Drew Payne

The concrete bench was hard against his buttocks but he didn’t mind too much, as sitting out here meant that he was alone so didn't feel too much of a failure. If he sat in the college canteen then he’d have to sit by himself at one of the tables, and he always felt a failure doing that, even if he sat at one of the small two person tables. If anyone saw him like that he was obviously Billy no Mates. At least sitting alone out here in the college courtyard people barely gave him a second glance.

I don't want to give away any spoilers, but some situations are so bad that the only way is up, you can't go lower, and being dumped will be a catalyist for change with Simon. I want to explore coming out with this story and that all involves change, and there are a lot more characters to introduce in this story.

I wanted to write about how living in a homophobic society can affect a young gay man, especially one who has so little support. Outside of big cities, there is still very patchy support for young LGBT people, so many organisations have closed after having their funding cut. Simon is so alone in his suburb, there is no gay life anywhere near him, and that's a big factor in his poor choices.

Wait until we get to Simon's Saturday spent with his father, that day is real fun (!!). I don't want to give anything away but I wanted to write here about the challenges of coming out that still remain.

More will be explained in later chapters, there are reasons for his behaviour, but Simon is seriously lacking in friendships. Simon isn't a happy soul, that's why he jumped at the poor relationship he had with Max.

Simon stared out of the window but his eyes were not taking in the view that passed by. He was on his morning bus ride to college, when normally he’d be listening to something he'd downloaded to his phone, through its rubber ear-buds, or be reading something off his phone. That morning he didn’t want to do either, his mood was too low. His mood had been low and flat for days now, ever since Max had dumped him. He didn’t feel sad and teary, like the characters in those gay romance eBooks on h

Thank you. All will be explained but later...

Thank you but there is more to come. I've planned twenty chapters to this story, though there maybe changes as I go along.

I wanted this scene to be the catalyst to what happens later with Simon. I've known so many gay men who first came out after their first, short-lived and often bad relationship. For so many gay men their first relationship is the first thing that pushes them to come out. I used this method of being dumped because it seemes to be happening so often. When I was single and dating (So long ago) it was "Dear John..." leters or else messages left on answerphone, just as shit. Simon wanted Max to show him how to be gay, as his entry into the gay life. Boy did he pick the wrong one.

Well Simon says he isn't in love. Though being dumped will be a catalyst for so much of the plot of this story. As for unprotected sex, more will be explained later.

Thank you. Simon's journey will take him different places but I don't want to say anymore.

Thank you, there's much more to come.

Max was nearly an hour late now. Simon had already sent him six texts, none of which he’d received any reply to, but this didn’t stop that spark of hope inside of Simon. Max was just late, that was all. He idly tapped his foot on the pavement as he sat on the bench waiting. His eyes scanned the traffic passing up and down the road in front of him, scanning it for Max’s silver Volkswagen Golf Mark 4, with the dented passenger door. Usually when he would have to wait for someone, he’d get his

Some days go right Some days go wrong Some days don’t go at all. Simon is sixteen and on the edge of everything changing, his world changing from adolescent to adult, to facing up to his sexuality and coming out, but not just yet. Now, his boyfriend is late and he’s sat on a cold, concrete bench waiting, waiting, waiting… Over twenty different days, during four weeks in spring, this story follows Simon as he navigates the difficult journey of his coming out. Like all journeys, this one will change him but in ways he doesn’t imagine, taking him places he didn’t expect to go.

Thank you for the feedback. As I said, I love a twist in the tail but they are so hard to write without giving it all away. I also wanted to write about obsession that wasn't sexual and many years ago I nursed people with eating disorders and their obsession with food was very disturbing.

Thank you for the feedback. This was what I wanted to achieve, but I wanted it to be a positive story. I love writing dialogue. I started writing, back in my teens, sketches and short plays, and went on a crash course on how to write realistic dialogue that moves the plot forward (And God it wasn't easy). But the best lessen I learnt was listening to other people, and public transport is such a great opportunity to listen and a wonderful source of material.

