James Hiwatari

1st January 1995 I don't have a home anymore. I just left the house I grew up in. Silent, hidden, shamed by the knowledge that I was the one who destroyed it. His eyes followed me into the forest. Those empty, lifeless eyes. Staring from behind bushes, tree tops. Like how he hid behind the jacaranda tree next to my room and waited until I was alone to attack me. I shouldn't think about that. The wind is blowing stronger now. It's a relief from the warmth of the midday sun, b

Nessa is a fairy who lost all her powers when she killed another fairy. She can no longer be considered a fairy, and is thus expelled from her home and her family. Now, she has to build a new life in exile, but she can't let go of her past or shake off the guilt from what she did. Things only get worse when she realises the worst war in living memory is about to break out, and she is at the centre of it. If she wants to see this war to the end, Nessa will have to learn to put her past behind her and trust her new friends, but can she really pretend she's anything but a murderer?

1st January 1995 I killed my step-father. Me, a fairy, guardian of all living things, just took away a life. My punishment: our Mother Deity stripped me of my wings, my power, my right to be a fairy. Nothing I don't deserve. And I have one hour to disappear. Where to, I don't know. I just can’t be with other fairies anymore - I’ll taint them. I'm now sitting on my bed with this diary on my lap and my body hunched over it because I can't see my own handwriting. I

And Gunni isn't done suffering with hormones yet... otherwise where would I find personal drama for him? Dmitri would certainly welcome you on his bed any time too! What a coincidence! And Siggi... He's just a mess. A fun mess to write about, but still a mess. Next chapter will be a blast... Thanks for commenting!

“Then maybe you should get to know me for who I am. You might find other things you like.” I walked away from the conversation not because of Siggi’s hostility, but because I would get angry if I stayed. It wasn’t a feeling I was used to. I shouldn’t have built so much hope on Siggi’s willingness to help Dmitri. I should’ve known he would think of hurting me first and giving practical advice second. It was frustrating, like talking to a wall. But what else could I have done? I couldn’

Hehe, thanks. I'm glad Gunni is finally managing to surprise people that way. Arnar did say he wanted to help Siggi more and return to the kind of relationship they had before his injury. He's back to his role as father figure, music and all, so hopefully this will help Siggi stay "in his centre", as you said. I like how you say "if he still pretends not to like him". Do you think Siggi doesn't completely hate Gunni with all his might? Thanks for commenting!

Ah, that moment when our children take their first steps towards fulfilling their dreams...

“You know that Dmitri is not coming home again until after Monday’s rehearsal, right? You don’t have to leave now too.” “The only way you’re going to keep me here is if you shove Gísli’s cock so deep in my arse I can’t move without tearing my intestines in half. I’m done with this place.” Karen gave up her observation post by the door and marched into the bastard’s bedroom with her eyes on my stack of dildos. “Please, Siggi! We really miss having you around!” “Do you?” My bag cl

For Siggi it would be his friend Dmitri or no Dmitri at all. Dmitri is betraying him, so as far as he is concerned, Dmitri deserves to get hurt (or at least fell something of what Siggi is already feeling). There's only one way he's going to be friends with Dmitri again - but whether he gets his wish or not doesn't even necessarily depend on Dmitri either. We'll see...

Wesley: I'm glad you liked Róska. We'll see her again soon! The next Siggi chapter has something I've been looking forward to for a long time. I hope the wait (and the cliffhanger) will be worth the wait... Timothy: I suppose nobody can be perfect... At least someone had the guts to yell back at the aunty, but hasn't got Gunni's level of niceness... I guess that's what you get when you grow up with a dad like hers. Maybe. We'll see if she gets better. Dmitri wasn't "pretending" so much as getting a "holy shit this crap happened between me and Siggi and it's so terrible I can't even talk about it much less figure it out because Siggi was really angry and I don't think I did anything to deserve that!" type of feeling. We'll have an idea of what he and Gunni end up talking about in the next chapter, even though it's from Siggi's point of view. It'll be the kind of development never seen before in this story... (Roll in the kisses!) (I wish... )

Eiri’s birthday started like any other day. I headed for breakfast thinking I would greet my cousin, wish him happy birthday, and have a nice meal with my family. Jó would surely create the most extravagant fruit salad with all the out-of-season fruits he could get his hands on, and my cousin would joke about how he’s only twenty-eight but has already gotten a house, a wife, and a grown-up kid. Jó would pretend to be offended at being called a ‘wife’, and I would do my best to not blush or show

“You’re crying for that brat now? Is that how badly you want to get away from me?” “No! It’s nothing like that, Siggi!” “It sure as hell look like it.” “I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean to sound like I didn’t want to be around you anymore.” The bastard finally moved away from the front door, his steps perforating my ears like needles. My feet should have moved back, kept our distance. But Gísli’s body blocked the kitchen escape route. “I’m here anytime you need me.” “

Wow, you really made my whole week with all that binge-reading! If they were to negotiate that kind of relationship right now, it would be more like a V with Dmitri in the middle, but who knows... there's still a lot of story ahead, and plenty of time/space for change... Thanks for the review!

