardless of that, Gunni doesn't feel ready for sex with others. It would probably have been that way if he had had the most friendly and age-appropriate introduction to gay sex. You said so yourself, at 16-17 not everyone is ready anyway (Gunni has just turned 17). So we agree on that too. The thing is... Gunni has found something that he can identify with, and experiences that match his own a lot closely that everything else he's seen - not just the porn movie. He's had an "eureka moment", a sense of belonging that most people belong to sexual minorities probably felt at some point in their lives. It just so happen that the 'label' of choice falls more under the asexual umbrella rather than the gay one (though he's still technically within both). It's true that Gunni is just 17 and thus is barely exploring all the possibilities there are around sex and relationships. But the thing is, gay kids (and particularly bisexual kids) of Gunni's age get told all the time "you're too young to know better", the idea being that at 16-17 they haven't had enough experience to tell what they like or not. But most of those kids end up gay/bi anyway, even after they've done all the exploring they need. The "too young" line of argument ultimately serves to disempower the person's own self-knowledge and devalue their feelings and experiences. It doesn't matter if it's used on gay kids, bi kids, or asexual kids (and, for that matter, trans kids too). Sexuality is fluid, people change, and the stuff we like changes too. My own sexual tastes have changed a lot since I was Gunni's age, and I'm only 25 now! However, just because something might change in the future, we can't invalidate the here and now. Gunni now feels identifying as asexual is better for him. It makes him feel safe (despite the uncertainties around Dmitri). It makes him feel like he belongs somewhere. But nobody is going to force him to identify that way forever if things eventually change and he does feel more frequent sexual attraction to others. And if it turns out he's still like Vác even after years of trying things out, then all the best for him for having found that sense of belonging early on. It saves him a lot of grief and struggle. So, to sum up, I can see your point that Gunni hasn't had lots of experience and that his biased exposure to 'gay sex' might affect his feelings on the matter. But what might happen to him in the future - what he might feel like in the future - doesn't change the fact that right now his lack of sexual attraction was worrying him, and that right now he found people saying that it's ok to be this way, that there are others that feel that way. Gunni needed that kind of reassurance for the here and now, not for an abstract future he can only fantasise about. And no 'labels' as such are set in stone. It might as well be that Gunni will turn out to be even more sexual than Dmitri once he gets a bit older. But again, that's the future, and it's a big unknown that can be scary when you're already struggling so much with self-acceptance. So what Vác and AVEN have done is given Gunni some assurance that he can start his own journey of exploration on the basis that whatever he feels is ok. He has got the security that turning into a sexual being coming from an asexual perspective is fine, and he has got the security that if he grows to really be asexual like Vác in the future, he'll have managed to turn his struggle with his sexuality into a couple of months worry instead of years and years of forcing himself to be something he is not.

Thanks for the review! Yeah, the AVEN website was something that was recommended to me by other asexual people. That's their entire reason of being. And it's definitely a good place to connect to others, though at the moment Gunni is probably more worried about Dmitri and his relationship than building a network of friends. He does have Vác, so he's not completely alone. Sexual desires are weird things. All over the place, and might not make much sense. Gunni is finding it out the hard way... >.

Alone with my cello. Too dark to see anything. It is not cold, but not hot either. Silence. Solitude. It is refreshing for a while, but soon the complete lack of noise becomes unnerving. Is such quietness even possible? Have I lost my hearing? I play an open G in the cello just to be sure. The note echoes in the dark space and resonates inside me too. I play one of Vivaldi’s cello sonatas. The rest of the ISO’s cello section appears one by one, sitting in their usual places in the Concert Hall

The three of us sat on Oliver’s bed, with me at the head and Jean and Hannah on the other end. She squeezed his hand. He looked towards the window, but I doubted he was really paying attention to the view. He smiled briefly, like he was convincing himself to keep going. His tone came out cheerful, but strained. Forced. “My parents never tried to kill me directly, though I think if they thought they could, they wouldn’t have hesitated. I killed my mother. I was cursed from the day I was born.”

Monday, 17th February. From now on, there would be only one fight per day in the Japanese MaruMonzterz Tournament. This was stage two, where each fight would have three rounds and go on until one of the competitors gave up, or until their MaruMonzter ran out of HP. Effectively, this meant the audience would not stay in the stadium for very long. Back when the tournament was at its planning stage, many had tried to persuade Maruyama that this was a prime example of bad scheduling, but the presid

Aw, thanks! You made my week! I like when stories take a life of their own like that. For me it's a sign of healthy character development that they become strong enough to speak for themselves inside my head. At least Jean's story is something I've wanting to write for ages. Motivation won't be a problem... Be Myself! is a lot easier to divide up than The Orchestra is, because all I need to do when I cut a chapter is change the numbers of the ones coming afterwards. I got lucky that I managed to find a way to cut The Orchestra's chapter as well - it isn't always possible because of the way the plot is supposed to flow between Gunni and Siggi. Hopefully I won't have to do that again any time soon...