It sure does.

I wanted to write something about positive family relationships, writing against type because I usually write about screwed-up families, and middle class ones as well. I wish I'd had a sister like Anne-Marie. With her on his side, this narrator has something deeply positive in his life.

It was Tuesday night and I knew she would be home, no chance of her being asked to do any overtime because the pub was always dead on Tuesday nights. Also, Ed, the first decent fella she’d had in ages, was on nights this week. I’d spent that day at work building up my courage to do it, but I had to; I couldn’t put it off any more. Ryan was wanting me to stay over at his flat, for us to spend the whole night together, not for me to leave before midnight, and if I didn’t tell Anne-Marie… I didn’t

I wanted to, I had to write this story about the lasting damage done by the ex-gay movement. When I wrote the first draft of this story there were a lot of people (LGBT people) claiming the ex-gay movement didn't do any real harm because once people left it they were able to come out. I actually heard this said more than once. I wanted to show how the damage carries on even after the person has left the ex-gay movement behind. And I wanted to show the potential healing power of the LGBT community.

Thank you, that's what I wanted for this chapter. This story, so far, has been so down and depressing, I couldn't carry on like that, I had to show that there is a way out of this screwed up life.

@Marty, thanks for your feedback, especially about the ending. I wanted to show Chris moving on but not give him a huge, romantic ending. It would have been so out of character with the rest of the story, and Chris is still a very screwed up character here. With his relationship with Ryan, I wanted to show a maturity beginning to happen with Chris, showing him now being able to read situations and not get too hung up on them. The therapist's line was taken from real life, word-of-word. I went to see an amazing therapist (I directly copied her for this story) and that is what she said to me when I'd got up the courage to tell her what had happened to me, as a teenager. When she said those words it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She didn't say that I could take something positive from it, she didn't say that it was years ago so I should put it behind me, she just acknowledged the pain I had been through. She was the first person to do that. In my professional life I do the same thing now, whenever patients tell me something painful or distressing, I don't try to find something positive to say, I just acknowledge their pain. I leant from the best. I will be coming back to Chris but in a much different story. I have wanted to write about the politics behind the ex-gay movement for years but hadn't found a way in. From comments to this story, I realised that Chris was my way in, but a very different character from here. He's matured and dealt with his own pain. But as I say, when I get the time to do that. I've got several other things I want to write first.

This chapter just flowed when I first wrote it and every time I've gone back to it I've enjoyed reading and re-writing it, especially Kay's sense of humor. Since I created her I knew she was going to be important, and it can't be understated that the effect the Pride chapter had on her. Kay saw first hand how The Release Trust had effected Chris, so she is behind this meeting. She knows meeting her brother will help Chris, and her girlfriend is a mental health nurse. I do like Kay, and she will be back. I don't want to give away any spoilers, but the ending is very typical of my writing. But I'm already working ideas for a sequel and a prequel to this story, I now just need to find the time to write them.

Will isn't right for Chris and him for Will, they have nothing in common, and it should have been something short-lived were both parties walked away realising they weren't boyfriend material. But Chris is so desperate for a lover that he hangs onto Will far too long. It takes him so long to be honest with Will. That's what I meant by with toxic. Chris did make the right decision to end this relationship, but it took far too long. He should have been honest with Will much earlier.

I wrote this chapter to show another side to Chris's toxic relationships, this time showing him screwing up the relationship even when the guy is attracted to him. Chris's poor self-image is what I wanted to explore here, and yes it's related to his upbringing. He was given unrealistic goals (Being told he has to change his sexuality in order to be accepted) and when he failed he was blamed for it. That will certainly destroy your self-esteem, and building up self-esteem is more than just someone saying you're cute, once. So much of this story is about the wrecked self-esteem the ex-gay leaves behind and how toxic on an individual it is. At this moment, all I can feel that Chris can learn is that again he's crap at relationships, but the events of the next two chapters do change something for him, but I won't say what.