Drew Payne

Thank you so much for leaving this comment. I saw Bedrooms and Hallways at the cinema and have the video of it. It is a film I really enjoyed, it was about a world I recognised all too much, and it wasn't about another teenager coming out (which seemed to be most of the other gay films at the time). It also had a great cast. Plus, it has a great, quotable line in "I was just getting moist!" I will look out for your next book, and I'll check out your Substack.

I understand why people are frustrated that Liam doesn't stand up to Donna, but if Liam did that it would be so out of character. He's only 19, and for seven years he has led a very sheltered life. He is still a passive soul and defers to authority figures. Yes, he gave a very good description, during his Parole Broad hearing, of how he would deal with a bully in a workplace, but that was all head knowledge; he'd studied psychology. Look at how nervous and awkward he was during his Parole Broad hearing. I can't make Liam suddenly change his personality for no reason; that does not ring true. Him standing to Donna or causing problems around Donna's behaviour is still out of character for him, even at 19. It takes a lot to stand up to bullies, especially if you've been bullied in the past. Liam hasn't had enough experience to give him that confidence, that will come later in his life but not here. Also, this story starts in a very specific way, to change things now would change that opening, how is that being fair on readers? I need to show how Liam ended up in that mess. Donna's prejudice is part of how he ended up there, it's referenced at the beginning of this story. I know where this story is going to end. I promised a satisfying ending and that's what I'm going to deliver, but I don't want to say anymore.

Thank you to everyone who has commented here. There are now only three more chapters left in this story. As a writer, I am very aware that people want a satisfying ending to this story. You have followed Liam through such a dramatic journey. I'm very thankful for you doing this. I do not want to give away the ending, I've planned it for so long and I'm actually looking forward to writing it, but I do want to say it should be a satisfying ending. But I also want to make it realistic, for the characters and the situation. I hope you can trust me on this.

I despise Donna, too. She is a piece of work. I based her on many people I met, over the years, working in healthcare. I worked with some people (fortunately in the minority) who would let their own prejudices dictate how they treated patients. They would judge a patient over one or two things, and from that moment on would treat that patient negatively. It always frustrated me, when they did that, because we were charged to deliver unprejudiced care. At the beginning of my career I didn't know what to do when faced with this. As I got more experienced, I wouldn't let this behavior go unchallenged, and hell I could make such a stink. People, especially when they are vulnerable when needing healthcare, are far more than one or two tropes, and we need to see them as a full person who has holistic needs. That attitude could make me rather unpopular too. Liam has been looked after in Nurton Cross by people who worked hard at delivering unprejudiced care. Here he is faced with someone who isn't trying to hide her prejudice, because she feels she has the moral right to do so. She is undoing so much good work that has gone on before her. She is such a piece of work. Unfortunately, Liam is still such a passive soul. He needs to go straight to Janet, the ward manager, and tell her what a shit Donna is being, but she's someone in authority over him and he's differing to her. It's not healthy.

Donna's bias is dangerous. She's letting her bias blind her to Liam's needs and his actual history. Part of Liam's release recommendations is that he goes to university (What Mrs Williams wants), but Donna is totally ignoring that. She doesn't "believe" that Liam "deserve" to go to university. This story starts with Liam, aged 19, living in a shit-hole bedsit, I now need to explain how he ended up there. Donna is the big reason for this. She is the one responsible for what happened to Liam, as he left Nurton Cross.

This is the biggest change in Liam's life, since he came to Nurton Cross, and he's not doing very well with the change. He's older now (19), and he's much more aware of the changes happening around him. Unfortunately, he's still quite a passive soul, he just lets things happen around him, he reacts to things rather than initiating them. Ed is a very damaged soul, he has been sexually abused before he came to Nurton Cross. With Liam, he's found someone who cares deeply about him without demanding anything from him, and that has done Ed so much good. Unfortunately, Ed is very scared of being away from Liam and he can't handle that.

Thanks. Donna is mentioned at the very beginning of the story; it's time we finally met her now. She's based on a couple of people I've worked with over the years.

