Drew Payne

Thank you. All will be explained but later...

Thank you but there is more to come. I've planned twenty chapters to this story, though there maybe changes as I go along.

I wanted this scene to be the catalyst to what happens later with Simon. I've known so many gay men who first came out after their first, short-lived and often bad relationship. For so many gay men their first relationship is the first thing that pushes them to come out. I used this method of being dumped because it seemes to be happening so often. When I was single and dating (So long ago) it was "Dear John..." leters or else messages left on answerphone, just as shit. Simon wanted Max to show him how to be gay, as his entry into the gay life. Boy did he pick the wrong one.

Well Simon says he isn't in love. Though being dumped will be a catalyst for so much of the plot of this story. As for unprotected sex, more will be explained later.

Thank you. Simon's journey will take him different places but I don't want to say anymore.

Thank you, there's much more to come.

Max was nearly an hour late now. Simon had already sent him six texts, none of which he’d received any reply to, but this didn’t stop that spark of hope inside of Simon. Max was just late, that was all. He idly tapped his foot on the pavement as he sat on the bench waiting. His eyes scanned the traffic passing up and down the road in front of him, scanning it for Max’s silver Volkswagen Golf Mark 4, with the dented passenger door. Usually when he would have to wait for someone, he’d get his

Some days go right Some days go wrong Some days don’t go at all. Simon is sixteen and on the edge of everything changing, his world changing from adolescent to adult, to facing up to his sexuality and coming out, but not just yet. Now, his boyfriend is late and he’s sat on a cold, concrete bench waiting, waiting, waiting… Over twenty different days, during four weeks in spring, this story follows Simon as he navigates the difficult journey of his coming out. Like all journeys, this one will change him but in ways he doesn’t imagine, taking him places he didn’t expect to go.

Thank you for the feedback. As I said, I love a twist in the tail but they are so hard to write without giving it all away. I also wanted to write about obsession that wasn't sexual and many years ago I nursed people with eating disorders and their obsession with food was very disturbing.

Thank you for the feedback. This was what I wanted to achieve, but I wanted it to be a positive story. I love writing dialogue. I started writing, back in my teens, sketches and short plays, and went on a crash course on how to write realistic dialogue that moves the plot forward (And God it wasn't easy). But the best lessen I learnt was listening to other people, and public transport is such a great opportunity to listen and a wonderful source of material.

It sure does.

I wanted to write something about positive family relationships, writing against type because I usually write about screwed-up families, and middle class ones as well. I wish I'd had a sister like Anne-Marie. With her on his side, this narrator has something deeply positive in his life.

It was Tuesday night and I knew she would be home, no chance of her being asked to do any overtime because the pub was always dead on Tuesday nights. Also, Ed, the first decent fella she’d had in ages, was on nights this week. I’d spent that day at work building up my courage to do it, but I had to; I couldn’t put it off any more. Ryan was wanting me to stay over at his flat, for us to spend the whole night together, not for me to leave before midnight, and if I didn’t tell Anne-Marie… I didn’t

I wanted to, I had to write this story about the lasting damage done by the ex-gay movement. When I wrote the first draft of this story there were a lot of people (LGBT people) claiming the ex-gay movement didn't do any real harm because once people left it they were able to come out. I actually heard this said more than once. I wanted to show how the damage carries on even after the person has left the ex-gay movement behind. And I wanted to show the potential healing power of the LGBT community.

Thank you, that's what I wanted for this chapter. This story, so far, has been so down and depressing, I couldn't carry on like that, I had to show that there is a way out of this screwed up life.

@Marty, thanks for your feedback, especially about the ending. I wanted to show Chris moving on but not give him a huge, romantic ending. It would have been so out of character with the rest of the story, and Chris is still a very screwed up character here. With his relationship with Ryan, I wanted to show a maturity beginning to happen with Chris, showing him now being able to read situations and not get too hung up on them. The therapist's line was taken from real life, word-of-word. I went to see an amazing therapist (I directly copied her for this story) and that is what she said to me when I'd got up the courage to tell her what had happened to me, as a teenager. When she said those words it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She didn't say that I could take something positive from it, she didn't say that it was years ago so I should put it behind me, she just acknowledged the pain I had been through. She was the first person to do that. In my professional life I do the same thing now, whenever patients tell me something painful or distressing, I don't try to find something positive to say, I just acknowledge their pain. I leant from the best. I will be coming back to Chris but in a much different story. I have wanted to write about the politics behind the ex-gay movement for years but hadn't found a way in. From comments to this story, I realised that Chris was my way in, but a very different character from here. He's matured and dealt with his own pain. But as I say, when I get the time to do that. I've got several other things I want to write first.