A tried would be a lovely idea. But Siggi would have to, basically... be reasonable? Joking aside, I'm working on the next chapter now and I can warn you that Siggi's version of the aftermath of this "betrayal" by Dmitri doesn't get any happier. But who knows, maybe something good will come out of it in the end? In the very end? Maybe... Thanks for the review!

Aw, thanks, you're welcome! Your reviews have made my entire week now! I'm glad you've been able to learn more about LGBTI people through the story. It is one of the things I was hoping to do with it... Jean is... well, I described him to my editor during this chapter as a "sexy box of surprises". You haven't seen the last of those surprises yet.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the chapter! (And I'm impressed you read through the whole story so quickly. It made my day!) What other story was it that you read?

They hugged for a long time, until Oliver’s grandfather decided to ask for some attention too. Oliver’s coming out could not have been better. He had the unconditional love and acceptance of his family, and he was finally free to be himself among them. I wanted to be happy for him. I wanted to be glad that he was lucky, that his birthday party turned out to be a good day after all the earlier struggle. I wanted to celebrate with him the fact that he had an amazing family who would stand by him n

Thanks for the review! I am going to leave the chapters there, as per your suggestion. I think I see what you mean by Siggi coming across as more vulnerable. Thanks for that feedback, I'll try to make it more obvious he's supposed to be an arsehole and drop the hints of his vulnerability more gradually (as happened in the current version. I think I ended up going too far with incorporating more of Siggi's backstory from the beginning, so I'll work on the pacing more). It's back with the main story now, at least. I wonder what you think of the new chapter... Cheers!

When Dmitri finally lifted his head from my lap, the clock on the bedside table showed it was past three in the morning. He had stopped crying a while ago, but his face was still red and puffy. “Thank you for being here, Gunni. I… Thank you.” “Thank you for trusting me with your story.” I caressed Dmitri’s hair and he tilted his head towards my hand. “You always said you weren’t ready to share it, but I’m glad that you were. I mean… Not because I liked to hear it, but because now I feel like I

A quick note: this is not chapter 56, at least not yet. This is the second of the two special (draft) chapters I’m posting as a thank you for those who didn’t give up the story despite 2016’s dire lack of updates. This is Siggi’s first chapter in the story. He’s one of the characters who changed the most in this new version, as he’s now a trans guy (like in his Sonata for Siggi story). The only obvious allusion to it for now is the fact that he’s got a high voice (contrasting to how Gunni ima

Thanks for the review! I'm glad you think the chapter works well. Writing the scene of Gunni's imagination about Siggi was one of the funniest parts of the chapter, that's true (the other was Frída teasing him). I'm trying to put even more contrast between Siggi and Gunni - the chapter I'm about to post is supposed to show that Siggi is far from being that charming musician that Gunni dreams about. So that the readers know Gunni is in for a horrible reality shock from early on, even though Gunni and Siggi won't actually meet until chapter 9... (which is the chapter I'm stuck on, in precisely the scene where they meet) Anyway, I'm going to post the chapter now, and next month we'll be back to proper updates! Thanks again for the review, it made my day when I realised people hadn't given up on the story...

Hey, look who's finally replying to the old review! I love this chapter too. It was going to be the last scene of Chapter 53, with Dmitri summarising everything to Gunni, but I've had his whole past prepared for so long, and it was such an important thing for the story, that it deserved its own chapter, in Dmitri's point of view. I'm glad things worked out this way. Thanks for reviewing every single chapter, even when I abandon the story for months! I'm going to post Siggi's first chapter of the new version now, but I've already finished the draft of chapter 55, the follow on from these bombastic revelations of Dmitri's past. So next month we'll finally get something new on! Yay!

A quick note: this is not chapter 55. Not yet, anyway. The chapter you are about to read is actually a polished draft what is going to become the first chapter of Sinfónía, The Orchestra’s (hopefully) improved edition that I plan to publish as an e-book. I chose to post this chapter here for a number of reasons: one is because it’s Christmas (sort of) and Gunni’s birthday (at least for the next couple of minutes in my time zone) and I wanted something special. It’s a thank you to all of you

Thanks everybody! And sorry it took me so long to say anything... (I blame spam folders. And busy life in general. But mostly spam folders) I'm happy to report that I have no dislocated shoulders so far in my first week at 27. And that I ate such a copious amount of sugar on my birthday that I'm still digesting it to this day.

I met Þorsteinn at the underground gay club where I used to do sex work. He looked like a Greek, or, well, Nordic god, with gleaming blond hair, scruffy beard, and chiselled arms. He had such energy, such a presence, that everyone turned to him when he walked into the room. He looked around the packed dance floor and chose me to be his partner. He held me close; he let me feel how his body was all muscle and no fat. He lifted me in the air like I was made of feathers. Between his beginner-level