Liam sat at one of the tables in the ward’s Meeting Room and waited. He was supposed be meeting his new Resettlement Worker at ten o’clock. It was already ten-fifteen and there was no sign of them. Again, he looked around himself, but he knew this room inside-out - there was nothing new to see here anyway. He’d been in this room so many times before. Twice a week he’d sat in here for his group meetings, Group Therapy sessions, and he’d had so many different Multi-Disciplinary Team meetings in he

Thanks for your dedication; it means a lot, and I've had this ending planned for so long.

Yes, Ed and Liam have a very codependent relationship (and that's not a bad thing) and being apart will be very hard. There are only a few chapters left here, and I will show what the world has to offer Liam. But all the scenes set in the present day have shown what kind of life Liam is living, once he has been released, and it's not a spoiler to say he isn't doing well. Please stay to the end, because I've got a special ending planned.

Tony, Thanks for so many interesting comments. I'm glad you're enjoying this story (is enjoying the right word?). Firstly, there was such a large break in my writing this story because I was very ill for such a long time. My health is finally improving because, over a year ago, I started to get the treatment I needed. Ed is at risk of self-harming once Liam is released, but Ed is a patient in a mental health hospital, and one where the care is very good. The nurses will be keeping a close watch on him, and he'll have access to very few things he can self-harm with (Look back on the section where Chrissy self-harms). He'll be safe because the nurses there know how to do their jobs. Ed was admitted to Nurton Cross because he was sectioned (under the Mental Health Act). He doesn't need a parole decision to be released; he needs an MDT (Multi-Displinary Team) meeting agreeing he is ready for release. Basically, the clinicians at Nurton Cross will decide when he's released. He's already being prepared for release, hence his work experience outside of the hospital. If Liam and Ed had committed a crime together, then there would be a condition that they are separated upon release. But they met in the hospital, plus the parole board didn't know their relationship (well, the nurses didn't tell them), so there aren't any conditions on them meeting after they are both released. Also, remember the nurses there have a special fondness for Liam; he's been there the longest, and he's their real success story. I know they want to help these two boys. The next chapter, which I'm writing, deals with Liam preparing for release and will deal with his conditions of release, which were in his letter from the parole board. It will also introduce an character only hinted at, at the very beginning of this story. You are very right about how Liam's conviction will and will not be "spent". He's now 19, so he has passed the five and a half years mark where his conviction is spent. Yes, the police will always keep on record his crime, but that will only matter if he commits another crime. In a certain way, Liam will never escape his crime but he's no risk to society. I'm a great planner, for my writing, and I do know where this story is finally heading, and we're almost there. Drew

Liam pressed the intercom bottom, hearing the loud electronic buzz it emitted, and then waited for a reply. It was the only way to get back into Nurton Cross. He needed to buzz the intercom next to the hospital’s main door and then wait for a reply. It was never answered quickly. Today, he was late back, only half an hour, but later than his expected time back. He'd spent today at Cowgate College, another day of work experience in the Administration Office there. He spent the morning sortin

Thank you for this. You've got what I was trying to portray here. Liam has grown up and is starting to understand himself, but he can't survive on his own.

Thank you. Yes, we know he does get released, but I'm far more interested in his journey there and the effects it has on him.

Yes, it did, but Liam is having problems believing this.

Liam sat at the round table and took a bite out of his ham and cheese sandwich. The white bread and ham were dry, as they always were. At least the cheese had a strong flavour. It was always the same here. Any sandwiches they were given had been made hours before, left to sit around for hours and, therefore, dried out. At least the sandwiches at Cowgate were freshly made, but he wasn’t there. As the Parole Board broke up for lunch, Liam and Mark were shown into one of the interview rooms fu