You know, I would love to get paid by anyone. Do you know any anti-depression manufacturer I can go and ask for patronage? The Savage/Viñas family is more or less based on people I know, so in a way they do exist... Thanks for the review and sorry for the late reply!

Hum... epic courtroom battle against the newspapers? Taking on the mighty media with their irresponsible reporting? We shall see... Arnar is pretty cool, yeah. I'm glad you figured it out too. He'll do his best to stay around Siggi more, after seeing how bad Siggi got when he wasn't around. You're right, Siggi does need him a lot. (And here's when I get all mysterious and say you'll love the next couple of chapters, but refuse to say precisely why) And Siggi can care for people too! It's just that it's like one of his least used abilities, so he has to actively remember to use and activate it when needed... But he's getting there... Thanks for the review!

Hum... epic courtroom battle against the newspapers? Taking on the mighty media with their irresponsible reporting? We shall see... Arnar is pretty cool, yeah. I'm glad you figured it out too. He'll do his best to stay around Siggi more, after seeing how bad Siggi got when he wasn't around. You're right, Siggi does need him a lot. (And here's when I get all mysterious and say you'll love the next couple of chapters, but refuse to say precisely why) And Siggi can care for people too! It's just that it's like one of his least used abilities, so he has to actively remember to use and activate it when needed... But he's getting there... Thanks for the review!

Jó earns a living with writing, he better be good at that! (Though so do the other journalists, and they're horrible writers, but whatever...) Gunni is all about cuddles and kisses and hugs and fluff and so much sugary cuteness you'll get cavities. So non-sexual crush it is, unless they figure out you can have sex with a candy bar or some such. Thanks for the review!

Thanks for the review!I have a feeling you might like the next 3 chapters (42-44), but if I say any more than that, it'll spoil all the fun... I guess I'll have to be mean and leave you waiting!

I couldn’t really pay attention to most of Sunday’s half of the History Walkers TV series marathon. As much as I wanted to know what was going to happen to Lupo, Fritz, and the rest of the characters, my mind kept wandering back to my conversation with Vác the night before. It didn’t help that Dmitri cuddled me the whole time, making the possibility that he wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore if he knew I might be asexual all the more painful. I couldn’t sleep later that night either.

“No further comments. No further comments.” Joseph Schubert’s cold voice was immediately recognisable, even though I was technically sleeping in my somewhat isolated hospital room. His voice was distant, separated from me by a glass wall and a corridor, but it still pulled me from my dream with the same kind of abrupt force that his fist once did when he threw me against a bookshelf. It took me a few seconds to realise what was going on. At first I thought someone had turned on the TV in my roo

Reporters and newspapers were suspiciously (but not surprisingly) silent about our stunt of support for Dmitri. Nothing was said of it anywhere, but they did not bother with further defamatory attacks on him either. The silence of the media smelled of the coward tactic employed by humiliated losers trying to pretend their spectacular failure never happened: brush it all under the rug and hope everyone forgets. But this was not going to last. It was too good to be true. Too easy. They did not su

Hehe, I hope you get a good nap after this... I wont' comment on Wendy or Oscar's father yet. You have two weeks to wonder... See, I'm either a morning person or a night owl: my creativity exists from 7-11am, and if I don't use that time, it won't be back until 11pm. Add that to a concert evening a workload that has been plaguing me for months, and you get Chapter 41... I'm curious to see how much sense you'll make of everything after you read the prologue. It seems like an easy conclusion in my mind, but I know a lot more about the plot than anyone else, so it's to be expected...

“You disappointed us, Oscar, more than I will ever be able to express. Or maybe not. Maybe this is exactly what you deserve.” (...) Becoming able to talk again was a surprisingly sudden process. After spending the best part of four days communicating via pen, paper, and grunts, I woke up on Friday morning to find my jaw considerably less swollen than the night before. It was able to open and close just enough for the sounds coming from my throat to take an intelligible shape. The wires around

Thanks for the review! Perfect world of idealised plot would definitely have Oscar's parents spend the rest of their lives in jail. As for reality-afflicted plot, we'll have to wait a bit and see... (yeah, keep the suspense going and all that) The cloth's shop owner is odd by anyone's standards. He makes a point to be that way. That's 3 out of 4 shops we kinda know about. They'll still be relevant to the plot (this one and the sequels), so keep your eyes open and watch out for them. I'll do my best to make the next chapter appear more on-time than the last one from The Orchestra. Your review is definitely an incentive for that. Have a great week!