This chapter just flowed when I first wrote it and every time I've gone back to it I've enjoyed reading and re-writing it, especially Kay's sense of humor. Since I created her I knew she was going to be important, and it can't be understated that the effect the Pride chapter had on her. Kay saw first hand how The Release Trust had effected Chris, so she is behind this meeting. She knows meeting her brother will help Chris, and her girlfriend is a mental health nurse. I do like Kay, and she will be back. I don't want to give away any spoilers, but the ending is very typical of my writing. But I'm already working ideas for a sequel and a prequel to this story, I now just need to find the time to write them.

Will isn't right for Chris and him for Will, they have nothing in common, and it should have been something short-lived were both parties walked away realising they weren't boyfriend material. But Chris is so desperate for a lover that he hangs onto Will far too long. It takes him so long to be honest with Will. That's what I meant by with toxic. Chris did make the right decision to end this relationship, but it took far too long. He should have been honest with Will much earlier.

I wrote this chapter to show another side to Chris's toxic relationships, this time showing him screwing up the relationship even when the guy is attracted to him. Chris's poor self-image is what I wanted to explore here, and yes it's related to his upbringing. He was given unrealistic goals (Being told he has to change his sexuality in order to be accepted) and when he failed he was blamed for it. That will certainly destroy your self-esteem, and building up self-esteem is more than just someone saying you're cute, once. So much of this story is about the wrecked self-esteem the ex-gay leaves behind and how toxic on an individual it is. At this moment, all I can feel that Chris can learn is that again he's crap at relationships, but the events of the next two chapters do change something for him, but I won't say what.

Marty, I am so humbled by how much this story of mine has touched you. As a writer, I always want my writing to touch and move people but when it happens I always feel so moved and small. I originally wrote this story to say "look at the effect that the ex-gay has on people" and as I reply to the people who said that everything was better once you'd left them behind and come out. I also wrote it to help me put my experiences in perspective. I never thought that this story would resonate with so many people. I was two years old when homosexuality was partially decriminalised in England and Wales, but I grow up in the seventies and eighties, with all the homophobia and open hatred of LGBT people. I still shudder when I think back to then. In the last few, I have read a lot about life pre the 1967 act, and God it was awful. The repression and homophobia was breath-taking. I admire anyone would lived through all that and came out of it half-sane. As for what happens to Chris, Spoilers! Spoilers! I have a policy of no spoilers in my comments, and God that is hard, it really is. But please keep reading, at the end is a brief piece about what lead me to write this story.

Back in 2015, there was a big ex-gay conference in London and they were trying to paint themselves as a caring-and-sharing organisation. I wrote an opinion piece for a British nursing magazine about my experiences in an ex-group group. I was so surprised at all the support I received from that piece, all those straight women and men denouncing the ex-gays. I have learnt the power of words and stories, and it's wonderful.

This was the first part of the story I actually wrote (With some of the text in it from the next part), as a single short story, until someone else read it and suggested I expand it into a longer story. I have re-written it so much since then, but it was based on an original encounter. Many years ago (decades actually), at London Pride, I saw a group of men handing out ex-gay leaflets. Some people were laughing at them, others getting angry at them. I didn't approach them but I felt really uncomfortable that they were there, they'd invaded my enjoyment of Pride. The Release Trust is a made-up name, to stop me from getting sued, but it is very much based on a real organisation, and I've used it in several pieces of fiction. In 2014 I got involved in a Private Members Bill in the British Parliament to make Gay Conversion Therapy illegal here too. It was sponsored by a straight MP, but he had a gay assistant. Unfortunately, it didn't get anywhere because of the 2015 election and because neither of our two main parties supported. We now have a government throwing our country away on Brexit, and only being able to focus on that, and a Prime Minister, who is also a Christian, wants Christian Values protected and wants to scrap our Human Rights Act. So I don't see Gay Conversion Therapy being banned here any time soon, and as a Healthcare Professional I am disgusted. P.S. I love the picture.

Thank you. I wanted to get over Chris, the narrator's expectation and his attempt at subtle seduction, which he isn't very good at.

Thanks, please do keep reading. This opening part is to set up one part of Chris's personality, his need for a relationship. The following parts explain more about him.

@Parker Owens, please don't hurt for me. I am very fortunate, I have a very happy life. I have a job I enjoy, a home I love and a husband who makes me so happy. I am very fortunate. I went through hell as a teenager and in my twenties, but I found people who helped me. That was what I wanted to write about here, that the damage doesn't stop when you escape the ex-gay movement. But not showing Chris at least beginning to deal with the damage done to him would not have been honest, there is a way out of this mess but it isn't easy. I couldn't give Chris that romantic happy ending because it would not have felt honest. He has PTSD and at the end of this story he's only just learning to manage friends, but I had to give him a hopeful ending, I had to say there is a way out of this mess.