On Friday 8th August, a gunman opened fire on the offices of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta, but it barely seemed to make a ripple in the news. The British media seemed to ignore it. Why disregard this horrendous attack? Bullets hit the buildings and shattered windows, causing CDC employees to hide for their safety as over 500 rounds were fired at their workplace. In this hail of gunfire only one person died, that is still one person too many. David Rose, 33, was a police officer, who graduated from the police academy in March, later died in hospital from his wounds. All so unsurprisingly, this was the work of a lone gunman. He was Patrick Joseph White, 30, who had tried to get into the CDC’s headquarters but was turned away. He then went to the building across the road, from where he opened fire on the CDC Headquarters. He was found dead there. This sorry story is all too sad but all too familiar from America, the lone gunman, with some sort of grudge, takes his guns and decides to seek “revenge” on an organisation, his ex-employer or even just complete strangers. But why did this man choose the CDC? The CDC is America’s national public health organisation. They monitor infectious diseases in the country, especially new and emerging ones, track outbreaks of infectious diseases, including managing vaccination programs. They are not a secretive or shadow agency, they are a public health organization, who are very open about what they do. The question is still, why attack them? The shooter believed he had been harmed by the Covid vaccination, causing him to be depressed and suicidal, none of which are recognised side effects. There have been so many conspiracy theories about the Covid vaccination flying around the internet and social media, many of them are so outlandish as to be almost laughable. But was this shooting just a logical progression of these conspiracy theories? Previously, the FBI warned that prominent conspiracy theories, including the right-wing QAnon hoaxes, are fuelling domestic extremists to carry out acts of terror (18). Is this the first anti-vax conspiracy to fuel an act of terror? Robert Kennedy Jr, American Secretary of Health, said he was "deeply saddened" by the attack. "We know how shaken our public health colleagues feel today. No-one should face violence while working to protect the health of others," he said. But is he innocent of all blame? He has been fanning the fires of anti-vax conspiracy theories for years. He has previously said vaccinations cause autism, which is just untrue. The World Health Organisation (WHO) has examined extensive research and studies, over many years, and found no link between the MMR vaccination and autism. Kennedy has also cast baseless doubts on the effectiveness of vaccinations, especially the Covid vaccinations, and misrepresented their side effects. He has been accused of spreading misinformation about vaccines. He has been a long-time denier of vaccinations’ effectiveness. Over twenty years ago, he jumped onto the conspiracy theory about thimerosal in vaccines. Thiomersal is an organomercurial derivative of ethylmercury, meaning it is a substance made from another substance that is a mercury salt. But saying it is dangerous because its a derivative from a mercury salt is like saying table salt is dangerous because it’s a sodium salt. Plus, all the “evidence” used to claim thimerosal was “dangerous” was obtained from studies into mercury poisoning in food. But Kennedy doesn’t seem to let facts get in his way when he jumps onto another anti-vax conspiracy. Kennedy is now in charge of America’s health policies. At the beginning of August, Kennedy’s health department halted $500m in mRNA vaccine research, ending 22 federal contracts. Most vaccines contain a weakened or dead bacteria or virus but mRNA vaccines contain small pieces of mRNA, usually a small piece of a protein found on the virus’s outer surface, this triggers the body’s normal immune response, which recognises that the protein is foreign and produces antibodies against it. mRNA vaccines are generally safer because they use the body’s immune system to fight pathogens, the mRNA Covid vaccines were very effective (between 94% and 95% effective), though no safety concerns were identified from them, and researchers believe this technology will have many further uses and benefits. Peter Hotez, a pediatrician who directs the Center for Vaccine Development at Texas Children’s Hospital, said about mRNA vaccines, “for a pandemic situation with a new and previously unknown pathogen, or for cancer vaccines and immunotherapeutic it [mRNA technology] has distinct advantages.” Dr Jerome Adams, who served as the US surgeon general during Donald Trump’s first presidency, said the mRNA vaccines technology helped end the Covid-19 pandemic and saved more than 2 million lives “by the most conservative estimates”. But Kennedy said, while justifying his ending of mRNA research funding, “(They) fail to protect effectively against upper respiratory infections like COVID and flu”. This is untrue because there is no evidence to back this claim. Kennedy’s vaccine denial is now manifesting in government policy, cutting funding for mRNA research because it “fails”. This sends out a wider message to other vaccine deniers that they are right too. It can also empower people like the CDC shooter, reinforcing their extreme views. Nothing happens in a vacuum, in any society. The American Federation of Government Employees, the CDC workers’ union, said the violent shooting didn’t happen in a vacuum but “compounds months of mistreatment, neglect, and vilification that CDC staff have endured”. They said vaccine misinformation had put scientists at risk. But why did the British media ignore this shooting? Many British right wing newspapers and media outlets have supported anti-vaccine conspiracy theories, reporting them as almost facts and drawing links that aren’t supported by the evidence. They gleefully jumped onto Andrew Wakefield’s discredited and fraudulent study that tried to discredit the MMR vaccine, but were slow to report on the deception behind it when it was exposed. Even the BBC, supposedly the last bastion of “balanced” reporting, still refers to vaccinations as “jabs”, a derogative term first used by the anti-vaccination movement. Is it any wonder they ignored this shooting? And what did Donal Trump do in response to this shooting? He has sent the National Guard into Washington DC to “police” it’s streets because he claims there’s a crime wave sweeping the city, even though data from the police department showed that homicides dropped by 32% between 2023 and 2024, reaching their lowest level since 2019. It shows where his priorities are, and they aren’t with stopping dangerous conspiracy theories. Drew