Thanks for the review! (Again. At least this one was answered quickly...) And thanks for all the questions on the plot. It's good to see people's reactions to the stuff that's getting out there. I do think I have answers for everything, but feel free to let me know if you're still not happy. Gunni still has a bit of a crush on Siggi (I thought crushes didn't need to be sexual in nature - or is it just me who's a freak in that aspect?), but Gunni and Dmitri have agreed to put the plan on hold since Siggi's mental health took a turn to the worst. The couple agreed that they care about each other enough to not break up, and they were clear from the start that it wasn't a "I love you" kind of relationship. Gunni is happy with Dmitri in some level - that's why he's so worried that Dmitri will hate him if he never wants sex. Just because it isn't strictly a romantic attraction, it doesn't mean they can't be happy and enjoy the relationship in the terms they have already established. I don't think I can convince you as such to like the idea that they got together just so that Gunni would be closer to Siggi. It was Dmitri who proposed it, though, so at least he is fully aware of what is going on, and Gunni is the one with most reservations. But now that the plan is officially on hold, all the time that Gunni and Dmitri willingly spend together (and the times in particularly that Gunni _wants_ to be with Dmitri because he really misses him) has nothing to do with Siggi, and all to do with them actually developing a good relationship. Whether it stays as a special friendship or if at least one of them will end feeling something else, we'll have to wait and see. The way things seem to be going, though, is that the plan is getting more and more to back of their minds as Gunni and Dmitri start to care more about each other. And I kinda feel for Dmitri too. He's sometimes too nice for his own good. He's got enough awareness of it to be able to spot Gunni being like this too, but certain things can't be helped. All I'll say is that the poor guy hasn't seen the end of it yet. I hope this all makes sense, at least on some level. If it doesn't, I guess I'll have to work towards making it more clear in the story... The thing I don't like about being 25 is that it's now my last year getting things cheap. There's a 1/3 off train fares, and the concert tickets are £5 for under-25. Next year everything will get a lot more expensive and I have to hope I'll have increased my income enough to survive that. But other than that, it kind of feels much of the same. Though it's kind of interesting to realise I'm now the same age as Gísli is in-story right now, because I purposely made Dmitri be the one born the same year as me. It's a small level of mind-fuck. Thanks a lot for the review again. It was really useful to me, and I hope my point of view makes sense to you.

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked Jó and his article. Writing it was like a return to university days for me, but at least it seemed to be worth the effort... I'm curious to know why you had a hard time relating/liking the main guys. If you don't mind telling me, it would be some useful feedback to get me to make things better, or at least became aware of different pints of view. Thanks a lot. Reviews are always welcome and make my day, even if they tell me everything is shit, so don't be afraid to tell me so if you feel the need!

Thanks for the review! Took forever to answer, but it eventually came. I actually have a giant excell table with a very long chronology that ties together all of my stories and shows the place where they plots and characters meet. The Orchestra and Be Myself! won't actually directly interact as such, but Luca and Roderich (the guys Vác talked about in chapter 39) will pop up briefly in Be Myself! and be mentioned in MaruMonzterz. Thanks for the review, and sorry it took me so long to get to answer them.

No, you most definitely are not. I love writing Siggi's grumpiness. It's an interesting mindset and an interesting challenge to make even the most mundane sentence sound sarcastic and/or hateful. I'm glad you enjoy the results. Thanks for the review! (and sorry for the horribly late reply)

Aaand finally here I am replying to reviews. Yeah, six hours _can_ fly like nothing if you're entertained enough. And, you know, the first six hours did end on a gay kiss... But they had breaks. Vác is not that cruel. =P And thanks for review. As always!

IN DEFENSE OF A FRIEND By Jónas Jónatansson In the past few days, much has been said in our printed media about a certain Russian oboist and his ‘immoral’ past. In less than a week, Dmitri Miroslavich Kovlov has had his romantic relationship with a co-worker questioned, his past scrutinised without his consent, and his right to a dignified life in this country severely threatened by a fabricated media panic. Newspapers now cry for his dismissal fr

TW: Violence, child abuse, Oscar's parents, talk of injuries and hospital. Waking up from general anaesthesia was almost like not waking up at all. My eyes were open and I could see I was in an unfamiliar dark room with a stranger standing by my side, but my brain was still so muddled up and slow that it felt like I was just in another dream. The person said something to me, I tried to answer, but my jaw was locked shut. I was told not to try to speak for the time being. I fell asleep again and

Sam has quickly become one of my favourite characters to write. He really is a lot of fun... It would be an interesting cop drama to have the police break down the Schubert's door and take them away by force, but I think reality is sadly somewhat less dramatic. Though if there's any justice in this world they should get caught and serve their time. Thanks for the review!