Ooh, spoilers. The next chapter is Liam centre stage, at this Parole Board, and it's not his favourite position. But I really like your description that this isn't like an exam, really good. Thank you.

For the first 12 years of his life, Liam was treated as nothing, no one looked out for him and his mother plainly showed she didn't even care for him. That kind of hell is very difficult to get over. He's only 19 now and he has more to go to gain self confidence.

In the afternoon, he'll have to tell his story and everyone has said to be honest.

He's just had to sit and listen, so far. In the afternoon, he has to answer their questions.

Liam sat on the chair and waited. He’d carefully dressed up for today - his new(ish) grey corduroy trousers, his pale blue cotton shirt, his most special shirt, and the dark red tie Ed had helped him pick out at the Tesco Extra superstore on the outskirts of Darlingham. He’d been told about that day three weeks before and… he planned for it, including buying this tie, his only tie. But was his planning enough? He didn’t know what exactly he should plan for. Harry, the nurse, had brought him

Thanks It was a shock how this film still disturbed me, forty years later.

It was a terrifying television film but I couldn’t stop watching. A bomb had exploded followed by a mushroom cloud rising above the city. That was shocking but the aftermath was terrifying, how quickly everything disintegrated and fell apart, and how no one came to rescue the survivors, they were just left alone in this burned world. I watched it all on my own. It was Sunday evening, 23rd September 1984, and I was eighteen. I was sat watching my portable television in my bedroom. It was my most beloved possession because I could watch whatever television programs I wanted to without my father’s criticism or censorship. That evening neither of my parents would have wanted to watch or approve of the television film on BBC 2. But I wanted to watch it. I enjoyed the television films and plays on BBC 2, they were different and interesting, on subjects I knew so little about, but they were also such good television dramas. I’d heard about Threads, it had been on the cover of that week’s Radio Times, it was about a nuclear attack on Britain. This was the height of the Cold War, many people were talking about nuclear war, and right-wing politicians were speaking loudly about a “survivable nuclear exchange.” Threads scared me that night, it exposed the lie of the survivable nuclear war, in such a terrifying way, and it left lasting images in my memory. Images that I would draw upon whenever someone else would talk about a survivable nuclear war, that great lie. I was afraid of nuclear weapons before watching Threads, how could one weapon kill so many people, but after watching it, I was terrified of them. But that was forty years ago and I was a very impressionable eighteen-year-old. Had Threads been so bad? Was it so terrifying? Did it still stand up now? To mark the fortieth anniversary of its original broadcast, the BBC repeated it on 9th October 2024, on BBC Four and can still be viewed on BBC iPlayer. I watched it again, the following Tuesday morning, via BBC iPlayer, as I did our weekly ironing. I’m forty years older now and not easily shocked. As a former healthcare professional, I know what radiation can do to the human body. This is a forty-year-old film, made on a shoestring budget (£400,000 at the time (2)), so how scary could the special effects be? Forty years later, Threads shocked and then terrified me, all over again, but also for different reasons. Threads starts out as a kitchen-sink drama, it was written by Barry Hines. It follows a young Sheffield couple, Jimmy and Ruth, as they prepare for their wedding, she’s pregnant, and his working class family will meet her middle class one. Ruth has morning sickness, Jimmy argues with his workmates, and they go to the pub together in the evening. In the background, there are heightened international tensions between the West and Russia which are reaching boiling point, but this is only shown as newspaper and television headlines, hardly effecting the main characters. Suddenly, the British government declares a national emergency, closing motorways, emptying hospitals and placing the army out on the streets. Then, mid-morning, a nuclear bomb hits Sheffield. An EMP pulse disables all electronics, including cars, a shockwave destroys buildings in a wide radius, which is followed by a firestorm which sets almost everything on fire. This kills thousands of people in Sheffield, killing most of the film’s characters. The only one left alive is a pregnant Ruth, who wonders, shell-shocked, through the ruins of the city. But no one comes to her rescue. The hospitals are overrun and falling to pieces, leaving Ruth to eventually give birth, alone in a barn, to a baby daughter, Jane. A year later and the world is living under a Nuclear Winter, which has blocked out the sunlight, killing any attempt to plant crops and causing freezing temperatures all year round. This causes millions more people to die and the only currency now is food. If survivors can’t work, mostly tending to the land, then they starve. Britain is under harsh military rule, looters and other transgressors are shot on sight. In this world, Ruth and her baby daughter struggle to survive. Ten years later, the Nuclear Winter has lifted but Britain is now a feudal society, with a population of four million, the same as during the medieval period. Ruth looks like an elderly woman, her hair white and her body broken by fatigue, not like a woman in her mid-thirties. She and Jane work on a farm, growing crops by hand. But Ruth dies in her sleep, leaving Jane alone. Jane scavenges and loots to stay alive but becomes pregnant when a boy, who acted as her friend, rapes her. Eventually, in a makeshift hospital with an elderly nurse, Jane gives birth but her baby is grossly deformed because of the radiation. The film ends with Jane’s horrified expression, seeing her baby for the first time. Threads strength is its storytelling, it takes known facts and presents them through the lives of its characters and what happens to them. It also takes its time to tell its story, at the beginning. The nuclear bomb doesn’t hit Sheffield until a quarter of the way into the film. This gives us the chance to become involved in the lives of Ruth and Jimmy, and their respective families. We know and care about these people. But this film isn’t about a plucky group of survivors. The nuclear bomb and its aftermath kills nearly all of the characters, leaving only Ruth alive and its through her eyes that we are shown most of the effects of the war. This film is about how quickly a nuclear war doesn’t just destroy buildings and kills millions of people, but it destroys our very society, leaving behind a world that is nearly impossible to live in. Here, the nuclear bomb sweeps away all of the city’s infrastructure. There are no fire engines left to fight the fires, no relief workers to come and help the survivors, food and medical supplies run out and survivors have to cope on their own with their injuries and the radiation sickness. Marshall law is soon imposed and never lifted. Here there is no fight for freedom, only a fight for survival. But this film, unlike other apocalyptic films, doesn’t end a week or so after the disaster, as the survivors start to rebuild their world. This film looks at the future that a nuclear war would give us. The nuclear winter that kills nearly as many as the war. But most shocking was its depiction of how our society would never recover from the war, devolving into a near feudal state. The most shocking part is its portrait of the first generation after the bomb, without a society to support and develop them, their speech has devolved to monosyllabic words. They don’t speak in sentences; they just shout their needs using one or two words. Tonally, Threads adopts a very documentary approach, muted colours, a narrator informs the viewers of different events unfolding, only adding to its authenticity. The narration is voiced by Paul Vaughan, who narrated many documentaries at the time, and the newsreaders are played by Lesley Judd and Colin Ward-Lewis, already known as television presenters and announcers. This also adds to the authenticity. What can Threads offer an audience now? The special effects here are not up to modern standards but they used sparingly and Threads small budget made for much more imaginative direction. A lot of shots are close on the actors, showing the emotional effect of the drama. Threads strength is its emotional drama, showing the toll this war takes on the people here. It provides some horrifying images, that stick in the mind long after watching it. The woman wetting herself at the sight of the mushroom cloud. The burnt bodies in the rubble of the city. The food store being guarded by men in uniform, as starving survivors are held behind an iron fence. One of these guards is dressed in a traffic warden’s uniform, the most benign of jobs, his face covered and carrying a machine gun (the extra playing that part was a traffic warden in real life). The most shocking images came from the section ten years after the war, the images of a society almost completely destroyed. Threads is still a disturbing film, but what its most disturbing is not its portrayal of the physical damage a nuclear war would cause, but how a nuclear war will destroy our society and we may never recover from it. Watch Threads here on BBC iPlayer. Drew

That's a good description of work experience. Inflation is such a downer. My early teen pocket money was five pounds a week, and it bought me a lot. Now, I just paid five pounds for an e-book. Such is life.